While the nation may be slowly changing their definitions of beauty, the label of being 'a bigger, pretty girl' can change how women feel about themselves. Permanently. In this brief but effective slam poem, Lauryn Lugo details how our world has come to view body image in pop culture and other ways of society alike.
Have you ever been described by someone with a word that's usually used to describe a milkshake...thick, thicker? Have you ever struggled with your body image? Have you struggled with thinking you are enough...just the way you are? You are not alone!
When:
Then if you struggle with accepting your body just the way it is, you are definitely not alone. In the last several decades, the beauty ideal in the media has increasingly become thinner. At the same time, cosmetic surgery and the dieting industry have become multi-billion-dollar industries. It makes it so hard to have a positive body image, when skinny and "perfect" is what is promoted in media. And even the skinniest and "most beautiful" among us is not enough since most model's photos are airbrushed and retouched. Models should not be the standard on which we compare ourselves. If only we could see ourselves as the way God created us...a reflection of Him, a person of character and a person with the potential to be loving, kind, unselfish, giving, full of life and love and so much more. If only we could embrace who we are, right here, in this moment, no matter how we look.
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American Eagle Outfitters recently made a huge stride towards promoting healthy body image. They were given an Inspires Seal of Approval from the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) in 2015 for promoting healthy body image by not digitally removing model's blemishes, tattoos, or cellulite. NEDA program director Claire Mysko told People magazine, "We're thrilled to acknowledge Aerie for leading the charge in encouraging girls and young women to embrace who they are."
As well, as accepting our bodies for the way they are, thick, thicker or whatever the case may be, we are also so much more than just external factors. I want you to know: You are a person made up of intelligence, dreams, goals, kindness, love, beauty not only skin deep, laughter, fun, and so much more. Audrey Hepburn said it well when she said: The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows and the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.
I challenge you today, to look in the mirror and then tell yourself:
I am BEAUTIFUL!
I am a person of great STRENGTH and CHARACTER...full of love and passion to share with the world!
And then embrace this moment right now and start trying to accept and love yourself despite your flaws. Don't wait to lose 5 lbs or 20 lbs, don't wait until the next big thing, don't wait to get the right outfit, or until you are a different age...embrace who you are right now! Emme, a plus-size model and spokeswoman for positive body image, wrote in her blog: "I know this to be true: no matter what kind of body we may have, it's up to us to embrace it, bless it, honor it, take care of it, and allow it to be uniquely beautiful, because a life in conflict with one's body is a life not fully lived nor fulfilled."
Comment below and share with us...How are you embracing yourself today, in this moment? What can you encourage or tell others to help them embrace themselves for who they are and what they look like today?
If you need help with embracing yourself just as you are, download TheHopeLine's eBook: Understanding Self-Worth.
Food...Whether you love it, have a love/hate relationship with it, or believe it is your enemy, the truth of the matter is that FOOD drives much of our life.
Food is obviously necessary for sustaining life, but beyond that, food, at its best, brings people together. Celebrations and social gatherings are often planned around food. Food can be a delicious, nutritious, fun part of life.
However, I've seen far too many times when food is turned into a weapon of self-destruction.
Eating Disorders affect over 24 million Americans and 90% of those are women between the ages of 12 and 25.
An eating disorder can take on many faces, but it whether it's someone addicted to food or someone trying to avoid it, all eating disorders center around an unhealthy obsession with food.
In the case of a binge-eater or food addict, they are often seeking emotional comfort in food. A person with compulsive overeating disorder will tend to be overweight, and is usually aware that their eating habits are abnormal. Their over-consumption of food is a way of coping with emotional stresses or covering up pain.
A person with bulimia will binge-eat but then feel guilty and try to compensate for their over-eating by purging or vomiting.
For someone with anorexia they will micro-manage every calorie ingested in an attempt to feel in control of something in their life, and, in an effort to stay thin. They usually have such a skewed perception of their body, thinking they are fat when they are anything but fat. Our culture does not help any either.
Seriously??? Fifty percent of girls would rather be stupid or dead??? And a 7 year old is worried about her weight? These studies frighten me. But I know it's true. The pressure to be perfect can be intense and insecurities can mount. It's like Erin said in a note she sent to TheHopeLine about the need to be perfect, "In 8th grade, I noticed how all of my friends had boyfriends and nice clothes and nice houses. And then I began to feel I wasn't good enough because no guys liked me and they liked my friends. So I decided since I wasn't perfect like my friends seemed to be, I would try everything to be perfect. I began to plan out a diet which soon turned into a dangerous eating disorder."
