Whether you’re a current student, a recent graduate, a parent, or just trying to navigate life, money is a touchy subject. “Money can’t buy happiness,” but it can absolutely buy you access to food, housing, healthcare, education, stability, and peace of mind. If you’ve never experienced that moment when the number in your bank account has a minus sign in the front, you’re in the minority… Most people these days know exactly how it feels to watch your paycheck disappear toward rent and bills as soon as it deposits. Living paycheck to paycheck is the norm for most US citizens in 2023. Even before the pandemic, a 2019 study showed that 59% of us were just one missed paycheck away from homelessness. And how does that feel? Stressful. It’s a constant weight on our shoulders, an ever-present worry at the forefront of our minds.

How to Handle Financial Stress

What Are the Symptoms of Financial Stress?

Feeling stressed all the time, whether it’s because of money or something else, isn’t good for our health. Regardless of the source, chronic stress can become debilitating over time, making it increasingly difficult to overcome whatever issue is causing the stress in the first place—a vicious cycle. Some of the common symptoms of chronic stress are:

• Decreased energy
• Aches and pains 
• Nervousness 
• Trouble sleeping 
• Difficulty concentrating 
• Feeling helpless or stuck
• Tummy troubles
• Irritability
• Weakened immune system 
• Turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms like drugs and alcohol, gambling, shopping addiction, disordered eating, etc.

Sound familiar? If you’re worried about money, and you recognize these symptoms, you may indeed be dealing with financial stress.

8 Tips for Dealing with Financial Stress

1. Stop shaming yourself. There is such a stigma around finances that our culture often convinces us that those with less money must be lazier, more careless, or less intelligent than those with more. Because of that, it’s very, very common to feel embarrassed or keep it to ourselves when we are struggling financially, and as we know from other articles we’ve written on shame, isolating in our struggle is never the answer. That shame can cause us not to pursue avenues for assistance because we don’t want to be perceived as failures. We may turn down help when it’s offered because we’ve internalized the idea that it’s an admission of defeat, or we may try to keep up appearances that everything is fine with spending we can’t afford.

Read this carefully: Money is morally neutral. Read it again. The number of bills in your wallet or zeros in your bank account is not in direct relationship to your worth as a human being, nor is it a reflection of your character. Do not let the shame gremlin convince you otherwise. Understand that while it’s reasonable to feel guilt about certain actions that may have caused your financial distress, so much about our financial statuses is tied to factors beyond our control—inflation, our parents’ socioeconomic status, where we come from, where we live, etc. Shame wants to make you feel stuck where you are, not help you find solutions. Please, please, please check out our resources on fighting shame for more on this—it’s so important!

2. Be mindful of your mental health. Acute Financial Stress has been (unofficially) compared to PTSD, so it’s critical that you take your mental health seriously when you face money troubles. In our culture, money is necessary for meeting every single one of our needs, so when you’re struggling to make ends meet, your brain realizes that even your most basic needs may be at risk—that’s stressful! If you notice symptoms of anxiety or depression, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. You can start by chatting with one of our Hope Coaches, sharing with a trusted friend or parent, and talking to your doctor or a licensed therapist about how you’re feeling.

3. Be mindful of your physical health. Prolonged stress can actually make you sick, so it’s incredibly important to make sure you’re taking care of yourself when you’re going through a hard time financially, especially since getting sick could cause even more money stress. You don’t want to be staring at a medical bill or lose out on work shifts at a time when you are already feeling stressed about money, so make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating nutritiously, getting some exercise, and trying to relax now and again.

4. Assess your habits. It might seem like the right thing to do is to cut back on every possible expense, but first take a moment to understand yourself and where your money is going. Look at your last month of expenses—where does your money go? Let’s say it goes to one pack of cigarettes a day, a membership to the gym, smoothies, ordering food in, rent, and bills. Assuming that you have a little bit of money left over once rent and important bills are paid, ask yourself, which of these habits is serving me well?

As much as those cigarettes may serve as a stress reliever for you, they’re incredibly expensive, and they’re contributing to even more expensive health issues down the line. That’s a habit worth cutting out of your budget. The gym may be the most expensive item in your budget, but it’s also a healthy habit that could help manage your stress. If it’s a really pricey gym, perhaps look into switching to a cheaper one, but think about whether it’s actually good for you to drop that expense from your budget entirely. If you completely deprive yourself of everything you enjoy, chances are you’re going to cave and spend on something impulsively, setting yourself back even further. The key is to choose wisely which of your routine expenses are keepers and which ones are weighing you down.

5. Ask for help. Did you know that you can actually find therapists certified specifically to help you cope with financial stress? It’s called financial therapy. That said, paying for therapy may not be accessible to you if you’re already at rock bottom with money. It’s always worth calling a therapist’s office to ask if they offer reduced rates for patients experiencing hardship, but if you still can’t afford it, there are plenty of ways to ask for help that won’t cost you money.

Talk to a trusted friend or parent and ask them to sit down with you—accountability and body doubling can be an incredible help when you’re facing an overwhelming task like solving a financial puzzle. Offer to help them with their budget in return and set up a regular time for y’all to meet up and chat about finances. There’s no reason to treat our money with secrecy when everyone around us is dealing with it too! Fight that shame gremlin telling you to keep quiet and reach out for support.

6. Work on your financial literacy. What is financial literacy? Just like literacy for reading, it’s an understanding of money, how it works, how to manage it, and feeling confident that you know how to interpret financial situations and navigate financial institutions. Were you taught how to do your taxes in grade school? Probably not, but as it turns out, it’s a pretty crucial skill. Depending on where you come from, you may not have received much of a financial education, so take control of that for yourself now. There are so many books, podcasts, and websites dedicated to teaching people the money basics. Educating yourself about money can help you feel more confident about your finances, be less terrified of the unknown, and empower you to make good decisions in the future.

7. Debunk common financial myths. This goes hand in hand with financial literacy. When shame and lack of access to financial education shape our ideas about money, it’s no wonder that we’re stressed. Many of our culture’s colloquial sayings about money simply aren’t true… a few examples:

• “Money is the root of all evil.”
• “Renting means you’re throwing your money away.”
• “You can’t save if you have debt.”
• “You can’t invest until you’re debt-free.”
• “Having debt means you’re bad with money.”
• “I’ll never dig myself out of this hole, so why even try?”

Always investigate further before you accept money advice at face value.

8. Utilize free tools! Check out this list of websites, podcasts, and apps that can help you learn about or manage your money:

• MyMoney.gov provides financial literacy education and resources put together by the federal government.
• Financially Naked
• Mint
• Monefy
• Google Sheets offers a template for an annual budget that’s free if you already have access to Google Suite for school or work.
• Sites like Experian and Credit Karma allow you to check your credit score for free, along with offering their own educational resources and tips for improving your financial situation.

How Can Your Faith Help You with Financial Stress?

Your faith can be an invaluable resource in times of trouble, always. When it feels like there is nothing left you can do, asking for understanding and support from your faith community and relying on the promise that God’s with us can be a great comfort. You can also try out this prayer designed for times of financial difficulty, and look to these Bible verses about anxiety.

