Do You Want To Talk About Cheating?
Cheating can be an emotional topic, but it is good to talk about cheating openly in order to find the truth about it even if it is hard to face. So I want to look at two hard issues connected to cheating that I have talked to countless people about over the years.
It gets Harder to Press the Reset Button
Many people who have been hurt or cheated on many times in past relationships find that they now have a hard time simply pressing the reset button and starting over. They began with some idealistic notions about romance but eventually grew very discouraged and cynical about relationships and are losing hope. Take these comments for example:
Michelle wrote: Suggestions for finding the right guy? I don’t think there are any. The right guys always seem to hurt you at some point. girls are better off waiting til they’re older and making a living for themselves. i just dont believe there is a good enough guy, anywhere.
Crystal wrote: Life is so complicated. You spend more time trying to figure out where the previous relationship went wrong that you give up hope that you are meant to be with anyone.
Dave wrote: It’s been three years now, and I still have trouble trusting women.
SW wrote: There’s no hope for us, relationships will almost always fail, and believe me, i still haven’t accepted this yet because it still scares me. I HOPE I’m not right about this.
Just like many people who have lost a lot money on bad investments are terrified of making new investment decisions, people who have been through several bad relationships are scared to jump back in. They are both said to be snake-bit. People who have had a bad experience or two in relationships understand something that novice GFs/BFs don’t yet know… relationships are not without risk. In other words, if you are not very careful about how much of your heart and emotions to invest in a relationship, you could get really hurt. Do that enough times, and you too can get snake-bit. I’m not saying you should give up, I’m just encouraging you to take it slow. Don’t give your heart away too soon.
From Attraction…to Sex…to Boredom
It is remarkable how quickly some relationships go from the thrill of something new, to jumping in bed together, to talking about forever, to boredom, to talk about cheating, and eventually to break up.
Jeremy wrote:Why do guys cheat on their girlfriends? Boredom and things get stale. Guys see it as an excuse to look for something exciting to add that thrill back.
Briana wrote: Why do guys cheat? I think guys get bored easily. They want something new and fresh…And a new girl is new and fresh to them!
Anonymous wrote: I think guys cheat on there girlfriends because they get tired of kissing, or having sex with the same chick. Especially when they are younger guys.
There is a thing called the Law of Diminishing Return. Put simply, every time you go a little further physically with your BF/GF what you did before gets less and less thrilling. To continue getting that same thrill, you have to go a little farther. But then after you’ve gone all the way, what else is there to do? If you want a relationship to last and not end up in boredom and cheating, don’t go too fast! You need to take time along the way to base your relationship on more than just sex. So take it slow.
Contrary to popular belief, sex doesn’t keep a BF/GF; in fact, it often condemns the relationship to failure. There is deep sense of satisfaction and contentment in old friendships. Because you go way back and have a lot of good history together, you just feel comfortable and relaxed with each other. Nothing special needs to be happening, you just enjoy hanging out together. Relationships based on the thrill of sex or making out are just the opposite.
You get bored with each other after a while, there is no place farther to go, and someone begins looking for something new to get that thrill again.
For more on what to do if you have been cheated on or if you were the cheater, check out TheHopeLine’s free eBook: Understanding Cheating.