I have heard a lot of words used to describe PTSD: “tragic”, “heartbreaking”, “scary”, “pitiful”. The more I heard them, the more I believed those words. The more I used them about myself. I can’t tell you how many times I have said, “I ‘suffer’ from PTSD.”
But the more I thought about it, the less I feel like I am suffering. The less those words remotely speak for me. However, I feel it is necessary to add that I certainly can not and will not speak for everyone who has PTSD. I can only speak for me.
Mirriam Webster defines suffering as, “pain that is caused by injury, illness, loss, etc. Physical, mental, or emotional pain, sufferings: feelings of pain.” Something about that definition doesn’t sit well with me. Maybe it’s the way people apply the word suffering to someone with PTSD. The media makes me feel like because I have PTSD, I should be sitting in a corner drooling on myself. Or that anyone with PTSD is a danger to society.
I am also keenly aware that when PTSD is at its worst, it feels like you are being eaten alive from the inside out.
Although that certainly fits the definition of suffering, the reason I don’t like to say that I am suffering is because my PTSD is more emotionally based and I have learned that, although they are painful, my emotions won’t kill me. Only my actions would.
This is a personal decision I have made: to avoid using the term suffering. There may be thousands of other veterans that feel differently than I do. Shouldn’t that be the point? That we all have our own stories? Our own way we choose to describe who we are? Not someone else.
The most important part of PTSD is that each person’s traumatic events are different, so each person will react differently in any given situation.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be difficult and exhausting. Some people experience mood swings, feelings of heightened anxiety or panic, or flashbacks to traumatic events that make them feel like they're reliving them. As a result of these difficult and often unexpected symptoms, some people feel isolated or lonely.
Here is an example of my PTSD in a nutshell:
A couple of weeks ago I drove the kids to school. I traveled on the same road that I drive each day and passed the same houses and many of the same people doing their morning routine. But last Friday I noticed something. A box that had been upright and open on the side of the road all week was different. It had been rotated, and the lid was closed.
My brain immediately told me that someone had placed an empty box there and conditioned everyone to get used to seeing it as they travel their usual route. It’s a typical technique used by people who emplace explosives on the side of the roads.
And it is crazy-making.
In my head, I had several options at that point:
1. Stop the car and both lanes of traffic and walk around to see if there are any wires or people hiding in the bushes.
2. Swerve to the other lane, but then I ran the risk of swerving from a decoy explosive (the box) and getting blown up by the real explosive on the other side of the road. (The one that certainly had to be there—somewhere).
3. Try to snap out of it and realize I am not in Iraq. Or Afghanistan.
It all happened so quickly. So I chose to breathe deeply, grip the steering wheel and continue driving. Nothing happened as I passed the box.
But the PTSD inside me was triggered.
I felt it building. I could taste an acrid bitterness in the back of my mouth. I felt the constant tingling in the back of my head and the tense feelings in my continuously balled fists. I felt hate in the bottom of my throat.
I hated lots of things – boxes, people, cell phones, cars.
But I still wasn’t suffering. I was living through a trigger and looking for a way to process the rage.
The week following the “box” incident consisted of 3 hours of sleep each night, nightmares, anger towards anyone around me, and sudden urges to break things. All of those things eventually subsided.
And I know I will start the cycle over again at some point.
There are times when I don’t feel like I belong in certain places and days when I am scared to be in public.
But there are also times when I am perfectly content with everything in my life.
I see my PTSD as more of a unique problem that I have to deal with, but it’s not actually killing me so I won’t say that I am suffering. The dictionary definition definitely applies to me, but my main point is that I don’t like for anyone but me to tell me how I feel. Rather than applying a cookie cutter formula to any veteran with PTSD (PTSD=suffering), perhaps a simple solution would be to ask each individual how he feels about his unique story. His triggers. Then, give him the space to be honest about that.
-David Seligman
PTSD and Suffering – David Seligman, guest blog writer for Centerstone Military Services, shares his experience having PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and how he has come to the conclusion that he doesn’t like to say he is suffering.
Centerstone Military Services offers services to active-duty military, veterans and their loved ones. Confidential services include face-to-face counseling, couples and family counseling, therapeutic retreats, housing assistance, employment counseling,
homelessness prevention and other online resources (forums and workshops).
