Did Your Guy Cheat? Why?
When employees leave a company, the common practice is to conduct an exit interview. That is where the Director of Human Resources (HR) meets with the departing employee and questions about them why they are leaving. They talk about their job description, their working environment, and what they really think about their boss. They also want to know what the company could have done better to keep them. The HR director might even try to persuade them to stay or to come back if things don't work out with the new job. The objective for the company is to help them do a better job of recruiting and retaining good employees. If, however, an employee is caught stealing (or cheating), security guards usually escort them out of the building and the exit interview never happens.
Most dating relationships do not end with constructive exit interviews, especially if it ends by one person cheating on the other. If you did have that kind of meeting, your objective would be the same...to learn how to find and keep a better boyfriend (BF). So here is a little mental exercise an imaginary exit interview with you, your ex-boyfriend, and the human resource director in charge of finding your next BF.
Exit Interview Questions to Ask Yourself
1. Describe how and why your relationship began with this cheating ex-boyfriend. What attracted you most to one another?
2. Were you or was he rebounding from another relationship? How and why did those relationships end?
3. What were you initially looking for in the relationship with the BF who cheated on you? Love, companionship, sex, marriage, popularity, interesting conversations, getting back at your previous ex-boyfriend, getting out of the house, getting back at your parents/guardians, something to do on the weekends?
4. What do you think your ex-boyfriend was looking for?
5. Were there outside pressures weighing on you before and during the relationship? Peer pressure to have a boyfriend, pressure from friends, feeling left out of your group, etc.
6. How deeply did the relationship go beyond physical attraction?
If you answer the imaginary exit interview questions in all honesty, then you probably already know why the relationship didn't last. Being completely honest and straightforward (even with ourselves) is not as easy or as common as you might think.
Take An Honest Evaluation of Yourself
People spend as much or more time lying to themselves about their true intentions as they do lie to others. Have you ever listened to someone rant and rave about a person or a situation? And the more you listened, the more you realized that they were completely out of touch with what really happened. They were so wound up about being hurt, disappointed, or embarrassed that they just could not take an honest look at themselves.
Jen wrote: You know, this is one of those things that is quite difficult to answer, as to be honest, whoever knows why people do the things they do. There are many different opinions on why men and women cheat. To me, there are just way too many reasons to know what the real "why" is or maybe. As for me, I often still find myself wondering what the answers are. I'll admit, relationships confuse me to this very day! Every relationship I have been in, something bad has always happened... In the end, relationships are hard, and cheating occurs for answers I wish I knew. I have yet to figure this out. And I have yet to figure "me" out. Maybe that's the answer? I don't know.
Other people (perhaps, like Jen) seem to be quite sincere, but just have not been able to dig down deep enough to pull out the answers. Being able to look at yourself with no-holding-back honesty is a pretty important part of learning from what has happened to you.
More Thoughts on Cheating
Cristy wrote: I'm 15. i was recently cheated on and don't know what to do...he begs for me back and i was about to when i saw him again... he knew this. yet he got back with his other ex, ****** her, then they broke up and he still wanted me back... i just don't know what to do and i feel so lost... i really trusted him and he doesn't understand.... i think i am done but i love him...
badboyloveshugs wrote:(Why do guys cheat on their girlfriends? It is because) he is allowed to do so by girlfriends who keep taking him back.
Just because you were cheated on and just because it hurt really bad, doesn't necessarily mean you are going to learn anything from that experience. How do I know that? Because girls who have been cheated on often go back their cheating BFs, or they find a new BF who does the very same thing.
The questions above help you take a long hard look inside. That kind of honest look at yourself is going to make you a wiser, deeper person, and one who is going to attract some great guys.