Posts by TheHopeLine Team

 

Before

I am a planner; I like order and to-do lists and thinking of every possible thing that could go wrong so I can stop them from going wrong. I take pride (too much pride, I’ll admit) in being the level-headed girl who can look past emotions and dramatics and see solutions. Solutions equaled control.

As a new teacher, I dreaded the day when I would walk into my classroom and feel completely at ease — when I would be confident that the day would be a good one.

I believed if that day came, it would be the last moments I’d remember before everything shattered. Before I lost control.

Bracing for Destruction

I convinced myself that every smile, every breakthrough, every “good day” would be followed by something equally awful. They were the calm before the storm in a time when I felt trapped by suffocating winds and gut-punching blows. I was blinded by fear, and no matter where I looked, I couldn’t seem to see past this single school day. I felt sick every day and every night, I curled up like a child in my bed with terror and anxiety for company.

There’s a line from Milton’s “Paradise Lost” that has stuck with me since I read it over ten years ago: “The mind is its own place, and in itself it can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” My own mind had become so filled with lies about how I wasn’t good enough to be serving my students that I’d created my own personal hell.

It took me a while, but eventually I realized I’d lost the things that made me ME. My friends and family walked on eggshells around me, because they didn’t know what to say. If they asked me how I was doing, my answer was never given with a smile.

They could see the light leaving my eyes while I had forgotten there had been light there at all. I’d lost my hope that things would get better. I surrendered to fear, and it wasted no time taking what it came for:

My joy. My passion. Myself.

Losing Myself

I was a shell of the person I’d grown into by the grace of God and every human being who’d taught me what it meant to be kind and good, and...

I. WAS. MAD....

At myself, at the world, and at the horrible feeling that had been buried in my stomach for months.

I was mad at the way I couldn’t worship the God I’d trusted so long ago because each Sunday that came reminded me of the Monday that would follow. I was mad at the way I hid myself from friends despite the loneliness I felt.

So, I made a choice: However, much it scared me, I would fight back. I would abandon the chains that bound me — the anxiety, the guilt, and the fear commanding my life.

I was done walking on eggshells waiting for the heart-stopping booms of thunder that shook me to my core.

I was done letting my own anxious heart rob me of the fruit I saw born from my efforts.

I was done letting fear win.

Chasing Peace

Peace wasn’t going to come on its own. I had to embrace the storm I feared and SEEK the calm I desired.

Every day, I woke up, and I chose to seek something good. Because there was good. There is always good.

Some days, it was easy, and I’d find myself smiling like a crazy person staring up at the stars. I’d think about all the stories humans have talked about the figures dancing across the sky, and I’d thank God for granting us with the gift of imagination and storytelling.

Other days, seeking good felt bad. I’d feel defeated when I walked into school with confidence and left with the sound of bitter words ringing in my ears like clashing symbols.

And yet, life was still better than it had been, and God was still with me.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning.
great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22–3 ESV

Despite the storm that engulfed my life, there was still morning, and there was still evening, and each day was still good. Just as He had when I was in college, God had kept His promise to guide me and to care for me according to His will. He would not leave me. With each new morning came new mercies, whether saw them or not.

Reclaiming Joy

Weeks passed, then months, and eventually, I found myself at the end of a season. The storm had passed, and I was okay. It felt . . anticlimactic. One day, I was there. The next, I wasn’t. I could breathe again. I could dream again.

I hadn’t realized what a living death I’d condemned myself to in the midst of my trial. God hadn’t taken away my joy. He hadn’t taken the things that used to make me feel like I was creating something wonderful. My hands could still draw, my fingers could still type, and my lips could still sing His praise. I lived for months believing that all of the good in my life had been stolen from me when in reality, I’d fallen for one of Satan’s cruelest tricks: I’d taken my own joy, and I’d let him have my hope.

After 

I won’t pretend I’m immune to the darkness I knew last year, and I certainly won’t pretend to know what you’re going through. What I will say is this: Storms will come. It’s guaranteed.

There is so little we can control, and choosing to see good is one of those things. It’s hard and it can be painful, but ultimately? It’s the best chance we’ve got at making it through the seasons we wish hadn’t come at all.

