Archives for November 2015

How Lying Hurts You

by Dawson McAllister

My blogs about of lying have generated a tremendous response. It seems everyone has been affected one way or the other by lies. Everyone agrees lying is a destructive habit that hurts you and everyone around you. This week, I want to talk about the powerful and damaging effects of lying. So how does lying hurt all of us?

Everyone agrees that lying hurts you and everyone around you.

Lying Destroys Relationships

If you’ve ever been lied to, you know how difficult it can be to ever trust that person again. You can’t help but wonder why a friend or family member would treat you so poorly. I received a comment from Brooke, who said:My dad lies to us (my brothers and I) about going out to bars and drinking. He doesn’t think we will find out but he is always wrong! I tell him how much it hurts us each time he does lie but he just keeps on lying. The worst lie he has told me was that he was with my brother and not at the barbut I was with my brother.

When you lie, even if you think others will never find out, you will almost certainly create a barrier of hurt in your relationship. Rebecca said: I am a single mom of a teenage daughter. Her continuous lies have created a huge barrier in our relationship. I always catch her in lies and it hurts. The lying escalated to sneaking around doing things with friends I don’t approve of and that hurts.

Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it’s nearly impossible to regain trust. This has been Ally’s experience. She said:Once someone has lied to you, it somehow always happens again.

Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it’s nearly impossible to regain trust.

Jessie said: When I was little, I told lies all the time, and never felt guilty about them. But then something happened that I needed to tell someone about, and nobody believed me. My early lying paved the way for years of heartache. Now, I never lie. Ever. It’s just not worth it. When you need the trust of others that you’ve lost, it’s the worst feeling in the world.

So what do you want your relationships to be based on? Lies that you tell, in order to protect yourself, or to avoid conflict? Or do you want relationships to be based on a commitment to honesty and integrity, regardless of the hard times? It’s up to you to decide.

When you lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go.

Lying Destroys You with its Vicious Cycle

When you continue to lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go. It is a relationship destroyer that ends up destroying you.

A fellow blogger wrote to me about his problem with lying: I have a lying problem and it has been causing issues ever since I was a little kid. The worst part is how I have to constantly break ties with people so I won’t get caught in the lies I’ve told. So time and time again I find myself all alone, with no friends and a lot of places I have to avoid. And I can’t even blame anybody else because it’s my fault for telling those lies in the first place and then not being able to face up to them.

Lying destroys us because it takes us into a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to get free from. Once you tell a lie, you usually have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and you feel even worse. Steven H. said: Lies grow, they never stand alone, they need more lies to support the first lie. So, if you don’t fess up immediately…it grows like a cancer. It cannot be stopped.

Whitney said: “For me lying is like a drug, an addiction. I have become used to lying – it comes out without me even thinking or realizing I am doing it. To me, lying is so bad I sometimes think I’m lying to myself.”

It’s time for you to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of your life.

People who are trapped in a cycle of lying become controlled by fear – a fear of not only being found out as a liar, but also having the truth uncovered about themselves. Jordan said: “I’ve lied to my parents a lot. The know almost nothing about me, except for who I pretend to be. I wish I could clear the air with them but I know they wouldn’t accept the true me, so instead I lie to please them. I wish I had told the truth.”Jordan fails to understand that he can clear the air with his parents and have the freedom of walking in the truth.

It all comes down to this: Lying comes with a huge cost – it destroys lives. Relationships will crumble and people will refuse to trust you. But the person most hurt by your lying is you. It’s time for all of us to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of our lives. Are you up for it?

For more information and help, click the link below to download TheHopeLine® eBook, “Understanding Lying.”

Survivor of Suicide Loss

“We all know that when we physically lose people we love, that part of them is never lost because they are always in our hearts.

But for me, there are times like this morning, when the giant hole in my heart seems to get bigger and bigger. As the teardrops continue to fall and enlarge the hole, it feels like you get farther and farther away…

And that unbearable feeling, of your seeming to get farther and farther away, the feeling of losing touch with what is in my heart, restarts the cycle.”

-Mel

Mel is a suicide survivor. She has survived the loss of her son. He died by suicide.

His name is Alec. He was 25 years old and shot himself on 2/10/14. He was an Airforce Reserve Airman and a phlebotomist and worked in a hospital lab. You can tell by talking to Mel how much she loved her son. He was successful and had a lot of friends but Mel started to see over time that there was something broken in Alec. One bad choice led to another. He wouldn’t listen to anyone. He wouldn’t talk to anyone. His brother said one time, that his biggest problem was that Alec thought he was smarter than everyone else. This translated into him not wanting to go to anyone to ask for help. His mom says: “he was too stubborn to ever let anyone help him with anything and his foot was stuck in the ‘alcohol door’ which had many resulting consequences. He was muddling along with the emotional support of a girlfriend and when she broke up with him, it was the last straw for him “ he just gave up.

