How To Stop Lying

Lying is a Horribly Destructive Habit 

Any destructive habit leads to painful consequences. When we choose to lie, we choose to suffer. Think how much better off we’d be if we would stop lying and live in the truth. Listen to the words of Jennifer: "I was lied to my whole life by my mother…every day it was something new. After living with her for 14 years, I sometimes find myself exaggerating, and making up stories to seem cool. I don’t ever want to be like my mother, so how do I stop before I hurt my family, friends, and myself?"

Jennifer realizes lying can go from one generation to the next. One hurt person will then hurt another person because the curse of lying is not stopped.

Once we see how easy it can be to lie and to control what other people think about us, we start sliding down that slippery slope leading to a miserable, addicted place.

So, the most important question we can ask today is: How do we stop lying?

8 Practical Steps to Stop Lying

1. Admit you have a problem.

This is always the first, biggest, and most difficult step. Find someone you trust and tell them about your lying habit…no matter how big or small you think the problem is. The fact is you don’t want to lie anymore, but you can’t stop lying on your own. You need help to stay accountable. Megan said: "When I met the man who is now my husband, I knew I needed to work on [my lying] because I wanted/needed to be completely truthful with him. I told him that I wanted his help, and was amazed that he loved me enough to stick with me (even the few times I lied to him) and fight it out with me."

2. Remind yourself how lying messes up your life.

Lying destroys relationships and adds a tremendous burden to your life. Understanding that there will be consequences is a powerful deterrent in breaking the habit of lying. Phillip suffered the consequences of his lying in a big way: "I used to lie all the time, and I would normally end up getting caught in the end. It took me going to prison to find out that the truth is a much better way to go than to lie about everything. Take the time to think about what the consequences are going to be of what I say or are about to do?"

3. Try to figure out what pressured you to lie.

What were you trying to hide? What would have been a better way, to tell the truth? For example, all addicts feel they must lie to cover up their addiction. The more they cover up their addiction, the better they get at lying and deceiving. Almost every lie has a reason behind it. Wrong actions almost always lead to lies. The reason Hannah lies is to control people around her. That in itself can be an addiction. "I try not to lie but if I see someone that I like pulling away from me because they think I’m weird I’ll start telling lies to get me closer to them. I end up living this horrible lie."

4. Tell someone when you lie.

Admitting a lie can make a world of difference, and while it might hurt your pride, it’s far better than being a liar. Even better, confess to the person you lied to immediately and seek their forgiveness. This is humbling, but it will cause you to stop and think before you tell another lie. Someone once said Confession is good for the soul. And it is also good at helping us break bad habits.

It would also be wise to confess your lying before God. After all, He’s heard every lie you’ve ever told. And when you confess, you can also ask God to help you break the habit. The Bible promises God will always show us a way out:

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13.

God actually has a lot to say about lying in the Bible. Check out these Verses of Hope for Lying.

5. Be realistic about what you promise to others.

Deliberately broken promises are lies that lead to broken hearts. If you promise to do something and never intend to follow through, that is a lie. Additionally, many lies begin as a way to cover up the fact we can’t possibly do everything we promised we were going to do. Be honest about what you’re capable of doing, admitting to yourself and others your limitations, and you won’t feel a need to lie.

6. Talk to others about their expectations of you.

If you find yourself lying to cover up how you have fallen short of others expectations of you have a conversation with your parents, friends, or teachers in order to come to an agreement about what is reasonable for them to expect. Don’t sell yourself short. You may not be expecting enough of yourself, but an open discussion to get everyone on the same page is important.

7. Practice telling the truth.

When you start to feel the urge to lie, stop and think for a moment. Think about what the other person would feel about you if they knew you were lying. Think about how you would feel if people lied to you all the time. And then, as painful as it may seem, tell the truth. The more we tell others the truth, the easier it is to continue to do it. Lying is a bad habit. Telling the truth is a good habit. Work on breaking your bad habit by replacing it with a good one. Angel said: "It spreads like wildfire when someone is caught lying. Then when the person is actually telling the truth, no one will believe them because they have told so many lies. For the sake of your family, friends, and loved ones, always tell the truth even if you are afraid of the outcome!”

8. Commit to a life of honesty, at all costs.

Telling the truth might be horribly uncomfortable for you, but you’re starting to walk down a path of honesty and integrity, turning yourself into the person you desire to be. If you don’t know the answer to a question, don’t lie and make something up. Say, I don’t know. The freedom of the truth will be liberating.

