Dawson’s Blog

Moving On From A Cheating Boyfriend – 6 Things NOT To Do

Scenario – Reactions to Cheating

A tearful girl and two of her best friends sitting at a coffee shop:

Girl #1: He cheated on me I cannot believe it! HE CHEATED ON ME!!!

Girl #2:  Well, I can’t believe you just figured that out. He’s been cheatin’ on you for a long time.

Girl #3:  You don’t need to put up with that. You need to find you guy who appreciates you. I think you and James would be good together. I can set you up.

Girl #2:  Well, I think you need to make that no-good cheater pay and I have several ideas about how to do that

Girl #1: He is the third guy who has cheated on me. I guess all guys are cheaters.

Friends listening to crying woman at home on the couch

It is always painful when marriages or dating relationships come apart and usually far more painful for one person than the other. Cheating makes a painful situation so much worse.  It’s not just a matter of your boyfriend saying that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore; cheating is major disrespect. So, what do you if you’ve been cheated on? How do you get past the pain and get on to the next part of your life?


Related Posts:
How To Find A Meaningful Relationship
4 Ways To Avoid Heartbreak
Sex And Father Hunger
8 Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy


Let’s start out with a few things you SHOULD NOT do.

Six Things Not To Do When You’ve Been Cheated On

1. Don’t waste time trying to get even

One of the ways girls get back at their cheating ex is to spread rumors that are not true.  It might make you feel better for a little while, but in the end you just making yourself look even more devalued. It may not seem that way to you, but is sure looks that way to everyone else. Don’t lower yourself by retaliating, but say to yourself, ” I’m too good for that”.

Some people try to retaliate by doing something to hurt themselves. That doesn’t make much sense, but it still happens. Girls have been known to date guys they do not like at all in order to get back at the guy they love. Suicide is the ultimate example of people trying to strike back at others by hurting themselves.  When they find me, she says to herself, then he’ll be sorry. Unfortunately, that also happens far too often.

Girls have been known to date guys they do not like at all in order to get back at the guy they love.

2. Don’t rebound in the same direction.

Cory wrote: Take your time moving on. Also, don’t just jump into a relationship the minute you’re single. Moving on takes time and drowning your sadness out by forcing yourself into a relationship might not be the best idea… Stay positive. Even try staying single for a few months to figure out what you want, who you don’t want, and keep an open mind about relationships and people.

Take your time moving on. Also, don’t just jump into a relationship the minute you’re single. Click To Tweet

No matter how you try to cover it up, people who are cheated on almost always feel they have been disrespected, devalued, or cheapened in other people’s eyes. It is lot like that sickening feeling you get when someone makes some terribly nasty comment about you. Feeling a big hole inside that is screaming to be filled, the temptation is to quickly fill that void with another boyfriend. However, finding another boyfriend ASAP (as soon as possible) may not be the best way to find a guy AGAP (as good as possible). You might wind up in another cheating relationship. Comp_84585114

Dawn wrote: If you want to move on to the next boyfriend and you don’t want the same type of guy…#1 don’t do or look in the same place u met the 1st BF. I believe deeply that before another relationship is established you must 1st be mentally, emotionally and spiritually ready because a new boyfriend no matter how great can’t make u achieve that level of completeness necessary to handle the challenges of a relationship!

3.  Don’t bear other people’s guilt.

When people cheat, it is their decision and their responsibility. However, the ones cheated upon are often left wondering what they did wrong. When parents separate, it is the children who often wind up feeling guilty. Certainly, one person can be responsible in part for someone leaving a relationship, but in cheating, the cheater are totally responsible for his or her actions. We really never get away with anything. Ultimately, we will all answer to God for everything we do, say, and think.

4.  Don’t let a bad wound fester.

Kaitlyn wrote: Well, never rush into a relationship cus then so many thngs go bad and wrong and someone ends up hurt. and as for a healthy way to move on, just trying to forget the guy and either relax and enjoy being single or start lookin for a new guy.how_to_deal_with_a_cheating

Being cheated on cuts very deep. Though it may not seem so now, wounds do eventually heal. If, however, they are allowed to get infected, the infection can cause more long-term damage than then initial cut. Bitterness is the infection that causes a short-term wound to become a long-term affliction. By nursing and rehearsing the terrible actions of your ex-boyfriend and how terribly you were hurt, the wound festers. Eventually, that event becomes so rooted in your thinking that it shapes the way you view every other dating relationship.  So in a way, you take the infection from that cheating ex with you into every future relationship until you forgive and let it go.

So in a way, you take the infection from that cheating ex with you into every future relationship until you forgive and let it go.

5. Don’t Engage in Missionary Dating.

Why do some girls continue to attract and date known cheaters. You would think that they would learn from their previous mistakes. Many times that happens because these girls have the secret desire to tame the wild man. If you want danger and excitement, if you don’t care about long-term committed relationships, and being cheated on doesn’t bother you forge ahead. But if you are looking for love with known cheaters, then you’re looking in the wrong places.

6. Don’t Think You Are the Exception.

Dawn wrote:  If you want to move on to the next boyfriend and you don’t want the same type of guy…#1 don’t do or look in the same place u met the 1st BF.

The most likely guy to cheat is the one who has done it before. So you would think girls would avoid previous cheaters like a plague. But that is far from what happens. There is always another girl willing to give them a chance. There are things that can happen which will change a guy at his very core, things so dramatic that his bent to cheating and the weakness for temptation are turned into rock solid faithfulness. But rarely will that kind of change come simply from a relationship with the next girl, not even you. Girls compete for guys, but who they are competing with are other girls. Taming that cheater makes a girl feel better than the girl or girls who couldn’t. The most common reason that girls get involved with known cheaters is that they think that they will be the exception. Don’t get too carried away with flattering words about how much better you are that his last girlfriend or all the terrible things she did that made him cheat.

The most common reason that girls get involved with known cheaters is that they think that they will be the exception.

THOSE ARE A FEW THINGS that you should not do.  Have you been cheated on by someone? If so, how did you handle it and what are some ways you got through it?

For more help with moving on from a cheating relationship, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Cheating.

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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  • jen

    What you said gives me hope

  • rebekah

    I’ve been going out with a guy and I broke up with him as soon as I found out he cheated on me. he asked me out again and I said yes because I still love him. now I don’t know whether to stay with him or leave him. please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Alysha

      Uhm….normally guys should be given a second chance. But my ex bf cheated on me twice.