What was the one thing Erin could control? Her diet. So that's what she did to the point of danger. 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.
If you or someone you know is struggling to find freedom from an eating disorder and looking for a restored, healthy relationship with food, please seek counseling. It is not something you can just get over. Yet so many people don't get the help they need. Of the 24 million Americans that struggle with an eating disorder, only 1 in 10 of them actually receive treatment.
I know that going to counseling can be a hard step to take. I also know that so many people who get counseling are tempted to not open up and tell the whole truth. I hear it all the time...
Steph called into my radio show scared because she had just gone through a very bad break-up with her boyfriend. She knew that her coping mechanism was to starve herself and she was worried about where she was headed. She confessed that when she had been to counseling in the past she lied in order to get out of it. I had to get pretty blunt with her, telling her that no one could force feed her to keep her from dying. She had to decide if she was ready to get the help she needed.
Then I got a call from Mackenzie who also said she wasn't being open with her counselor. I would tell you the same thing I told her: You can't expect to get well if you are not telling the whole truth.
I can't stress this enough. HELP is available. You CAN get your relationship with food back on track. I believe you are strong enough to seek the counseling you need, especially with God's help! Please get help before it is too late.
We will get you started right here:
You can become infatuated with someone overnight. You can have your lusting desires filled instantly. But you can't build a deep, long-lasting relationship without investing a considerable amount of time into another person.
It takes patience, commitment and a rock-solid foundation that begins as a tried and tested friendship in order to get to a place of trust, respect, and mutual love with another person. It takes putting the other person first and letting go of your own selfish desires. This is why I encourage you to take the time to really get to know someone before you begin dating them. I promise you that discovering a meaningful relationship built on mutual respect and selfless love is worth the wait.
Many people don't have the patience to let a relationship develop. They want to rush into things, because being in a close relationship can feel like the ultimate high. Many times, people imagine a relationship to be better than it really is, just so they can feel in love, a sort of cloudy, fuzzy, state of giddiness that makes everything else in life seem small and boring in comparison.
Yet there is a danger of rushing in and adding sex to an undeveloped, uncommitted relationship. When sex is added too quickly, the natural progress of the relationship is thrown all out of whack. Sex is an act of completely giving yourself to another person and to be that vulnerable with someone before you really know them leads to anxiety and questions such as, is this relationship only based on sex or does he/she really love me? This can cause a cloud to hang over them, one that can often ruin their relationship.
How are you going to find a meaningful relationship? Just remember, real love involves a growing relationship, and any amount of growth takes time and attention. Not every relationship is worth the time. And if you take things slow you will discover this before you are in too deep.
My prayer is that you will find that relationship. Protect it for all its worth because it is worth it. Nurture the relationship, take care of it, and do things that will let you get to know each other. Let God be your foundation, and let love, rather than selfishness, be your guide.
For additional help with relationships, read my blog about Guarding your heart in dating relationships.
Shelby wrote to us and said, "Living with an anxiety disorder (and one as complex as mine) you just have to learn to keep your mouth shut and keep everything bottled up inside because the second you let it out, you're labeled as crazy or out of control. It was to the point that if I cried, people worried about me. I felt alone, pushed into a corner and hid by my family."
This breaks my heart...the fact that she thought she needed to keep her feelings locked inside for fear of being labeled and judged. I know that many people struggling with an anxiety disorder feel just like Shelby. But Shelby knew she couldn't just keep her mouth shut. She knew she needed to talk about her feelings, and thankfully she found TheHopeLine. She said, at TheHopeline no one is writing down anything or judging me on what i say, I just get to speak. (Click here to read more of Shelby's story)
Talking about your struggle with anxiety is important. Anxiety disorders are real and getting help is critical. Although it may feel like you are alone in this struggle, I want you to know that you are not. Statistics show that approximately 40 million Americans struggle with an anxiety disorder.
Regardless, I know there are still many mistaken ideas or stigmas surrounding anxiety disorders and these stigmas may keep you from seeking the help you need. Chris called into my radio show and shared this, "I started suffering from depression and I'm having anxiety problems now, and it caused me to lose my job. Now, my dad pretty much doesn't understand and he kind of disowned me over it and he's disappointed in me and I don't know how to make him understand what I'm going through."
