The End of a Dating Relationship
One of the most painful experiences in life is the ending of a meaningful relationship, especially where there has been a romance. People who call my radio show always tell me stories about really heart-breaking endings to their relationships. Wouldn't it be amazing if somebody were to say, "My bf/gf treated me so well when we were breaking up, I couldn't help but respect him/her!"
But unfortunately, the end of a dating relationship is often full of deception, dishonesty, and disrespect. But it doesn't have to be this way. When you are breaking up with someone, for whatever reason, the best approach is to treat the other person the same way you would want to be treated.
Still, one thing is for sure. No matter how hard you try to be kind, the fact that you want to break up is going to hurt the other person. This is not something to do over the phone, via text messaging, social media, or email. Consider the time and location. Be courageous and respectful and have your conversation in person and in private.
Before you do anything, make sure you really do want to break up. If you're just angry at your bf/gf, you may want to talk about why you're upset, rather than just ending the relationship. Sometimes it feels easier to run from the relationship, when in reality there may be a great lesson to learn from a challenging situation.
Be prepared for the other person to ask why you're breaking up with him/her. You might want to write down some of your thoughts beforehand. If you're breaking up because of difficulties you've had with the relationship in the past, it'll be easier if you've already talked through them, and given the other person an opportunity to respond.
15 Dos and Don'ts When Breaking Up
- Don't have a friend break up for you.
- Don't ignore your ex and expect that person to understand.
- Never text a good-bye.
- Don't announce it on social media.
- Don't make your reasons complicated.
- Be direct, but kind.
- Don't say something mean about the other person.
- Don't say, "Let's just be friends." (You may be friends again, but it takes time for the relationship to heal).
- Answer their questions as honestly and kindly as possible.
- Don't say, "It's not you, it's me."
- Understand that the other person is going to be very hurt, confused and possibly angry.
- Don't go blabbing to other people about the break-up. Save your experience for a few trusted friends.
- Don't break up unless you know for sure it's final. The breaking up and then getting back together again cycle breeds mistrust.
- Wait before you start dating someone else, especially if you see your former bf/gf often.
Consider Brittini's story: After the last relationship when I broke up with my boyfriend, the week later he was asking my friend if she would go out with him! That made me so mad that the next time I saw him I just wanted to hurt him and her.
- Don't try to talk your bf/gf out of their decision.
Grace's advice is valuable: My beau of just over 4 yrs. broke up with me last Valentine's Day in what he later called "a defensive, reactive" moment - completely unexpected by either of us. I tried to talk him out of it for over an hour to no avail. Ladies, please DON'T do this. If he's gonna break up with you, let him. If he's wrong, truly loves you, and is a real man, he will come back for you. Do not chase him. It only leads to a more shattered heart.
Breaking Up Is Hard...Be honest and sensitive.
Breaking up is hard. There's no getting around that. Just listen to Kate, who said: I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months last week. I know 6 months isn't that long, but I would drive 74 miles (one way) to see him, sometimes several times a week. He never came to see me. He also told me that he didn't love me, and he never would. Instead of breaking it off and trying to heal myself like a normal person, I would do just about anything to keep the relationship going. I can't live without him, and my heart is genuinely broken. I know God is the only one who can fill the hole in my heart.
If you use honesty, compassion, and sensitivity, you'll both be better off in the end. Treat him or her with the same respect you'd like someone to treat your future husband/wife.
The fact that you are reading this blog shows that you care enough to do this the right way and want to be as compassionate as possible. I commend you for that. When handling any sensitive situation, it is helpful to think about approaching the conversation with these words: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. These words are called the Fruit of the Spirit in the Bible. They describe the essence of God, and that is always a good place to start.
If you're struggling to get through a difficult breakup, you might want to read my blog about Getting Over A Broken Heart for some additional thoughts.
Hi , me and my gf were in a relationship for 14 months and it was one of the best relationship i ever had , we both love , cared, and compromised at every single thing. We wanted to marry and she was the one insisting a lot as she was divorced with a 4 year old kid. I asked her give me some time to make my family ready. She got agreed with me but at one point she started behaving weirdly and putting restrictions on me , wht can we do and wht not onwards. Long story short she wanted to walk away bcz someday was ready to marry her but she never told me about that and kept it a secret. During the beeak up period she tried her best to insult me at every thing and talk so rudely,I couldn’t believe that a person can change to this extent. My question is did dhe really loved me all that year or she just had a fake feelings, because the way she treated me manifested she was just waiting for the right time to ran and she never loved. I M shocked a person claims loving u can go that far to put u down.
She loved you, but u just have to understand that life is sometimes unfair to us
No she didn’t. Because someone would not treat the one person they truly loved with disrespect. She would have waited until you were ready.
Call mine something I dont understand. We've had this breakup makeup cycle for years now. I'm so exhausted, I want it to work because I love him. And I know he does too. His actions say a lot. But everytime we have an arguement its bad. We part ways for months. I thought this time it would be different but its led us to the same spot. Him angry and shouting at me to find my mr right and suggesting we part ways even though he just indirectly told me he cared. He doesn't understand that to me he is right. If he frustrates me and I share my problems with my cousin, and my cousin directly decides to face him about it, how is it my fault. I didnt know he would do that. I need help, im so confused.
Ive been with my bf for more than 3 years now, but my love for him completely faded away when THIS happened:
About 1 year ago, we were both wanting to have a baby together, he was completely into it. I got pregnant. But since I come from a conservative country (he's German BTW) I couldn't keep the baby unless I'm married. I was two and half months pregnant when he just started doing things that show his non intentions to marry me. So I decided to go through an abortion, and that, my friends, not only broke my heart into pieces, but made all the love I have for him go away with the baby.
I stayed with him though to try and restore the feelings but that just wouldn't work. Then I started seeing his manipulative controlling (passive aggressive) personality and started to develop hate for him. That was also when I met another man, who's a sweetheart caring and respectful man.
I want to break up with my German bf and stay with the other caring guy, but I'm scared TBH, because the German guy has an evil side and if he reaches out to the other guy (which I assume he will since he hates to lose) he will also end what I want the most.
Any advice here helps, thank you all and God bless you.
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday because I knew he still had feelings for his ex. He said he. Needed to close that chapter but he wanted to be with me and I said he needed to figure it out first.. and if we were meant to be then we would be.. is it bad that I told him I don't know if this it but we do need time.. it hurts so much cause he lived an hour away but we both had our own place so we stayed at each other's house all the time. I got so used to sleeping with him. I know it's hard but I also know that it better for us. In a way I felt like I had to put my foot down other than that i felt like he was going to keep on hurting me.. idk what to do.. idk if it was the wrong thing to break up because I want him back if he does too.. I'm so confused wether it's bad to text him or call him.. I don't know what to do.
I just got the dreaded break up text via email two days ago. We had a great relationship and in the blink of an eye after a minor disagreement, not a full blown argument, I get the text saying it's over for me, please leave.
There is no closure this way and it's completely heartless and disrespectful.
Attempts to contact her by phone and message are unsuccessful as I believe she has blocked me.
The very same day she unfriended me and changed her status to single.
Why are people so cruel?
I am left holding the emotional baggage and I am trying to follow the no contact rule but it is difficult.
Could it be that our love was not as strong as I thought?
Was she just looking for an easy way out?
I will never know!
Thanks!
That's too.bad
They are not cruel. They are cowards and dread the final talk.