Posts by TheHopeLine Team

Technology and Cyberbullying

Just as the use of technology itself has evolved, so has the ability to bully. Bullying, once restricted to the school or neighborhood, has now moved into the online world. Bullying through electronic means is referred to as “cyberbullying.”

As adults, thinking back, it was just a generation ago that kids and teens were asking their parents for a phone in their room — maybe even one with a separate line or three-way calling — so they could easily and somewhat privately connect with more friends.

Today, a kid or teen’s desire to connect with friends has not changed, but the options for doing so have grown tremendously. Children are not only asking for their own tablets, gaming devices, and mobile phones at a younger age, they also want access to popular social media sites, and the ability to engage in online games and share information.

Just as young people used to spend unmonitored time playing with friends in the neighborhood, outside the periphery of adults, they are now engaging with each other in the cyberworld, “talking” with each other, “talking” to each other, and “talking” about each other, often without adult or parental monitoring. While technology allows young people to connect in meaningful ways, such as the opportunity to share ideas, photos, videos, and more, the unsupervised nature of the cyberworld demands the need for guidance, guidelines, and social responsibility.

Cyberbullying: What Makes it Unique | PACERTalks About Bullying, Episode 13

The dynamics of using technology to hurt, harm or humiliate another individual or group are examined in this video.

https://youtu.be/Oc7Fmfr-Hqo

What to Know About Cyberbullying?

Definition of Cyberbullying

While the definitions of cyberbullying, sometimes called online bullying, vary from source to source, most definitions consist of:

1. electronic forms of contact
2. an aggressive act
3. intent
4. repetition
5. harm to the target (Hutson, 2016 )

The technology, accessed through computers or cell phones, used to cyberbully includes:

• personal websites
• blogs
• e-mail
• texting
• social networking sites
• chat rooms
• message boards
• instant messaging
• photographs
• video games (Feinberg & Robey, 2009)

Other helpful definitions include:

• Cyberbullying is defined as “willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices” (Hinduja & Patchin, 2015 ).
• Cyberbullying occurs “when someone repeatedly makes fun of another person online or repeatedly picks on another person through e-mail or text message or when someone posts something online about another person that they don’t like” (Cyberbullying Research Center, 2016 ).
• Cyberbullying is intentional and repeated harm inflicted on others through the use of electronic devices (Cyberbullying Research Center, 2016 ).
• Cyberbullying is as an aggressive, intentional act distributed by an individual or group, using contact in an electronic medium, continuously and relentlessly against someone who cannot stand up for himself or herself easily (Smith et al., 2008 ).

Unique characteristics of cyberbullying

Recently a student shared “that all bullying hurts, whether in person or through technology, the end result is that bullying in any form is emotionally damaging.”
Contrasting offline bullying with online bullying:

1. targets might not know who the bully is or why they are being targeted, as cyberbullying can happen anonymously.
2. cyberbullying can have a large audience - the actions of those who cyberbully can go viral;
3. it is often easier to be cruel using technology because of greater physical distance and the person bullying doesn’t see the immediate response by the target - they might not recognize the serious harm from their actions because they lack seeing the target’s response; and
4. it can be harder for parents and adults to manage cyberbullying (Hinduja & Patchin, 2014 ).

Rates of Incidence for Cyberbullying

• Rates of cyberbullying victimization range from 5% to 74% (Hamm, Newton, & Chisholm, 2015 ).
• 15.5% of high school students and 24% of middle school students were cyberbullied in 2015 (Center for Disease Control, 2015 ).
• The percentages of individuals who have experienced cyberbullying at some point in their lifetimes have nearly doubled (18% to 34%) from 2007-2016 (Patchin & Hinduja, 2016).
• Boys are more likely to be cyberbully perpetrators and girls are more likely to be cyberbully targets (Hamm, Newton, & Chisholm, 2015).