Want to learn more? Visit our PTSD topic page for blogs, podcasts, eBooks, and more to answer your questions about PTSD.
We grew up away from other people, out in the country. My Mom was as religious as she was irrational, and the two don't mix. She once grounded me for a week for putting the soap on the wrong side of the sink. She used to pit my brother and I against each other. Dad didn't really see the damage, and he may never see it. We grew up so isolated, only interacting at school. I never had people over or went over to peoples houses that weren't my mom's friends, and she was always present. In a small town, you don't have much of a window of opportunity to make close friends, and I missed that deadline. I was always just alone. And I thought it was normal.
Related Posts:
Video: Musician Chris Mora's Struggle With Depression
Mental Illness is not Mental Weakness
How To Stay Clean
How TheHopeLine® Saved My Life
In 2008, the depression hit pretty bad. I was never close to anybody, even girlfriends and teammates. My voice was always drowned out, interrupted, and ignored.
I always seemed happy and energetic on the outside, but no one knew what was going on.
Since 2008, I wake up every morning...angry I made it through the night. Suicide is always on my mind. The years of drug abuse and cheap thrills coupled with the depression led to some wildly irrational behavior.
In 2010, I put a single bullet into a revolver, spun the chamber, put it to my temple and pulled the trigger. I never told anyone, I just put the gun back and went to school. It got better after a while, and I did fairly well in school somehow.
Now that I'm almost done with my engineering degree, the stress is building up. The happiness started to fade away as I barely am able to keep up with the homework and tests. After drinking myself into an acute case of pancreatitis (and almost dying), I no longer have friends or people to talk to, since all my friends were drunks. I turned to more drugs.
I almost killed myself tonight. I walked that thin line, and TheHopeLine saved my life. ~Randy
If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.
I felt like maybe it was something that happened to everybody because I was a little kid, I didn't know any better but then when I started getting older, I started realizing that it was wrong. A whole bunch of times, I thought about killing myself. I had carved into my arms: "I hate being loved." I heard about how TheHopeLine had helped these girls that had been raped or molested. I finally heard one that was really close to my story and I finally called in and a Hope Coach talked to me about it. He told me, "We are going to get you through this."
When I was in the 4th grade, I started to cut. At first it hurt, but I thought about everything that had already happened. My parents were more into the drugs than their own kids.
When I got to 5th grade, I tried to commit suicide for the first time. I had to go to school the next day all doped up on the pills that I hadn't taken enough of. My parents didn't know about this.
Then I got kicked out of the house, so I moved in with my grandma. One day it was all to much for me to handle...so I tried to hang myself. The last thing I remember was hanging there then seeing my grandma walk in the room...I ended up getting kicked out.
Then I tried to kill myself 7 times.
I'm 14 now and I became pregnant. I didn't want my parents...or no one to know.
I ended up trying to OD. The baby and I were both okay, but I knew I had messed up.
About 2 months later I had a miscarriage. I didn't know where else to turn, so I started to do some research. That is when I found www.TheHopeLine.com. At first, I thought no one knows what all I'm going through. Finally, one day everything was way to much so I got up the nerve to test it out and chat with them, and I'm glad I did.
I found out that talking about it really does help.
These wonderful people [HopeCoaches] are here whenever nobody else is. So, the moral of my story is: DON'T GIVE UP!!!
~Baylor
If you are struggling with suicide thoughts and need help, check out TheHopeLine's eBook: Understanding Suicide.
If you are dealing with divorce, whether it is your parents' divorce or your own divorce, it is one of the most tragic events you can experience. Unfortunately, it's become such a common occurrence, it's easy to think you're supposed to act like it's no big deal, even though you feel like you're dying inside. Whatever you're feeling, no matter how terrible, you're not alone. In this blog, let's talk about ways to deal with divorce in a healthy way.
Some experts believe the trauma of divorce is more difficult than even the death of a loved one. With the death of a parent, the loss is complete. There's a certain finality to it. But with divorce, the loss seems to have no ending (you may hope your parents will get back together again), and the pain is ongoing.
