Posts by TheHopeLine Team

My name is Megan. I broke up with my boyfriend.  We had a long-distance relationship for a year and a half. During that time, he would say how much he loved me and that he couldn't live a life without me, and everything will be perfect when we are finally together in the same room one day. But those words were deceitful.  He gave me this high hope. I worked so hard to save money so I could visit him. We'd been through so much together. I was blind to how I was being treated.

A Deceitful & Hurtful Relationship

I gave up a lot for this relationship. He said love is jealous, so I lost friends because he was very possessive. I even lost a career because he didn't like my manager.  He said the manager cared too much about me.  My boyfriend demanded I talk with him when he had problems. I was always there to cheer him up. When he had issues, I was there to listen and to give him my opinion, when he asked for it. I gave him my all, but he never appreciated it.

He said all I ever wanted was an argument with him. If I confronted him about things, he would say we were not in sync. He would blame me for every mistake he made. When he got angry, he would talk to people online and tell them he was sick of me and call me names. Then he would later apologize to me and somehow convince me it was all my fault. He would say if I just wouldn't argue with him then he wouldn't do that.

Enough Is Enough

He has broken my heart too many times. He cheated on me, but then would come to me crying saying all the right words. I was angry and disappointed, but I forgave him. He knew I would forgive him, so every time he would blame me for everything, he did wrong. It was always about me not making him happy.

Finally, I realized I was a fool to keep the relationship going with the hope he would change. He didn't.  I began wondering if I am a weak person. Why would I love this man so much that I would allow myself to become so attached to him? I finally broke up with him. It was the hardest thing to do, and it hurt me a lot. I cried for days.  I hoped that he would at least call me and ask if I was alright. He didn't. I called my mom and she prayed for me in tears as she had to bear all my pain every time this man hurt my feelings.

A Search for Hope

Not wanting to cause my mom any more pain, I searched the internet for advice on my problem. That's when I found TheHopeLine. As soon as I logged in to chat, there was a coach available to talk to me. I didn’t expect it would work, because I had no idea how to make heartbreak go away. But it really helped change my perspective. I told the coach my problem and the coach listened patiently and gave me some advice. It really touched my heart. Why would a stranger bother to listen and to give advice and pray for me? I felt like I was all alone with my pain, but here was someone willing to listen to me.

The coach asked me if I believed in God and tears started falling down my face. I had forgotten God for a long long time. Even though I had a good Christian upbringing, when I went to college, I left it all behind. I thought God had forgotten me too because I had betrayed Him. When my mom prayed with me, I let her because that's what she wanted. But when the coach asked me if she could pray for me, I knew I needed it more than anything. It gave me peace. I realized God had never left me...all this time He was around...watching me.

I know it is not an accident that I went to look for something to read and ended up at TheHopeLine. God led me here when I had no idea how to process heartbreak. I felt so dirty and so sinful. I felt I didn't deserve God, but then my mom told me if you still feel guilty, it shows that God loves you because you can still feel it. If your heart becomes so stone cold and feels nothing, it means you reject God. That very moment I knew God never left me even though I turned my back on Him. He's been there waiting for me, and He is using all that I am going through to lead me home to Him. I feel ashamed of myself, but also so grateful because God reached out to me through the coaches at TheHopeline.

It's a journey

I still struggle with my emotional pain. A HopeCoach reminded me that there is no easy way to fix my broken heart. In fact, sometimes we can be tempted to harm ourselves when we don't know how to get through heartbreak pain. When I wanted to harm myself, something held me back, and I went to talk to a coach instead.

The talks with the coach really pushed me back to being rational. I could not harm myself for what I felt inside. It would not solve my problem. It would just keep me broken. I couldn't do that to my parents or fail the coaches that God had provided for me. Why would I doubt that God couldn't help me through this?

I can't let a broken heartbreak my life. There is a choice between giving in to my pain or giving it all to God. I choose the second. I decided to let God give me the strength to endure my moment of pain, to let God walk with me in my darkest time, to let Him hold my hand and show me the way to deal with my brokenness.

The HopeCoach suggested I read blogs on this site, and, of course, read the Bible. It helped me a lot and I began to see myself more clearly. There are lots of people who suffer more than me, yet they aren't giving in or giving up. We all have our own problems, even the coaches. Yet the coaches give their time to help someone in their time of need.

Hurt Again, but Stronger with God

After 3 weeks, suddenly my ex called me. He was drunk and crying. I asked what happened? He said after we broke up, he found someone else. He fell in love with her so bad, and he already had sex with her. But then he did something that made her breakup with him. Hearing this stabbed me right through my heart. He kept on talking of how much he loves the girl and that he can't lose her as she is the love of his life. He tried to kill himself to show how sorry he was to this girl. It caused my heart to break again to realize he didn't feel anything for me while I was in pain.