      He could playing u girl…leave him. Walk away and don’t look back. It will hurt….it will hurt so bad. Don’t show it….I know it’s hard.

      I dated this guy for 8 years and I finally found out that I might have been fallin in love with him..eight wasted years hun.

  • Mari

    Im sorry to hear that Val. Its going to be a lot of work to move on, but in the end its worth it. Love YOURSELF enough to rid yourself of his negativity. Think of your future and if you really want to spend it being ill. He’s not worth suicide, don’t even let him push you to that point. I myself have been abused mentally & physically, & cheated on many times by the same man, my childs father, until i decided i couldn’t take it anymore. I left one day. I let him have everything and left with just a bag of my personal belongings. Best thing i ever did for myself. Free yourself Val, love yourself instead of him. He’s not giving you anything in return so forget him.

  • carol

    My boyfriend cheated on me and from my understanding he wod cheat on me with her every time we would fight makes me sick to.my stomach and im so.disgusted by him my ex husband.did.tje same but got.my friend pregnant this relationship i have now had sex with his sisters friend and she was pregnant several times she had an abortion because she wanted to be my boyfriend’s but ended up finding out it was her husband

    • brokenpumkin

      Sounds seriously messed up and like what I am going through right now. I just dont understand why someone cant be communitive instead of hurting someone. We give our hearts.

  • sarah

    my bf went& got engaged bhnd my back and I didn’t know. I just stupidily continue 2 Love him until one day when I heard from his friends that he is engaged and d lady will b coming over to see him very soon. Please what should I do cos I’m terribly hurtn right now.

  • Faith

    my boyfriend cheated on another girl with me but I still love him and he claims to still love me I don’t know what to do

    • Fatema Khondker

      Was it only once? If its once maybe you can forgive him and warn him. If its more than once. Ditch him. But first, talk to him about the girl, and heck talk to the girl if you have to. Find out whats going on.

    • LovingMe

      Really Faith
      Are you worried he will cheat on you?

  • Crystal

    Sarah, never feel your alone. Someone somewhere has or is going through the same thing. My advice to you, with what I’m dealing with now, is to realize your worth more than I guess (ex boyfriend) deserves! Someone that truly loves you wouldn’t do that. Love is God. Relationships are to bring us peace and happiness!!! Stop beating yourself up. We and I know I was till last Friday blind as a bat by our emotions. You realize and see what his done, so be the better woman, who deserves that Mr Right and cut him out of your life. Save yourself a lot of heartache, I so wish I did. But now, I’ve gotta forgive him, I’ve got to love him in a godly way or the anger and hurt will hurt me! If someone leaves you, they weren’t meant to be Mr Right. I’m not sure your meaning the lady is coming over soon? Once a woman/man has has lost that trust for me now it’s goodbye forever. But only you can make that discuss for your life!

  • katiedshay

    My bf cheated on me while we were living together. I had my suspicions, so when he said he was with his guy friend one night, I called that said friend. He said he hadn’t seen him in days and his friend told me the facts about the affair. I called my bf and left him a vm that night saying his stuff would be in the hallway by noon the next day. He had the nerve to bring the girl he cheated on me with to come and help him get his stuff. Worst. Day. Ever. It’s a miracle I contained myself with grace and control. Also, my now ex bf and I work together 5 nights a week and I have to witness her pick him up after our shift every night.

    • LovingMe

      That’s alright because when a man cheats on his woman & the scumbag that he cheated with knows that you and him were in a relationship, before long he is going to do it to her. It ALWAYS happens that way. And when it happens, she will be joining this blog telling how she feels.
      Just stay lady like, smile (although it’s killing you) & Pray. Someday you will be picked up too. You are in my prayers

  • kelly

    The problem of most women is that we follow unavailable men. Men that are happy where they are now. Let’s stop this trend. There are many men out there that are actually looking for something more than sex. Obviously all men have sexual desires but not all of them are just looking for that. If you want to stop suffering for men than go out there and find the available men. Those who we dismiss many times and those who still exist. Value yourself, love yourself and respect yourself. Hang around the right people whatever that means for you.

    • brokenpumpkin

      My man proposed to me on christmas always told me he wanted commitment then turns around texting his ex wanting to live with her and also got another woman pregnant. I dont think that honestly know what they want and they get scared knowing that someone is willing to go beyond and give everyting for them.

      • songbird69

        That man is a mess. Run. He will not change until God will take a whipping to him and HE will in his own perfect time. Meanwhile love yourself because God loves you. Go get your happiness. God has it in a nice box with a pretty ribbon, with your name on it.

  • harrisonx5

    Back in May of this year (2014) i found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. he was speaking to six different other guys; i did not want to know if he did something physical with them because i was already so hurt. Anyway, when i found out i was so hurt and heart broken i didnt know how to deal with it or what to do so i just broke up with him. We were broken up for about 2-4 months, after those months we spoke and we got back together, then the very next day i found out that while we weren’t together we spoke to his ex, even though we weren’t together he was always telling me how he still loved me very much and that i’m the only person he wants to be with, he shouldnt have done that cause that doesnt show that he really does. Now i know he loves me soo much and i love him so much mind you we made 3 years this past October on the 22nd, but my thing is that till this day im always so scared of him doing something like this again, to hurt me again… i cant trust him; i dont trust him… obviously he doesnt know but im not always happy cause of whats happen here… most of the time thats the only thing thats on my mind…. i dont know what to do… if i do want to be with him or not… i adore this man with all of my heart he has been my very first Real Love… Please someone anyone give me advance or tell me what you would do… im open to any comments…

  • manda

    I am torn and have been for some time. My fiance cheated on me with his ex baby momma. It happened the day I got out of the hospital from almost going into labor the 1st time with our son. I needed him to be by my side but instead he went out of state to pick his kids up from their mothers. They ended up having sex. I have been heart broKen since. It’s been about 8 to 9 months since this has happened. A part of me wants to try and make it work. We have a son together and I do love him. Do you think it could ever work? Has anyone else been in this type of a situation? Any advice is much appreciated

  • Fatema Khondker

    She deserves to know just as much as you do. Please do talk to her.