We seek the calm within the storm, and we trust that God knows what He’s doing, because He does.

Do you feel like depression and anxiety are ruining your life? Read, Depression is a Bully, for a personal experience of how depression feels and how to overcome it. 

Originally published at Wildflower Press - hannahoxley.com

Hannah Oxley is a teacher, a blogger, and an avid reader. When she’s not working on her first middle-grade novel, she can be found sipping coffee at her favorite independent bookstore or roaming the aisles of Trader Joe's.

Hey, my name is Julieanna. I am 15 years old. Last year I attempted suicide 2 times. I've self-harmed multiple times, and every time it gets worse. Please help!

Releasing Emotional Pain

The first time I cut myself it was to release the emotions and pain I've been holding onto. Being the "family disappointment" is a hard job. I first had thoughts of harming myself in 7th grade, but I didn't act on it. By 8th grade, I gave in to the temptation and started harming myself. I had friends that "cared." In reality, some did, others didn't. I'll admit I was a little bit overdramatic at times. I would say, "I'm gonna kill myself" just to see how my friends would act. They thought I was doing it for attention, and I was, but I didn't want to admit it. Something with self-harm just fascinated me.

High School Drama

Then I entered high school. My freshman year was absolutely horrible. Drama, Drama, DRAMAAA!!

I promised I wouldn't cut, but a rumor started spreading about me, and my own family dissed me about it, so, of course, I ended up cutting again but this time worse. All over my thighs and wrists. I felt free and relieved. But the pain instantly came back.

After that situation, cutting became something I did regularly. If anything went wrong, I instantly went to cutting. I once went to my dad about it, and he helped me a little, but the feeling was still there. Over the summer my parents found out I was cutting myself again, and they were disappointed. They didn't understand why I would do that to myself.

I entered my sophomore year thinking I wasn't going to do it anymore since life was going GREAT!! Right?? WRONG!! I ended up cutting myself back-to-back some days to the point where my own skin couldn't heal. Cutting from my thighs to my wrists it got to the point that there was no space left for me to cut. I turned to my friends and boyfriend, and they were comforting and begged me to stop, but it's something I can't just quit. It's a part of me.

Suicide Attempts

Then I attempted suicide. My suicide attempts were with pills both times. Both times I prayed I would live, and I'm still here. I still have the marks, scars, whatever you want to call them from cutting. At times I feel alone in my own home, as though no one understands me. I feel my family sees me as this horrible person that cares about no one, but that's just not true.  - Julieanna

TheHopeLine's Response to Julieanna:

Dear Julieanna,

Please know we see you and we hear you. We believe you and care about you. You are a good person. Believe that you are lovable, valuable and worthy.

We want you to know that you are not alone. At TheHopeLine we have talked to many people who have faced similar struggles. There is help and hope available to move forward and live a fulfilling life. We are glad you are reaching out with your story. Now please don't hesitate to seek help as well.  There are people who care.  To begin with, you can chat with a HopeCoach, sign up for an E-Mail Mentor or ask others to pray for you from our Get Help Page.

Resources for Self-Harm and Suicidal Thoughts: 

We have a partnership with Door of Hope, an organization that specializes in helping people who self-harm. Door of Hope has crisis care advocates that provide free services via texting, email and phone. Please check them out - Door of Hope

You also might benefit from reading how Amanda broke free from her struggle with self-harm - Breaking Free From Self-Harm

Finally - Julieanna, here at TheHopeLine we find a tremendous amount of hope through our faith. It gives us value, love, hope, purpose and security. If you are searching for true peace, here's where to turn - Learn More About God.
Hold On! Hope is Here!

What to Know About Anxiety and Mental Health?

The first time I learned about generalized anxiety order was in college. I was sitting in my speech class listening to a student give her presentation on mental health and how she dealt with her recent diagnosis of various mental health issues. As she spoke about GAD, I was a bit confused because most the symptoms she was describing were… normal to me. “You mean not everyone thinks this way?” I thought to myself. That speech started a journey for me of learning more about myself, my anxiety, and my identity- a journey that I am still on today!

Mental Health - Denial or Identity? 