Going through a divorce is like getting your heart torn in pieces. -Rayette
One of the worst things you can do is ignore your true feelings and tell yourselves lies to seemingly help take away the pain. Suppressed or unexpressed feelings can lead to anger, depression, and even addiction. You are responsible for dealing with your pain and getting healing, which means don't ignore your feelings.
Leigh wrote about how keeping her feelings bottled up created more problems than it solved. "I thought I was protecting myself, but I started getting really angry and I was taking it out on the people around me. I was also so focused on myself that I didn't even stop to think that there were other people who were hurting. So my advice would be to write it out and talk it out. When I told my friend what was going on, I felt like a burden had been lifted off of my shoulders."
Dealing with the truth about divorce may bring you face to face with awful emotional pain. But the hurt, if handled in the right way, will lead to freedom and healing.
Just like denial is a trap, you can also fall into the trap of blame holding others so responsible for your pain that you refuse to be accountable for your own actions. When you blame others, you feel justified in acting out your own anger and destructive behavior. No one really takes responsibility for their healing until they develop a plan, such as deciding what kind of person you want to be, how you plan to deal with your parents, and how you would like to grow from this experience.
Courtney said she could blame her parents for getting a divorce, but instead, she's choosing to catch a bigger vision for how good her life can be: I want to believe in 'true love,' but have a hard time seeing it because it has never been in a home around me. But when I get married, if I do, divorce is not an option. I cannot and will not raise a child the way I was.
There's no question that you, like Courtney, are the victim of your parents' divorce. But remember, you are still responsible for dealing with your pain and healing.
When your parent's divorce, a part of you is ripped away. Something that was so important to you is now gone. And you feel like your life will never be the same again. Divorce shatters the sense of security you had when there was both a father and a mother who loved each other and who would love and provide for you. This is truly heartbreaking. Talking about your pain is something you must do. You cannot grieve your losses alone.
There's nothing weak about grieving. When you express tears of sorrow, share memories, and talk through your feelings, you can start to see hope again. Talking about your pain is something you must do. You cannot grieve your losses alone. You must find someone you can trust, such as a pastor, counselor, therapist, friend, or an adult friend. Remember, TheHopeLine is available for private one-on-one chat.
Evangeline said, "The most important thing is to find one person, that no matter where you go, you can always talk to. Having at least one person to vent to is critical in how you get through hard times."
My parents got divorced when I was two. I'm thirteen now and I have to go through their horrible parenting. But as long as you have someone on your side to talk to, then you'll find out that it's not your fault and you'll grow out of your pain. -Meagan
God wants to use the people in your life to bring you comfort in your times of sorrow. You might even consider writing a letter to God, expressing your sadness. God knows your heartache and wants to help you.
Wherever you are in the healing process, God wants to comfort you and God will help you through it. And He wants to use you to help others who are also struggling with the pain of divorce and its consequences. God doesn't want you to continually see yourself as a victim. Instead, He wants to help you so that by His power you can overcome this difficult experience. Instead of getting bitter, He will help you get better.
But whatever you do, don't give up. There is hope for you. Millions of people have gone through what you are experiencing and have overcome their hurt. You can too!
Don't let your parents' divorce control your life and whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE UP! Do not run. You can't run from your problems, they will follow you for the rest of your life. -Amanda
Today we are happy to feature Katie Davis as a millennial who is sharing hope. We continue to share stories like Katie’s to hopefully inspire you that your age doesn’t matter. You can make a difference in the world. Here is a bit of Katie’s story:
In December of 2006, 18-year-old Katie Davis from Brentwood, Tennessee, traveled to Uganda for the first time. She was immediately captivated with the people and the culture.
In the summer of 2007, right after graduating from high school, Katie returned to Uganda to teach Kindergarten at an orphanage.
She made an agreement with her parents that it would only be for one year and then she would return to the states to attend college. However, God had a different plan for Katie. As she lived in Uganda and saw the deep needs of the people and began responding to those needs…one person at a time, the idea of going back to live in the United States became unrealistic.
During her first year there, she was shocked to see the sheer number of school-aged children walking along the road, playing with their friends, washing their families’ dishes, or digging in the fields. She learned that most schools in Uganda require school fees for attendance, making impoverished families unable to afford an education for their children. God laid it on Katie’s heart to start an Education Sponsorship Outreach which would match orphaned and vulnerable children who are unable to afford schooling with sponsors anywhere in the world. She originally intended to have only a handful of children in the sponsorship program, but in the first year Katie had 150 children sign up. Today the program sponsors over 700 children.
