Life can be difficult and uncertain, especially when faced with the prospect of change. Although change is often the key that will positively alter the path of our lives, we shy away from it for fear of leaving behind our comfort zones and entering into the unknown. This fear robs us of our freedom to make the life choices that can bridge the gap between where we are and where we want to be.
It may take courage to move from the known to the unknown, but the price of growth is a sacrifice of certainty.
1. Be Honest
2. Accept Risks
3. Focus Priorities
4. Renew
5. Face Your Fears
6. Imagine
Life can be really, stinkin' hard sometimes. That's why Dawson wrote the blog, "How Can I Find Hope?" It's a quick read and it may just change your life.
Susan Gillpatrick is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Trauma Specialist, Certified Workplace Conflict Mediator, and Mental Health Service Provider in the state of Tennessee and a National Certified Counselor. She is Centerstone's Crisis Management Specialist, she primarily works in the field with clients in critical incident response situations, and in Centerstone's wellness trainings and presentations.
From the time we are born to the moment we die, the world we encounter is trying to coat our identity with their opinions. Daily, we are told something about ourselves. It may be a friend saying positive, encouraging words, a coworker belittling our ideas or personality or a random person saying something mean in a parking lot. When something is said to you as truth by another person, do you question it? Do you take a look at yourself and wonder if it's true? Do you ask a friend? A family member? Or do you pray about it? Have you looked it up in the Bible?
If you're anything like me, the answer is you probably check with God less than you do all the other options. Perhaps you didn't even realize how much your identity is under the influence of the world around you. Are we letting lies latch onto your identity?
Think about your identity as a dry beach towel. Every day you lay on the sand and someone walks by with an eye-dropper and drops the tiniest bit of water on your towel. The mean girl at school you can't quite stand up to: one drop. Your boss who harasses you: one drop. The girl on Instagram you think you should look like: one drop. Your friend that makes hurtful jokes: one drop.
Your dad who called you fat: two drops. You cutting yourself: three drops. The person that abused you: four drops. The boy you slept with that left you: four drops.
Before you know it, your beach towel is soaking wet; it's heavy and the color is distorted. It doesn't look like yours and it's uncomfortable to lay on. The reality is we let people dump lies on our identity daily - sometimes it's something about the core of who we are, sometimes just some aspect of us - but lies all the same. We don't notice the damp beach towel underneath us until it's sopping wet.
We need to find our identity in the right place - who is the One who knows us best? What does God say about who we are?
And there are so many more promises in the Bible to stand on. Every time the world tries to attack your identity, recognize it, deflect it with the scripture you know, and thank God for a chance to practice your faith and for the reminder that you are the child to the King.
Jenna is a volunteer and blogger for LIVEmpowered. She is a native Nashvillian. She is a dancer, writer, and just-for-fun-photographer. LIVEmpowered's goal is for you to know that you are LOVED, VALUED, and EMPOWERED to make choices that lead to a life of joy and purpose.
I am always encouraged by the number of people who reach out to me asking how they can help their friends. I often direct them to my blog because they can find advice to pass along on many different subjects.
However, I realize that even people with the best intentions don't always know how to offer advice in a way that is effective...in a way that others will actually listen and accept. Have you ever tried to give someone advice, but they tuned you out or got really mad at you? I have written this blog to provide some important tips for how to give good advice that is effective. This is a crucial place to start because unless someone is going to actually listen to what you have to say, your advice will not be effective.
LISTEN. This is SO important. Unless a person feels heard and understood, they will never trust the advice you are giving. You must take time to gain an understanding of where they are coming from. Ask them questions to show you really desire to understand. Then state back to them what you've heard them say by summarizing, "So what I hear you saying is...Is that right?" This way you are both sure you are on the same page, and they know you understand them.
ENCOURAGE. This is another important step that cannot be hurried over. Before diving into any advice, encourage them in some way. Tell them that you believe in them or encourage them that there is help available. Unless you start with encouragement, they may be stuck in such a negative place that they have no hope of things ever-changing. And then, when you offer them advice, they might not believe they are capable of acting on any of it. However, offering encouragement opens the door to HOPE and prepares them to be ready to hear what you have to say. So, find SOMETHING to encourage them with. You can focus on a past success or the potential they have. Or here are some other examples..."It was an important first step to admit what your struggle was." "You sound like you are really ready to make some good choices." "You are not alone." "There are people who can help you and I'm here for you too."