If you’re in crisis, your local church most likely offers some kind of assistance to families who are struggling, whether you’re in need of a meal train or a place to sleep. It’s our calling as followers of Jesus, who led by example in sharing resources when He had them and accepting hospitality when He needed, to help others without judgment. If you’re not sure your church would be willing to help you, or if you don’t have a church, please reach out to a Hope Coach today—we may be able to connect you with organizations who can.

Every so often, a mental health topic will become so popular that it begins to lose a little bit of its meaning, and it seems like narcissism has joined that list. From TikTok to headlines, anecdotes about how to tell if you’re married to a narcissist and accusations that celebrities are narcissists are all over popular media. With that, the stigma surrounding narcissistic behaviors has gotten more and more negative, making it almost impossible to engage with this subject without shame coming into play.

If there’s one thing shame doesn’t like, it’s the truth! And the truth is that Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), just like all other mental health diagnoses, is a neutral mental health condition meant to help us understand ourselves, not an assessment of a person’s character or a predictor of their entire future. The truth is that NPD is rare and that the number of folks our culture has deemed to be “narcissists” are actually just displaying narcissistic tendencies. The truth is that nobody goes through life without being a little narcissistic from time to time.

The truth is that the shaming we often see in conversations about narcissism may actually make us afraid of being honest with ourselves about when we’re being a little narcissistic. The truth is that it’s actually a little bit narcissistic to be convinced that narcissistic behaviors mean you’re a bad person, and you’re not a bad person, so you’re never narcissistic. The truth is that the more shame we pump into conversations about narcissism, the more narcissistically obsessed we are becoming with not being called narcissists… So let's take a moment to admit that we’re not perfect and look at our own behavior.

What to Know About Handling Narcissism

Behaviors That Can Be Considered “Narcissistic”

Maybe someone’s called you a narcissist, or maybe you’ve seen a bunch of TikToks about how awful or toxic narcissists are, and you’re worried you might be one. There’s so much content out there that it can be hard to figure out how to know if you’re a narcissist.

Remember that there is a difference between having some narcissistic traits and being diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You can display a lot of the following behaviors without meeting the criteria for a diagnosis, and you should always consult with a medical professional before using the label of NPD. If you think that you or someone you love may be displaying signs of narcissism, keep reading for common behaviors and tips.

• Lying and exaggerating. You twist the truth in order to get people to think, feel, or believe a certain way.
• Love bombing. You are known for occasionally showering people with above-and-beyond attention and affection. This can seem like a great thing, but it can actually be a sign that you’re trying to control how they feel about you, especially if you do it to distract them from being upset with you.
• Constant need for praise. You get uncomfortable or even angry when people don’t go out of their way to tell you you’re amazing or did something well. You never feel like you’re given enough credit, even after someone does acknowledge your contributions.
• Breaking rules and boundaries. If you’ve engaged in repeated infidelity, often shared information that you were asked to keep confidential, constantly cheat on schoolwork, or disobey policies you don’t like, it could be that you feel you’re above the rules.
• Spreading negative emotions. If you’re always gossiping at school or work, it could be a sign that you find a sense of control in instigating or stirring up drama.
• Feeling like the world owes you something. This trait is also called having a disproportionate “sense of entitlement,” or feeling offended when you don’t receive special treatment.
• Thinking other people’s feelings are wrong or stupid. It’s one thing to feel differently than someone else, but to think less of someone because of their feelings, or to believe that they’re wrong to feel a certain way, is a narcissistic point of view.
• Having a different “persona” in public than you do in private, or treating people differently behind closed doors than you would in front of others. Do you yell at your girlfriend when you’re alone in the car together but act affectionately when you’re hanging out with friends? Do you berate your parents or siblings at home but brag about your awesome family in public?
• Habitually blaming others or circumstances when things go wrong and never taking responsibility for your own mistakes.
• Struggling with addiction and thinking change is impossible, refusing to seek help, or blaming someone else for your struggle.

All of these behaviors come from the same place: “The reality for both the overt and covert narcissist is that they have a fragile sense of self.” When you’re acting from a place of narcissism, it’s likely that poor self-esteem is at the root of the problem, which is another reason that honest self-assessment and compassion are going to be a much more effective path forward than shame.

Tips for Cultivating a Realistic Sense of Self

Remember that seeing some narcissistic tendencies in yourself is very different from being officially diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so be careful about how you proceed once you identify with some of these ideas. The ultimate issue with narcissism is that it keeps you from being able to see yourself for who you truly are because you’re too busy seeing yourself as the best, the worst, the prettiest, the ugliest, the nicest, the meanest, etc. To beat it, you need to cultivate self-esteem. You need to learn who you really are and that it’s okay to have some flaws because we all do. Try out some of these ideas to set yourself up for growth:

1. Be honest with yourself about both your strengths and weaknesses, and avoid putting either one on a pedestal. Learn to see your flaws and negative tendencies as part of what makes you special—embracing who you are can help you remain aware of how you’re impacting others and able to do better in situations where you’ve failed before. Admitting that you need to do some work in a couple of areas is not an excuse for past or future behavior. It’s just a fact, and once you accept it, you’re free to make different choices than before.

2. Seek mentorship and peer support. Find people you trust to give you honest answers to your questions, and be prepared to hear hard things sometimes. If you’re not able to hear criticism or advice without freaking out, ask yourself why that is. Do you honestly believe that you’re perfect? Or are you just afraid that you’ll be abandoned or left behind because you fall short? Having a small group of trustworthy people you can listen to without being defensive is an important part of growth.

3. Learn to deal with shame in a healthy way. Labeling yourself or having others call you “a narcissist” can be a very shame-inducing thing. The stigma that currently surrounds the word “narcissism” is as strong as it is negative, so if you’ve recognized some of the above behaviors in yourself, it’s important to learn about shame resilience. Check out the work of Dr. Brene Brown, or reach out to one of our Hope Coaches to get started on tackling shame.

4. Work with a licensed therapist to process your own trauma, relationship difficulties, successes, failures, hopes, fears, dreams, and more. Mental health professionals are trained to help you figure out a better way to live, no matter what your past has looked like. Talk therapy can be extremely effective in helping you learn to love yourself without using narcissistic behaviors. A therapist can also help you decide whether or not to seek an official diagnosis for NPD or another mental health condition.

Remember That Shame Isn't Helpful

If you think you have some narcissistic tendencies, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It doesn’t even mean that you’re a “narcissist.” It just means that you have a beautiful ability to honestly reflect on how you’d like to grow. You’ve been able to look at your past and realize that you’ve had an inflated sense of self-importance at times, and now you can work on it. We all make mistakes and fail to consider other people’s feelings sometimes. In fact, many narcissistic traits become more prevalent when you’re in a season of stress or after a season of trauma—when you’re not healthy, it’s very difficult to see past yourself.

The truth is you are loved and you are lovable. The truth is growth is possible.

If you want to talk to someone about narcissism or about how deeply loved you are, reach out to a Hope Coach today. We’ll listen without judgment and do our best to connect you with resources that can help you feel a little bit less alone as you pursue a healthier sense of self.

It's pretty dangerous to throw the “narcissist” term around without a professional diagnosis. It's actually pretty rare. Find out more by reading Defining and Dealing with Narcissism.

Have you ever felt like you didn’t really measure up to the assumptions that others have made about you?