  • brokenpumkin

    girl just end it i promise you it will never stop. mine was doing the same thing I live in SC and she lives in OH. On top of that he was getting his pleasure on the side from other girls, so both of you are gettting donw dirty. move on do something for yourself!

  • jen

    This doesnt really relate but i need some advice. My ex and i have been broken up now for about 2 months but a week or two after we broke up he was already dating a new girl. What i dont understand is why he would date her. She has cheated on every guy shes been with and told my exs bff that she wanted to have his babies. We knew this girl while we were together (which was for 2 1/2 yrs) and be used to say how she was crazy and disgusting. Wht would he go and date her!?

  • Sweets

    My fiancée cheated with a coworker and simply just cut contact with me and kids and went to stay at his mothers . He lied repeatedly to my face even borrowed money from the girl and never paid her back and made up a story blaming me for why he never paid . More lies . He begged me back and I agreed . I am now struggling with the truth and all the emotions I am feeling . He says she meant nothing but I wonder how he could possibly love me after all the lies and the heartless way he delt with things

  • limited warranty

    I have a domestic partner who lied about cheating with an escort. $240- an hr. I am getting things in order to leave. Finding a new place, we have property together, resources. All of my money for I to his house and bills. I want to leave with class, not lower myself to his level. I am afraid because I am feeling so fragile. I love/d him, I’m afraid I wont be strong enough. HELP!

    • TheTruth

      you’ll be strong enough, before leaving my boyfriend along, I took a few days to myself to think about the pro’s and con’s in the relationship and things that had been said over the past few months, from his lips. There was so much disrespect towards me from his part that I realize something is going on here. After spending those day alone not contacting him or seeing him I felt so much better when I decided to break it off, and I did, its only been since today but I feel great, I think because I knew he was cheating and I had prearranged thoughts not to deal with it. Therefore the break up was easy. We often try to ignore what is right before our very eyes but there are always signs telling us before hand that we refuse to except but lady’s and gentlemen, we know. Our instincts tell us, that gut feeling.

  • soph

    I recently found out on new years day my boyfriend of 2 years had been cheating on me for the 2nd year of our relationship with so many people, and having affairs with two of the girls. and one thinks she might be pregnant. im stuck living with him till the end of feb. I just cant cope cause I just know he is still talking to girls and I feel like it in my face everyday. im so heatbroken and devastated and never thought he would ever do this to me. I feel like i’m on the verge of a breakdown.

  • aunnika

    my bf his frined said he was cheatig on me i belive cause his friend is honest and my bf always hangs around girls hes not my bf anymore but he cheated on me and im really ssad

  • aunnika

    its ok he doesnt deserve you if he wants to date a billion girls and end up lonely while your happy its his fault you need better dump him

  • Leti

    You can stay with her if you choose. The relationship would have to be a casual open one though. She does not deserve your faithfulness. I would live with her, but do my own thing. I would not take her word on anything anymore. I would do whatever I want whenever I want. She does not deserve to be your confident. If you want to sleep with someone else, do it. Do whatever you want regardless of what she wants. If u want to stay with her and stray, like she has, you can do that too. If u want to be faithful, then your a kinder man then she. I would avoid being kind in this situation because she does not deserve ur kindness.

    • Jasmine Harris

      I was able to get back with my ex and so can you! One day while searching on Google about getting ex back, I discovered a great guide on how to to get your ex back. Now I got him back, and we are getting married in 4 months. If you want your ex back, you can make it happen!

    • Johanna

      That’s horrible advice. It’s not about what she deserves, it’s about what is healthy for him, and this sort of behavior will surely be destructive for him and for the children.

  • ara

    I had been dating my BF for 4 months. The last month I had this pit in my stomach that something wasn’t right, things weren’t adding up. He was also starting to get verbally/emotionally abusive towards me. The last week or so things seemed to be taking a turn for the better but the pit never went away. On Thursday he called and asked me to dinner on Friday for Valentines day and then was very quick to get off the phone saying he needed to call his parents and take care of a few things before bed. Something just didn’t sit well with me in that conversation. Friday I didn’t hear from him all day until 7pm, which was odd. We went to dinner…had a great time. Went back to his place to watch TV. He fell asleep and his phone was sitting right there and something just told me to look at his phone. I did and what I found were the most VILE VILE texts b/t him and his ex (who I would have considered a friend). Hundreds of messages including the ones that they sent right after he got off the phone with me on Thursday saying that he was on the way over and what they planned to do to each other and then all day Friday of what they did.

    I calmly confronted him in the moment I found out and we talked for a fe mins before I walked out. He didn’t deny anything and actually seemed remorseful. I just hope it wasn’t an act. We exchanged things last night and sat down and talked. Though I didn’t owe it to him I spoke some truth into his life. Hopefully he heard even a fraction of what I said to him. I don’t hate him. I am just very sad for him (and her) and I committed to pray for him. He did ask if there was any hope for a future with us and I told him absolutely not. (There would have to be many many steps taken for me to even consider this, like counseling, mentoring, accountability, full transparency, and changing behaviors in how he interacts with women).

    I have told my close friends and family what happened and asked them to keep me accountable to NOT get back with him! And that if the thought even entered my mind they had a right to use whatever means necessary to make sure it didn’t happen.

    Though I am deeply wounded an I hate that I miss him so much. However for the first time in 1 1/2 month I feel at peace. I am so thankful I found out at 4 months than further into a relationship with him (engagement/marriage).

  • Kelly

    i am feeling so sad inside … Everything was so beautiful 2dYs ago … Promising me the world and saying he would not treat me bad anymore…. I was in heaven .. Till yesterday when he purposely picked a fight and went right back to the woman he said he would have nothing to do with ….when I called him he told me it was over and he was sick of all the bad things I have done to him… So the other woman thinks I have issues…

    • LovingME

      Kelly
      Sorry to hear what you are going through.
      How long have you been with bf? You should never not know your worth. Narcissists like him don’t know how to love. He will always go back & forth as long as you women allow him. One of you will have to stop letting him have his cake & eat it too.
      I’ve been there & and I am proud to say I’m out of his game after 10 years of turmoil. Because believe me when I say that you and the other woman are not the only ones. You just know of the woman but not the others.