The one thing that really keeps Mel going is that she saw her son give his life to the Lord at an Acquire the Fire event. It’s encouraging for her to know that one day she will see her son again because she knows that God keeps His promises. God promises that if we give our life to him and ask Him to be our savior and forgive us of our sins then He will, and that’s all it takes to get to heaven. Mel says: “For those few that take the heartbreaking path that Alex went on, at least they had the opportunity to know the Lord.”

Like so many others, Alec probably had no idea of how many lives he had touched and how many people loved him. On the Facebook page set up in his memory, there are so many stories about his sense of humor, how he was always smiling, joking, laughing. And how he encouraged and helped so many people in his life. Here are just a few of the comments taken from Facebook:

It’s hard to fathom that you’re no longer with us. It feels like yesterday we were passing notes and sneaking out of our houses to meet each other In the middle of the night…I hated walking back home in the dark by myself. You would walk me back so I wasn’t scared or the nights where you would knock on my window scaring the hell out of me. lol. I will never forget those bus rides home after soccer games. You were my seat/snack partner. You were my first love and will always have a place in my heart.

Rest In Paradise brother. Very very sad and upset that you’re gone. I remember I could talk to Alec about anything. He always used to check up on me in Jacksonville from time to time. Obviously I fell short somewhere. I just wish there was a way that I could say one last word, have one last conversation, one last look at that genuine human being god placed on this earth to share smiles and love… I am going to miss Alec a lot.

Alec probably never knew the immense effect he had on me. When I was a painfully shy, self-conscious high schooler, Alec’s genuine kindness and sweet smile went such a long way. We weren’t considered “great” friends, nor did he ever know the crazy crush I had on him.throughout our high school years, but his smile will always shine bright in my mind. Gone too soon, you are clearly missed so so much. Rest easy, sweet boy.

If you are a survivor of suicide loss….

you have been through a traumatic experience of losing a loved one to suicide. This will be something that will stay with you forever. Suicide can be very different than losing a family member in a different way other than to suicide. There are feelings and emotions that can be unique to losing someone to suicide:

Guilt “ You may feel as if you could have stopped the suicide.

Stigma “ Society still attaches a stigma to suicide.

Anger “ You may feel anger towards the person you lost, as they are also the murderer of the person you loved.

Disconnection “ You may feel disconnected from the person you lost and their memories because they made a choice to end their life.

The American Association of Suicidology has a handbook for Survivors of Suicide: Download it here. You can find out: how to explain suicide to children, the stages of grief, about battling guilt, acceptance, moving on, ways to get support and more.

Also, you can read stories from people like you, who have survived suicide loss: THEIR STORIES HERE. (Posted by the Survivors of Suicide Loss Group.)

And you can check out Survivor Day Documentaries, posted on the 2015 International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day website, which is a program of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

If you want to understand more about suicide or if you are having suicidal thoughts, download our free eBook.

Don’t Keep Quiet If You Are Feeling Suicidal

My story starts off on August 17th, 2015….

On August 17th 2015, I attempted to take my life by crashing a car into a pole driving 85 mph. All the problems I had in my life were adding up and I thought to myself…what’s the point? I have no future. My ex of 2 years ago is ruining my life because of one choice I made and the girl who had always been by my side left me and that devastated me. I thought nobody will ever love me like she did.

I sent her a pic of me crying then I went out to my car and I called my best friend and I told him, “I can’t do it anymore…I’m done.” He said, “What happened?” I said, “The stuff with my ex and she left me…I’m going to do it!!” And he said, “Do what?” I said, “Speed…I’m going to drive 140 mph into a pole,” and I did exactly that. A lady watched me roll my car, she watched me hit the pole, right now I’m in the process of finding her to thank her for calling 911. I also was assumed and pronounced dead on scene. My ex was going to the store and she looked down the road and saw my car rolled over, and she’s the one who got the phone call.

After that incident, I feel more positive about life. My message is: Don’t keep quiet if your going to hurt yourself or others…please speak up. If you are feeling suicidal then talk to someone, don’t keep quiet about it. There is someone out there who will listen to you.

John

For information on what to do if you are having suicidal thoughts or if you know someone who is considering suicide, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Suicide.

Tell Your Story (Video)

Tell Your Story – Spoken Word – (Video) By Jon Jorgenson

In “Tell Your Story”, Jon says: “I did everything I could to hide the life I was really leading….to make sure that nobody knew and I was succeeding.” Then by eventually telling his story, he gave others permission to speak and tell their stories. No one is perfect. No one is free from sin and mistakes.