Do you wonder if your success may be the result of luck and timing, rather than your intelligence or hard work?

Have you ever worried that at some point, everyone is going to figure out that you’re just making it up as you go, and figuring it out on-the-fly?

If so, you may have had a run-in with "The Impostor", that inner critic that tries to convince you that your success isn’t real, and that you’re living a lie.

And you’re far from the only one who feels that way.

Research has shown that up to 70 percent of the population experiences impostor syndrome—the feeling that their success may be accidental, coincidental or even fraudulent—at some point in their life. And further studies have shown that impostor syndrome tends to be more prevalent among high-achievers.

That’s right—people who are ambitious and competitive and who push the boundaries; people who are not satisfied with coasting through life; people who take risks and try new things - these people are more likely to wrestle with the feeling of being an impostor.

Those feelings of self-doubt can be debilitating if they’re allowed to dominate and limit you, but they’re not entirely bad if kept under control. In fact, the feeling of being an impostor might be a sign of good things that are happening.

Here are three reasons why experiencing impostor syndrome might actually be a good sign.

Benefits of Self-Doubt

1. It Means You’re Pushing Your Boundaries

You won’t feel like a fraud when you’re staying in your comfort zone, but stepping out and taking a risk can make you feel vulnerable. When you’re trying something new, or among people who intimidate you, the doubts begin to creep in.

When you hear the voice of your inner critic starting to say things like the statements below, that’s a good sign!

You don’t belong here.

You’re in over your head.

These people are out of your league.

You can’t keep up.

You have nothing to offer this group.

It means you’re in a situation and among people who are going to challenge you, grow you and inspire you to do more and think bigger. You should not be running from those situations; you should see them for the gift that they are and lean in to those opportunities.

There’s a famous saying that has been attributed to a lot of different people: If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.

The corollary to that is this: if you think you’re the dumbest person in the room, stay there! That’s exactly the place you need to be. When the inner critic tells you to get out, that may be the best sign that you’re in the right place.

2. It’s a Sign of a Learning Opportunity

You rarely learn in your comfort zone. You don’t improve by continuing to do what comes easily. Improvement usually involves some level of discomfort.

Impostor syndrome is most active when you’re stretching yourself. When your inner critic says, “You’re about to fail at something,” you should translate that to mean, “You’re about to learn something.”

When we were children, we learned by doing. We tried, failed and tried again. Want to learn to walk instead of crawl? Pull yourself up and give it a shot. Fall over? Try again.

It’s a natural way to learn, driven by curiosity, hunger and a dissatisfaction with the status quo. There’s more out there—not just more to have, but more to do and more to be.

Then we go to school, and something about the structure of formal education trains us to believe that we learn something first and then go out into the world and do it once we’ve learned it. Years and years of this convince us by the time we are adults that learning and doing are two separate events, and one precedes the other. But that’s not how life actually works.

We learn by doing. We learn by failing. We learn by trying and failing and trying again.

Never let self-doubt keep you from a learning opportunity. Instead, use it as a signpost for learning opportunities and take advantage of every one you can.

3. It Keeps You Humble (and Safe)

Entrepreneur Barbara Corcoran, who built and sold a $66 million real estate company before becoming one of the famous investors on the TV show Shark Tank, has talked about self-doubt and the fact that it’s a positive sign, not a negative one.

“Thank God you doubt yourself because the one thing that I have learned that is true of every single person who is exceptional in whatever they are doing is self-doubt. Without it, you become big-headed and arrogant,” she said. “The curse of being competent is self-doubt, because competence rides on your own self-doubt. It’s the edge of doubt that makes you a performer in anything you do.”

Arrogance and recklessness are not signs of strength—they’re weaknesses that can get you into a lot of trouble. A healthy amount of self-doubt will keep you grounded and humble, even while you’re doing great things.

While it’s important that you get impostor syndrome under control and that you don’t let it hold you back, that doesn’t mean that you need to eliminate it completely. Recognizing those feelings of self-doubt as a sign of great possibilities will help you to lean in when your instinct is to run away.

If you’re struggling with feelings of self-doubt, take advantage of the live chat feature at TheHopeLine.com. There are Hope Coaches available 24 hours a day, and the live chat is free, safe, and confidential. A conversation with a Hope Coach may be just what you need.

Kris Kelso is a keynote speaker, entrepreneur, leadership coach, and is the author of “Overcoming The Impostor: Silence Your Inner Critic and Lead With Confidence”.

From Olympic athletes to pop stars, our role models have the power to influence how we live our lives—for better or worse. When it’s Lizzo teaching us that playing the flute is NOT “too nerdy,” that’s great! When it’s the fashion world continuing to prioritize images of dangerously thin men and women, that’s dangerous. There is no escaping these images, unless you want to cut all ties to the world and live alone in the woods, so what can you learn about the impact beauty standards are having on our body images to protect your self-worth?

What to Know About Body Image

What Is Body Image?

Body image is how we see, think, feel, and act about our bodies or appearance. Body dissatisfaction or appearance dissatisfaction is very common these days, and it can often mean that a person has a negative body image. There are four components of body image:

1. Perceptual body image is what you see in your mind, not necessarily the truth. Maybe you look in the mirror and see a “bean pole” or “weakling” when you can objectively lift more weight than most people on your team and others see you as muscular and strong. That’s your perception of your body overriding what is actually true.

2. Affective body image is how you feel about your body. Maybe you see the rolls on your belly when you sit down and think “gross” or feel embarrassed when objectively, everyone’s stomach creases in that position. The truth is that’s a normal thing, but you’ve assigned a negative feeling to that part of yourself.

3. Cognitive body image is the thought process you have about your body. This is when you think “I can’t be satisfied until I’ve lost those ten pounds,” or “if I ever get fat, I’ll die of humiliation.” The truth is that with this mindset, you will probably want to lose more weight after you achieve that ten pounds, and you’ll see every pound you gain as a bad thing regardless of your health.

4. Behavioral body image is when you make decisions based on your body image. You might wear long sleeves or pants if you don’t like your muscles, or you’ll avoid and isolate yourself from summer activities if you don’t like how you look in a bathing suit. You might engage in disordered eating to try and attain a weight you think you‘d like better. Rather than acting based on what’s best for your well-being, you act based on your feelings about your body.

It’s important to remember that it’s possible for all four of the above to be positive too. Maybe you are proud of your work in the gym, so you wear a lot of tank tops to show off those arms. Great! Today’s reading is just to help you be more aware of where your body image might be negative so that you can be careful of your mental health.

How Do Beauty Standards Impact Body Image?

From Instagram to the New York Post, the images and stories we’re exposed to almost 24/7 contain mostly thin, white, able-bodied folks who’ve most likely undergone extensive air-brushing, filters, makeup application, and/or extreme dieting before their bodies were photographed. There’s almost no way that kind of representation can have a positive impact on a normal person with a normal appetite, average income, and any number of unique traits that a diverse population has. But when these images and these people receive loads of praise and attention, the message is clear: if you look like this, the world will love you.

It doesn’t take long in our society, some research says it starts as early as 3-5 years old, before our minds are trained to think “I’m supposed to look like that.” From then on, you’re automatically scanning yourself for flaws you can fix to attain that ideal. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you see yourself as unacceptable until you get rid of those flaws. But when the ideal we’ve been shown is impossible to achieve in a healthy way, you will either make yourself sick in the pursuit of them or hate yourself when you fail.