But I knew the right thing to do, so I told him what the HopeCoaches had told me...to kill yourself over a broken heart is not wise.

I asked if I could pray for him.  He said OKAY, even though he didn't believe in God. I put aside all my pain because his life was at stake. I asked God to give me strength because if God leads him to talk to me, then may I do that according to God's will. So, I told my ex, "Your life has a purpose, and to end your life because of a broken heart is just not fair."  He thanked me for always being there, but then once again blamed me! He said all of this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't broken up with him.

After that, I was just numb. My heartfelt cold. I just cried out to God. What is it He wants to teach me? I reached out to a HopeCoach again before I allowed myself to be flooded with bad thoughts. The coach encouraged me and prayed for me. I realized God did not let me down. I don't know where I got the strength to keep my cool when my ex called me. Somehow God filled my heart with compassion...giving me the ability to help my ex realize that no matter what happens, our lives have a purpose, and that God loves him and cares about him.

God's Love is Greater Than a Broken Heart

Through this whole experience, my heart was torn to pieces, but it is still working and is actually stronger than it was before. I have learned the only true and unfailing love comes from God.   I am grateful that God showed me His Love. A love so deep that he gave His only Son to die for our sins. Jesus experienced all the pain and hurtful things that we do and so much more. He died for people who were cursing him, rejecting him, and demeaning him. He demonstrates a love that conquers all that.

Humans can hurt each other in every worst way, but God's love conquers it all. That's what I have come to understand from my experience. Yes, I still feel down sometimes, but I'm no longer lost. God is putting me back together. He is shaping me. I trust He wouldn't let me go through all this without a purpose. I know He has a plan for me. A great one!

I want to thank all the coaches who have been there for me in my time of need, you are all God's hands. Thank you to everyone who shared their stories here. Reading all the stories gives me strength. That is the power of sharing! God bless you all.

And last but not least...Thank you, God, for this wonderful site, wonderful people, and wonderful love you let us share with each other even though we are all strangers. You are wonderful, God! There is none like You! Let us all be the living proof that You are God. Amen.

If you are questioning whether your relationship is healthy or toxic, we are here to help you through this.

I grew up in a Catholic home and had developed a huge resentment towards organized religion and the idea of God. I saw people go to church, preaching about being a person of God, then leave church to go treat others who were different than they were in a hateful, condemning manner. My ideas and beliefs didn’t fit into the strict mold of the Catholic religion. I believed that there was no creator of the universe because, in my mind, everything could be explained by science.

After being beaten down from drug addiction and multiple suicide attempts, I came to a point where I had no choice but to be willing to believe in a personal God of my own understanding. This is my story of how I accepted the love of God.

A Turning Point

I had tried to overdose on heroin several times, but each time I had been around other people who made sure I got medical attention. Each time, I was revived and woke up angry. I had been using heroin intravenously for four years, and it simply wasn’t working anymore. I couldn’t get high like I had been able to in the past and my life revolved around using. My days consisted of desperately finding a way to make money, to get drugs, to get high, and then worry about how I would make more money. It was an endless, miserable cycle. I saw no way out other than death, so I found a quiet place away from others where I was positive, I had enough heroin that would kill me.

When I woke up, something was different. I wasn’t angry this time. I decided to seek out help from a detox and treatment facility where I was introduced to sober women who had overcome their obsession to use drugs. They unabashedly explained to me that I had two choices. One was to continue living the way I was living until I finally succeed at suicide or accept the love and care of a God of my own understanding.

A Realization

I began to pray and meditate, to the best of my ability, because I couldn’t bear the weight of addiction and my suicidal thoughts any longer. One day, I was doing a guided meditation before bed and a realization that I was blessed beyond belief came over me.
The numerous times I had overdosed, I was always saved. Even when I was alone, I somehow woke up. Regardless of the countless dangerous situations, I had placed myself in, I was miraculously kept safe and unharmed. In this moment I came to believe that some kind of power greater than myself was responsible for the entire essence of my existence.

I had done horrible things in the past. I lied, cheated, stole, and manipulated when I was in active opiate addiction. I came to the realization that everything that I had in that very moment was nothing short of a blessing from God. I had no money, yet I was given a place to live. I hated myself, yet women were placed in my life to show me love. I was a dishonest person, yet people still wanted to listen to what I had to say. I had caused so much harm, yet I was given so much grace. Due to my actions in the past, I don’t deserve the beautiful life I have today. However, God saw fit to keep me alive and give me a purpose in life.