  • cindy

    my boyfriend just broke up with me because he says he needs his own space and that he’s not happy. Weve been together for 10 years and we have 3 kids together. I found him talking to two girls that he works with and wen i confronted him about it he said that he had ended it with them n that theyre not important. Hes cheated on me so many times ive lost track n im pretty for sure theres others that i dont know of.When I try talking to him about it all he does is acts dumb and cant own up to nothing and says its in the past to stop talking about it. We live together and the only time he comes is to change clothes and acts like nothing. He doesnt even pay the kids any attention. I feel stuck because i do not work n im financially dependent on him since i stopped working wen we had our daughter a year ago. sometimes i wish he cared but its apparent he doesnt.

  • Sarah

    I don’t think throwing away your marriage is the right approach. I also don’t think you cheating on her or doing whatever you want is the right approach either. You love her still. If she is willing to recommit herself to the marriage, you should define boundaries that you’re comfortable with going forward. You should also seek marriage counseling and try to find a way (maybe a weekend alone together) to reconnect with each other and establish truly open communication. It’s a lot of hard work to recover from even one instance of infidelity, let alone multiple instances. Perhaps she should consider individual counseling as well. Right now, you can’t make a decision either way- to stay or let go. You need to get to the root of the issues that need to be addressed in your marriage and process your own emotions and feelings before you can make such a life changing decision. There is no “one size fits all” approach to this type of trauma. My heart goes out to you. I wish you clarity, understanding, and a future filled with loving honesty.

    • Jasmine Harris

      I’m sorry you’re hurting so badly.

  • frozenheart

    i also experiencing it right now but this is fresh we only have one daughter my ex kneel down at me with tears in his eyes and did everything to win me back but i keep fighting what my feelings for him. i do love him but i chose to left him even if it hurts. He’s begging me asking for forgiveness. asking me to save our relationship for our baby’s sake. know what after reading this it made me realize that i will still keep being numb. he’ll eventually cheat on me over and over again. it is he’s sickness and he’ll not gonna change. i was saved by god.

  • frozenheart

    we’re on the same track right now. i’m hurting everytime i heard him crying but I’m moving g on right now maybe this is the best thing to do!

  • Mixed Breed

    I been with my ex for almost 2 years we have been broken up from 6 months now.i was really close with his family,nieces and nephews and his older brother. Everything was good until going into the second year during the summer he started to be with friends all the time it got so bad he started trying to pick me up at 3:00-4am. I have went above and beyond for this boy but he just chose to take me for granted it got so bad his friends would show up at the bar or special occasions and on holidays he would leave me for them it would be ok for him to have his guy time sometimes but not Every day and night. Long story short I unfriend him on ig when we broke up because he was wilding out. Soon as I unfriended him my friends tell me it’s some new girl on his page and I guess they so called in love but the crazy thing is his twin brother and the girl my ex is with now are friends. It’s hard for me to get over but I’m trying what should I do

  • ivy

    my boyfriend cheated on me 7 times and got a lass pregnant what should I do

  • icon H

    ignore him, he will hurt even more of he knows your bothered about it, take your time moving on!! Eventually he will realise he cant do better then you hun!! if you forgive him he will cheat on you again and again!! trust me ive just went through this it feels like a hole in your heart which cant be patched up!! but you will find away to get through it! it gets better promise!

  • pinky

    hi im in a relationship of two year my boyfriend cheated on me an impregnate his ex for the second time im so confused

  • ashley

    I’ve been in a two year relationship. We recently went to jamaica. A trip that was supposed to be so wonderful turned into a disaster. My boyfriend broke up with me. I spent the last two days on the resort by myself. Returning home, I come to find out that he has been cheating on me. He dated this girl 8 years ago. It didn’t work. Out because she starting using drugs and was cheating on him. Now she out of rehab and has been so involved in with my exes family. I questione him multiple times about his distance towards me and mentioned the concerns I had about his ex coming back around. He reassured me 3 times that i’m crazy and over thinking. Not even 5 days back from jamaica and they are together in public and social media. As my as I believe it’s for the best, i’m still so hurt and can’t deal with all the emotions. How can you go from someone who is attending grad to a heroine addict? It disgusts me and causes me to cry all at the same time. I feel week and really don’t know how much more I can handle

  • Meg

    Thanks. I’ve lost friends because they all sided with the cheater and being part of a group was more important to them. Than having conscience

  • Maggie

    As a woman who ended two of my past relationships because of cheating and my own parents divorce was a result of cheating. I would say leave her. Your situation is complicated by the fact that you have kids so you never end contact with her but you will never forgive yourself and you will live with resentment if you stay with her and she cleary doesnt want be married given her multiple indiscretions. She clearly does not deserve you but you should also not resort to vengeance and getting back at her. it will not do you any good but instead fule your hate The best think is give yourself time to heal and move on and try to be amicable as possible for the kids sake in the process

  • songbird69

    I spent 9 yrs with a man I loved and betrayed me. I was stupid. He was mean to me. Always other women. I did everything. After 9 yrs I quit it. That’s it. I told myself.

  • liana

    so ive been with my boyfriend 3 times. the first time we went out for a week at most and he broke up with me. didn’t tell me why, the second time we got back together we were in a relationship for a year, he broke up with me. he said it felt to real and was scared? this third time I thought it was going to be great. third times a charm right? NO. we argued a few nights ago when he refused to invite me to be with him and his friends. he said I couldn’t be there because me and his friends were too different? and also there was someone there I didn’t like. we met in person to speak and then he let it all out. he came clean that I our first relationship, he had sex with someone else. that’s why he broke up with me. the second relationship he had sex with someone else also (I was a virgin and was not ready) so he says that’s why he did it. claims “he needed sex” he also told me he’s talked to other women before, several. in the second relationship and the current one. one of the woman he “was talking too” was there that night when he didn’t want me with his friends. now when I met her, I had a gut feeling I didn’t like her. and when he told me he had been messaging her and she would send him pictures it just hurt so bad. someone, anyone please give me their advice on this. it would help a lot

  • angela

    My boyfriend lives in another country , i used to go to see him every 2 or 3 months ’till i get a job in where he lives, this month i couldn’t go there, so i told him i will visit him soon as i can he was upset but comprehensive, this week he changed he told me he doesnt have enough time to talk because of work, every time i call him he reject my calls and text me i will call u back but he don t, yesterday he said he s at home and wanna sleep, he sends me a voice record, and a girl was with him her voice was so clear in the record, he said its not a girl voice its from the mobile..and didnt talk to me till now