If you’re starving yourself or over-exercising, that can cause stress to the body that results in anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and poor self-esteem. If you’re constantly berating yourself for not looking the way you want to or hiding and isolating to avoid others seeing your body, that can also result in poor mental health. If you don't learn to recognize when negative body image is impacting your self-esteem and learn to combat it, your mental health could be at risk.

How to Boost Self-Esteem and Body Image

First of all, let’s just acknowledge that this is hard stuff. Most people are hard on themselves when it comes to their appearance—that’s the world we live in. You’re not weak for caring about how you look, and you’re not alone in it either. You’re already doing an act of kindness to yourself by reading about this issue, which means that some small part of you believes that you deserve to feel at peace with your own body. You do!

Here are some ways you can lean toward loving and respecting yourself when you are struggling to remember you are already enough:

1. It’s important to consider how you navigate social media, TV, news, magazines and any other source that’s influencing your brain. Charlotte Markey PhD recommends the FACE method:

• Filter. Take charge of what you’re seeing online, and get rid of the things that make you feel less than. Maybe that means Unfollowing some accounts that do a lot of pre or post-workout body shots. Maybe that means telling TikTok to stop showing you ads for fad diets. Listen to yourself, and if certain online content leaves you feeling inferior, filter it out of your experience.
• Avoid. Take screen breaks. Seriously. It doesn’t matter how much filtering you do, being online all the time is going to expose you to unhealthy things at some point. Screen breaks, phone breaks, social media “fasting,” or even getting rid of one or two of your accounts can be great for your body image and self-esteem.
• Careful of Comparisons. Remember that nobody posts their bad angles or rough moments, so when you find yourself thinking, “I’m so lazy” or “she’s so put-together,” that’s a false comparison. A person’s online presence isn’t reality, and using what you see on social media as a thermometer for how you’re doing in life is a recipe for disappointment.
• Evaluate. Remember that media of any kind is only one small sampling of a larger world, and it’s always been doctored in some way. It can be a great tool for learning and connection, but make sure you’re grounding yourself in reality too.

2. Do something you enjoy or that you’re good at. That could be as simple as getting yourself a coloring book and some crayons. Maybe you could finally join the choir so you can enjoy singing more often than when you’re alone in your car. Giving yourself the gift of enjoying something is a great way to build self-esteem.

4. Set positive, health-focused, and pro-social goals for yourself. Rather than striving for achievements based on appearance, like “I want to fit into a Size 2 dress for Prom,” strive for “I want to find a dress that reflects my personality and makes me feel comfortable enough to dance with my friends.” Rather than thinking “I need to be able to run a 7.5-minute mile this season,” shift to “I want to feel proud of myself this season and help out the team, whatever that looks like.”

4. Ask for support. We all go through negative body image! Talk to your friends and family about your struggles with body image, and if you think your mental or physical health is being impacted, consult with a licensed therapist. They can help you come up with tools to cope with low self-esteem and negative body image, and they’ll also help you determine if you need to see a doctor for any physical issues you’re having.

We talk a lot about self-care at TheHopeLine, it’s true. But that’s because it’s important! Find ways that you can practice giving yourself care when the world and your inner bullies are telling you that you’d be incredible… if only you lost 15 pounds, plumped your upper lip, upped your weights, or fit into those pants. Self-esteem is about esteeming yourself, not having a running list of flaws you’d like to get rid of.

You Are Already Awesome

“Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” —1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV)

Your faith can be immensely helpful when it comes to self-worth and body image. When you’re able to separate what others see from who you really are, it’s incredibly freeing. Let yourself rest today, or at least for the next five minutes, in the knowledge that you are already there. You’ve already reached the point at which you are beautiful to God. You didn’t need to do a thing to get there either. There is no model, influencer, athlete, actor, or anyone else you “should” look more like. There are no meal plans, weightlifting routines, supplements, protein powders, photo filters, jeans, foundations, haircuts or face washes that can change the contents of your heart. God sees you as wonderfully made, period.

If you want to talk to someone about the anxiety or dissatisfaction you feel with your appearance, please reach out to a Hope Coach today. Everyone at TheHopeLine believes that you are already great and that your thoughts, feelings, and stories are important. We’ll listen without judgment and connect you with resources that might be able to help. You aren’t alone in your struggles with body image—there’s always hope!

If you're struggling to accept your physical appearance, here are 6 ways to stop obsessing over what you see in the mirror.

Top Money Myths - Know the Truth About Money and Make Better Decisions for Your Future

Sometimes, it’s hard to know what the truth is about money.

Whether it’s our friends, our family, or the media everyone seems to say something different.

That’s why I’m going through 9 of the top money myths you need to stop believing.

Myths About Money

Myth #1: Money won’t make you happy.

Money will make you happy if you have a money problem. The distinction here is that money won’t solve non-money problems. So, when someone says money won’t make you happy, ignore them and decide for yourself.

How do you know if your problem is a money problem or something else? Analyze what the problem is really about.

For example, if you have trouble coming up with rent money every month, then you have a money problem. However, if you are fighting with your significant other about things (one of those things being money), it may be something else and money is just part of a bigger issue.

Your budget will tell you if you have a money problem.

If money is your problem, then more money may solve that problem and relieve you of the stress and unhappiness money is causing you.

I’m a perfect example. I have a money problem. I have $108k in student loan debt left. I have to make more money to repay this debt. If I don’t blog I would be -$1k in my budget every month. I pay over $1,500 / month toward my loans, and I’m not bringing in enough money to make that number seem small. I don’t have a health problem. I don’t have a career or a relationship problem. I have a money problem. More money will increase my happiness because of this (which is why I blog and teach people how to blog.

Money is just like anything else (like your health, job, relationship, etc.). More money will make you happier if you have a money problem. Just make sure it’s a real money problem and not something else.

Myth #2: Your current circumstances dictate your financial future.

Your current circumstances do not dictate your financial future. It may feel this way and you may think you’re stuck, but you’re not.

You have the power to change your financial future, regardless of where you are now. Don’t believe me? Read As A Man Thinketh by James Allen and you’ll learn more than I can ever explain in this post about how you have the power – right now – to change your financial future.

If you think you’re stuck, then you are stuck. If you think you can change your financial life, then you can. Like Allen says in the book, “All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his thoughts.”

I know so many people with $100k-$300k in student loan debt. Most of these people who I know are not trying to get out of their debt, but instead are putting off repaying it, or just ignoring it all together. This is a choice they’re making, despite them telling me they’re stuck and have no options. You have options. Take a budgeting course and learn how to manage your money and change your circumstances.

I’m proof of that. If I adopted that mentality, I would probably still have close to $200k in student loan debt because of the income-driven repayment options. Instead, I’ve decided to look at my student loans as an opportunity to learn how to make money myself and pay them off as fast as I can. This has led to me starting a blog, which turned into a profitable business and has helped me repay my debt. This is a mindset I’ve adopted. I believe that graduating with $206k in student loan debt isn’t going to stop me from being wealthy, and I truly believe it.

