Sometimes friends are able to see if you’re doing something stupid, such as getting rid of what they think is a really good girlfriend.
Should Friends Control Your Relationships?
I’m excited about the many questions you continue to ask me about the opposite sex. As you learn more and more about what makes a healthy relationship, and positive ways to address conflict, life will be so much more about love and understanding, rather than about hurt, confusion and drama. That’s my goal with these blogs. Here’s another amazing question.
John asked: I’m going out with a girl right now, but I like another girl. My girlfriend suspects me, and everyone says that a lot of people will get mad with me if I break up with her. What do I do?
DAWSON: This is partly a question about how to break-up with your girlfriend. But it also sounds like you are trying to deal with your true emotions in an honest way, and not let other people tell you what to do. Sometimes friends are able to see if you’re doing something stupidlike getting rid of what they think is a really good girlfriend. Other times, they have their own selfish reasons for you to stay in a certain relationship. It’s good to listen to, and weigh the advice other people tell you. Find out why they want you to stay together with your girlfriend. They might have really good reasons, or they might not.
You might feel like you’re trapped in your current relationship, and you’re wondering if there’s anything there worth holding onto. You should communicate with your current girlfriend about what you’re feeling, instead of ignoring her, while you fantasize about this new girl. Honesty is always the best policy.
I have to say, though, that just because you found a better girl who you are starting to like, doesn’t automatically mean it’s okay to dump your current girlfriend. A huge part of being in a dating relationship is commitment. You need to be careful what kind of reputation you could develop if you start going from one girl to the next. You’ll soon find most girls won’t bother to trust you with much of anything. Communicate with your current girlfriend, talk to friends you can trust, and strive to be the most committed, trustworthy boyfriend you can possibly be. After you’ve made your decision, hold your head high. Only you can answer for you.
QUESTION #40) Elizabeth asked: When we first got together, my boyfriend told me he would never make comments about how attractive other women are, as he felt that was disrespectful. However, over the past year he constantly makes remarks such as, I’d do her’ or She’s hot.’ Why does he do it? And what can I do to get him to stop?
If he doesn’t seem interested in changing, he’s really saying his relationship with you isn’t all that important to him.
DAWSON: Your boyfriend was right about how disrespectful it is to make comments about other women, especially around you. It’s one thing to innocently comment about how attractive another person is, but it’s completely inappropriate to say things he’d like to do sexually with another person. It’s the height of disrespect. Your boyfriend is immature, at best. And a would-be player, at worst. Imagine if you were enjoying a great dinner with your boyfriend and you couldn’t help but stare at another person eating at another table, and then you said, I sure wish I was eating dinner at that table, instead of with you!That’s basically what he’s saying to you.
This should be a trust and respect issue with you. Has he given you any other signs he is not trustworthy? If nothing else, your boyfriend needs to learn how to respect you better.
Be very clear with him about how serious of an issue this is. Give him a chance to work on it. If he shows he’s sorry and wanting to work on his problem, then you should be patient with him. If he doesn’t seem interested in changing, he’s really saying his relationship with you isn’t all that important to him, and it’s probably time for you to move on.
Please send me the question you have about the opposite sex in the comment section below. You’ll find a lot of great questions and answers on the main blog page, so check that out, as well. I look forward to hearing from you.