  • Liz

    Feeling a special connection is hard to find. So when we do have that special someone it may be hard for us to let go. But it gets harder the more chances you give a person. If you forgave them once what makes them not think that you will forgive again and again? One looses their self respect when we dont give ourselves the worth we deserve. At the time I was with my ex boyfriend, i had some suspicious but i never had evidence to completely convince me. When i found out the truth, I confronted him. Guys are so good at lying that I believed it. I believed his lies and lied to myself. And once you become part of this pattern and behavior it’ll be hard to cut off. I lasted another year with my ex boyfriend but to later find out he cheated on me 11 times with different sexual partners. I try to use this experience to help me now. Once i know you have cheated and have disrespected me to the point i am no longer enough for you is when i leave you. i cannot stand to have to go through that pain again. So my advice to you would be to move on. Unless you believe she can truly change the thought of her cheating is going to fester your mind.

  • lydia

    I have been living with a man for 2 years now and my job keeps me away form home for days at a time. I read on his text phone that he was meeting a woman for breakfast after I left for work. The text said I can’t wait to see you baby this morning. I talked to him about it and he said the woman was just an old girlfriend and they are just good friends. I found out her name is Marsha and was his old girlfriend at one time. I know he is cheating and leaving him is the right thing to do but, my
    I don’t know why it so hard to leave him. do you have any words of advice I can keep repeating to my self so I can get through this? Lydia

  • Sol Ruiz

    Very good advice. As a person going through same, I too will cut cord while in early stages. Have to find someone who will treat me as a queen.

  • Sol Ruiz

    Be strong … hurt goes away! Give it two weeks no contact!

  • Mrs me

    what happens if a man bring a woman in your house whille away is there love there really?and when u find out he refuses and decided to leave the woman.

  • Mrs me

    This man has been cheating ever since i met him..i have been paying all the bills in the house..he brings a woman in the same bed we sleep.i cannot forgive him am trying but i cannot.he left the woman but still i just cannot.who brimngs a woman in the same bed you sleep with your wife.

  • Sydney

    My boyfriend cheated on me. We had plans to be together and get married and he told me I was the only one he cared this much about. I wanted to kill myself. It’s so stupid to even think killing myself would make him pay, but pain does crazy stuff to a person. Investing so much in one person and only being able to think about them and how they’re doing is all I did. I just wanted to love and be with them. I found out on his tablet. I saw the conversation. He called the girl and 10/10 and said he didn’t have a girlfriend I confronted him and he started sobbing. I ran. I don’t know what to do.

  • Alekhya Chauhan

    I’m an 18 year old and have been in a relationship with dis guy since 6 months.. A month ago we broke up when I found out he already was in a relationship with another girl since 2years! He broke up with both of us and den slowly approached me nd said he misses me and he really loves me and wants me back.he says I am immature and so not know hw to get on wid life alone so he wanted to stay wid me nd guide me.bullshit. And then I gave him a second chance.. We oly met once 5 months ago at his frnds place for a smoke up. Nd den cuddled for a while. Nd since then we neva met in Private. Bt we keep meeting nea my place every week for he needs money to score his stuff! He neva takes me out. Or calls me for no reson.he keeps checking on my social networking site and yells at me if guys comment or even like my pictutes.i always thot he had dis doubt cuz my ex was frnd ..honestly I knew they were frnds nd I started dating him after 1 year dat I broke up wid my ex.nd I have not guilt of dating my ex’s Frnd.cuz my ex was just wid me for a month nd we only went out fr. A few parties and nothing else !! Soo .. Yesterday that girl texts me again asking if I and he are back. Nd when I said yes..she tells me that he said the same things he said to me to patch up wid her and hez doing it again.hez cheating. Again. She tried asking him but he hung up. I didn’t ask him bout dis yet. He thinks I don’t knw it yet. M scared to confront him. What do I do. M scared to b alone. M scared to lose him ! His frnds keep telling me that he and my ex’s are best friends and planned of dating me and dumping me and using me for money . I neva believed dem. Cuz he never wanted to get physical with me and fronts dat he is very possessive bout me.I just don’t understand. That girl says that he neva loved her and she wil.back off nd says me nd he to stay happy together.. But how do I knw dat he doesn’t really love her anymore and will forget her.? What do I do?

  • AiEnma

    I’ve been in long distance relationship for almost 8months now.
    But this guy I met online, on the first week his so full effort to talk to me thru Skype. Since his base in Norway for his work, we have really time difference. And after few months our regular talks will happened during Sunday.
    Now it’s been a week since he returned to his home town in India and even a single message from him, I haven’t received any. And now I was so curious I search him on Facebook and saw the truth that he was already married for 3years. It was painful cause I have trusted him so much, that only this time I just tried to search more about him.
    I am hurt and also feel sorry for his wife. I don’t know if she was aware of us. Now I find it more difficult to trust guy and specially from India. Am not a racist but I’ve been hurt again.

  • Christy

    My mom and my Dad are still divorced

  • jess

    I’ve been in a toxic relationship relationship for almost the past three years. I’ve changed a lot since the girl I was three years ago. I’m 21 now and when I started dating him I was barely 18 years old. He was the first real relationship that I’ve ever been in. I was so trusting in the beginning, it never even crossed my mind that he would cheat on me, I was naive… He cheated on me a week after his birthday, with his ex girlfriend (it still haunts me). We never moved past it and then about a year later he had an online relationship with another girl, even told me that he loved her.. that hurt, still does. In the back of my mind, I feel like he probably had more indiscretions, especially considering that he never came forward willing, I always caught him on my own. Its all too much…Even now I feel stuck, confused, and hurt. I’m not the same person I was then, I made a lot of mistakes but he hurt me so badly. A part of me still wants him in my life but another part of me feels stupid for feeling that way. I strongly believe he will do it again.. idk how to walk away. I’m scared and lonely.

    • Madeline

      It’s only hard in the beginning. I’ve been there, trust me, give yourself a few days to think about how great your future can be as a free girl. You will feel reborn. I promise

    • disqus_BzC1L9b13J

      This post is 5 months ago so I hope you’re in a better place right now.