Myth #3: Because your financial advisor is someone you know, he will act in your best interest.

Just because you know your financial advisor, or because he was a recommendation, does not mean he is going to act in your best interest.

A financial advisor acts in your best interest when he is a fiduciary. A fiduciary means that the advisor must act in your best interest above his own (e.g.: he can’t recommend financial products that pay out a commission if they aren’t in your best interest).

If you’re not sure whether your advisor is a fiduciary, ask him.

I see people use “someone they know” to manage their money, only to find out that the advisor is not a fiduciary and they’re not getting good financial advice at all.

Myth #4: As long as you can afford the monthly payment, you can afford to buy it.

It’s not true that if you can afford the monthly payment, then you can afford to buy the item. You shouldn’t look at monthly payments when you buy something. You should look at the total cost of the item – whether it’s a car, a house, or something smaller, like a TV.

Purchasing based on the monthly payment is what I like to call a “renter’s mentality”. Instead, think of yourself as having an “owner’s mentality” and focus on buying things outright, when possible. This will limit your payments and help you build wealth because you’ll have more available money to increase your investments and overall net worth.

Myth #5: Keeping a credit card balance increases your credit score.

This is SO not true. If you have a credit card, you can (and should) pay it off in full every month to build credit. You do not need to keep a balance to build your credit. At all.

Myth #6: As long as your partner manages your money, you don’t need to be involved.

Things happen. Life happens.

Unfortunately, people die, become disabled, get dementia, get divorced, lie, steal, and on and on. It’s not always happy and that’s just how it goes.

For these reasons, if your partner manages your money (or the family money) you need to be involved. Whether that means joining him at financial planning meetings or sitting down with him once a month to review your budget, you need to do something to be a part of your finances.

It’s perfectly fine if you don’t want to be the one who sets the budget or is in charge of paying the bills. But you need to know what is going on. You need to be aware and be included in the process.

Myth #7: A credit card is a good emergency fund.

A credit card is not a good emergency fund. A credit card turns into debt when you don’t pay it off. You do not – and should not – plan to go into debt for future emergencies that you know are going to happen.

You know emergencies happen. This isn’t news. An emergency fund doesn’t mean that emergencies won’t happen – it means that when they do, you don’t have to worry about the financial aspects of the problem. You don’t have to be scared about how you’ll pay for the emergency. It will still suck – but it’ll be affordable.

Use cash in your savings account (not in the stock market) as your emergency fund. This fund isn’t meant to be spent frivolously, nor is it meant to be invested in the market. It’s meant to be an insurance policy for you when something goes wrong and you need to pay for it.

Myth #8: A home is a good investment.

This one is probably the most controversial. But I’m going to say it – a house is not a good investment.

A house is great to buy as a home. It is somewhere for you to live that you will eventually own outright once you repay the mortgage. But until then, you are financing this purchase. And not only that, but the house is going to have problems. You will need to replace and fix things. You will need to furnish your home. In the early years of owning a home, it costs you a lot of money.

I’m not saying don’t purchase a house. If you have the money, then yes, absolutely, buy a house. I am in favor of homeownership for a number of reasons that I won’t get into here. If I didn’t have student loan debt, and I was married, a house would be a top priority for me. But, it would be that way so I could have a home to live in and raise a family in – not to increase my investments.

Your house doesn’t produce income. And in the early years of ownership, it can cost you a lot of money. Down the road, it may be a part of your net worth in a positive way, but it still won’t produce income for you – it’s illiquid. So, as far as owning a residential house to live in goes, think of it as a home for you and your family – not as an investment property.

Myth #9: Take out as much student loan debt as you can in order to pay for school.

Despite college and post-graduate school being more important and popular than ever, it’s not a good idea to go to school regardless of the price. Student loan debt is a huge problem for so many people, including me. Instead of going full force into the best school you can get into no matter the cost, think about what you want to do for work and whether the cost is worth it.

For example, if you want to be a surgeon, it may be worth it to take out $250k in student loans because your income will be $250k/year starting out, and you’ll be able to repay your debt over a short period. However, if you want to be a banker and think you’ll make $50k/year, you may not want to take out $250k in student loan debt.

Think about your income potential based on the career you want to go into. Make smart decisions about the amount of debt you take out based on the career you choose.

Don’t max out your student loans like I did. You’ll regret it if you can’t pay it back!

Did you find any of these money myths helpful? Anything about managing your money that you know you need to change?  Let us know in the comments below!

Natalie Bacon, is a blogger, financial planner, recovering attorney, and personal development junkie.

From TheHopeLine:

Struggling with finances can be so overwhelming that you don't know where to turn. A prayer when struggling with finances is a good place to start finding purpose and peace in your struggles with finances.

Life is hard. Let us help. No matter what you're going through, this is a safe place to get the help you need. Reach out and chat with one of our incredible Hope Coaches that are available 24 hours a day. Live chat is FREE, SAFE, and CONFIDENTIAL. We are here to listen, not to judge.

The very idea that someone wants to die is frightening. As a result, suicide is not an easy topic to discuss for many people. But suicide is preventable and talking about suicide does save lives. If one person can be saved from suicide by talking about it with someone, it is worth it; especially if that someone is you.

How to Handle Suicidal Thinking

Talking About Suicide Save Lives

I am amazed at the many powerful and wise comments I have received from you about suicide. I asked you to tell me why you think people contemplate suicide and you had some amazing insights. It is clear that it is usually not just one thing that compels someone to feel suicidal. You said it is a combination of a lot of things, including:

• pain
• loneliness
• rejection
• abuse
• guilt
• depression
• helplessness
• hopelessness

More than anything, I believe people who live with depression and suicidal thoughts feel hopeless. They are hurting so badly and want nothing more than for the pain to end. Unfortunately, they cannot imagine the pain ever going away. They cannot see the light at the end of the very dark and lonely tunnel they have found themselves traveling down. Have you ever felt this way?

Why Is Suicide So Common Among College Students?

For most students, college is a time of “firsts.” For the first time, you’re faced with living outside your parents’ home, managing your own schedule, deciding on an academic trajectory, working or taking out loans to pay for school, making new friends, getting to know a new environment, etc. Trying a new thing is always going to be a bit stressful, even if you’re excited about it. Trying a million new things all at once? Very stressful.

Without support, self-care, and a certain level of familiarity with mental health, times of transition and stress are very likely to impact us emotionally. College is a time when loneliness, hopelessness, depression, and anxiety have a lot of opportunities to take hold of you. On top of that, the typical age range of a college student (18-24) is a time when many mental illnesses manifest in patients. Whether you’re in college or not, these years are when your brain may develop symptoms of anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, etc.

Between the stage of brain development that most college students are in, and the stress level they’re experiencing in a time of high expectations and constant change, it’s no surprise that suicide rates are especially high within this particular population.

So what can you do about it? If you or someone you know is headed to college, get on the school’s official website and explore what kinds of resources they offer for mental health. Most campuses have health centers to support their students’ needs, and many of those now offer services like counseling or support groups that are free for students. Get familiar with that resource so that if you need it, you can use it! And even though college is a busy time, make sure that caring for yourself is a top priority. Adequate sleep, nutritious food, exercise, other types of rest, and social support are all crucial elements of a healthy college experience.