Mental Health is an area that is still not widely understood by our current culture. I am definitely NOT a mental health expert, but as someone who has walked through my own mental health struggles and watched family members struggle as well, I have observed a lot of different responses to mental health especially within the Christian community.

There are usually two responses to mental health that I see: denial or identity. Some people deny the science behind and even the existence of anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses. On the other hand, others accept it as a label to wear, letting it become more important than anything else in their life.

To be perfectly honest, I know these responses are both incorrect, because I have done both of them at different times in my life.

After my own counseling and watching others close to me who struggle with anxiety, I knew I had to come to terms with the reality of what I was dealing with. I had to accept that my anxiety was real and affected my life. However, once I accepted that reality, I started to believe that anxiety was my new identity.

Anxiety is Not My Identity

Now, I want to make a couple things clear. I still talk about my anxiety. I have so much respect for those brave enough to be vulnerable about their struggles. I love that so many people are raising awareness to break the stigma around mental health.

However, my identity is found in Christ, not in anxiety.

 Even when my mind feels in turmoil; God promises to be my peace. When I start to overthink and worry, I just have another opportunity to invite Jesus into my thoughts. In my weakness, I learn to boast more in His strength.

Because no matter what I struggle with, who I am does not change. Jesus died on the cross so I can be known as a child of God. He promises to walk with me even in the midst of my anxiety and bring me into deeper freedom and healing through the process.

You Are Not a Broken Thing 

For years, anxiety felt like a fatal flaw that defined who I was. I don’t know what you struggle with- maybe it’s mental health issues or something completely unrelated. Everyone has a different story, but I have learned from my own story that when I stop making my struggles my identity and allow Christ to tell me who I am, I find so much freedom!

I always encourage people to get counseling or treatment for their anxiety, because those things have been so beneficial to me. No one should feel shame because of their mental health struggles, but never let anyone tell you that you are only your anxiety, because that is a lie. You are so much more than something you struggle with or issues you are facing. God sees you as a beloved child, not a broken thing to be fixed.

My Mental Health Journey 

My mental health journey has played a huge role in shaping the person I am. God has been so faithful at every step of the process. I have learned that my struggles are not shameful and do not disqualify me from being used by God. I am grateful for opportunities to share my story and raise awareness about mental health, but ultimately, I know where my identity lies.  Anxiety is not my identity; I am a child of God.

This article was originally posted at Mercy Multiplied

If you struggle with anxiety, you may have experienced a panic attack. Here are 25 grounding techniques that have proven as an effective way to cope with a panic attack.

I wasn't really close to God. In fact, I was far away from Him.

My History of Sexual Abuse

I blocked my childhood sexual abuse memories. I was sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend for 4 years. My family believes that my mom's boyfriend is innocent, and nice. They don't believe me when I say he abused me. My family still sees me as a child. They refuse to respect me as an adult, and still cross my boundaries.

Then I went to college and was sexually abused by my tutor. I felt worthless and depressed. I felt like no one believed me. I became obsessed with my tutor. He had lied to me, saying he didn't have a girlfriend, but I found out he did.  So, I began constantly checking my tutor's girlfriend's pictures to see how he was doing. I couldn't stop it and no matter how many times I blocked her, I kept unblocking her and seeing all the pictures of him and her together. He is a cheater, and I was the other girl, the girl he raped.

Alone and Wanting to Die

So, my family thinks I'm confusing my mom's boyfriend with the tutor who hurt me sexually. They also believe what happened with my tutor is my fault. I was so hurt by my own family. They said they would be there for me if anything happened, but this happened, and they don't believe me. They are not there for me.

So, in December, I wanted to kill myself. I never had the guts, but I was asking God every night to kill me because I felt so alone in this giant world.

God Saved Me through TheHopeLine

Then I thought of going to crisis hotline and I ended up coming here, to TheHopeLine.  I was looking for something that was Christian to help me rebuild and get closer to God.  As I chatted with the HopeCoach who was online helping me, I realized that I never accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord.  I was so desperate to feel better and not feel alone that I decided to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior that night and got saved!!!