Jon continues to say, “Everyone has a secret that needs to be spoken. Everyone has a silence that needs to be broken. Someone has to be brave enough to share their walk.”

Do you want to tell your story? Has your life been tough? Have you walked through some difficult things? Have you learned something that you think could help another? If this is you, then you can be a part of helping others if you tell your story.

Be encouraged and learn from others’ stories and tell your story on TheHopeLine’s “STORIES” PAGE!

View more videos from Jon Jorgenson and The Anima Series: HERE.

Why You Should Think Twice Before You “Netflix & Chill”

Why “Netflix & chill” sells us short…

Guest blog written by Carson Case, a young guy who is faithfully pursuing God. He believes that every person matters. “You just need to take the time to listen and understand where they’re coming from.”

This phrase, “Netflix & chill” has become the one-liner for the past couple years. Lately, it’s the late night text or tweet that you’ll get from someone who doesn’t want you, they just want something from you. Now before I dive in, I’m not trying to call someone out. I just want our generation to realize what we are missing out on. We weren’t made for this. The phrase “Netflix & chill” is so much deeper than just those words. It signifies settling for something “average,” taking the easy way out, being cheap, and lacking confidence and respect. These days, most guys get away with using this phrase to lure a girl into an uncomfortable situation. Hey, I’m just being real. It’s the truth, but it’s an evil truth. God didn’t create a young man to pursue and “love” in a way that defies Himself or cheapens the worth of a young girl. Pursuit was meant to be true and right.

A first date or first text that says, “Netflix & chill?” isn’t a real first date people. [Tweet This!]. We were meant for more.

I realize that not everyone who begins texting and talking will end up seriously dating, but if you begin any sort of “relationship idea” with this phrase, chances are that’s all it’s going to be. I want ladies to listen up on that. I’ve made crucial mistakes in my past, been in positions that defy God, yet as a young man, that’s why I’ve learned the importance of seizing God’s best. The world pushes us to be cheap and lazy, instead of taking a girl out on a date. Simply put, Netflix in your bedroom isn’t a date. Let’s be honest. I believe as a generation of young men that it is time to kill this “cheap” vibe, and pursue in a respectful manner. Ladies, don’t fall for tricks. As men, we are tricky. We have this thing called the sinful nature in us. This nature (“beastly” for lack of a better word) wants to take over at times and misuse you. As real men, we seek God and His ways so as to lead you rightly and respectfully. Men, let’s lead like this.

Don’t live for less than what God is calling you to. [Tweet This!]

Picture it this way: “Netflix & chill” is like a ring you get out of a vending machine at the store. It’s plastic, cool at first site, then hours later you throw it away because it is cheap and truly sucks. Am I dogging on Netflix? No, I freaking love Netflix, it’s just the symbolism here.

On the other hand, going out on a real date, talking in person and not texting, that’s like a real diamond. It’s the real deal. It’s not cheap, and at the end of the day, we will all take a diamond ring over a plastic ring (unless you’re just real dumb). The point I want to make clear is that sitting down and having some popcorn while turning on some Netflix is not a bad thing. It’s just not first date status, probably not the next couple dates either (tips for you guys). It’s not the real deal.

Ladies, if that’s the first text you get when he wants to hang out, RUN. It’s not the real thing.

Get to know someone through real communication and real time spent together. [Tweet this!]

Our world lacks that don’t you think? Everyone has to be on their cell phone at all times, and dates aren’t even a thing. I believe we can change that if we focus on what’s true, not what is easy. Genuine time together doesn’t happen when you lock yourself in a room together. We all know what happens in that situation, and truth is…building a relationship on the physical will not last…EVER. Don’t test it. I promise God won’t lie to you. Let’s not be sucked into the culture our generation has produced. I love this generation, but I want to see growth and change..I’m sure you do too. You only settle for the plastic ring when you choose “Netflix & chill.” It won’t produce good results, and God surely has something better for you.

Three final things to remember:

Netflix is cool, just make sure you don’t abuse it just to get in bed with someone.
We need more authentic men. Pursue a girl’s heart with real love and communication.
Don’t fall for the cheap stuff ladies. I’m not talking about money because you don’t have to have an expensive date to show some love (I’m a broke college student). I’m saying, don’t give into an immature guy’s tricks. It isn’t worth it.

Thanks for reading. Don’t settle for the cheap stuff.

Carson Case

Read more from Carson at his blog: Live Fearlessly. And follow Carson on Instagram and Twitter.