My Boyfriend Cheated on Me - 6 Things NOT To Do

 

Do Relationships Survive Cheating?

Cheating often means the end of the relationship for people who are dating or married. Cheating is a violation of trust, and that betrayal is often sustained by multiple lies told over a long period of time. Since there are a lot of unhealthy patterns behind cheating, deciding to rebuild a relationship with someone who cheated on you is risky. It is important, before jumping back into that relationship or pursuing a new relationship, to understand the impact cheating has had on your view of relationships, your own self-esteem, and your ability to trust people. This will likely take time to explore and understand, and the guidance of a counselor or mentor is helpful if you feel overwhelmed. If you have cheated on your partner, and they found out, it is important to apologize and ask for forgiveness. But remember: pressuring your partner to take you back is not a kind or loving choice. They will need time to heal, and you will need time to understand the impact of your own choices. Whether you were cheated on, or you cheated on someone, you are not doomed to repeat history. With support, you can grow and move forward with a healthier understanding of yourself and your relationships. 

Reactions to Cheating

Have you been cheated on? How did you react? Was it an emotional rollercoaster rotating between rage, disbelief, and grief? I imagine at one point or another all of  these thoughts crossed your mind:

"How didn't I know? How could I be so dumb?"

"I hate them."

"I need to make that no-good cheater pay, and I have several ideas about how to do that."

"Am I really that worthless that he/she would hurt me like that?"

"I need to find a guy/girl who appreciates me, right now!  I deserve better. And I need to make them jealous."

"I miss him/her so much. How am I going to live without them?"

It is always painful when relationships come apart. But when cheating is involved it is usually far more painful for one person than the other, and cheating makes a painful situation so much worse.  It leaves a person feeling completely disrespected. The ability to trust can be lost.  It is rejection on a whole different level.

So, what do you do if you've been cheated on? How do you get past the pain and get on to the next part of your life?

Let's start out with a few things you SHOULD NOT do.

Six Things Not To Do When You've Been Cheated On

 

1. Don't waste time trying to get even.

One of the ways girls get back at their cheating ex is to spread rumors that are not true.  It might make you feel better for a little while, but in the end, you just make yourself look even more devalued. It may not seem that way to you, but it sure looks that way to everyone else. Don't lower yourself by retaliating, but say to yourself, "I'm too good for that."

Some people try to retaliate by doing something to hurt themselves. That doesn't make much sense, but it still happens. Girls have been known to date guys they do not like at all in order to get back at the guy they love.

2. Don't rebound in the same direction.

Cory wrote: Take your time moving on. Also, don't just jump into a relationship the minute you're single. Moving on takes time and drowning your sadness out by forcing yourself into a relationship might not be the best idea...Stay positive. Even try staying single for a few months to figure out what you want, who you don't want, and keep an open mind about relationships and people.

No matter how you try to cover it up, people who are cheated on almost always feel they have been disrespected, devalued, or cheapened in other people's eyes. It is a lot like that sickening feeling you get when someone makes some terribly nasty comment about you. Feeling a big hole inside that is screaming to be filled, the temptation is to quickly fill that void with another boyfriend. However, finding another boyfriend ASAP (as soon as possible) may not be the best way to find a guy AGAP (as good as possible). You might wind up in another cheating relationship.

Dawn wrote: If you want to move on to the next boyfriend and you don't want the same type of guy...#1 don't do or look in the same place u met the 1st BF. I believe deeply that before another relationship is established you must 1st be mentally, emotionally and spiritually ready because a new boyfriend no matter how great can't make u achieve that level of completeness necessary to handle the challenges of a relationship!

3.  Don't bear other people's guilt.

When people cheat, it is their decision and their responsibility. However, the ones cheated upon are often left wondering what they did wrong. When parents separate, it is the children who often wind up feeling guilty. Certainly, one person can be responsible in part for someone leaving a relationship, but in cheating, the cheater is totally responsible for his or her actions. We really never get away with anything. Ultimately, we will all answer to God for everything we do, say, and think.

4.  Don't let a bad wound fester.

Kaitlyn wrote: Well, never rush into a relationship cuz then so many things go bad and wrong and someone ends up hurt. and as for a healthy way to move on, just trying to forget the guy and either relax and enjoy being single or start looking for a new guy.

Being cheated on cuts very deep. Though it may not seem so now, wounds do eventually heal. If, however, they are allowed to get infected, the infection can cause more long-term damage than the initial cut. Bitterness is the infection that causes a short-term wound to become a long-term affliction. By nursing and reviewing over and over the terrible actions of your ex-boyfriend and how terribly you were hurt, the wound festers. Eventually, that event becomes so rooted in your thinking that it shapes the way you view every other dating relationship.  So in a way, you take the infection from that cheating ex with you into every future relationship until you forgive and let it go.