What Kids Want Parents to Know About Cyberbullying | PACERTalks About Bullying: Season 2, Episode 17

Middle school students provide insight about their online experiences, and share what they want their parents to know about cyberbullying.

https://youtu.be/JN54FWBvpes

How Cyberbullying Impacts Students

• Those who are cyberbullied are also likely to be bullied offline (Hamm, Newton, & Chisholm, 2015 ).
• Cyberbullying can result in serious emotional problems for targets, including anxiety, low self-esteem, depression (Hinduja & Patchin, 2015 ), stress, and suicide ideation, (Kowalski, Giumetti, Schroeder, & Lattanner, 2014 ).
• Those who are cyberbullied can feel more uncontrollability than those facing traditional bullying, because they have less control over who views the bullying and less ability to make the bullying stop. There can also be more permanence with cyberbullying compared to traditional bullying: nearly everything on the Internet is available to everyone, everywhere. It can be challenging to erase information once it goes on the Internet (Pearson, Andersson, & Porath, 2005 ).
• Those who cyberbully are more likely to have anxiety, depression, less life satisfaction, less self-esteem, and face drug and alcohol abuse (Kowalski, Giumetti, Schroeder, & Lattanner, 2014 ).
• Both cyberbullies and targets of cyberbullying report less school satisfaction and achievement (Bernan & Li, 2007 ).
• Motivations behind cyberbullying include a lack of confidence or desire to feel better about themselves, a desire for control, finding it entertaining, and retaliation (Hamm, Newton, & Chisholm, 2015).
• Targets of cyberbullying have a greater chance of becoming bullies themselves, as being cyberbullied can lead to revenge bullying as a way to cope. And, cyberbullies have a greater risk at being bullied in return, resulting in a vicious cycle. Being a cyberbully contributes to a twenty-fold increase of also being a target of cyberbullying (Arslan, Savaser, Hallett, & Balci, 2012 ).
• Because cyberbullying can occur anonymously, cyberbullies can act more aggressively as they feel there will be no consequences. In face-to-face bullying, the bully can view the impact as the attack happens, whereas cyberbullies cannot see any of the immediate outcomes, often resulting in further aggression (Kowalski, Giumetti, Schroeder, & Lattanner, 2014 ).

Trends to Address Cyberbullying

• There are several challenges for addressing cyberbullying. Parents suggest they lack the technical skills to keep up with their children's’ online behaviors. Schools are educating about cyberbullying with policies, training, and assemblies, yet don’t always know when and how to intervene in cyberbullying when it happens off-campus. Law enforcement often can’t get involved unless there is clear evidence of a crime of threat to someone’s safety (Hinduja & Patchin, 2014).
• Effective approaches to address cyberbullying requires effort from children, parents, schools, law enforcement, social media companies, and the community (Hinduja & Patchin, 2014).
• A multilayered approach can best combat cyberbullying, including educational media campaigns, school-based programs, parental oversight and involvement, legislative action, and screening and evidence-based interventions by health care providers, especially pediatricians and mental health professionals (Aboujaoude, Savage, Starcevic, & Salame, 2015 ).
• Parental involvement can significantly reduce cyberbullying perpetration and victimization. Parents can be taught how to openly discuss cyberbullying with their children, when to meet with school administrators, and when and how to work with a bully's parents, request that a Web site or service provider remove offending material or contact the police (Aboujaoude, Savage, Starcevic, & Salame, 2015 ).
• Parents can also create an age-appropriate “technology use contract” that identifies behaviors that are and are not appropriate on the Internet, as well as consequences for inappropriate behaviors (Hinduja & Patchin, 2014 ).
• The most common strategies reported by youth to cope with cyberbullying were passive, such as blocking the sender, ignoring or avoiding messages, and protecting personal information. Those who are cyberbullied are most likely to tell a friend about the incident. When asked what coping strategies those who were previously cyberbullied would encourage to someone being cyberbullied include blocking the sender, ignoring the messages, and telling someone, such as a friend. Getting retaliation was the least recommended strategy (Hamm, Newton, & Chisholm, 2015).
• Only 33% of teens that were targets of cyberbullying told their parents or guardians about it, because children are worried they will face reduced Internet and cellphone privileges or other punishments (Juvonen & Gross, 2008 ).
• Improving social networking safety skills can help prevent cyberbullying, such as understanding how cyberbullying can cause harm, making sure personal information is not available on social media, keeping social media accounts private, not “friending” people they do not know, and general efficacy (Wölfer, Schultze-Krumbholz, Zagorscak, Jäkel, Göbel, & Scheithauer, 2013 ).
• If someone is being cyberbullied, he/she should keep all evidence of cyberbullying, keep a log with the dates and times of the instances, and report the instances (Hinduja & Patchin, 2014 ).
• Bystanders to cyberbullying might not want to get involved because of the fear that the bullying will come onto them. However, by not doing anything, bystanders are passively encouraging the behavior. Bystanders can make a big difference by actively standing up against cyberbullies. Bystanders should intervene if they feel comfortable, tell a trusted adult after, and never encourage or contribute to the cyberbullying, such as laughing at comments, forwarding hurtful comments, or silently allowing it to continue (Hinduja & Patchin, 2014).