  • annabel

    We’ve dated for 3yrs, i’ve caught him so many times sending different girls love messages and when I asked him he always gave me different stories about them. He never admits he’s cheating on me, I know he’s lying and it hurts me so bad. What should I do pls?

  • Betty

    Help! I been with my boyfriend for 2years. We have a 6month old son now and we’re happy and in love well so o thought. I let him go out he returned the nexy morning at 9am well…. A week later a random girl messages me that they were together that night. What do i do he swore upand down they did nothing he admitted to texting her hut he immediately ended it and in return she sent the pictures because she wanted him. I can’t get it out of my head idont eat or sleep I’m confused we’ve talked about it I’ve expressrd my feelings and hurt and we’re gonna wprk through it. Help…

    • JustSomeLady

      Betty, love yourself first so that you can be the best mother possible for your new blessing.

      Men lie, men cheat. I can’t confirm his wrongdoing but it sounds about shady as shade can be. You have enough proof and remember love can be truly blinding.
      Stay strong

  • JustSomeLady

    Things are taking place for a reason. Imagine yourself a month, 3 months, a year without all of the drama sorrow and pain that he’s causing. You would be back to a stronger version of the old you.
    This is your opportunity to be super woman & There is nothing you can’t do for the ultimate prize of self worth and true happiness.

    You got this.

  • Sue

    i’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year now and he’s constantly cheating on me four times that i found out. He the best boyfriend I have every had, and I want to be with him, but am confused. He thinks he has a problem

  • melissa

    My boyfriend is cheating on me!

  • Leeanne

    I’ve been with my partner for almost 6 years now engaged for 2 years. He took me away to Newcastle at the weekend to celebrate my birthday booked us into a 5* hotel the lot. We were getting ready in room to go out for a meal he was in shower and his fone lit up it was a message from a girl that I knew he had been with when he was younger asking what he was upto.. I tried to forget about it and pretend I didn’t see it but I couldn’t !
    I confronted him and he says she’s just a friend and his mate gave her his number on a night out which I didn’t believe. I messaged her on my fone asking whats going on etc. she messaged me saying he gave her his number through facebook a few weeks ago and went to her house a few wknds ago and slept with her. I was totally devastated but he denied it to my face and slept in his car while I slept in the hotel room.
    He came into the room the next day and I begged him to tell me the truth and he broke down and told me everything said he slept with her and is disgusted that he’s done this to me. He has been in a really bad place recently he lost his job and admitted to me he’s been going around with the wrong kind of people and has been taking cocaine! I spoke to the girl and she said she new he was with me and she is sorry and she sent me all the messages they have been sending to each other over the last few weeks ago.
    The night he cheated on me I had made him a nice meal the lot and he left my house sayin he was going out on a night out with his mate which I found to be strange as he never really goes out but I thought just let him go out and enjoy himself.. I never heard from him the full night was up the full night worrying I then recieved a text message at 3am saying “That’s me home babe”, I foned him straight away but no answer so alarm bells were ringing in my head and I new something was wrong. I went to wrk the next morning tired and didn’t here from him till the afternoon and he foned sayin he was drunk and fell asleep and didn’t hear me calling him the usual, but what really hurt is he picked me up from work and was being his usual self kissing me hugging me brought me food and slept with me and showed no remorce or guilt like it’s something he’s done before and is natural to him!
    He is now told me he is deeply sorry he doesn’t want to throw everything away and its made him realise how much he loves me. He told me Iv’e been pushing him away the last few months like not having sex with him and being a right b towards him and hes right I have been he does everything for me and I don’t appreciate it so maybe I deserve what he’s done!
    He has now changed his number, told his friends he wants nothing to do with them, went to a doctor to ask for help and help to stop smoking etc. I know he is a gd person and loves me or he would have just walked away, but will he ever change? as u know what they say once a cheat always a cheat?!
    Just in a really bad place right now and too ashamed to tell anyone. someone please help 🙁

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  • Elizabeth

    My boyfriend of 7 years cheated on me with his ex. Last night I found out he still talks to her frequently and discusses our personal business with her. I am heartbroken all over agin and have no idea what to do. What I want to do is make him feel like I feel but since he apparently has no feelings that would be a waste of time. Please help me

  • Thank you for sharing your encouraging words. We also have a free eBook that has true stories in it that you might find helpful – http://info.thehopeline.com/relationshipscheating-ebook. It can help you learn how to avoid relationships like this in the future. We are also here for you 24/7 if you want to talk about it https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  • Eva Mary

    My boyfriend cheated on me…We have been together for over three years. Our relationship was a long distance one for the past 1.5 years. with both of us in different continents. We used to meet every 6 months and be in contact with each other everyday over phone, skype etc. He has met my family and I have met his parents over christmas. We spent one month together holidaying and getting reacquainted. There was some disappointments as we were not talking everyday as we used to as I moved to a new country for my studies (we still are in different continents) and the work and the newness of the place was a lot to handle. But I thought we worked it out during our time together. One month after our christmas holiday he started talking to this girl.. for hours and hours… day into night… i felt neglected… our fights increased… added to this was the pressure of arranging the wedding on me.. and I did not have as many friends to talk this about in my current city.. our talks became less about us and more about the wedding.. and I felt i was pressuring him onto this wedding…. we fight.. he says its all a confusion…. he comes to visit me.. and I thought was a time to clear everything.. be together and be stronger… he says we have been drifting.. asked me if i see us together.. basically questioned “us”. One night i took his phone to check the photos we took that day when he snatched the phone from my hand.. he said he had discussed our problems or his feelings with the friend an he was not ready to share that with me yet. I did not understand.. I was like if there was any problems between us, it was something he had to talk to me about.. but.. he did not show me what was on the phone… but we talked about us… i was suspicious, I emailed myself their chat history.. but did not get to read it as I was with him all the time.. an it was a lot of texts!.. We decided to work on us. he said we will know where we stood with each other in couple of months.. if we still worked as a couple or not… ut I was hopefull.. because y the en of the trip…. I knew he was more the person I knew than anyone else… after i drropped him at the airport.. i red the texts… he cheated oon me with her (his so called best friend) multiple times… their talks souned like they were actually dating… even when the irl moved back to her hometown of italy, they ha skype sex and still talked for hours… she even came down to visit her “friends” and stayed at his place just before he left to fly to me… so basically he came to me from her bed! I don’t understand… I went from being a bride to having a rocky relationship to being a victim of cheating all in the space of 8 days… I confronted him.. he agreed to all charges.. he wished that he had not brought this on me… I ave him a week to think.. see if he could stop talking to that girl.. and give me a 100% if he wanted us to work out… He said he did not love her.. an they were good friends an they thought they could control this??!! and he could go back to being friends with her.. an be with me.. He says he loves me.. but he cant stop talking to her…. I have tried to stop talking… but I can not do it… I continue to talk to him.. we talk about how to go from here… to move forward without hurting each other… but I am hurt.. And i don’t know how to handle this hurt… I feel I am weakening… as I feel I need him.. but I know I wont be happy unless he makes all the changes like stop his conversations with her.. and be prepared to work on us… Or atleast say he is sorry so that I can get over it… This is my first long term relationship… And I know he has not cheated on me before.. or even cheated… I know he is feeling a lot of guilt… that he want to figure out.. he says that he is waiting for the magic back between us.. like a sign that tells him to hold onto me.. if not, he would rather be alone it seems…. I understand it, but think its a load of crap!.. if he want to be with me.. then he has to work for it… nothing comes by sitting back an hoping that it will all become fine by itself… its this sort of passiveness that does not allow me to move forward.. as I think I will regret it later… I am also afraid that I might not be able to love again…. i am 27 but am Indian… thats’ a whole other level of social pressures.. what am I not seeing clearly here!! I am trying to be rational… although all i want to do is cry and cry…