TheHopeLine chat is the literally the best hotline ever!!! I come here when I have some issues and it is the best! I always feel better after chatting here. Thank you!!! God bless you!!
~Ericka

The journey to healing after sexual abuse can be difficult, but it is possible! If your story is similar to Ericka's, don't lose hope. We are here to help! Please also watch Kate's Story HERE. 

Suicide Survivor

​​It was late September 2012. My eyes squinted shut as the nurse wheeled me out the front doors of the psych ward and helped me into the car. This was the first time I’d seen the sun in more than a week.

"Good luck, Mr. Austin. Take care of yourself,” she said as she gently patted my shoulder, her hands unusually warm. “Remember,” she continued, “Every day is another step in the journey. Promise me that you’ll never stop telling the truth or asking for help. You’re one of the lucky ones."

The nurse’s gentle touch and compassionate advice made me feel a little more human, but “lucky”? How could anyone look at my current situation and call me lucky? The only thing worse would have been calling me “blessed.”  ​I choked back a quick “I promise” as I closed the car door. My wife maneuvered out of the hospital parking lot, while I turned down the radio and reclined the passenger seat. “Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.” - Maggie Kuhn

The Long Drive Home

The first half-hour of our drive was mostly silent, including Lindsey's tears. It had been just one week since I ​earned the title: suicide survivor. And while we both had much to say, we didn't even know where to begin. I stared off at the clear blue sky, as the green interstate signs passed overhead. It’s going to be a long drive home. My face was blank, but my mind was spinning with two pressing questions, "What will I do tomorrow? And will I ever be able to go back to church again?"

Church had been my entire life, both personally and professionally. I often joke that I was born in the baptismal. My family was at our little Southern Baptist Church every time the doors were open. I sang my first solo at the age of five, served as a youth leader in middle and high school, went on my first international mission trip at the age of fourteen, attended two years of ministry school after high school, and served as a youth pastor and/or worship leader for the first several years of mine and Lindsey’s marriage. When I say, “church was my life,” I mean it.

Now what?

I was alive, and my wife was still with me: I'm not sure which was the greater miracle. While I was grateful, there was still a part of me that was bitter about ​being a suicide survivor.

Depression and suicidal thoughts share many common threads. It would be a long time before I could start facing the impact ​of the fear-based theology I had been steeped in since childhood. It would take even longer to begin understanding the shame of childhood sexual abuse, anxiety, depression, and PTSD that had been eating me alive for years.

As we left Huntsville and inched closer toward home, Lindsey opened up. “Who are we going to talk to about this? I don’t want you blogging about it or posting on Facebook until we’ve given ourselves time to heal.” I agreed. We determined that our situation was no different than grieving family members at a funeral, who feel pressured to comfort other mourners as they file by the casket. We didn’t want (or need) that pressure.

Growth Begins with Acceptance

Once we got home, we sat down on the couch in a daze. Neither of us quite sure what to say, until Lindsey opened up again, “I’m not leaving.” I exhaled sharply and started to cry uncontrollably.

She waited patiently for me to regain my composure before she continued, “If you promise to never lie again, I’m not leaving. If you will tell the truth, go to therapy, take your meds, not isolate yourself with busyness, and ask for help when you’re feeling overwhelmed, I’m going to stay.” I could not stop crying.

Healing Tears

Looking back on that sacred moment, I wasn’t just crying because my wife was bravely choosing to stay. I was crying for the little boy who had been sexually abused in the side yard of his home, his trauma swept under the rug by adults who didn’t know better. I wailed for the little boy who had always been told, “Dry it up, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” I bawled for the teenager who felt so ashamed of his questions and curiosities, fearing his lack of faith was keeping Jesus from healing him in an instant. I groaned for the ministry student who never quite fit in, convinced he had already been doomed to an eternity in hell. I wept for the young man who always performed for the approval of others.  I sobbed for the pastor, husband, and father who was scared for anyone to know who he really was underneath all the hurt, hustling, and forced smiles.  The tears were the first step toward accepting my current state. Before I could ever move forward, I had to accept where I was. I couldn’t sweep mental illness under the rug any longer. I couldn’t ignore the ripple effect of my sexual abuse another day. I had to tell the truth about my wounds and grieve my losses before I could ever begin the healing process.  For the suicide survivor, acceptance is the first step toward wholeness.