I know it's hard when someone doesn't understand what you are going through, and if you've ever been told to just toughen up or snap out of it, I am sorry. But other people's misconceptions should not keep you from seeking the help that you need.
I also want to caution you about two things:
1.Don't let the stigma surrounding anxiety disorders create self-doubt and shame. Stigma doesn't just come from others. You may mistakenly believe that your condition is a sign of personal weakness or that you should be able to control it without help. When you think less of yourself because of your disorder and when you assume others will see you negatively because of your mental health, it's a self-induced shame.
2.Don't make excuses about getting the help you need. I talk to so many people struggling with anxiety and often when I encourage them to see a psychologist or a doctor or to consider medication, they respond with a lot of excuses. I say, Find a doctor. And they say Yeah, but...I say, there is a lot of options for medication. And they say, Yeah, but... I say, Find a support group. And they say, Yeah, but... I know it's hard, but don't fall into this trap. Be an overcomer rather than a victim. Take baby steps but DO something.
I encouraged Joy in this way when she called into the radio show. After offering Joy a number of options she said, "I don't know. I don't think anything will ever really help." But by the end of the call, she was committed to being an overcomer.
If you are struggling with anxiety, here are some things you should do:
If you don't know where to start seeking help, we've created a free eBook on Understanding Anxiety. Simply click this image for a free download.
I sat in the back of a fourth-grade classroom in Kenya and told God that if He gave me something meaningful and purposeful to do with my life, I wouldn't quit unless it was complete or He said it was time to quit. - Derek Snook, a Millennial
While living and working in Africa, Derek realized, "There was often a disconnect between those who wanted to help, those who really understood how to help and those on the receiving end." Having previously volunteered at the Star Gospel Mission, a men's homeless shelter, Derek decided to spend a year living at the shelter. The hardest part of his experience was being a day laborer. Day labor was one of the most miserable and demeaning things I've done Derek said.
Because of this life-changing and eye-opening experience, Derek Snook turned a problem into a passion. Derek started his own company to empower people to "Live Their Best Story." This is the mission of "In Every Story Labor Services."
Derek made many friends and gained a lot of wisdom while living at the Star Gospel Mission. The wisdom he gained is relevant and real. The following is an excerpt from a memoir he is writing:
"I learned a lot about what it really takes to survive while I lived at the Star Gospel Mission. For me, seeing the men at the mission really changed my perspective. It made me wonder why we think we need so much to survive, and helped me see the dysfunction of healthy wants becoming needs. It's not that I solved the problem, either, and I write this as one erring soul to another.
In general, I learned like most things in life, that less is more. I can answer the question What do you really need to survive? with simply, God. I can answer it by adding to God, food, water, shelter and clothing. Or I can add to that a vehicle, family, and house. Or I can add to that not just any vehicle but an SUV, not just any family but one with a hot wife and 2 well-behaved children (one boy and one girl, duh), and not just any house but a brick one in a nice neighborhood.
Or I can answer it simply, I need just as much as the people around me because the real issue is their approval. Or maybe just a little more than everybody around me because the real issue is I need to feel superior...This means the answer to what you need to survive actually changes depending on if you're born in the USA or Bangkok.
To be honest I feel like this question more pointedly attacks me because I've tried taking it by the horns and answering it for myself rather than simply keeping quiet, staying in line, and going with the flow. 'Thoughtless is the man who abandons his ideals, surrendering himself to the common fate,' says Autobiography of a Yogi. And so, daily this question hides behind a corner on my walk to work and tries to mug me. 'Put your hands up and give me all your joy!' it screams. Some days the question wins and makes me sad and depressed and I'm sure no girl will ever want to marry me and my future will end living in a van down by the river.
In general, I've accepted the tension between what I want and what I need and that there's a force out there trying to move healthy things from my want list to the need list, at which point they become chains. What I gained from the mission was not a clear understanding of a right or wrong answer but instead the insight it's a serious question my life is too short not to consider now. Rather than let other people tell me what I need to live I should have the courage to decide for myself. Because however, I answer the question, What do you really need to survive? will ultimately determine what I can accomplish with my life."
Want more? Watch Derek's TEDxCharleston talk here.
You can follow In Every Story on Facebook or check out their website here.
