Getting Into a Relationship Too Fast - Disadvantages

Meeting Someone Who Suddenly Makes You Feel Alive and Loved - Is Very Exciting!

You may think no one has ever made you feel like this, and you can't help but be amazed at the chemistry, or electricity between you and this new love. Many relationships start this way. But sadly, if you don't take the time to get to know each other before jumping into something serious, heartbreak can happen in the end.

Often these kinds of relationships built on infatuation can die as quickly as they spring up. Wikipedia defines infatuation as:  the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another.

The truth is this feeling of urgency and intensity or strong attraction toward another person is not necessarily a reliable indicator of whether you are in love or should immediately dive into a serious dating relationship.

The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon said, guard your affections, for out of them come the issues of life. I see far too many people jumping into relationships and not guarding their affections, only to become confused, disillusioned, and devastated.

We need to keep telling ourselves the basic truths of a healthy and truly loving relationship.

The Best Dating Relationships Develop out of Great Friendships

Finding a meaningful relationship takes time. While you spend time getting to know someone as a friend, you are able to see more clearly whether they are right for you and you for them. There is no more valuable friend to a dating relationship than time. But sadly, many people want to feel that rush of emotion that makes them feel like they are in love. So, they push hard and quickly to feel that overwhelming emotion that says, I am in love. But is it really love?

Rushing into a relationship is always a mistake. Be patient with the process. Impatience is a sure sign of relational immaturity that will lead to hurt unimaginably.

The truth is that the best dating relationships develop out of great friendships.

Riah describes how rushing into a relationship has a lot of disadvantages, "First, if you go too far you could get hurt mentally because of a bad break-up, and physically you could get an STD or something. Just because a guy says they like something about you doesn't mean you need to get in a relationship. Some guys can talk but it doesn't mean you need to fall head over heels for them. Because then you gave your heart away way too fast and you're open to being hurt very easily. To me, that is like settling for anything and you shouldn't settle for less than the best. Don't rush into something that you didn't even have time to think about." 

People Don't Fall in Love, They Fall in Ditches

When you rush into a romantic relationship you:

  • Say things you don't mean.
  • Make promises you can't keep.
  • Dig a hole that's hard to get out of.
  • Arouse expectations you can't fulfill.
  • Trust your feelings rather than the truth.
  • Find it easy to make wrong choices.
  • Don't give the relationship time to grow in a healthy way.
  • Keep looking for more emotional thrills and then invite the curse of boredom into the relationship, where everything normal starts to feel boring.
  • End up spending too much time with the one you're dating and excluding your friends.
  • Believe in the myth of love at first sight. There's no such thing. There's good chemistry at first sight, but not love at first sight. People don't fall in love; they fall in ditches.

Misplaced Hunger for Love Can Hurt You

The picture of relationships we see on television or in the movies doesn't allow us to see the time and commitment it takes to build a solid foundation. After a 22-minute episode or a 90-minute movie we are left thinking the most romantic relationships happen very quickly, are extremely intense and will last forever. The fact is that strong relationships develop slowly over time with much hard work and commitment. 

Most people I talk to on my show are so anxious to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, sometimes just to feel loved. While it is a great thrill to meet someone you connect with or feel attracted to, don't let your hunger for love throw you into a situation that is going to distract and hurt you.

Amber is honest when she admits her need to always be in a relationship, "I'm quick to open my heart too early because I lack that something. I'm always told that I act immature in relationships, and I tend to push them over the edge. I do not trust men and I feel the need to test them to see if they will hurt me. When a girl is hurt by a male or she lives life with an absent father figure, there is a void in her soul and she searches high and low to fill it. If it even RESEMBLES a small taste of what has been missing, she grabs it, not being logical in her actions but so emotionally consumed that filling that void is all she sees."

Just Slow Down

I have talked to thousands of young adults who keep making the same mistake over and over again. I tell myself if I can just get some of these tragic souls to slow down and get a hold of themselves, I can save them hours of unnecessary drama and needless suffering.

I would also recommend taking the time to pray to God and ask him to guide you as you consider a relationship with someone.  This is an important decision that involves your heart.  Solomon also said, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6  God wants to guide you and protect you so ask Him!

Just remember what Jessica has to say: "Don't jump in too quick, get to know the guy first. Talk to people who know him and that will help you see the real him. Make sure he has a good relationship with his family. That can tell a lot about a guy, especially the way he treats his mother." 

Are you questioning if what you are feeling is real love? Read - How to Know It's Really Love.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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59 comments on “Getting Into a Relationship Too Fast - Disadvantages”

  1. What if you've been in a serious relationship with someone for almost 3 years and suddenly they breakup with you, even though they've been hugging and kissing you the night before. Telling you not to leave them (few months back). And now they say that they don't love you...they're not happy. Even though they gave you a promise ring just 2 months back. This is not right.

  2. Hello,
    I am in love with a girl who loves me a lot too but last night we had a fight she said shez afraid that she will fall out of love Nd shez worried about that.she also said that falling into relationship was too quick Nd she expected my proposal as it was so nice to see all that happen Nd she said that she always required more time to think over Nd agreed that it was all quick. But tell u truth I gave her full time period of 5 months Nd to put in note we r college mates
    I asked her last night to take time Nd not contact me for a week Nd if she misses me that means its not infatuation
    Was I ryt doing this or should I do something else.
    Plzz tell I'm dying to see Ur reply Nd I m sure about my side Nd I love her a lot
    Plzz help

  3. I met someone. Crazy butterfly attraction feelings for the first week. The 2nd week we started dating, having sex, and then the I love you came. We both were honest about everything and realized we went too far. But now I feel like the attraction is not there so much as it use to be. We decided to take a breather but is it possible to go back? Start over maybe? I literally never felt this way about someone Ever and I just can't believe it's gone for good. We want to do a complete redo and take it much slower. We both have issues and they're out in the open. Super honest with one another. I'd like for it to work but I'm scared now. Do we need more time apart. No communication? I've never been in a serious relationship before so I'm not sure what's normal and what's not normal for me.

    1. Yes start over. Just date for a while, enjoy spending time together getting to know each other. I'd hold off on sleeping together for a while to see if you are really compatible or its just a physical attraction. Don't put pressure on the other person to meet your expectations or you may be dissapointed in the long run. Give each other some space early on. You don't need to see each other every day, a couple times a week is good. That said, if you think there may be something there don't let the opportunity pass you bye. No regrets. Good luck!

    2. yeah man, if youre not over exaggerating about that feeling, do some research online, like you were most likely doing now, and find ways to make it work

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