Lessons Learned

Lindsey and I kept quiet about my suicide attempt for a full year. During that time, we each went to individual counseling, as well as marriage counseling. Once we decided to start sharing our story publicly, I started blogging about it extensively, and even published a book about my journey as a suicide survivor.

In the past seven years, I’ve learned seven powerful lessons about recovering from a suicide attempt:

1. Growth begins with acceptance. You cannot change (or heal from) what you won’t accept.

2. Refusing to dwell on past traumas and choices I cannot change, and not obsessing over a future beyond my control allows me to move on. I practice acceptance, so I can grow.

3. Hardship and losses are a natural part of life. Even when I am sad or disappointed, I can find something in any situation that I can use to my benefit. These days, I treat myself with compassion and take constructive action so that I can continue to heal.

4. Keep things in perspective. Now that I can look back on the darkest days of my life, I see that most conditions are temporary. Bad days don’t last forever. It doesn’t mean I discount my pain or cheapen my experience; it means I have hope that better days are coming. ​

5. Don’t forget to remember. When I think about the challenges I have overcome, it increases my sense of self-worth and boosts my confidence to deal with new issues as they come up.

6. Search for solutions. Rather than wallowing in self-pity, I seek answers. Some days, it seems really easy to obsess over my wounds, but I am determined instead to focus on what I can do to improve my situation. This is what keeps me thriving as a suicide survivor, rather than seeing myself as a victim.

7. An attitude of gratitude. On hard days, gratitude is one powerful way to change my attitude. Every single cloud may not have a silver lining but looking on the bright side and counting my blessings can make even the most unthinkable days seem a little more manageable.

The Struggle is Sacred

There’s a beautiful story in Genesis (the first book of the Bible) about a guy named Jacob who falls asleep one night and wrestles with an angel until daybreak:

When the angel saw that he couldn’t get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob’s hip out of joint.
The angel said, “Let me go; it’s daybreak.”
Jacob said, “I’m not letting you go ’til you bless me.”
The angel said, “What’s your name?”
He answered, “Jacob.”
The angel said, “But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on, it’s Israel (God-Wrestler); you’ve wrestled with God, and you’ve come through.”

Although I am the healthiest, I’ve ever been, I will continue to live with mental illness for the rest of my life. But the struggle (or wrestling) is sacred because it teaches me more about myself and reminds me of the compassion of a God who chooses to sit with me during hard times. When I feel tempted by thoughts of suicide, prayer is one of the things that brings me back from the brink.
Today, I accept the truth even when it is difficult. Facing facts instead of ignoring them or engaging in numbing behaviors helps me to become more peaceful and productive.

So, what about you, friend?

If we could dig down deep, below the surface of your life, what would we find?

I may not know your specific story, but I know that beneath all the labels, expectations, fears, doubts, hang-ups, and wounds - there is someone made in the image of God. Someone worthy of safety, love, and belonging. Someone with a story that is still being written. Someone who could teach us a thing or two.

Keep holding on when you don’t see any growth, know that some seasons are harder than others, keep practicing regular self-care, and trust that God sees you as you are - and loves you deeply. Remember to take care of yourself through the lifelong journey of recovery. Every day is another step in the journey. Never stop telling the truth or asking for help. You’re one of the lucky ones, too.

Steve Austin was an author, speaker, and life coach who was passionate about helping overwhelmed people learn to catch their breath. He was the author of two Amazon bestsellers, "Catching Your Breath," and "From Pastor to a Psych Ward."

Have you ever made a bad choice?
There are certain choices that cost less, and others that cost you more.
Do you want to know how to make better choices?

Resist living by default

Some of you make choices by default…whatever comes your way.
Never allow life to make your decisions for you. Living by default steals your potential. Default living keeps us at the mercy of life…off balance and unprepared.
The default life resembles the life of Rip Van Winkle. Rip went to sleep and woke up 20 years later, unprepared for what was in front of him.

Choices are big

• The choice of faith determines your spiritual life.
• The choice of a career determines your work environment.
• The choice of where we live determines the climate you experience.
• The choice of church attendance determines your weekend schedule.