An Ultimate Test of Faith

My God is loving and kind. He does not condemn when I make a mistake, but rather gives me a chance to learn from my wrongs to grow as an individual. My God is always there, I do not have to seek him. The only thing I have to do is speak to Him, listen to Him, and most importantly - have faith in Him.

Believing in a higher power is knowing that there is a God, but faith is much harder. Faith is an undying, unconditional trust that God will provide exactly what I need. Faith means that no matter what situation occurs in my life, it is all a part of a grand plan that will, in the end, turn out okay. Faith is trusting that God is not only protecting me, but He is protecting my family and friends as well.

Nine months into my sobriety, my dad had a stroke. I was over 1,500 miles away from home and felt dire guilt that I wasn’t able to be there to be with him in the hospital. I was told that they may have to do open heart surgery. Fear set in. I hadn’t seen my dad since I had gotten sober, and I was terrified that I may never be able to see him again if the surgery did not go well. I felt shame that there was a possibility that I may never get the opportunity for him to see how much I had changed. The only thing I could do was pray. Despite the fear and lack of control that I experienced, I was forced to trust in God that my dad would be okay.

In seeking this trusting relationship, I needed something more. This is when I began to go to a non-denominational Christian church where I have become an active participant. I was able to gain the support I had been looking for from other members of the church. They shared with me how their experience in trusting God had helped them overcome hard times. I began to change my conception of God into one where I accepted Jesus into my life.

In the end, the doctors found a medicine that worked well for him so he didn’t have to have the surgery then, but it is still a possibility in the future. If this happens, I know it will hurt, but my faith will be tested once again. Regardless of the outcomes of difficult situations, I must find peace in the trust that I have in God and Jesus Christ.

A New Life

Today, I have an understanding of the spiritual principles underlying behavior change in people who suffer from substance abuse. Through the acceptance of a loving God in my life, I can honestly say that the obsession to drink and drug is something that I no longer suffer from. Prior to having faith in God, I was consumed with these thoughts. It is nothing short of a miracle that I am sober today and live a peaceful life.

I am blessed with a job where I work with a team of intelligent, supportive individuals to spread awareness around addiction in the hopes that we reach the heart and soul of an individual who is still struggling.

I am blessed with a grateful outlook on life where I am able to see beauty and grace in the worst of times. I get to work one on one with women who are trying to stay sober by showing them exactly how I stay sober. In doing this, I get to watch the light come back on in people’s eyes. I get to watch hopeless, distraught women who want to die grow into outstanding individuals who are happy to be alive.

I am blessed to have a God who listens and provides whenever feelings of sadness or doubt return. I am able to see past difficult situations with the trust that the outcome is in the hands of God.

For somebody who was once suicidal and painfully addicted to heroin, the ability to wake up each morning and breath in fresh air is a wonderful thing. In accepting the love of God through Jesus Christ, I am truly and irrevocably blessed.
If you’re struggling with addiction, we are here to help. Your healing is possible, and it can begin now.

Cassidy Webb is a 24-year-old avid writer from South Florida.  She advocates spreading awareness on the disease of addiction. Her passion in life is to help others by sharing her experience, strength, and hope.

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

An Adoption Plan

Hi, I'm Melanie. I had a surprise baby two months ago. He was not planned, and the day I had him I made the decision to put him up for adoption. It is a very open adoption so I am still able to be a part of his life. But I am struggling with depression after adoption because it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

No Regrets - I Wasn't Ready

I knew I was not even close to being ready to raise a child and be able to fully support him. I was having troubles with work, and anxiety, and stress. Yet I have never made a harder decision. I do not regret it, as my son's adoptive parents are amazing.

Depression After Adoption

Even though I don't regret it, it is still hard to not be around him. He presently lives 2000 miles away, so I am only able to see him in pictures and on video chat. It is definitely not the same thing as actually getting to see him and hold him. It has caused me to go through depression.  I'm not new to depression. I especially suffered from depression during my freshman year as I was bullied very badly at school and somewhat at home.

Grateful for my HopeCoach

But then I found this site! I was really struggling and needed good advice. The coach that I spoke to was amazing and probably the sweetest and most helpful person I have talked to in the last couple of months.
Full of Thanks! ~ Melanie

Are you facing a life-changing decision like Melanie? An email mentor is ready to listen and help you through life's struggles. Sign up for an email mentor today!