Ideas for Addressing Cyberbullying | PACERTalks About Bullying, Season 2, Episode 13

In this video, we are sharing tips for teens on how to address and prevent cyberbullying, and what to do if you see it happening online.

https://youtu.be/eifasH0whEo

Related Resources for Cyberbullying

• Cyberbullying Starts Earlier Than You Might Think — Here’s How to Protect Your Child Now
  With kids now owning smartphones as young as age 6, knowing the basics of cyber safety is key. Posted on Babble.com October 2018.
• What Every Parents Needs to Know About Protecting Their Child from Cyberbullying
  Bullying behavior has been around forever, but cyberbullying presents new challenges – and kids today are the first to experience them. Posted on Babble.com October 2017.
• Helping Your Child Understand Cyberbullying 
  It was just a generation ago that kids and teens were asking their parents for a phone line in their room so they could easily and privately connect with more friends. Today, a student’s desire to connect with friends has not changed, but the options for doing so have grown tremendously. While young people’s access to technology has evolved over the years, so has the way we communicate with children about online safety and cyberbullying. Posted to Spring 2017 edition of Our Children, the National PTA Magazine.
• Cyberbullying: What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Children  - This 8-page booklet, sponsored by Century Link, has information for parents on how to address cyberbullying with your child and what steps to take if your child is being bullied online.
• Safety in the Online Community: A conversation with your 13-year-old about Facebook and Instagram  – Facebook and Instagram partnered with PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center to create this guide to help parents talk with their teens about using social media. The guide covers setting up a new account, safety tips, and commonly asked questions.
• What Parents Should Know About Bullying – This guide, created in partnership with Verizon, offers a comprehensive overview for parents to learn what they can do to address and prevent bullying, featuring a section on mobile and online safety.
• Teens Against Bullying on Cyberbullying  – Teens Against Bullying is a place for middle and high school students to find ways to address bullying, to take action, and to be heard. This features a page on cyberbullying, giving students tips on how to prevent it and how to take action.
• How to Prevent Cyberbullying: Hands Off the Keyboard Until You’re Calm! – YOUR TEEN for parents shared the following quotes in a recent interview: Cyberbullying manifests itself as teens using technology to “to hurt, harm, and humiliate” their peers, says Julie Hertzog, director of the National Bullying Prevention Center in Bloomington, MN. “In some ways,” says Hertzog, “online bullying can be even more devastating than traditional bullying, as an aggressor is able to access an audience 24/7 instead of being confined to the schoolyard, and the kid being bullied can’t escape the bullying.” And the hurt can be worse, as “the person being bullied can read and re-read a hurtful text or comment on social media, and experience the hurt over and over again,” Hertzog states.

Watch “Cyberbullying Dance”

https://youtu.be/h3GXvwzzKKY

Watch the cyberbullying awareness video illustrating the necessity to end and delete the cyberbullying message because “we are all more alike than we think.“ After viewing the video follow up with classroom discussion questions.