It is true, sometimes good choices can end with bad results. But making good decisions are the foundation of a good life.

Don’t you wish every choice you made was great?

It is never easy to make the best choice, especially if you are suffering from emotional trauma or caught in a crisis.

Temptation plays a big role in the choices we make.  There are obvious temptations such as a man checking out a woman.  There are also more subtle temptations such as the need to achieve, to be accepted, to be wanted, to be wealthy, to be critical, to be judgmental, to compare yourself, to be envious, to quit, to over medicate, or to be offended. These are real-life challenges.

Temptations are open doors to poor choices. We can choose wrongly because we are fundamentally unhappy and searching for satisfaction. This search leads you to anesthetize areas where you are not emotionally healthy.

So, we search for pleasure in the wrong things. Things such as unhealthy relationships, achievement, sex, drugs, drinking, and codependency.

Some choices leave permanent trails

• The choice to cheat on a spouse
• The choice to drink and drive
• The choice to divorce
• The choice of abortion
• The choice to not forgive

Choices never offer an erase button.  The decisions you make at critical points in your life are the key to the way your life turns out. Some decisions are irreversible. However, making great choices create a great life.

The choice to vape can end your life.  The choice to stop vaping results in better health.

The choice to change your alcohol consumption matters. Drinking and driving is a poor choice. DWI’s are irreversible on your record and hard to overcome.

Risky sexual encounters are not a great choice.  You may think risky sex is fun, but it can negatively change our lives forever. The cost of an STD is no fun and carries long-term health issues. The cost of becoming pregnant is huge. Bringing a child into this world is irreversible.  Someone will raise a precious child and care for the child for many years. Raising a child is expensive, carries a grave responsibility, and will affect your life forever.

When you make healthy wise choices, you can protect yourself from some irreversible outcomes. This is living life by intention. When you make your choices from temptation or circumstance, it’s normally the wrong choice.

Whatever we choose, chooses us.

If you choose anger, you receive anger. If you choose fear, you receive fear. Choosing bitterness results in bitterness.

There is no way around it. Choices always determine outcomes.

We change our world by making good choices.

You’re not a winner or a loser, but a chooser, so choose wisely.

Best wishes, Thomas

Thomas McDaniels is a pastor/writer and the guy behind thomasmcdaniels.com. He has written for ChurchLeaders.com and currently writes op-eds for Fox News. He is also the Founder of LifeBridge.tv and the Longview Dream Center in Longview, Texas. Thomas can be found on social media on Instagram.

Are your issues influencing your choices in life? You are not alone. Visit our topic pages for podcasts, blogs, eBooks and stories to help you with issues in relationships, addiction, self-esteem, abuse, self-care and more. 

Give life another chance. You may be reading this article because you are contemplating killing yourself. Or perhaps you know someone who is.

If you are at the end of your rope, contact information for suicide prevention services, and other resources, are available at this link – Suicide Help.

If you have lost hope for your life because of depression and suicidal thoughts, please read on. Maybe give life another try.

Let me talk to you personally. I realize that you may have already planned to end your life or even tried to. All you can think about is how hopeless your life is, how you can’t go on living like this. The pain is too great. No one understands the burdens you carry or the emotional turmoil you are experiencing.

Let me share with you some hope about how your life can be different, and about why you should give life another try.

Options: I want to ask you to consider doing something other than trying to end your life. You may have tried counseling or talking to someone to no avail. I’m asking you to try taking some steps again, steps that will help you move in another direction, away from the self-destructive thoughts which have plagued you.

First of All, You Need to Understand Why You Are Depressed

You may say, “I do know why. I am a failure. I’m in debt. My wife/husband left me. Someone died. I’m unemployed. I’m lonely. I’m _____ (you fill in the blank).” I want to tell you that though you have many problems and struggles, most likely you are also struggling with a physical deficiency of chemicals in your nervous system. This may be a major reason for the depression you feel.