Crazy in Love

I met this girl. She had a smile that made me melt inside. I began talking to her every day and quickly fell in love. We'd been talking about getting married and it felt so certain. It was all I wanted. No. She was all I wanted. I loved her with every ounce of my soul. She was part of me. I thought we were destined to be together. I loved her so much that if I wasn't talking to her I'd rather not talk at all. We used to just stare into each other's eyes and know that everything was gonna be okay as long as we were together. We didn't even need to talk sometimes we already knew what was going to be said.

She Cheated

But now, those three words that meant so much, mean so little. One night I was by myself and I felt like hearing her voice so I called her. She answered and while we were talking I hear her some guy in the background say "babe get off the phone already!" And I just cringed and told her that I had to go. My phone kept going off and it was her every time. I just sat there in my room considering what I thought were options. I wanted to die almost as much as I had wanted her. I felt so betrayed. I went on Instagram and was looking at her photos. I saw this guy in her comments and they were flirting with each other. I felt like the life was leaving my body. But it was just the love.

I ended the relationship. She said she was sorry and tried to "explain". There were no words to take away that kind of pain. This tore me up for months. I could hardly stand hearing her name. All of "our songs" were ruined. I felt like I climbed back inside the shell she forced me to break through. I hid from the sunshine and the possibility of finding someone else.

The Darkness Passed

But in the midst of this, I found myself. I suffered all those nights only to wake up every day. I thought so often about leaving this world behind, but now I realize I was so blind. I couldn't see that the darkness was only for the moment. I didn't know that it would pass. I thought it never would honestly.

But I'm telling YOU now that the dark moments in life are what define us. We can choose to sink in our issues until we're in over our heads or we could find a way, no matter how long it takes, to climb out of the deep darkness. You will be yourself again just give it time. Just breathe. There are better days ahead I promise you this.

From someone who's been there.  ~ Matt #brokenheart

Think your significant other may be cheating on you? Read 15 Signs Your BF-GF May be Cheating on You.

I Was Shook By My Best Friend's Suicide

If anyone would have told me that you were going to come and leave so quickly from my life, I would have smacked them and called them a fool.  We made it to 6 months. In those 6 months, you became my life. April, I have never met a more beautiful, bright, amazing and loving girl. You made me feel so far from alone. You made me feel like I mattered. You showed me the true definition of a best friend.

But you were always so sad. I tried to do anything I could to help you forget your troubles. We went out on dates, hung out every day, went and spent nights at the barn with your horses.  April, we did everything we thought best friends were supposed to do, but just when I thought you were the thing that saved me from me,  I got the worst news...that you took your own life. My best friend's suicide shook me to the core.

I Am Sorry I Couldn't Save You

April, I'm sorry I couldn't save you. You made me feel so much life where I thought I never would feel it again, you truly brought out the real me. I wasn't afraid around you and you never judged me.  I will not ever forget the last night I saw you. You called me and asked if I had a cigarette, and I saved my last one for us to share. When you came through my gate, your eyes were covered in tears. We sat and I hugged you and I told you we would get through this. That it was just another bump. You cried and told me that you couldn't take it anymore, that you hurt too much. We talked for about an hour, I cleaned up your tears, and we said we loved each other. You told me you would call me in the morning.

I never got that call, but you did that a lot so I didn't think much of it. Two days later I found out you overdosed. All I could think about was that I really wish I could have saved you. I wish I could have said something to change your mind. April, everyone says it was an accident, but I know the truth. You were so full of life, yet so broken inside. I wish you could have seen how loved you truly were.

My Best Friend's Suicide Was a Whole Other Type of Hurt

Losing someone you love to suicide is a whole other type of hurt. I lost my first friend when I was 19, to a murder. That hurt me in ways I thought were impossible. But losing you, April, knowing you were in my arms hours before you decided to depart the earth, makes my heart feel in ways I never knew I could feel. We may have been friends for less than a year, but you were one of the most amazing friends I have ever had.  April, you showed me what a real friend was and you showed me a true friend.

Suicide Doesn't End the Pain

April, losing you made me realize that I may be sad and I may want to die sometime, but I now fully understand the meaning of, "suicide doesn't end your pain, it only passes the pain on to the ones who love you".

Reach Out and Talk to Someone About Your Thoughts of Suicide

My message to anyone reading this and thinking about killing yourself....never be afraid to reach out and talk to someone! People love you! You are more beautiful and amazing than you think and you do have a purpose!

Sincerely,
April's Best Friend

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

Never Again. One Day at a Time

“Well, it’s been two weeks…but what about two months from now? Will I make it that far, okay? ‘Three months free’, ‘One year free’, sounds impossible…How do I know I’ll even be able to hold out a day more?”