Cyberbullying: More Questions Answered By Kids | PACERTalks About Bullying, Episode 16

Age 13 is when teens are typically able to sign up for many social media accounts. But does cyberbullying only start at age 13 when teens start getting these accounts? In this video we ask kids about this question and about all things cyberbullying. Check out their amazing responses.

https://youtu.be/wgHP9uGdxjw

Watch “Social Media & Bullying: Using Technology to Keep Kids Safe”

Staff from PACER’s Simon Technology Center (STC) and National Bullying Prevention Center (NBPC) discuss the technology young people use, and the technology parents can use to keep them safe and raise responsible young digital citizens. Watch the archived live stream.

Used with permission of Pacer's National Bullying Prevention Center. Originally published here.

According to the PACER National Bullying Prevention Center, bullying can lead to mental health disorders and addiction in adulthood. Find resources that educate about the connections between bullying and substance abuse, at Addiction and Bullying.

Brooks Gibbs shares the key to disarming a bully. Brooks Gibbs is a youth crisis counselor, bullying expert, youth speaker, author of Love is Greater Than Hate, and friend of TheHopeLine.

Bullying is an Imbalance of Power

To understand how to disarm a bully you first have to know what bullying is and how it works.

All the experts say bullying is an imbalance of power...meaning someone who is more powerful, not necessarily stronger, but more powerful has power over a victim who's weaker.  Most of the time this plays out when the bully calls the victim names and the victim’s feelings are hurt and they don't know how what to do about it. So simply put bullying is when the bully feels like a winner because they hurt the feelings of a victim, and the victim feels like a loser because their feelings are hurt.

Watch Brooks Gibbs proven method for disarming a bully:

https://youtu.be/JuoON7CkL-A

Empower the Victim

Remember, if bullying is an imbalance of power, the solution is to empower the victim.

So How Do You Empower a Victim?

So glad you asked. Here are two things I tell victims:

1. Don’t Get Upset. No matter what the bully says, don’t get upset. He may make fun of your face, your race, your religion or yo’ mamma. It doesn’t matter. His number one goal is to hurt your feelings and if he hurts your feelings, you lose and he wins. But if you want to win, and not let him win...Don’t. Get. Upset. This means you need to be resilient. You need to have tough skin.

2. Treat the enemy or the bully like a friend. I’m not saying to be friends with your bully. I’m just saying be friendly to your bully. No matter what he says you respond with kindness. This is going to be one of the more difficult things you’ll ever do. But once you realize how powerful it is you’ll have the courage to do it.

The best thing I can encourage you to do is just try it.

The next time your enemy calls you a name, makes fun of you, points out your disabilities or insecurities, spreads rumors about you or excludes you from their cool group, however the bullying takes place, I want you to always respond to your enemies with kindness. Compliment them, encourage them, inside perhaps you can even forgive them. (That’s a tough one.)

Here are some things you can say:

"Hey, you can talk crap about me all you want. It’s not going to ruin my day."

Or I like using this line. "Hey man, I know you hate my guts, but I’m going to be happy today even if you hate me. So feel free to hate me, I’m going to be happy. That’s my choice today. I am always going to be nice to you even if you’re a punk to me." 

Let them know you are going to take control of your own feelings and actions.

If you are experiencing bullying and you need support, chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.  You are not alone; we are here to listen and help you when dealing with a bully. Stay strong! We believe in you!

I felt frozen in fear as the red truck stopped in front of me, the driver silently daring me to get out and engage in confrontation. I honestly hadn’t seen the vehicle when I pulled out of a side street, but the driver took my mistake personally. This was not the first time I had had problems driving.

Only moments before, I had sat in a mental health provider’s office, talking about how I made mistakes while driving and wondered if there was something wrong with my brain. She suggested that it was anxiety, creating a vicious cycle. I’d never thought of that before, but as I finally left the red truck behind, I started to wonder if she was right.

Were my driving problems anxiety-related? And if so, what could I do about it? Should I stop driving? Or was there something else I could do?

Understanding My Anxiety

I’d struggled with anxiety since childhood, worrying about projects to the point of being unable to do them, and often jumping to the worst-case scenario as an adult. Often, I find myself unable to relax and enjoy activities or hobbies because of my anxiety. On top of this, as a teen, I ran into the idea, in my reading, that anxiety is a sin. I can understand that idea, and I don’t want to mess with anybody’s theology, but the problem with trying not to be anxious is you tend to worry about worrying. And that only makes it worse.