Don't Believe the Lies...You Matter

It is not uncommon for a person’s circumstances or their self-image to cause someone to think negatively about themselves.

Oftentimes, people consider suicide because they are unable to find any reason to make living worthwhile. They think their problems are unsolvable and they feel completely out of control. I believe first and foremost; hopelessness is a serious spiritual problem rooted in lies and faulty thinking. Anytime you believe lies that depression and suicidal thoughts tell you about yourself, you are listening to the wrong voices.

Jennifer said suicide has been a daily struggle for the past nine years due to being sexually abused. "I feel like suicide is the only option I have left, the only chance at peace I'll ever have. I just want the pain to stop. It's as if something will always be missing and life will never be quite right." There is no denying that the pain of sexual abuse can be tremendous. But the abuse is not Jennifer’s fault. She needs to find the hope that she can overcome this pain. Many people just like Jennifer have overcome abuse by talking about it with a professional counselor. She needs to learn how to stop punishing herself for her abuser’s actions.

Reach Out to Talk About the Pain...Never Give Up

Have you ever gone through something so painful you were convinced the pain was never going to go away? Many people who contemplate suicide say something like: I don't want to die. I just want the pain to stop. They think, "Because I’m in intense pain today, I will always be in pain." It is this kind of faulty thinking that can lead people down the path that leads to suicide.

Kas wrote: I think about suicide pretty much every second of the day. It seems like it's my only choice anymore. I know it's not the answer, but at times I just feel like I can't move on with this life anymore.

Substance Abuse Magnifies Suicidal Thoughts and Behaviors

If you are already living with suicidal ideation, it is important to remember that substance abuse only works to magnify these thoughts and behaviors. Alcohol makes depression worse, impairs thinking and judgment, and increases impulsivity. There is no safety without sobriety. Additionally, coping skills like alcohol, drugs, and self-harm, all fail – because they never address the actual root of the pain. They only serve to temporarily cover it up.

Jordyn wrote: Some people have suicidal thoughts because they want to escape the isolation, pain, and rejection from the environment surrounding them. Others simply feel they have reached a state of loneliness and depression in their lives to the point where their thoughts become so negative, that they can't find any other reason to live. They would rather not confront it because of the fear of hurt that comes along with it. I feel that when you go through times of depression and think about suicide, God is there by your side. He will not abandon you. It is only a matter of whether you reach out to Him through prayer that you will be free from these thoughts.

Mandy also wrote: "Part of the very reason people do what they do is because they have failed. Suicide is the result of irrational thinking in the illness of DEPRESSION. And when people reach that level, just as my father did on the 18th of January 2020, it was a reminder that even the strong fall... "

Depression is a real illness and needs real meaningful help. If you're thinking, "I just want the pain to stop", let us help you. To learn more about depression, please read this guest blog from our partner, Centerstone.

Birthday parties, football games, family reunions, barbecues, brunch, dinner, after dinner, happy hour, after parties, afternoons, evenings out with friends, evenings at home, vacation, Taco Tuesday… All of these are times when it might be considered appropriate to have an alcoholic beverage in your hand. The problem is that there’s a “reason to drink” at almost every moment of every day. Turning to alcohol whenever you want to celebrate, enjoy the company of others, or simply relax adds up fast, and it’s no wonder so many of us struggle with unhealthy drinking habits.

For some of us, it’s more than just making better decisions about when and how much to drink. It’s become an addiction, an absolute necessity in our daily lives. No matter how negative the impact on our health, relationships, and quality of life, alcoholism keeps us reaching for that next drink over and over.

What to Know About Alcoholism

Alcohol and Health

What is alcoholism, and how can it affect a person's health? Alcoholism, or in medical terms, Alcohol Use Disorder, is when a person has formed a mental or chemical dependence on alcohol that results in negative consequences to your life. For some this might mean that they pour their first drink as soon as they wake up in the morning, never missing a day. For others it could be binge drinking.

Binge drinking is when you consume more than the recommended number of drinks per day, and for those of you who are thinking, “I don’t have a problem because I only drink on the weekends,” think again. Drinking constantly or daily is not necessarily required for an alcohol use disorder diagnosis and can still have serious consequences for your health.

The list of unhealthy physical effects of alcoholism is long:

• Alcohol poisoning
• STIs or unplanned pregnancies from unprotected sex
• Increased risks of developing liver diseases like cirrhosis and fatty liver disease
• Increased risk of stroke
• Increased risk of heart disease
• Increased risk of pancreatitis
• Weight gain due to excess caloric intake, or weight loss due to neglect of eating in favor of drinking.
• A weakened immune system results in other health problems
• Mental health issues such as anxiety and depression
• Stunted brain development resulting in memory & learning problems
• Injuries and accidents that occur due to impaired judgment, vision, and motor skills
• Increased risk of breast, mouth, liver, colon, and throat cancer

And that’s not all! Excessive drinking also complicates or exaggerates most, if not all, pre-existing health problems. While moderate drinking doesn’t seem to have a big impact on an otherwise healthy person, it’s definitely important to keep an eye on your drinking habits if you want your body in tip-top shape.

Alcohol and Relationships

It makes sense that excessive drinking impacts our physical health, but how does alcoholism impact people’s relationships? Most people who drink are doing it to “feel better,” and yet the mental and emotional impairment it causes is known to result in relationship troubles when it gets out of control.

Ways alcoholism interferes with healthy relationships:

• An impaired judgment could lead the drinker to do or say things that are hurtful to others. It could also cause them to ignore obvious priorities like hygiene, sleep, or financial responsibilities, all of which could eventually drive a wedge between them and any friends, family, or coworkers.
• Alcoholism has been connected to domestic violence because excessive alcohol consumption can lead to violent and aggressive behavior.
• Finances can also be impacted by alcoholism, as the drinker may spend family resources to access more alcohol, gamble in order to get money for alcohol, or struggle to stay employed due to alcohol.

If it’s not used responsibly, alcohol ruins relationships. It’s that simple. If you’ve noticed that some of your relationships would be better if it weren’t for alcohol, it’s time to consider a change.

Alcohol and Career

Alcohol can also affect your job and career. Are you late or calling out sick frequently due to hangovers? Are showing up for work buzzed, or even drinking on the job? Are you missing out on opportunities that you’d qualify for if your mind were more clear? It’s common for alcoholism to result in unemployment and even homelessness if it goes untreated.

How to Know If You Have a Problem With Alcohol

Get familiar with the signs and symptoms of alcoholism and reflect. Ask yourself these questions:

• Has drinking alcohol had a negative impact on any of my relationships?
• Have I done things I regret because of drinking alcohol? Or engaged in “high-risk behaviors”?
  • Binge drinking
  • Driving under the influence
  • Drinking while caring for children
  • Having unsafe sex
• Has drinking alcohol had a negative impact on my performance at school?
• Has drinking alcohol had a negative impact on my performance at work?
• Has drinking alcohol had a negative impact on my finances?
• Am I able to go for any considerable amount of time without thinking about drinking or wanting to drink alcohol?
• Am I drinking alcohol every day?
• Have I “blacked out" due to alcohol use?
• Do I ever hide my drinking from others?

Based on your answers to these questions, do you honestly feel that your relationship with alcohol is a healthy one?