It seems like just the other day I wrestled with those words. It’s amazing how quickly time moves. More than that, it is amazing how dramatically God transforms.

The Day I Gave Up the Fight to Resist

After almost a year of living under intense depression and anxiety, I didn’t know what else to do. I felt lonely, panicked and overwhelmed. Hiding in my bedroom, I decided the nearest sharp object to me was the answer. I didn’t care anymore that I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it; all I cared was to drown out these feelings, and cutting seemed like the most promising way.

I had found myself thinking about it many times before. I could picture it in my head and feel the itch of it on my skin. I always told myself I wouldn’t ever fall for it though. For one, I didn’t have the guts to actually cut my skin, that’s gross, and besides that, it was obviously just crazy to do. Yet those thoughts and feelings persisted.  I tried drawing on myself as a substitute to cutting, but at the end of the day I was still frantic and still had no relief. My resolve wore thinner and thinner. Anxiety and heartache can take you to places you never imagined you would go if you allowed it to, and I was tired of fighting.

After thinking about it for a while, it didn’t sound so radical or drastic to do. It almost even sounded logical. I needed a way to release these feelings trapped inside of me. So when that night came, and I hurt, but I couldn’t cry, and I felt like I had nowhere to run, and I forgot the God who had carried me through the past trials of my life, I turned to a blade instead.

Pulled Down and Swallowed Up

At first it seemed good, I had done something about my pain. There was a level of satisfaction in that. But it quickly left. What had I done? Didn’t I promise I would never go here?! I had failed, and I had lost everything. The memory of what I had done to myself only made that night darker as I tried to fall asleep, and the following day just became even more anxious and painful. I told my parents what happened, and I promised them never again.

A couple weeks later, life got too busy to deal with, too overwhelming, too many thoughts and too much pain inside because I knew I was a failure at everything. How could I get away? Will it ever stop?? I remembered cutting myself before…I wasn’t supposed to do that…but no point in fighting now really is there? I had already lost. I had gone there before. This was my life now it seemed. So be it…

I cut myself again several times over the next week or two. And I made sure not to let anyone know this time. Not one single person. I couldn’t last very long in between cutting…while I felt better as I was doing it, that feeling stopped so quickly after I was done. It was like being pulled down into a vortex that just swallowed you up. Quick, slippery, frantic, swirling, falling, dark, helpless. But even as much as I hated it, I was determined to run full on into it. If I dove in deep enough maybe it would finally be enough to get me away from everything.

Interrupted

My plan was good to go, until it got interrupted by God. June 28th, 2015, we left for Jackson, MS, so I could go to Ballet Magnificat’s Summer Dance Intensive. I was staying on campus this time instead of with my family in a hotel like I had the years before. I figured this would work well actually, because there would be no one to stop me during those two weeks.

However, as my parents left and I stood there alone in the dorm room, I felt something deep down inside, buried under my stubbornness but still alive and steady, assuring me I had to let God change my heart here during this camp. Before that voice faded, I wrote a note to myself saying, "Whatever it takes. Do it!” Sometimes staring at those words was the only thing that made me hold on, and I almost gave up several times, but in my moment of crisis God always showed up with a reminder of His love for me.

Letting Go of My Need to Control

When you’ve been living your life trying to control it all yourself, it is painfully difficult to remember how to surrender and trust God to have the reigns, but it is necessary and it is worth it. He will pull your fingers open as gently as you allow Him to.

I didn’t notice it happening, but God changed me drastically during those two weeks in Ballet Magnificat’s intensive. At the end of my time there, I wrote out what God had shown me about anxiety and my desire for control over my life and emotions. I was seeing then that I could go to Him when I was anxious and overwhelmed and He would hold me. I was realizing that I could dump my emotions – even the ugly ones – on Him and that He could heal the hurt better than any cover-up trick I could try, if only I would trust Him to take care of my heart in His way and His timing. He is my Shelter from the craziness of this world and the craziness of my heart.  I needed to remember these things.

Could I Stay Clean?

Coming back home, I worried about what would happen when real life hit again. Would I make it? Would I break again? I didn’t want to break; I actually wanted to get better now. But I was still so tired and worn down from my previous battles, did I have the ability to actually hold out and make it when things got hard? I looked online at people sharing stories of self-harm. They talked about how they had gone seven months without cutting, or three years free from it. It felt somewhat depressing. I had barely made it two weeks without cutting and many times I felt like it would kill me to keep fighting it. How could I ever reach seven months??