So, back to the idea of what to do about my anxiety, I tried a lot of things, including deep breathing and certain types of exercise, but I soon realized that, as a Christian, I needed to understand what the Bible says about anxiety.

Three Things I Discovered about Anxiety

I did a word study about what the Bible has to say about anxiety through BibleGateway.com. I found several interesting things:

• The word anxiety appears twice in the Bible
• The word anxious 10 times
• The word worry 3 times

I also found that:

1. Anxiety can be a positive thing.

Many of the Psalms express anxiety as a response to sin. Distress can be a natural response to something unwanted, such as guilt.  This can be good when those anxious thoughts lead to repentance.

Before I became a Christian, I was very anxious, and although my anxiety did not completely disappear when I accepted Christ, I did have more peace afterward. I have found that my anxiety draws me closer to God. Now, when I am driving my car, I whisper prayers or meditate on scripture. It helps keep me calm and focus better, and it turns my anxiety around for the good because it is a constant reminder of my relationship with God.

2. God helps us overcome negative anxiety.

Jeremiah 17:8 says that the child of God will be nourished by Him and will not be anxious when trouble comes. Inward calm is an outgrowth of being close to God. I find myself in the process of overcoming anxiety, but with God’s closeness, it gets easier.

3. We can trust God.

Matthew 6:25-28 says not to be anxious about material needs, because there are things that are more important. In this passage, Jesus goes on to encourage his listeners to consider the lily and the sparrow and how they are cared for. How much more important are His children, He reasons. They can trust Him!

Recently, I had some financial worries. I prayed about them, and a day later, the issue was resolved. Things don’t always work out this well, but it is a reminder that He cares for me.

Three Things That Give Me Hope

First, with God's help, it is possible to rise above anxiety. Trust me, I know this is easier said than done. You may, like me, need professional help. It is important to find a good counselor if need be. But knowing the one who calms the sea and clothes the lilies goes a long way.

Second, this rising above comes as an outgrowth of knowing God and walking with Him. As we do so, He helps us find peace and overcome the tendency to worry.

The third thing (and this is my favorite) is that while He does command us not to worry, He knows that worrying about worry makes us worry more. This is why He gives us other, more positive things to think about: just think about the lily. Think about the sparrow.

How I Overcame

My driving is much better now. I am able to stay mostly calm and focused, even on days of heavy traffic or searching for houses in the middle of nowhere. Of course, there are anxiety battles in other areas of life as well, like when I find it hard to enjoy things like my nephew’s ball games because I’m worried about him doing well. It helps to know, though, that there is a power inside of me to calm and give clarity.

In Good Company

Obviously, I’m not the only one who suffers from anxiety. Anxiety affects about 40 million adults. But there is hope.
God’s overcoming power applies to everyone. We’re not alone in this tussle with anxiety. We’re not left to be condemned with no hope of breaking free, or stuck behind that red truck with sweaty palms and a racing heart. His power is strong in our weakness and enables us to get past those “red trucks.” His love and His grace are setting us
free.

So, if you’re struggling with anxiety know that:

1. You’re not alone. The great kings of the Bible were anxious too.
2. God doesn’t condemn you, and can help you grow into peace.
3. There is hope. Just think about the lily. Think about the Sparrow. And watch that “red truck” fade into the distance behind you.

Jessica Seale wants to encourage others through her blog Beautifully Broken.  It is a place where she shares what she's learned about brokenness, and inspires others to look at it differently.

Think you may be struggling with an anxiety disorder, like Jessica, but are afraid to see a professional counselor? Read this blog. You are not alone. 

 

A Rough Path in Life

Dawson McAllister saved my life when I was nineteen years old. I happened to be going through the radio stations on a Sunday night when I heard this soft-spoken voice. I tuned into his radio program, Dawson McAllister Live, more and more. I started to hear all of these people sharing their stories of hope and faith. I was going through a rough path in life at the time. I was suicidal, frustrated at the world, and ready to blow. But Dawson's radio program changed me, it was through him that I started to believe in Christ more.