ADVISE. The best way to give advice is by getting their involvement in deciding what they should do and influencing their thinking in a positive way. Involvement - In order to have people buy into any advice you are giving; they need to be involved in the discussion and the decision. If you can get them to arrive at the decision of what to do next on their own...so that it is their idea, they will be much more committed to the decision and more likely to follow through. In all my years of talking with people, I have found that much of the time they know the right thing to do, they just need someone to confirm it for them. Here are some ways to involve them:
Influencing - As they come up with ideas you can influence them toward or away from what they are thinking based on whether or not it is a good decision through asking more questions. Questions like this are often helpful in influencing their decision:
PRAY for them and with them. I believe that with God's power anything is possible. Any situation can be solved, any addiction broken, any heart mended, any wrong made right. Maybe not immediately and maybe not how we thought, but God tells us to bring our requests to Him. So, PRAY and let them hear you pray! Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
It is also important to be able to recognize common thinking errors and know how to challenge them as the advice-giver.
I hope these tips will help as you reach out to make a difference in the lives of those around you!
Are you wondering how to be a great friend? Here are 9 tips to become a great friend.
Perhaps you or a friend is self-harming or cutting. We understand how hard it can be to confront a problem like this. It's like hiding a monster in your closet where you're afraid to let it out, but in a weird way, you like having him there.
Kimberly Navarro, licensed therapist (LMFT), provides these insights about cutting:
It can feel good to have a release from all you're holding in. Cutting can create a space for you to free the pain, frustration and fears without anyone knowing what is going on inside. Self-harm can momentarily quiet the really deep pain, too. Cutting can be a way to deal with whatever life throws at you. The thing is, there are some good and some harmful ways to deal, and cutting is a harmful one: It is destructive to your body, leads to shame and can even become an addiction. There are chemicals that get released when our bodies get hurt, and they have a calming effect. This can create a high' when cutting, and so the chase begins: pursuing that feeling even though it never is quite as good as the first experience. There are times when you won't have the words for your feelings/pain, but cutting is never the answer. You must find other ways that are not destructive.
Related Posts:
A Door of Hope
Why Do People Self-Harm?
Real Story: Artist Michaela Hatfield
How To Quit Cutting
We strongly believe that one cannot be free of the harmful effects of society without accountability and a strong reliance on God. You or your friend won't be cured of cutting until you address what's hurting inside, and that will likely require the help of a professional who has a relationship with Jesus Christ and experience with people in similar situations to yours. You or your friend will need interventions before you're free of this demon, be that from MyBrokenPalace.com, a local crisis center, a trusted therapist or a counselor. Whatever your choice, please do something now!
This guest post on self-harm is written by Jes Balascio of My Broken Palace for Project Inspired.
I have written many blogs on the subject of cutting. We've discussed what it is, why people do it, the consequences, and some possible solutions to the problem. But, today, I want to talk specifically to the friends of cutters.
This can be a hard subject to talk about and it can be a very sensitive subject to the cutter, so it is important to keep the following things in mind when trying to help.
Someone recently wrote to me and asked: My friend is cutting. How can I get it into my best friend's head that cutting is not good at all?
She's right cutting is not good at all, and I appreciate her desire to help her friend. However, there isn't a simple answer to this question. We can't just throw out facts and figures and think a cutter is going to be instantly convinced to stop. As I wrote about in Why People Cut, cutters are usually covering up a deeper emotional pain.
If you want to know more about breaking free from self-harm. Read this blog that our friend, Amanda Turner, wrote about her personal story.
Thanks for caring. You CAN make a difference in someone's life.
Self-injury, also known as cutting is a deliberate injuring of the body which is usually done in secret and NOT for attention. It is often a cry for help. However, self-injury is a temporary fix to a deep-rooted problem. Cutting brings release when dealing with overwhelming emotions. A destructive cycle of cutting yourself, followed by guilt and shame, becomes a cycle of addiction. Door of Hope offers a phone line and real help.
A common reason for self-injury is to get relief from overwhelming emotions. Cutting is like a "silent scream" often trying to release feelings you cannot express with words. Emptiness, low self-esteem, fear, depression and anger are emotions you might be able to identify with. Research indicates a connection of self-injurious behavior with a history of trauma or abuse. This may include but not limited to sexual, physical, verbal abuse.