Today, I can give you that answer: you get there one day, one moment, at a time. You get there, not by resolving to last for however long without messing up, but by submitting in your heart to give up your will and your way and to run to God in every pain and bump that you face. You walk hand in hand with Him moment by moment, day by day, and then one day you stop and look over your shoulder in amazement because…

Now I Celebrate

Today, I celebrate one year free from cutting! It was not impossible. I could not have gotten myself out of it, but with God, all things are possible. It is not us working our way out but simply being open and surrendered to His work in our hearts that brings us freedom and lasting victory.

God promises us this in the Bible:
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13
“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’” – Matthew 19:26

God Understands Your Pain

For those of you who struggle with cutting or self-harm, either that the thought keeps chasing you or that you feel stuck going back to it, please know that God understands your pain and He is the only true Healer of our hearts.

You may be able to trick your brain for a short time by hurting your body, but in the end it is only hurting your heart further. By giving up on running from your pain, and instead facing it and bringing it before Jesus, He can offer a deeper, truer, comfort and He can mend the brokenness. His love is deeper than your skin, just like your pain. He can reach you more fully than a blade can. The relief won’t feel the same as cutting does, but it will be more complete and long-lasting if you wait patiently at His feet and keep coming back to Him.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18

Breaking Free

To anyone who struggles, whether it be with self-harm or something totally different, whatever sin it is that you feel like you won’t be able to stay away from, that you are doomed to be drug back there forever, that you don’t know if you really do have the strength to get past: you really can make it. You can break free. You can leave the old patterns and lies behind. You don’t have to keep going back, and you don’t have to fear messing up again once you stop.

Yeah, you may trip, but God understands and has compassion on you. He won’t condemn you. You can instantly run back to Him for a hug when you do mess up. But also, you don’t have to trip! If you simply focus on keeping your gaze locked on Him, you won’t have to worry about sin suddenly pulling you down. He will keep your feet from slipping and will teach you to walk in His will. It is possible for “never again” to really mean never again, if you lean on your Savior’s strength and not your own.

“As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. For whom is God besides the Lord? And who is Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.” – Psalm 18:30-32

“Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” – Psalm 94:17-19

This guest post is written by Amanda Turner.  Her hope is that by sharing her own story and the truths God has shown her, others might not feel so alone on their own journeys and can also find help in these truths.   This passion grew from seeing how God freed her from the struggles that she felt so trapped in and redeemed the brokenness that she once thought could only be hidden at best.

This Short Film is Sure to Leave an Impact

This 25 minute film is sure to impact you in some way and is well worth watching. It explores the unseen pain of depression. If you or someone you know struggles with depression or suicidal thinking, parts of this film may be very relatable for you. If you want to grow in compassion for those who struggle, you will receive a valuable perspective.

The film begins with Owen contemplating taking his own life and his grandfather discovering him.

Owen is overwhelmed with hopelessness and sadness. At one point he says, “It’s exhausting. The worst feeling ever. Not being honest about how you’re feeling. And then you feel like you just can’t do it anymore.”

Owen’s grandfather has his own grief he’s still dealing with, but he also has deep wisdom. He explains to Owen, “Whatever you feed will win the fight.” He tells him how you can feed  your internal wolf of hope or the wolf of despair. You can believe the lies despair tells you… you have no worth and no one will miss you.  Or you can believe the hope you are loved and are worth the fight.  Feed the hope!

How to Help Someone Who Is Thinking About Suicide

The way the grandfather tries to help Owen is not perfect. This film is not a case study with step-by-step instructions on how to help someone who is suicidal. The grandfather has his own flaws and hang-ups, but he does involve himself in Owen’s life and attempt in his own way to help Owen. The film gives us a good starting point for talking about suicide and helping those who struggle.

We’d like to begin a discussion here and receive your input. We’d love for you to leave a comment and share your thoughts.

It’s frustrating the grandpa doesn’t ask Owen directly what he is feeling. Why didn’t he ask the question, “Are you thinking about harming yourself?” Research tells us that asking the suicide question isn’t going to make someone more suicidal or make them want to act on it. It actually helps them.

Also, the grandpa should have gotten him formal help in addition to throwing away the pills and telling him to come to lunch with him.  It was good the grandfather chooses to stay with Owen, but it is also vital to highlight the importance of seeking help from a hospital, especially in an acute suicidal crisis.

Finally – the whole healing journey is not told here.  Formal counseling in addition to informal support from family and friends is an important step in the process.

However, the power of the film stands in the message that you are not alone in your internal feelings of hopelessness. Share them with someone and you may be surprised what they have gone through themselves.