  • Mey

    Forget him! You deserve to be happy 🙂

  • Chloe

    I talk to this guy for 6 months and we have something special. I looked on his phone and he was flirting with a girl. Not much but still was. I forgave him. He said he was stupid and messed up. I forgave him cause people make mistakes. Did I do the right thing?

  • Lucy

    My bf has 2 days back went to Russia for completeting his college since than he didn’t replied to my messages what to do ??

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  • cazzel

    I have a bf, we’ve been together for three years (Nov 24, 2013 till today) on Nov 28 we have celebrated my 19th birthday and btw he’s 9 years older than me. Our relationship seems to be imperfectly perfect. Like a normal relationships we’ve been through to a lot of struggles but not in having 3 party or what, well am wrong! Very wrong, early morning of 29 Nov I decided to sleep to his house. Well I am a kind of gf that can trust you with my whole heart, and never will doubt you. I was really stupid. I never ever tried to check his phone, his fb or whatsoever. Idk why that early morning of 29Nov I have this urge that I need to check something with his phone. And then I saw something, a mssg for unknown number it says ” are you already at home DEAR?” I don’t memorize my phone number so I thought it’s just one of my numbers still I save it to my phone, the time I went home I called the number but it’s a girl, I was shocked and there’s no word came from my mouth I just ended the call. I just texted the girl if she is the gf of ” Mark N” she then said yes. I call her back again, I asked her how long they’ve been? They’ve been together for 1 year and half! wtf? half of our relationship? I didn’t have any idea regards that, the girl then told me that she knew about me and the other 4 girls but she wouldn’t believe because she really love my bf. Im in a deep hurt right now. Is it still worth it of giving him another chance? He chooses me over the 5 other girls or maybe am wrong again. 3 years? I can’t believe it. I need advices guys.

  • Jessica

    My boyfriend of a 1 1/2 years has been secretly talking to his ex-girlfriend that he was involved with for about the same length of time. I confronted him about it on Thanksgiving and he swears that nothing is going on other than him needing someone to talk to. He said, she is married but he still has feelings for her. After he left his wife they dated and she cheated on him with her ex-husband and now she friend requested him in October and they have been talking ever since. The problem is that he is hiding his phone whenever I am there. If it would not have been for the fact that he left it in the bathroom on Thanksgiving I would never have known who he was talking to. About a month ago, I received some of the messages that they have been sending to one another and let’s just say they are not of a friendly nature. I have not confronted him with this information, was going to wait til after Christmas because their are children involved. I have been praying for him everyday and trying to surrender this to God, but it is so hard. He feels that talking to her is not cheating. I beg to differ. I don’t want to break up with him, I just want him to see how much this hurts me and would like to make it work. I think she is just playing him becuase he has been depressed for awhile. My question is staying and trying the right thing, I don;t want to give him an ultimatum as to her or me, but I do not and will not play the other person. He has started to become distant and stopped telling me that he loves me and that is what hurts the worst.

    I could really use some advice?.
    Thanks

  • Kefilwe Kgagamedi

    I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and during our relationship he has cheated on me several times of which I love him utterly and cannot imagine myself being without him. He is also physically abusive and I’m really out of options go I don’t even have eyes for any other men
    Please help

  • Marissa Perkins

    I need advice from a male. My boyfriend cheated very early on in the relationship a few weeks in. However I never found out until we were a year and 1/2 into the relationship and I was very in love. So I chose to move on and convinced myself it was too early at the time and it was a drunken fling at a wedding.

    Since then, since I found out, I have had trouble with trust. I have snooped and I feel guilty, but my greatest fear is that he will cheat and I won’t find out for a long time (again). If I had known right away the first time, I would have left immediately, but my feelings were stronger by the time I found out.

    So I look at his text messages occasionally, and I see some from girls in his past, nothing extremely flirtatious, but he never speaks of me and often fibs to them about what he is doing. For example, he was with me on Christmas day, but instead of telling this girl that, he said he was out of town.

    This really makes me wonder. Although, it’s not your typical cheating, is he unhappy, not proud of me, about to cheat??

    any advice would be helpful, especially candid advice from a an who has done the same thing.

    I feel that I am attentive, loving, affectionate, etc. But perhaps it is not enough?