A Brand-New Person

Thanks to Dawson's help and the help of the HopeCoaches at TheHopeLine I started to go down a better path. Since October 22, 2009, I have had zero suicidal thoughts, haven't self-harmed myself, and feel like a brand-new person each and every day.

Stand In the Gap

Now 10 years later, I participated in the Prayer Show with Dawson and Rachel Cardinal.  I am a Gapper which means I stand in the gap for others by going to God in prayer for them.

Dawson is a real big help to those that are in need, and I am glad that God put him in our lives!!
To God be the Glory!
-~ Charles

The hope that Charles found is available to you too! You are worthy and valuable. Read this - To Those Who Feel Worthless

Why You Should Reach Out to People

In high school, in the mornings, on the way to my locker, while everyone else was hanging out talking to each other, I noticed this girl, always sitting alone in her homeroom classroom...every morning, just sitting by herself.  I had no idea who she was; I had been at the same high school and with these same kids since middle school.  I pretty much knew who everyone was, but I didn't know this girl.

Little Effort, Great Reward

Well, after a few weeks of seeing her just sitting there, not talking to anyone I decided to just say hi, it couldn't hurt, right?  I knew what it was like to be at a new school, where everyone knew each other, and no one knew who-in-the-heck you were.  I had to change schools last year for just half the year while my stepdad was in the hospital and now, I was back at my old school, but those 6 months were challenging to say the least.  So, I knew what it was like to feel completely alone in a new school.

So, I went for it and just said hi. I learned she was an exchange student from Poland.  She spoke good English but with a heavy accent.  After introducing her to some of my closest friends and all of us hanging out before class for a few weeks, a friendship grew.  She told me she was living with a family that didn't treat her or their own daughter very well.  She wasn't allowed to do after school activities or the group exchange student activities.  After school, she had a list of chores to do and then just had to hang out in her room. The exchange parents were also very verbally abusive to their own daughter, and she had to witness it every day.

Make Someone's Day or Maybe Even Their Year

I decided this was no way for an exchange student to be living and I had to do something about it.  I went directly home and asked my parents if she could move in with us.  This might not be such a big deal except that we were already maxed out at my house.  We lived in a pretty small three-bedroom house.  I shared a room with my sister, and my three brothers shared a room, my stepdad was disabled so we were very short on money. No one was sure how it was going to work, but my parents agreed.

For the next 8 months, my Polish friend slept on an air mattress on the floor between me and my sister's bed.  I tried to alternate letting her have the bed, but she would not have it.  She was very happy to be away from that other family.  And even though my family was in no way an ideal family, she had to see us 24/7, at our best and our worst; she became one of my closest friends and part of our family for those 8 months.  She went back to Poland after her year as an exchange student ended and we stayed in touch.    Years later, she even wrote me a letter telling me how thankful she was for our friendship, for my family taking her in, and for that day that I decided to say hi. 

You can make someone's day by telling them "Come sit with us" or by just saying "hello."  So, the person might not be an exchange student living with an abusive family, but they might just be in need of a friend.
Your Friend,
Rachel Cardinal  

Friendships can be really hard, read more about how to make and keep friends in our free eBook!

I was struggling with extremely bad anxiety for a few months leading up to me reaching out to chat with TheHopeLine. It was getting to the point where my mind was all over the place. I felt so alone and that’s when I discovered the help and hope I needed.

How I Reduced Anxiety

After contacting TheHopeLine, I was reminded by my HopeCoach that the Lord loves us no matter what...the good the bad and the ugly. I realized that I wasn't really trying too hard to build a relationship with our Lord. My anxiety was being caused by many things, and to help overcome my struggles, I am now learning to seek Him. I am digging deeper in my Bible study time, and I'm praying intently and more often than I used to as well.

Releasing My Fears and Anxiety

Seeking God through prayer and the Bible has helped me slowly, but surely overcome my struggle with anxiety. TheHopeLine was definitely able to give me direction and hope for the future. They expressed to me the importance of seeking Him.   They reminded me that the Lord just wants to love us. We never need to be afraid to come to Him with our worries, our doubts and the things that are causing our anxiety.