If you’re not sure whether your drinking is a problem, it’s a good idea to try taking a break from it to see how that goes. Some folks do this regularly with fads like “Dry January,” but you don’t necessarily have to do it for a whole month. Think of some ways that you, your friends, and your family could have fun without alcohol and give sobriety a shot. You may be surprised about how much you don’t miss it!

What to Do About Alcoholism

If you are worried that your or someone else’s alcohol consumption has become a problem, there are a number of things you can do.

Talk to someone. Seek the advice of a licensed mental health professional to determine what kind of support you need at this time. They can recommend a direction for you to take, whether that be joining a support group, getting medical attention, or making lifestyle changes. Get social support as well. Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous or simply confiding in trusted friends and family can significantly decrease your feelings of shame and loneliness.

You are never alone in this situation, whether you’re an alcoholic or you’re close to someone with alcoholism. Don’t hesitate to reach out for the support available to you–it could be the difference between life and death, and it could help find joy that you didn’t believe possible.

A Note About Underage Drinking

If you’re under the age of 21 and live in the United States, you shouldn’t be drinking for a few reasons.

1. You, your friends, and whoever helped you access the alcohol in the first place could get in a lot of legal trouble if you’re caught. It’s not worth it.

2. Is “having a little fun” really worth an STI, a car accident, or a hospital visit that could change the course of your life? Wait until you’re 21. There will be plenty of time to drink then.

3. Your brain is quite literally still developing. Pumping alcohol into your system now could permanently impact how one of your most vital organs finishes growing, and not in a good way.

Alcohol Use Disorder and Your Faith

First and foremost, it’s vital to remember the difference between guilt and shame. You may feel guilty about your alcohol use, but your alcohol use does not make you a bad person or any less worthy of love, acceptance, and help than others.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with alcohol. Even Jesus believed in having wine at weddings! The issue comes in when you’re depending upon alcohol to feel good, instead of facing life’s challenges in an emotionally healthy way. When you are feeling ashamed of your alcoholism, rather than turning to a drink or beating yourself up, remember how deeply you are loved. Jesus’ message is one of abundant life and joy, not shame.

You can reach out to our Hope Coaches at any time, or you can check out other resources we offer. Alcoholism doesn’t have to define your life, so don’t lose hope!

What do the NFL and TheHopeLine have in common? Besides a shared love for teamwork, of course…

Answer: September 10, 2023

World Suicide Prevention Day happens to fall on the first weekend of the NFL’s 2023 season, and TheHopeLine is joining a group of professional quarterbacks in a special campaign called 40 for 40.

How to Handle Suicide Prevention

What is My 40 for 40?

We’re partnering with Stay Here to play a role in this collaborative campaign with the goal of changing a devastating statistic: every 40 seconds, someone dies from suicide.

40 for 40  has connected with other non-profit organizations like TheHopeLine, gotten the support of former and current NFL quarterbacks, and engaged a network of digital influencers to provide help for those struggling with suicidal thoughts and offer suicide-prevention training to equip others to save lives.

Over forty NFL quarterbacks will participate in a 40-second video project to raise awareness and connect the public with the resources Stay Here has coordinated across all these organizations. With the combined networks of everybody involved, 40 for 40 is set to reach over 250 million people and provide 100,000 people with counseling resources.

Can you imagine what a difference it could make for that many people to know who to reach out to for help? TheHopeLine is proud to be part of something this big.

What is Stay Here?

Much like TheHopeLine, Stay Here is a mental health organization dedicated to giving hope to those battling brokenness, depression, anxiety, self-harm, addiction and suicide.

They focus their mission on four important aspects of mental health:

1. Awareness. Stay Here wants to break the silence and end the stigma of talking about mental health struggles. They hope to create change in the heartbreaking statistics we see every day by speaking out about the battles of those who are affected by mental health issues and giving a voice to those who remain silent. They also want to teach others to stay present with those who are hurting and alone.

2. Community. Stay Here uses social media, live events, and small groups to foster accountability through community, which they believe is a key factor for anyone looking to find a fulfilling life while battling any type of mental illness. They don’t want anyone to feel alone.

3. Training. The Stay Here ACT Training teaches others how to spot suicide warning signs, and save lives all around you. The ACT Training is taught in six clear segments and takes approximately 45 minutes to complete. You can get trained to save lives here: ACT Training

4. Resources. Stay Here partners with like-minded organizations to connect people who are suffering with the help they need to realize their life is worth living.

TheHopeLine is one of those organizations that partner with Stay Here to help anyone who reaches out to them get connected with the resources they need. Their mission of hope is so close to our hearts that it’s in our name! And we look forward to working with them on World Suicide Prevention Day and beyond.

Why is Suicide Prevention Day Important?

The International Association for Suicide Prevention organizes World Suicide Prevention Day each year in an effort to “create hope through action.” The IASP says, “By encouraging understanding, reaching in and sharing experiences, we want to give people the confidence to take action. Preventing suicide requires us to become a beacon of light to those in pain. You can be the light.”

On this day, organizations around the world put extra effort into their awareness campaigns, education endeavors, and mental health resource sharing. The goal is to reduce the stigma around asking for help or talking about your emotional pain. Maybe one day we can live in a world where suicide is rare instead of one of our leading causes of death. The action call of Stay Here is for “Gen Z Will Be Suicide Free.” Together organizations are working to make that a reality. 

Death by suicide is preventable. That’s why awareness campaigns can make a difference. By bringing mental health conversations out into the open, awareness campaigns help to reduce the stigma that forces so many people to hide their depression and thoughts of suicide. By advertising accessible resources, awareness campaigns also offer a real lifeline to those who don’t know where to turn.

When well-known quarterbacks in the NFL openly participate in suicide awareness and prevention endeavors, the impact can be huge. If even one person gets connected to the help they need, that’s a success. But 250 million? That’s game-changing.

How Can We Help?

TheHopeLine will be providing Live Chat Support during the 40 for 40 campaign, as we do for our own site visitors year-round! You can always help by spreading the news about TheHopeLine, but if you’re looking for more ways to participate in World Suicide Prevention Day, here’s how you can pitch in:

• Ask Stay Here to visit your church or school. They do speaking engagements that educate large groups on mental health, and you never know who might be impacted by that kind of event.
• Ask your school or workplace to recognize Suicide Awareness Month. It’s every September, and World Suicide Prevention Day is only a small part of it.
• Organize an event or fundraiser of your own and donate to an organization that offers mental health resources to those in need (we’d be honored if you considered TheHopeLine. You can make a donation here - Donate 🙂). Put together a concert, a bake sale, a read-a-thon, or any kind of event that you think sounds fun and let folks know that their money will be going toward suicide prevention.
• Give a Hope Box to your church or school so they can connect students and young adults to TheHopeLine! You can order a Hope Box here: Store
• Share your own journey with mental health so that others know you’re a safe person to talk to about theirs. You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, but being open and honest about your experiences when you’re chatting with friends can go a long way.
• Tell your friends and family directly that if they’re ever feeling low, you love them and you want them to stay here. It never hurts to be clear and say, “Hey! It’s Suicide Prevention Day, so I just want to tell you that you can come to me about anything.” 
• Text someone an encouraging message right now. Let them know they’re loved.
• Know your resources. You can check out what we have at TheHopeLine and refer anyone to chat with a Hope Coach.  You can also have 988 memorized or saved in your phone too—calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline might save a life.