Like any Addiction - It's Not Easy to Stop Lying...But Worth It.

Let’s be honest…it is going to be very difficult to stop lying. Claudia admitted: "I have learned that when you start lying it is hard to stop. It takes a lot of hard work and determination to get over a habit that has been a big part of your life."

However, as you wake up to the reality of what you’re saying and doing and put a stop to the lies you are telling, you will soon reap the benefits of living a peaceful life. I promise, if you put forth an effort to stop this toxic and destructive habit right now, you’ll be grateful forever.

Leave a comment below. I’d love to hear what you think are some of the rewards of being honest?

For more help to stop lying check out, Top Two Reasons You Should Stop Lying Plus How Liars Get Caught

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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297 comments on “How To Stop Lying”

  1. I am thirteen going to be fourteen in half a year and one month and i have the same problem .its like an addiction to me .I can't seem to stop and my parents , teachers and loved ones keep getting hurt . I know that it's bad to do it and I never feel good after i do it but i keep on doing it and i have know idea why it keeps on happening i hate when i have to lie but i also hate it when I might get into trouble even the slight thought of trouble scares me so i need help and i need advice please help me i really need it .

  2. I've lied pretty much most of my life and it hasn't really affected me until now. I've lost my girlfriend who I've been with for 4 years and planned to marry. Every single lie was unnecessary they wouldn't have caused any break up just maybe an awkward conversation and even as she caught me I continued to lie and she continued to forgive me I couldn't stop and I don't know why. All I had to do was tell her she gave me multiple chances to just tell her everything and I just didn't maybe I couldn't maybe I wasn't strong enough. I don't know what I was scared of but I see I have a problem and I want to change she meant the world to me and I just didn't stop. People say you never realize what you had until you lose it and I've never related to anything so much. I need help and I don't know how to change I just know I need to and that I'm determined to move forward life is about growth and I'll never grow until I realize a web of lies always ends with a plummet that sometimes you'll never bounce back from. Lies have brought nothing but pain and I can't live a life of constant pain anymore so I have to face it.

  3. I am a Liar and it has truly ruined my life. My husband will no longer believe me and has no trust in me. My husband asked why would someone who lies to them all the time. I really have nothing to say because I wouldnt either. It has been hard for me these past few days. Im telling the truth but I have no leg to stand on. It's frustrating me but I know that he is more frustrated than me. I know that I can only live day by day but he feels and sees the hurt from the past when he looks at me. I am losing my family and heading for a divorce that I don't want. I have giving my whole family pain that could have been avoided.

    1. I've been lied to and being on the receiving end hurts and has chipped away at our relationship. It's good you're admitting it but you need to take it further. Take responsibility for your actions rather than lie about them. The person on the receiving end may be hurt when you speak the truth but you won't lose the respect. Being hurt with honesty is one thing and it's very possible to move forward but being hurt, betrayed, and treated like a moron when lied to is insulting, degrading, in addition to hurtful.

      1. Parent. My child is now 18. Her lying has destroyed our entire family. She has gone beyond all normal lying , not to avoud cobsequences, but to get what she wants, to manipulate people or circumstances out if pure selfishness. My husband and I have lost our feelings of love for her, have no trust, and don't want to maintain a relationship. We simpky can't face the pain of her actions. She has told job altering, life changing, legal jeopardizing, and relationship, character, and integrity destroying lies. She does it to make herself look good to others, to get what she wants, and to keep other family members away, out of jealousy. Her own conscience is seared and she has no remorse. I beg you to stop lieing. It's a sin before God and u will lose your family and be alone. U will not have love because that has to be built on trust. U will kill people. My husband and I have not seen our 4 grandchildren fir 2 years due to lies, have essentially buried another daughter, grandkids, and the Liar. We have no reason to live. Its a grievous sin because Satan is the Father if lies. People will forgive the truth. Just tell it.

  4. I always lie. I lie about my life and I lied to my bestfriends. Now my bestfriend is in love with someone who I made up so I tried ending it by telling her [the guy] was involved in an accident, or that he doesn't want anything to do to me anymore, etc. But I can't seem to stop and tell her the truth. I have much more ridiculous lies that sound like a made up story but she naively believe that everything coming out from my mouth is true. And now, she's the only person who I keep lying to so that she won't feel upset. What should I do?

    1. She isn't naïve. She trusts you. TELL HER THE TRUTH. You put yourself in this position and you need to own up to it. It will be your friend's choice to forgive you or sever the friendship. Stop being selfish thinking only about yourself. You're not protecting her. You're betraying her.

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