Unseen Film - Keep the Discussion Going

We’d love to keep this discussion going. Here are some questions to get you started:

• If you were the grandfather what would you have done differently to help Owen?
• Do you need to have all the answers to help someone?
• What did the grandfather do well?
• Why do you think the grandfather kept his secret for so long?
• What was your biggest take away from the film?
• Did you like the film? Why or why not?

For more discussion check out this Conversation Guide

Finding Hope

We can’t leave this discussion without also sharing there is tremendous hope in knowing that God is with us and has a plan for our lives. This hope gives us something to hold onto even when times are tough, and it helps us combat the lies of despair. We have the assurance that we are not alone, that we have worth and a purpose and that we are deeply loved by our heavenly Father.

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

I Believed the Myth - Sober Life = Boring Life

If you get all your life views from television and movies, you might think sober life is boring. At least, that’s what I thought. On TV, the people who were sober never had any fun. I never wanted to be “that guy.”

Maybe that’s why I always associated alcohol with fun. From the time I was 16, I would grab a beer or a bottle of vodka whenever it was time to kick back and let loose.

When someone on TV needs to let off some steam, what do they do? Most of the time, they drink. So, we learn to do the same. But for some of us, these habits can lead down a dark and disturbing path.

When I Realized I Had a Problem with Alcohol?

People like to ask when I realized my partying had turned to alcoholism. The truth is that I don’t exactly know, but it doesn’t matter. My drinking was always a problem. It’s really not healthy to think of alcohol as an escape or a source of fun.

It wasn’t until I got sober that I realized how far I had fallen.

I thought back to the days of my youth and remembered what it was like to have pure unadulterated fun – without the use of a crutch. I so wanted to feel that again.

It did take some time and work, but I finally got there. Now, I can say that I’m leaps and bounds happier than I ever was while I was drinking.

Here are 7 reasons why I’m happier living a sober life.

1. I have more energy

Between hangovers and lack of sleep, I was in a constant state of fatigue. In the morning, I would guzzle what felt like a gallon of coffee only to lose steam by about 2 p.m. More coffee was the only solution until I could have more alcohol.

I thought alcoholics drank all day, so I limited myself to drinking after 5 p.m. I was wrong about the time thing, but at least my unfounded beliefs kept me sober for a few hours.

After 5 p.m., I had to make up for lost time. That’s when I’d have a bottle or two of wine. And things only got worse from there. Somehow, the alcohol energized me until I drank so much that I’d just pass out. This was often in the wee hours of the night.

Without fail, the alarm went off at 6 a.m. every morning, and I’d get up and do it again.

I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck, but I still did it all over again, and again.

When I finally got sober, I remembered what it was like to have energy. I was able to function during the day like a real person. It’s an amazing feeling!

2. My Appearance Improved

I think I've always been a little vain, so when I got into my late 20s and started noticing wrinkles, I became motivated.

Alcohol was bad for my skin and overall appearance. I knew this, but still when I looked in the mirror, I lied to myself, convincing myself that it was all part of the natural aging process. Some people have better genes than others. But deep down, I knew that alcohol was destroying my looks.

When I got sober, I realized the extent of the damage I was doing. I saw it in the mirror, but the real wake-up call came in the compliments I got from everyone around me.

3. I have more money

Even if you buy the cheapest booze, alcoholism is expensive. You know how marketers love to compare everything with the price of coffee? When you’re a recovering alcoholic, you start comparing things with the price of alcohol. Because that’s when you realize how much you’ve spent on alcohol for so long.

Now, I can take a vacation with the money I save from not buying alcohol every day.

4. I made room for fitness

I used to work out a bit in my hard-partying days, but it was different. It was motivated by the thought that I had to do something to counter the effects of alcohol. If I didn’t, I’d surely have a giant beer belly. I had one, don’t get me wrong, but I knew it would be worse.

But when I got sober, working out became about finding the best version of myself. I started pushing my limits and I loved seeing the results in the mirror.

5. I remember each moment

When I was drinking, I’d have a lot of blackouts. These were periods where I would wake up and not remember what I did the night before. There were moments of terror and embarrassment as I vaguely recalled acting like a fool.

But it wasn’t just the blackouts that were a problem. My memories of my sober moments were even fuzzy. It was as if my head was in a cloud.

When I got sober, I felt like I regained my lost mental abilities. I felt like I could keep up with life again.

6. My immune system is stronger

Alcohol depletes the body of hydration and nutrients that help strengthen your immune system. When I was drinking, I was always getting sick. I had this seemingly eternal cough that I would tell people was allergies, but I always wondered. When I stopped drinking, it went away, and I haven’t had a cold since.