Related Posts:
How To Follow Your Dreams
6 Steps To Change Your Life
School Assignment Changed Veronica's Life
Later that year, in 2008, Katie established a non-profit organization called Amazima Ministries International. The word “Amazima” means “truth” in the native Luganda language. The organization seeks to meet the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of the people of Uganda who need it most.
Shortly thereafter, Katie was introduced to the Karimojong people of Masese. Living in poverty, and losing their children to malnutrition and starvation at an astounding rate, she noticed their desperate need for nutritious food. She started what is now the Masese Feeding Outreach which provides meals to 1,200 children Monday through Friday. This program allows the children to attend school and therefore not be forced to the street to beg. Amazima also provides medical care, Bible study, and general health training to the Masese community.
As her friendships developed in Masese, Katie wanted to help the women in the village provide for their families, for the Gospel to take root, and for them to be the change we wish to see within the community. She initiated a self-sustaining vocational program to empower these women to generate needed income by making unique Ugandan magazine bead necklaces. The necklaces made by the women are purchased weekly by Amazima and then sold in the United States. The money the women receive for their beads allows them to support their family and send their children to school.
All of this happened because one young girl followed the call God placed on her life…and it was never about her comfort or for her honor and glory. It was all about caring for the “least of these” for God’s glory.
Her work in Uganda can be hard and heartbreaking and at times frustrating. She wrote in her journal in her first few months living in Uganda that “Sometimes working in a Third World country makes me feel like I am emptying the ocean with an eyedropper.” What Katie has learned over time, however, is to be okay with knowing that while she may not be able to change the world, she can change the world for one person at a time and that is enough. She began to understand that God had one purpose for her, in Uganda and in life, and that was to LOVE the least of these…one at a time.
Beth Clark, who assisted Katie in writing the bestselling book “Kisses from Katie”, said it well when she wrote, “I’ve noticed something about people who make a difference in the world: They hold the unshakable conviction that individuals are extremely important, that every life matters. They get excited over one smile. They are willing to feed one stomach, educate one mind, and treat one wound. They aren’t determined to revolutionize the world all at once; they’re satisfied with small changes. Over time, though, the small changes add up. Sometimes they even transform cities and nations, and yes, the world.”
This calling to respond to the needs of one person at a time, led her to the amazing decision to adopt 13 daughters by the time she was 22 years old. The first three little sisters she adopted were living on their own in a mud house when it collapsed on the oldest sister, Agnes, who was 9 years old at the time. Their father had died of AIDS and the mother had disappeared. They had a grandma who provided a little food when she could, but typically their days consisted of digging in the field for a little something to eat and walking miles to and from the nearest well with a large plastic jug to collect the day’s water. After the house collapsed, neighbors brought Agnes to the hospital. When Katie heard of this tragedy, she decided to go to the hospital to pray for this little girl. What she discovered was that she was lying there, untreated, because no one would pay for her care. Katie agreed to pay the $20 to cover her treatment and took the younger two sisters home with her until Agnes was better, but one thing led to another and Katie knew she needed to be the forever home for these girls and 10 more who would enter her life at different times.
Katie wrote in her book, “I believe there is only one truly courageous thing we can do with our lives: to love unconditionally. Absolutely, with all of ourselves, so much that it hurts and then more.”
To learn more about Katie and the Amazima ministry visit www.amazima.org.
Or get the book – Kisses for Katie https://www.amazimastore.org/products/kisses-from-katie
It's so hard to be honest with ourselves and others about the effects we feel when our parents break up.
That is because our parents' divorce is devastating. We naturally put up walls of denial and silence and keep a certain distance between us and others. Yet, these techniques, in the end, fail us every time. That is why I want to talk about the emotional effects of your parent's break-up and how to deal with them.
The fact of the matter is that you are an innocent bystander, experiencing a tragedy for those closest to you. You cannot experience this without it having a profound impact on your life. Judith Wallerstein, an expert on the effects of divorce on children said, "Divorce is not just an episode in a child's life. It's like a natural disaster that really changes the whole trajectory of a child's life."