I also truly enjoyed TheHopeLine's eBook, Understanding Anxiety. I am so thankful for all the resources you have been emailing me as well. It makes me feel I am not alone in this journey and that you guys are truly dedicated to helping others! I am forever thankful I reached out to TheHopeLine that evening.
~ Pauline

Pauline took a very brave step and reached out for help when she couldn't do it alone anymore. We care about you too. Chat with a HopeCoach, download any of our eBooks, or learn more about how God can help you in this journey as he is helping Pauline.

As a kid I had nightmares all the time and, even though the monsters have changed, I still have them. In fact, my depression often looks like a cloak made of my worst nightmares, creeping into my waking life until I am completely wrapped up in it.

 

When Depression is Off Hiding

The joy I experience when depression is off hiding can seem so unquenchable. I’m able to forget that depression ever visited me in the first place. But when depression is there, it’s entirely the opposite. I forget I ever knew anything else.

Nothing can drown out its chorus in my head: “You’re hateful, selfish, unloveable, unlovely.”

Sometimes it’s less like a voice and more like a movie. Scenes of rejection, failure, humiliation, and exclusion (real or imagined) play on a loop in my mind until there’s nothing, I can do but hate myself.

Trapped in This Dark Place 

Sometimes there’s nothing going on at all. Sometimes, I just feel trapped in this dark place where there’s nothing to do but sleep or cry until my head pounds. I eat, drink, write, dig my fingernails into my skin, anything to overwhelm or distract the pain that rages inside. On those days, just getting out of bed is a triumph that I need to acknowledge.

Although it includes it, depression is more than insecurity or anxiety. It is a kind of sorrow, but it is deeper than any grief I’ve lived through. It is a kind of anger, but it is more troubling than any rage I have known, either rational or childish. It is a kind of loneliness beyond being single or alone. It is a kind of indifference, a hopelessness for any improvement, and I have never experienced that apathy apart from my depression. It encompasses all my past pain and amplifies it a hundredfold.

Something Comforting About It Too

But there’s something comforting about it too. I know it, backward and forwards. I’ve felt that darkness so often, that it can feel like a blanket, silencing every other feeling or thought. There are no surprises because I’ve heard it and felt it all before. There’s no restlessness, because when it comes I have no strength for anything but staying alive.

And even that will to live wanes thin. The harder depression hits, the more deeply I long for release from what begins to feel like a heavy, itching, shroud of life too difficult to bear.

Maybe you’re like me. Maybe you feel like you face the darkness of depression alone. It’s hard for someone who hasn’t dealt with it firsthand to understand what we feel, and it can make it hard for us to reach out. I always need a reminder, and I want to offer it to you too: you are not alone.
You don't have to face this alone. Talk to a HopeCoach or sign up for an email mentor, it's confidential. But there’s something comforting about it too. I know it, backward and forwards. I’ve felt that darkness so often, that it can feel like a blanket, silencing every other feeling or thought.  -Tia

Are you depressed?  Learn these core signs and symptoms of common depression here. 

Used with permission of Power to Change. Originally published at Issues I Face.

My Story of Pregnancy

The day I saw those two lines indicating a positive result on my pregnancy test, my whole world completely turned upside down. I was living every young girl’s worst nightmare. I’d become that girl.

It happened on my 21st birthday. Most people get to enjoy a few too many drinks and possibly a bad headache the day after. My experience was a little different. I ended up with more than a hangover.

The Weight of My Shame

When I found out I was pregnant, I was single, alone, and afraid. I literally felt I had no one to turn to. The weight of my own embarrassment, shame, self-hatred, and loss of self-worth was too much to bear.

It should be understood that one drunken night ending in a hook-up did not change my life. There were a lot of small events that got me to this point. Like the day I had my first illegal drink of alcohol. Or the day I lost my virginity to a guy I hardly knew. Or when I lost all self-respect and repeatedly got drunk and acted promiscuously. Or the days when I searched for guy after guy for security. The more miserable hook-ups I had, the more it fed into my thoughts of unworthiness and self-hate.