Many people who are depressed don’t know that depression is also caused by a deficiency of neurochemicals. A recent article from the world-renowned Mayo Clinic stated that “experts believe a genetic vulnerability combined with environmental factors, such as stress or physical illness, may trigger an imbalance in brain chemicals called neurotransmitters, resulting in depression. Imbalances in three neurotransmitters – serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine – seem to be linked to depression.”

These chemicals help people concentrate, improve mood, and increase energy. Medication, along with natural methods such as exercise and taking time to grow spiritually, can help increase these neurochemicals. You still need to work through other issues such as the loss of a loved one through death or divorce, low self-esteem, guilt, resentment, anger, or past sexual abuse. Those crises and losses need to be dealt with, processed, and grieved.

Have you been going to counseling and been treated for depression? If not, go immediately to your family doctor or a psychiatrist or to the nearest emergency room for help. You can find a counselor or go to the nearest mental health center. If you are suicidal, please contact 911 (in the USA & Canada). Please do this immediately!

If you are presently in counseling, you need to contact your therapist and/or psychiatrist to tell them you need help for depression and suicidal thoughts. If you can, ask a trusted friend or a family member or friend to go with you.

Understanding Depression and Challenging Your Emotions

Your feelings and your depression cannot be trusted. Feelings are not objective truth. Feelings are indicators of subjective thinking, and you need to explore the thoughts you have been dwelling on that have led you to contemplate suicide.

Thinking about killing yourself is believing lies about life and about the future. Many people in the past have struggled with depression but, they didn’t cave into or trust the feelings. They had the courage to go on, the courage to believe that their future and that their life could be different.

Martin Luther graphically described one of his frequent rock-bottom moods: “For more than a week I was close to the gates of death and hell. I trembled in all my members. Christ was wholly lost. I was shaken by desperation and blasphemy of God” (Here I Stand, Abingdon Press).

Don Baker, pastor and author wrote of his experience with depression: “I seemed to be out of touch with reality. Life was a blur, often out of focus. My life seemed to be nothing but pretense and fantasy. No one really cared, I felt, not even God. The only solution at times seemed to be suicide….”

These men did not follow their feelings. They rejected the despairing thoughts and moved forward. They were able to overcome hurdles and their emotions of defeat. You don’t need to be led astray by your negative feelings and thoughts either.

It’s time to challenge that thinking. Time to see your life from a healthy perspective. You are a person of value. You deserve to give life another try. You are important and you can change your thinking and behavior and improve your life! I implore you to also give God a chance to give you hope as well. Turn to God and seek His help and guidance. Why not find out what He can do?! I have witnessed how He has changed lives, lifted the downcast, and brought hope to those who feel lost.

Ask Yourself

• What feelings are underneath my depression?
• Do I suffer from low self-esteem?
• Am I having guilt problems?
• Am I struggling with relationship problems?
• Am I fearful about something?
• Am I struggling with some loss?
• What types of thoughts rule my mind?
• How can I take a step towards seeking God?

Ask God to reveal these things to you. Then, pray and ask Him for help and to change your life from the inside out. Don’t give up! Contract with someone close to you right now NOT to take your life.

Moving Beyond Hopelessness

Usually, people who are feeling depressed are not doing what would help them feel better. You need to fight the depression and move forward. Talk with someone about your feelings, about your life. Expressing your feelings to someone is very beneficial. Exploring with someone, especially a counselor, what underlies your feelings can help you begin to problem-solve.

Seeing your doctor for a physical exam and telling him or her about your depression can lead to further treatment for the physiological causes. You most likely need to take an antidepressant. Regular exercise and proper diet is very helpful and can also increase the neurochemicals your body is missing. Spending quality time with caring people, friends, God, members of your family and church will give you a sense of connection and help you regain meaning in your life.

Where To Start

You have read this article. Will you now consider taking a step toward life? A step towards rebuilding your life? A step to reach out for help? Refuse to believe the lies you have been telling yourself. Lies that life is hopeless, you are worthless and you have no future.