7. I’m comfortable in my own skin

Most importantly for me, I learned how to love myself when I stopped drinking. The distractions and crutches were gone, and I was able to work on my relationship with myself.

If you’re struggling now and thinking about getting sober, it’s time to take the next step. It may be time to connect with an alcoholism and rehabilitation facility that can help you through the process.  -Trevor McDonald.

If you are wanting to check out a rehabilitation facility, TheHopeLine partners with Banyan Treatment Center

About the Author: Trevor McDonald is a recovering addict and alcoholic who's been clean and sober for over 5 years. With that perspective, he gives many answers to the question, why should I be sober? Since his recovery began, he has enjoyed using his talent for words to help others who face the same struggles he did. He is also an outreach coordinator for *Sober Nation.

*The organization referenced in the author’s bio is not a partner of TheHopeLine.

Why do I want to be anyone but me?

I have to confess I have this problem…when I look around me, I always think everyone else has it better than me.  They have better hair, better clothes, a better face, a nicer house, a better personality, better skills and talents.

The Why?

Society’s pressure never ends; you get bombarded with it everywhere you go.  Trying to be the best, trying to look the part you want to look, trying to appear as if you are the most interesting person in the world and your life is the most wonderful life possible.

I think if most of us look at the highlights in our own lives…. those moments laughing with friends, vacations, the good days, the days where we look and feel good, those times where we do something awesome and noteworthy aka Instagram worthy…those highlights make us look as if our life is something to take notice of.  I know I’m not the only one who goes back and looks over my pictures and is like…oh yeah, cool, I really have had some good times!

As we all know, everyday life is not glamorous…sometimes it’s downright rigid, boring, and extremely monotonous.  Get up, eat breakfast, go to work or school, go home, eat dinner, study, binge on Netflix…blah, blah…not too much in a typical day that’s Instagram worthy.  I have to tell myself…this is okay, and I’m telling you it’s okay.  Life doesn’t have to be exciting every moment.

Why don’t I feel complete?

Here’s my secret…probably an issue you’ve never heard of…I have dad issues (gasp). I’m being sarcastic if you can’t tell. I know so many of us have this issue.  I have two dads (dad and stepdad), but the fact that neither of them were completely vested in my life when I was younger affected me a lot. In many ways, this left me with a hole in my soul.

However, the thing that always puzzled me about this hole in my soul was that I knew Jesus. I knew He was the answer and the only way to fill the longing in my heart. But I didn’t always listen and seek Him. Instead, I looked for love and acceptance through guys. I went through many years of liking guys who didn’t like me, but it didn’t take long for that to change. Once I hit about 18 years old, guys liking me wasn’t a problem anymore and I soaked up the attention and “love” I got from them.  This was not a healthy thing to do.  It only leads to TROUBLE with a capital T.

If you need approval or attention to feel good about yourself then this can only lead you down a bad path. It means you will do things you didn’t want to do to get attention and feel better about yourself.

How do I fix it?

To “fix” the hole in my soul and fulfill the desire to be who I was meant to be is simple, but I tend to complicate it. We are all actually made this way…incomplete on our own. God did this so He can complete us. We are only made totally complete through God. Without him, we will always have an emptiness looming.

God is Calling You to Him

God created us in His image. He made us to have a deep, meaningful relationship with Him and to be in constant communication with Him. If we aren’t following through on that, then we are going to feel incomplete. If we put our faith in ourselves or others, not in God, then we are not going to flourish and be who we were meant to be.

Sometimes God seems far away. There are so many other things going on in life and He feels just “up there” sometimes. The truth is God can be more present and more real in your life, the more you let Him. He is not going to show up uninvited. He gives us free will to call upon Him or to ignore Him.

Show Me You're Real God

There was a time in my life where I wasn’t sure if God existed. After some straying and darkness, I cried out to Him and prayed, “I need for you to show me you are real. I need to know you are here and care about me.” One time, during a church service, I was praying this to Him and I felt His presence and felt for a moment like I was breathing pure oxygen. God showed up and answered my prayer. I felt his presence so strongly, and since then, I’ve never doubted his existence again. It’s so cool because the more you press into Him (by praying, reading and studying the Bible), the more you see Him at work in your life.

God promises if you seek Him, you will find Him. I’ll leave this scripture with you, Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Just try it! Seek the Lord with your whole heart! Don’t hold anything back and see what He does in your life. Watch Him fill the hole in your soul. Watch Him help you become God-confident and be who you were meant to be!

- Rachel