5. Don't Engage in Missionary Dating.

Why do some girls continue to attract and date known cheaters? You would think that they would learn from their previous mistakes. Many times that happens because these girls have the secret desire to tame the wild man. They think they can make him a better guy. If you want danger and excitement, if you don't care about long-term committed relationships, and being cheated on doesn't bother you forge ahead. But if you are looking for love with known cheaters, then you're looking in the wrong places.

6. Don't Think You Are the Exception.

Dawn wrote:   If you want to move on to the next boyfriend and you don't want the same type of guy...don't look in the same place u met the 1st BF.

The most likely guy to cheat is the one who has done it before. So you would think girls would avoid previous cheaters like a plague. But that is far from what happens. There is always another girl willing to give them a chance.

Now there are things that can happen which will change a guy at his very core, things so dramatic that his bent to cheating and his weakness for temptation are turned into rock solid faithfulness. But rarely will that kind of change come simply from a relationship with the next girl, not even you. Taming the cheater makes a girl feel like she is better than the girl or girls who couldn't. The most common reason that girls get involved with known cheaters is that they think that they will be the exception. Don't get too carried away with flattering words about how much better you are than his last girlfriend that he cheated on.

The Truth is You Are Exceptional

Here's the deal, no matter how GREAT you are (and you are GREAT), the issue is with him, not you.  So please don't lose sight of your own self-worth.  If you are loving with your whole heart and treating your guy with respect, you should receive the same in return.

I hope you know how special you are.  If you are doubting yourself at all, consider this, the God of the universe can't stop thinking about YOU!

"How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!" - Psalm 139:17-18

You deserve more!  You were made for more!

For more verses of hope about God’s plan for relationships, love and sex read these Verses of Hope for Cheating in Relationships.

I love reading your comments, let us know. Have you been cheated on by someone? If so, how did you handle it and what are some ways you got through it?

The end of a relationship is devastating. For help read - Moving on: How to Properly Grieve and Heal After a Breakup.

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309 comments on “My Boyfriend Cheated on Me - 6 Things NOT To Do”

  1. I love my boyfriend so much..but he is cheating,and he even let me know about it..I don't want to lose him..what can I do to get him back?

  2. Hi my name is Susette and im deaf person . my boyfriend still block me by facebook ,facebook message plus video,myspace, twitter, and more for email . he text, message to alot of woman and naked body from alot of woman . he is cheat and hide from me . im real cry and feel hurt .. But he did erase all of everything.

    1. This is just the best message, stumbled at it at the right time.

      Honestly, dealing with cheats can be so tiring 😭😭😭😭. I'm honestly tired if loving, because I love wholeheartedly.. but men will always be men.

      I really hope I find one who will love me genuinely without making me go through a heart break 💔 again 😭💔 again 😭💔

      1. I am a man and i've been cheated 2 times already. Now i am wondering if i want to start ever a newrelation. Shall i say that women are women ? I don't think will help..

  3. My bf lied to me nd was dating my niece, i spoke to him several time bt he will tell me shes d 1 after him nd jst like

    1. I found out that I was cheated on a couple days ago when my boyfriend of 2 and a half years dumped me for another girl. I never saw it coming. 3 days ago, I was at his house and we seemed perfect, like always. I work at a small restaurant, and here’s the icing on the cake: he works there too, and so does she. We are all full-time so I’ll have to work with them almost 5 days out of every week. The same day we broke up, he went and hung out with her. This is the most pain I have ever experienced and it’s really been horrible. I’ve been staring at articles like this one all day 🙁

    2. I was in a relationship for 5 years and he cheated on me for one whole year with multiple girls and women. We would meet over the weekends and during the weekdays he would bring in these other women. Weeknights our with them after talking to me over the phone. We followed a schedule and he took advantage of it. 5 years have been wasted. And he is in his 50s, i in my 40s. What am i going to do? I am feeling dead inside. I feel bitter, betrayed, played because i trusted him. Never questioned him, never checked his phone. Trusted him blindly because i thought that's what love was about, love is trust. Everything is over. My friends tell me to give out time to get over it but I am afraid i have changed as a person. I have become a bad version of myself.

  4. I was in a horrific accident directly following me confronting my husband about his FB account and how ! Was put in a category all by myself. he left and I was upset enough to go after him to continue the discussion. While in the hospital he cheated on me. 3 yrs. Later he wants to reconcile. But we both after the accident have been battling with drug addiction. He has been in and out of jail. I don't know what to do!! I'm finally clean and sober. But I'm affraid that we will go back to our bad habits together! What should I do?

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