Ari put it in his own brutally, honest words: "My parents have been divorced since I was five years old; it still affects me today. Through their madness and horrible parenting, I somehow managed to survive. It's hard, but it is something that we all, as victims of parental divorce, have to do!"
Like Ari, you no doubt have experienced a lot of different emotions as you attempt to cope with the radical changes divorce has brought to your life. For example, Denisse spoke about her rage: "I didn't want anyone to talk to me about what was going on and I just wanted to be left alone in my pain. I got really angry at my mom for leaving me."
Whatever you are feeling, no matter how horrific, is really normal. It may not be healthy, but it is normal. Yet it can be so hard to talk about those feelings. Even to begin to explain how you feel can be paralyzing. Nonetheless, until you face your pain and put it into words, the pain will continue to haunt you and control you. It is absolutely critical to attempt to describe to yourself and others just how devastated you feel.
Journaling is a great way to begin putting a name on the pain you are experiencing. The following list might help you put words on what you are feeling.
As a result of your parent's divorce, you might feel...
This list might be pretty overwhelming to you. You may even have become aware of feelings you never knew you had. But don't give up. You can face these emotions and go on, and not just as a survivor, but as an overcomer.
If you are questioning why God would let this happen, that's o.k. God can handle your questions. Pray to Him. Tell him how you feel. Ask him to help you day by day.
And remember that God will never abandon you as you go through this hard time. He's waiting for you to pray to him for help In the Bible it says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
After journaling it is important to talk to someone safe about how you are feeling. HopeCoaches are available to talk about the many emotions you may be feeling. You can also comment below about how your parents' divorce is affecting you today.
I have talked with a lot of people who have faced traumatic events in their life. Many of them have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and don't even realize it. If you have faced a traumatic event in your life and are having a hard time coping, you may have PTSD.
PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, is a mental health condition occurring after a traumatic event. In other words, if you have PTSD, you are in shock and the memory of the event and your ability to process the event are disconnected. PTSD does not only apply to soldiers, but anyone who has been through a traumatic event can potentially have PTSD. Traumatic events such as rape, kidnapping, abuse, war, neglect, or any event which leaves one feeling helpless. If you have faced a traumatic event and are struggling with the aftermath of it, then you might have PTSD and be facing a variety of symptoms.
Relieving PTSD is challenging, but not impossible. When your stress responses or flashbacks are triggered, and you are struggling with anxiety, flashbacks, tension, or other symptoms, here are some coping skills and strategies that I have found that can help:
You can calm anxiety by slowing down your breathing.
Not only is this really great for anxiety, it helps with your immune system, oxygenating your heart and your brain, helps with digestion, helps detoxify, and helps calm the mind giving you better mental clarity.
You can calm anxiety by relaxing the muscles in your body. This is called Progressive Muscle Relaxation. If you are tense and jumpy because of your anxiety, practicing this technique every day might help you to relax your body and mind when the anxiety starts to build. This practice will help you learn how to recognize what feeling relaxed should feel like and how to return to that state when the tension is growing in your body.
Have you found yourself having a hard time getting back into the routine of life? Have you stopped getting together with friends or stopped doing some of the things you used to enjoy? Try one step at a time to get back to the things you enjoy doing. Paint, draw, go for a walk with your dog, surf, have coffee with a friend or family member, ride a bike, go hiking, play tennis, play Frisbee. Play any sport you used to love, do any hobby you used to find joy in doing, go back to doing any activity, you really used to enjoy doing.
Pay attention to what you are eating and try to eat right. Exercise. Get outside. It's easy to forget about taking care of yourself when struggling with PTSD but this will only contribute to making your PTSD symptoms worse.
Flashbacks are a normal response to a traumatic event. Use objects and activities to ground yourself. There are many options of how to ground yourself, here are a few:
Need someone to talk to about what is going on? My HopeCoaches are ready to chat online with you 7 days a week. It's a free and confidential live chat with a HopeCoach to help you with anything that is going on in your life. They are here to listen and support you without judgment.
It is hard to know the difference between PTSD and CPTSD. Click here to learn what is C-PTSD is and signs you may have it.