Finally, if you are struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, please know you’re not alone. Reach out to one of our Hope Coaches for support and know that your life is worth living. There is hope. Your life can be full of love and joy. All you have to do is stay here.

Feeling afraid isn’t fun, unless you’re one of those people who loves to watch scary movies… Most of us don’t enjoy that moment when your stomach drops to the floor, your breath hitches, and your heart rate starts to climb. It’s so unpleasant that we avoid it in most cases.

But! Feeling afraid means your brain is working properly. It means that your instincts have detected or predicted something to be a potential threat, and your brain wants you to be ready to run or fight. Feeling fear makes you human. It’s one of the most “normal” things in the world to be scared of something. But what happens if you’re scared of everything? Or if you feel scared all the time, even when you know you’re safe?

What to Know About Fear

What is Fear?

Simply put, fear is both an emotional response and a biochemical reaction. You become alert to the presence of danger because your brain floods with chemicals that tell your body to get ready for the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses. That’s incredibly useful if you're being chased by a serial killing clown with a chainsaw. Less so when you’re just trying to pass debate class with a fear of public speaking.

Your emotional response is when you start to assign positive or negative feelings to a particular experience of fear. Some people love the thrill of going to a hands-on haunted house every Halloween, so fear isn’t always necessarily a negative. On the other hand, if the very idea of standing up in front of others to argue a point has you quaking in your Converse, fear can create some real challenges.

The trick is our ability to tell the difference between the legitimate presence of danger and an imagined threat. 

When Fear Gets Out of Hand

“Constructive fear alerts us to an actual threat [and] keeps us safe from danger. Destructive fear alerts us to a non-existent threat. There is no actual threat, but our minds tell us there is,” says Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D.

If you’re afraid of being hit by a car, so you’re always careful to look both ways before you walk across the street, that’s constructive. Your fear is healthy. If you love yoga, but you’re afraid to let anyone see you in yoga pants, so you haven’t practiced yoga in years, that’s destructive. That fear is unhealthy and takes a negative toll on your quality of life. You may also want to address your fear if any of the following sound familiar:

• Worrying constantly about things that haven’t happened yet
• Avoiding painful experiences like eating in the cafeteria, upsetting a certain person, getting a bad grade, etc.
• Feelings of dread about the future
• Intolerance of uncertainty or not being comfortable until you have “all the facts”
• Indecisiveness because you’re afraid of making the wrong decision
• Overthinking to the point that you are losing time for important activities
• Not being able to think clearly because all you can think about is what could go wrong
• Feeling stuck in a negative situation but too afraid to seek change

Fearful thoughts that weigh on you to the point of limiting what you feel capable of doing are a sign that something deeper is going on. Perhaps you have some past trauma that needs to be resolved, or maybe you’re dealing with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder. At the very least, your mental health could use some TLC. You can learn how to overcome fear and live a healthier life with more freedom! Just take a deep breath and keep reading.

How Do You Gain Control Over Fear?

Let’s take another moment to appreciate your brain’s ability to process fear. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with you when you feel afraid. Your mind and body are supposed to do that. The only trouble is that your brain has a hard time recognizing when it’s time to let go of fear so that it doesn’t become destructive, and that’s something you can practice.

Here are a few helpful tips to overcome a fear:

• Take a few deep breaths. This might sound cliché, but taking deep breaths isn’t just a nice idea. Giving your body a moment to be calm, quiet, and breathe can actually impact your heart rate and your brain’s chemical balances. When you’re scared, your heart might race and stress hormones get produced in your body. Try this breathing exercise, then check out the rest of these tips

• Assess the facts. There’s a common trick for confronting fear called: F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real. Ask yourself two questions:
  • Right now, what exactly is it that my brain thinks would be scary or unpleasant about ________?
  • What is actually true about _______? If you can identify where your brain is relying on false evidence about a potentially scary situation, then you can challenge those thoughts by thinking through the truth, which is hopefully far less scary.

• Comfort yourself. If a little kid were scared of something, how would you treat them? You’d probably ask them what they’re scared of. You’d probably listen patiently as they explained, no matter how silly their fear might be. You’d probably hold them, hug them, or stroke their hair as they cry. You’d probably offer to investigate the closet for monsters or ride the slide with them so that they don’t have to do it alone. You’d probably offer them a yummy snack or suggest a nap, because those things would help them feel better. You’d comfort them. 

• Now, what do you do when you’re scared? Judge yourself? Tell yourself that you’re weak and stupid? Hide away from others and worry that you’re a burden? That simply won’t do. Feeling afraid takes a lot out of you! Be kind to yourself in more ways than one when you recognize fear taking over:
  • Recite calming prayers or affirmations of truth to combat your fearful thoughts.
  • Wrap yourself up in a favorite blanket and turn on an old favorite movie.
  • Take yourself on a walk to get coffee or ice cream to reward yourself for getting through a scary moment.
  • Go to bed early or take a nap so your body will have more energy to fight fear.
  • Call a friend and explain your fears to them so that they can’t fester.

• Confront avoidance. When we are afraid of something, sometimes it’s all too easy to ignore it. When that thing is spiders, that’s probably fine… it shouldn’t impact your life much to avoid spiders. When that thing is rejection, the only way to avoid it is to steer clear of relationships, which isn’t healthy or fun. You don’t have to climb a mountain every day if you’re afraid of heights, but try to be mindful when you find yourself avoiding activities or experiences to the point that it’s unhealthy. Avoidance may cut down on how often you encounter fear, but that fear will only grow in the meantime.

• Seek social support and professional help. Reach out to trusted friends and family about the fears you’re facing. They love you and want to be there to support you, so there’s no reason to go through this journey alone. If you feel like you need additional support and guidance, look for a licensed therapist who can help you determine where your fears come from, why they are controlling you, and what you can do about it. It may feel scary to talk to anyone about these things, but once your fears are out in the open, you might find that they feel a little smaller.

Just listen to Mr. Rogers! He once said, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”

How Can Your Faith Help With Fear?

Depending on your translation, the Bible contains the words “be not afraid” or “do not fear” hundreds of times. Why? Well, I think it’s because God doesn’t want us to suffer under fear. Even Jesus felt fear, so it’s not that fear itself is the issue. God just doesn’t want a life of fear for us. That’s why Jesus offers us so many words of peace and comfort, extends kindness at every opportunity, and promises that when our feelings are burdensome, we can come to Him for strength and understanding.

The next time your fear tries to convince you that you’ll never survive another chemistry test or school play audition, remind yourself of what’s true: you are loved so fully that whether you fail, pass, land the lead, or forget your lines, your worth as a unique creation in the image of the divine is fixed. Nothing can change or challenge that worth, so fear doesn’t stand a chance when you decide to confront it from a place of knowledge, hope, and faith.

If you would like to talk to someone about your struggles with fear, feel free to reach out to one of our Hope Coaches today. You can also read more about mental health, anxious thoughts, and faith on our website.

Feeling overwhelmed? Asking yourself these six simple questions when you feel overwhelmed can help you identify the next steps and move past overwhelming situations.