Door of Hope is a safe place where you can begin your journey towards freedom. You are not alone in your struggle. They help people all over the world. Recovery is a process and they can help you discover the person that you were meant to become. You can begin to move past your scars and start living a "new life."
Their trained crisis care advocates will listen to your story and not judge you. They offer encouragement, resources and prayer as they help you learn new coping skills that are a healthy release and point you in the direction on the path that God has intended.
The team at Door of Hope believes that faith in God can begin to repair the damaged areas in your life. He will give you the strength to recover. Never lose hope...
It's ok...you don't have to be religious to contact them. God is not mad at you! He wants you to be free from your emotional pain and know that you are not what your scars represent.
If you're reading this, deep down you do want to stop cutting. Take a step towards your recovery and contact Door of Hope today. If you are 13 or over then contact them, they would love to chat with you. All conversations are kept confidential.
TEXT or CALL:
EMAIL: doorofhope4teens@gmail.com
Debra Cornacchia, founder of Door of Hope 4 Teens shares from her heart:
"My message to teens and young adults is that secrets grow in the dark. The light of Christ will bring truth and healing for your present and future. As a teen, I struggled with depression, low self-esteem and self-injury. I had feelings of shame, guilt and anger and cutting provided a "quick fix" and became my best friend. I fell into a trap of the secret addiction of self-injury and believing in dark lies about myself and my future. Recovery is a process of change. I can celebrate that I have overcome self-injury and live a life of complete restoration. Now my life's work is to encourage and guide youth in their recovery. Let us help you realize that God will open the doors of hope and you can walk in the grace and freedom of self-harm. What he has done for me, he can do for you!"
"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans of good and not of evil, plans to give you HOPE and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
You can also download TheHopeLine's free eBook, Understanding Self-Harm and Cutting.
Words can make you smile, laugh, cry, and scream. They have changed lives and will continue to do so forever. Words can build up and tear down relationships.
So what about the words in our minds: our thoughts. They have a lot of power too. Words come from our thoughts which come from our hearts. Our thoughts affect our whole lives. How are your thoughts affecting your life? Are you your biggest fan or your biggest critic? What are the things that go through your mind on a daily basis about yourself? How positive are the thoughts you have about yourself?
If you were to think I am the president of the United States, doesn't mean it is true. Just the same, thinking that you are unworthy of being loved does not mean that you actually are unworthy of love. For most of us, the negative self-talk continually creeping through our brains is a lie. Sometimes lies come into our thoughts and take hold until we eventually forget reality. These messages can take root for so long. They can affect our self-esteem and the way we live our lives. It may be the words of others spoken over us, messages from the society around us, or even ourselves.
One example is a sentence that was said to me in a past relationship. I wish you were taller and tanner and had bigger boobs. One, that is not a nice thing to say to anyone...ever. Two, these are all qualities about me that I cannot change. This translated into my brain as, I'm not good enough or attractive enough and I never will be.
I know this is a crazy jump, but I don't think I'm the only one who has made those leaps. I embraced it as truth, and it affected the way that I saw myself. It was a throw-away sentence on their behalf, but it shook my confidence in the relationship and other areas of my life. With this "I'm not good enough idea" floating through my head, it was easy to see the things that validated that thought and to disregard all the good things about myself.
I have been learning to sift through my thoughts and really evaluate where they are all coming from. One of the most freeing things I have done is to break off the lies that have taken hold and replace them with the truth about who I am. When I think about where some of these ideas in my head have come from, it seems crazy that I ever let them come into my brain at all. There are a lot of really awesome things about me! There are also a lot of really great people that love and support me. These are the things I want to focus on instead of the things that have been said by the people who have hurt me.
If there are any lies that you have turned into truth, I hope you will dig deep and cut them out. It might hurt a little to talk about them and deal with them but you will be able to move forward. Replace the lies and see the truth.
Write out some positive true words about you to help replace any lies you have believed.
Write them on your mirror, put them on sticky notes around your house, and build others up with them because the world needs some more encouragement.
Now go out and live your life with these running through your brain and I bet some things will start to change for the better.
Brigid is a Texas girl living in Nashville, TN, who loves laughing, Instagram, nachos and adventure. She is a volunteer and blogger. LIVEmpowered’s goal is for you to know that you are LOVED, VALUED, and EMPOWERED to make choices that lead to a life of joy and purpose.
