Let's Talk About Cheating

Do You Want to Talk About Cheating?

Cheating can be an emotional topic, but it is good to talk about cheating openly in order to find the truth about it even if it is hard to face.  So, I want to look at two hard issues connected to cheating that I have talked to countless people about over the years.

It gets Harder to Press the Reset Button

Many people who have been hurt or cheated on many times in past relationships find that they now have a hard time simply pressing the reset button and starting over. They began with some idealistic notions about romance but eventually grew very discouraged and cynical about relationships and are losing hope. 

Take these comments for example:

Michelle wrote: Suggestions for finding the right guy? I don't think there are any. The right guys always seem to hurt you at some point. girls are better off waiting til they're older and making a living for themselves. i just dont believe there is a good enough guy, anywhere.

Crystal wrote: Life is so complicated. You spend more time trying to figure out where the previous relationship went wrong that you give up hope that you are meant to be with anyone.

Dave wrote: It's been three years now, and I still have trouble trusting women.

SW wrote: There's no hope for us, relationships will almost always fail, and believe me, i still haven't accepted this yet because it still scares me. I HOPE I'm not right about this.


Just like many people who have lost a lot of money on bad investments are terrified of making new investment decisions, people who have been through several bad relationships are scared to jump back in. They are both said to be snake-bit.  People who have had a bad experience or two in relationships understand something that novice GFs/BFs don't yet know... relationships are not without risk. In other words, if you are not very careful about how much of your heart and emotions to invest in a relationship, you could get really hurt. Do that enough times, and you too can get snake-bit. I'm not saying you should give up; I'm just encouraging you to take it slow. Don't give your heart away too soon.

Related Posts:
How To Find A Meaningful Relationship
4 Ways To Avoid Heartbreak
Sex And Father Hunger
8 Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy

From Attraction...to Sex...to Boredom

It is remarkable how quickly some relationships go from the thrill of something new, to jumping in bed together, to talking about forever, to boredom, to talk about cheating, and eventually to break up.

Jeremy wrote:Why do guys cheat on their girlfriends? Boredom and things get stale. Guys see it as an excuse to look for something exciting to add that thrill back.

Briana wrote: Why do guys cheat? I think guys get bored easily. They want something new and fresh...And a new girl is new and fresh to them!

Anonymous wrote: I think guys cheat on their girlfriends because they get tired of kissing or having sex with the same chick. Especially when they are younger guys.


There is a thing called the Law of Diminishing Return. Put simply, every time you go a little further physically with your BF/GF what you did before gets less and less thrilling.  To continue getting that same thrill, you have to go a little farther. But then after you've gone all the way, what else is there to do? If you want a relationship to last and not end up in boredom and cheating, don't go too fast! You need to take time along the way to base your relationship on more than just sex. So, take it slow.

Contrary to popular belief, sex doesn't keep a BF/GF; in fact, it often condemns the relationship to failure. There is deep sense of satisfaction and contentment in old friendships. Because you go way back and have a lot of good history together, you just feel comfortable and relaxed with each other. Nothing special needs to be happening, you just enjoy hanging out together. Relationships based on the thrill of sex or making out are just the opposite.

You get bored with each other after a while, there is no place farther to go, and someone begins looking for something new to get that thrill again.

For more on what to do if you have been cheated on or if you were the cheater, check out TheHopeLine's free eBook: Understanding Cheating.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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4 comments on “Let's Talk About Cheating”

  1. I slept with someone and at the time I did not know he was married and have a little boy. After I knew he was married I still didn’t care and continued to sleep with him. But after a while I saw him have an affection for another women and I confronted him he said he would never do it and was blaming me for thinking of him like that and we kind of ended our thing .since we worked together we kind of were not over each other and we get back at it again but for a brief time this time and we were still working together. After a few months I don’t know what came to me so I asked him I want him back but he said I am a good person and he doesn’t want to hire me and he didn’t want me to feel like he was using me just for sex and he said no he won’t do it. I said ok but then I found out that the affection he had for the woman that made us fight in the first place, he was sleeping with her now. I don’t know if he was sleeping with her when he was with me but I know for sure he is sleeping with her now I got so mad the fact that he lied to me and is sleeping with her. And now out of revenge I just sparked our relationship back and I asked him if he wanted to sleep with me and I keep sending him half naked pictures to bring him back to me and he said yes. I know I am not doing the right thing but I just want to get revenge on him I just don’t know how. Sometimes I just want to tell his wife what type of man she is married to and I don’t think he is ever going to stop . I just am very mad but I should have known he is a player I know I am better that this I just want to do the right thing I think of telling his wife very much cause I don’t know if this was happening to me but I don’t know how

  2. I've been on a relationship with my partner for 20 years and only recto found out he had slept with one of our friends while I was in hospital and also went back to her house for another session not long after
    I got through that but then more recently I found out that he had cheated on me right at the beginning of our relationship and later on with another of our friends
    He just used to pop round to her house on the off chance they could get it on
    What should I do
    He obviously doesn't worry about hurting me but he really didn't think I would find out
    He's hit me and treated me awful and has made me feel like I don't have the strength to cope on my own
    But I know I will have to

  3. After two years of loving a man i thought was the one. Chose to stop seeing me to be with another woman. Prior to him, i hadnt loved a man in eight years. I was content before i allowed this man in my life. Then after time invested, i ended up with a broken heart that causes me pain daily. Having to reinvent my life behind this. It hurts more now, because he blocked number, he doesnt call me or text me. I guess i ultimately didnt mean nothing to him. Rude awakening.

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