All of these things caused me to spiral out of control. So it’s no surprise that on my 21st birthday, I got drunk “justifiably” because it was my birthday, and had sex with some guy I didn’t really know. All those small things had finally built up to this point in my life.

Inside I was desperately screaming, “Who could possibly love me now?

I didn’t tell a single soul I was pregnant and immediately scheduled an abortion, even though I knew to my very core it was wrong. I had never felt so alone. Inside I was desperately screaming, “Who could possibly love me now?”

I Found Hope and Forgiveness

The days leading up to my abortion appointment were horrible. I was flooded with guilt, depression, and loneliness. I couldn't eat or sleep, and I was avoiding everyone. Then, the weekend right before my scheduled abortion, something changed. I can't describe it very well, but I felt an ounce of hope and forgiveness. For the first time in over a month of depression, turmoil, and shame, I felt loved — in the midst of my brokenness. I realized that I didn't have to do this alone. I could reach out. Someone surely could be there for me.

That day changed me forever. I finally built up the courage to tell my parents I was pregnant. They didn’t condemn me, but instead embraced me, loved me, and supported me. I told my friends and they did not judge me even once. They loved me and affirmed me of my worth. For the first time, I actually felt like I was worth something, that even as a broken girl, I could be forgiven.

My Story and Passion

I am now proud to say I am 39 weeks pregnant with a beautiful little girl. Any day now I will get to hold this precious gift of life in my arms. During the process, I found a passion for helping others going through the same thing, so I became a volunteer advisor at our local Pregnancy Resource Center. I get to share my story with anyone and everyone, with just the small hope that another broken person can feel loved and know that they are valued. I’m so blessed that I somehow experienced the grace to understand that life is a gift, even in the midst of brokenness.

Are you dealing with an unplanned pregnancy? Right now you may be feeling hopeless and trapped, but you are not alone. We are here to listen and help you through this.

Used with permission of Power to Change. Originally published at Issues I Face.

Bored? Give Back During Summer Break

Are you bored during summer breaks? By volunteering as little as 15 minutes of your time you can make a difference in the world around you!

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” - Winston Churchill

1. Animal shelters are almost always looking for extra help. Spend some quality time with some really loving, adorable animals!  Find a shelter near you by entering your zip code: ASPCA FIND A SHELTER

2. Senior Centers will almost always take volunteers, and sometimes you don't have to do anything other than say hello and listen to some pretty cool stories. But you can also read, play cards, dance, and give residents manicures...the fun is endless! 

3. Got a green thumb? Considering taking up a plot at the community garden or volunteering to help maintain the unclaimed or common areas. No community garden in your town? How about gathering your friends and getting one started? 

4. Volunteer to help with activities for kids at summer school programs, daycare centers, camps, church groups, the YMCA and more. Even if you don't think you're particularly talented, you may be able to help a child in ways you never thought, like painting a picture, reading a book, making a free throw, riding a bike, jumping rope, growing a plant and more. Check out the  YMCA's GET INVOLVED PAGE!

5. Food Bank donations decline during the summer months. Help by collecting food to give to your local food pantry.  NATIONAL FOODBACK LOCATER

6. Have a pet that makes you smile? Consider bringing your pet to a local senior center, veteran's club or hospital to bring some joy to the residents. (Be sure to consider the demeanor of your pet, the needs of the patients, and the policy of the location before you try giving back in this way.)

7. Write a letter to our Troops: Show the men and women in our armed forces that you care by writing them a letter thanking them:  A MILLION THANKS-SEND TROOPS A LETTER  

8. Serve dinner at a homeless shelter: Volunteer at a local homeless shelter to prepare and dish up a meal for those without a home any time of the year. Find a local shelter at: NATIONAL HOMELESS SHELTER DIRECTORY 

9. Deliver a hot meal to those who aren’t able through a local Meals on Wheels program.  Find a local Meals On Wheels Program at: MEALS ON WHEELS PROGRAM LOCATOR

10. Looking for some other ways to give back to your community? Head to VolunteerMatch.org to find opportunities closest to you. You might be surprised how many ways there are to give back right in your neighborhood!

Too much downtime? Try these 10 Ways to Beat Boredom!