  • With the Lord’s help

    I’ve been talking with this guy from my college for a little more than a month. I met him a little over a week before we left for break and I told him he would have to wait to ask to be his girlfriend till we came back from break. I did this because I have a lot of trust issues and I needed to make sure he didn’t have any girls at home or anything like that. And it’s been great. He’s crazy about me and i’m crazy about him.. I’ve only known him for a month and he wants me to live with him on base when he joins the military after he graduates. He tells me I’m beautiful.. not in a “I want to get in your pants” beautiful, but an “I believe you’re so beautiful, and I see who you are and you need to be told you’re beautiful” kind of beautiful. I’m very cautious about guys because I don’t trust them.. I’ve been cheated on a good amount of times and it makes me feel insignificant. Guys don’t usually want me for me, they treat me like I’m an object.. but he doesn’t. Being the untrusting person I am, he forgot to logout of his facebook and I’ve kept it logged on since we left on break. And I check it sometimes.. I was just about to finally log out of it because I trust him completely. And I saw that he was sexting some girl from his past that is now engaged. And he knows my past.. and he said he wanted just one person and that he didn’t want to mess around anymore. He says i’m his everything. And I know he’s got a true heart. I confronted him about it and he said he was going to tell me about it in the morning and he didn’t lie about it. He said he was sorry repeatedly and that he really messed up. He’s been answering all my questions and asking for another chance. And I’ve fallen for him so hard.. He told me he would unfriend, block or unfollow any girls I questioned and he unfriended the girl he sexted. I just don’t know what to do.. He’s got a special place in my heart and I may be naïve but maybe he really is sorry. I know I can forgive him with God’s help.. it’s just trusting him would take awhile.. and I wouldn’t hold it against him.. I’m not one to hold a grudge because I know I’ve messed up and everybody messes up and that’s just how it is.. but cheating is a choice. He chose his sex drive over me for a moment. What do I do?

  • ADREANNA

    Someone called my boyfriend for nows phone while he was sleeping on my couch. It’s never been a big deal to pick up so I did the person hung up . Then I decided that I wanted to leave him a cute note on his home screen it’s something we do as a couple . However then I discovered that he had a message from a number not saved turns out it’s a friend of his that has tried to come between us before she loves him he dropped contact with her but now she has reappeared she wanted to see how he was doing check up etc. I discovered further that he was messaging calling her beautiful and telling her that he was horny, she however was unresponsive to these and even pointed out that he had a girlfriend . Shocked and Angry I threw his phone at him and accused him of cheating . He however looked just as shocked as I was and has swore to me he didn’t do it. He continued to look as confused and puzzled as I did . So I had him call the friend she had told me she didn’t respond to it because it was out of the blue and thought it was dirty of him to put her and me in that predicament. I have asked him multiple times y he would lie to me? Why would he do it? He swears it’s not him… I asked if it’s not him then who? He thinks it may be a roommate that he has recently had an altercation with not to long before this situation which I knew about and advised him how I would handle it. However he can’t explain how this individual could get in his phone. The other end to this is my boyfriend is not on the lease and they have threatened to kick him out over stupid things . We have been together for 3yrs come March things were going great between us like marriage talk from him before this happened we have even planned a Vegas trip for our 3yr in March. My gut wants to trust him and honestly I do believe him but now I don’t know because I have been wrong before and hurt before in other relationships. I really need advice from people not in my circle people that don’t know either of us. Should I trust him and continue or move on and count it as being cheated on again ?

  • Tash_ie Sunshine

    My boyfriend of 3 years kissed another girl last year and the gave him a second chance. He just told me out of guilt that he slept with my best friend a few weeks ago and keeps saying it was a moment of weakness. Not sure if I should leave him or give him one last chance

    • Christian

      Leave! Take it from me (read my post above) he has no respect for you. If he cheated in you with your “best friend” he has NO respect for you, and he WILL do it again. That’s foul, and some one who doesn’t care will definitely do it again.

  • Christian

    Hi everyone. Here’s my story. First I want to thank all of you for sharing your experiences. They’ve helped when I’ve feel alone and in a dark ugly place. For me it’s been about a year since I broke up with my ex. We were together almost 8 years, and I caught him cheating with about 7+ people, I know there was more but that’s what I found. I had been doing fine these last few months, but lately I’ve been getting super depressed, and break down when I’m alone, I hate it and don’t understand why I was ok a few months ago and now I’m a mess at times. The worst thing is that there are so many triggers, and now I feel like I can’t trust anyone. People tell me they see a sadness in my eyes, and they are right. I’m fighting so hard to be my old self but it hasn’t been easy. Working out has helped, and my body is looking amazing, but I’m afraid to get close to anyond who comes near me. At first I felt humiliated, and like the biggest idiot in the world as my ex was primarily cheating on me with people from the gym we both went to. I don’t even know how long he was cheating on me, but it was probably the entire time. I left him, then started dating someone else. That didn’t work out so I went back after promises that I thought were true. I should have known better but I forgave him and we got back. Tonight I saw my ex at the gym, and all those feelings came back and I had to leave. A few months ago I would see him and act like I didn’t know him. We recently started texting again, and I’ll text him back when I’m bored. Lately I’ve been a mess, I feel like I’m going into a dark place and have been acting reckless, I’ve been sleeping around and sometimes I don’t even know why I do it. I’ve also been experimenting with sex drugs, and being careless. I think I’m going to feel better, but I feel empty. Then sometimes nice guys try to get close but I push them away because I don’t trust anyone anymore. I’ve never had an STD in my life, and now sometimes I put myself at risk something that I would never do before. Working out, marijuana, and working alot helps me but then I get restless and sometimes act reckless. I just want to stop hurting, and get out this dark place. Like I said I’ve had good months, but lately they’ve been dark, and don’t understand why I’m hurting again after a year.

  • Wow_vee

    I been in a relationship. For 4 1/2 years and yeaterday i found out that he cheated on me and i called her and ahe said he told her we were not together Nd other stuff it hurts because i still love him and want to be with him i want to give him another chance but i dont want to keep getting hurt . he has a 4yr old hes going to be 5 that i take care of and love so much like he is my kid and i been here since day one we been through so much together from my parents house to the garage to having money to being broke no car to riding buses to having a car like i was pregnant then i wasnt and. I think thats where our fights started is after i lost my baby. He use to take me everywere and now he doesnt take me no were. He said hes tired of me but then the next day hes fine but i dont want to leave him at all i just want him to be the man i fell in love with not this boy hes trying to be. How do i get the man i love back

  • Samantha R

    Hope you left her! super later but just saw this and I think that if she cheated that much its not healthy for you stay with her and decay from worry and uneasiness. I have been cheated on more than once as well, and i made the mistake of staying. Its torture on your well being. You deserve to be happy with someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are always, who will communicate with you and work with you on solving issues that effect both of you. wishing you the best!