I’m here to tell you that your life has a future and a hope. I have seen so many people get help and go on to enjoy a better life! Write out a list of what will help you start over. Here are some suggestions:

1. Professional counseling: In the USA: American Association of Christian Counselors directory, SuicideHotlines.com. In Canada: Centre for Suicide Prevention.
2. A physical exam and medication
3. Exercise
4. Support from family and friends
5. Working through grief or loss. Reading a book such as: The Freedom from Depression Workbook by Les Carter, Frank Minirth; The Search for Significance by Robert McGee; Learning to Tell Myself the Truth by William Backus; or Keep Believing: God in the Midst of Our Deepest Struggles by Ray Pritchard.
6. Other: _________________ (fill in the blank)

I hope that I have been able to talk you out of harming yourself. Please contact someone for help, like a free and confidential online email mentor or chat online with a HopeCoach. Call your pastor, counselor, friend, your doctor. Take a step towards life and hope now.

Used with permission of Power to Change. Originally published at issuesiface.com.

Do you feel worthless? The answer to having deep-rooted self-worth is to understand how God views you. His view might just surprise you. Find out here.

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

People can wind up trapped in porn through many different ways. Some people intentionally seek it out for various reasons, some are exposed to it by no fault of their own but then find themselves returning to it again and again, and others go slowly and subtly. They walk down a long, dark, gradually declining path, not realizing where they are going until one day they look up and wonder how they got so lost.

If you read my testimony, you know that I have been there, and that last description, that slow fade, is how I fell. I want to bring that to light today. I don’t do this because it is fun to talk about – it isn’t – but because I pray that by exposing how I drifted, God will save others from that same path before they wander as far as I did.

Lies Pornography Makes Us Believe

You see, I never wanted to look at pornography. I didn’t even know what it was really. What I wanted was to be wanted. I wanted to be chosen and loved by a guy. I dreamed about what that would be like constantly, but my view of it was tainted by the romance thrown in our face by Hollywood and our romance-crazy culture.

I never expressed any of these thoughts or feelings to my parents. For some reason it seemed too weird to talk about. I had never really cared about boys before, and I didn’t want to lose that “all cool and doesn’t care” status. Yet while I maintained that face, my heart was totally swept away.

Fed by media and the internet for my original ideas of what a relationship looks like, I turned there again. I figured it would be harmless.

“How do you know if someone likes you?”
“5 ways to get a guy to notice you”

Internet Search About Relationships Escalated 

Then I started thinking, what about after I was in a relationship? I wasn’t allowed to date, but one day I would be able to. And I knew I would save my kiss until my wedding (although at that point I don’t know if that was as much my personal conviction as it was just obeying my parents), but one day I would be married and what then?? I continued seeking out the vast store of information the world offered me through the internet, but it escalated quickly.

“How to kiss”
“How to make him want to kiss you”
and so on and so on…

Walked Right into Pornography 

While originally, I was interested in information and mostly read articles, I soon found that images were more enticing than words. So, I started searching for pictures. Then pictures became boring and so I went on to videos. I never in all of that stopped to think about what I was really doing. I never saw it coming, even as I was walking right into it. In fact, I remember a moment where I thought “Oh… so this is pornography…” By that point, I was in too deep and had no idea how to escape.

So how did I get there? What happened? It started all the way at the beginning, deep deep down, as a heart problem. I spent more time fantasizing about my desires and soaking in the world’s views than I did seeking God. I craved love, but looked for it in shallow places, like boys, while in reality God’s love is the only love capable of satisfying that thirst in my heart.

Six Lies Pornography Tells Us:

If porn – or any sin – looked as evil and disgusting as it really was, we would probably never give in to any of it. Instead, they present themselves as small and harmless or as pretty and desirable. These are six lies that pornography presents us with, things it tells us it will give us but never can, and the truth behind those pretty bows and packages.

1. Pleasure

Porn promises us pleasure, but that pleasure won’t last. God offers us a deeper, lasting pleasure when our hearts and minds are solely fixed on Him.

“There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end, it leads to death.” – Proverbs 14:12 .

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” – Psalm 37:4

2. Connection

We desire a deep connection. Pornography tells us it will be enough to quiet that ache, but God is the one who sees us and hears us. He reaches down into our soul and can comfort our loneliness with His divine presence.

“Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:23-26

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” – Psalm 139:1-5

3. Acceptance

Like connection, we crave acceptance. We believe that sex will touch us deeply enough to quiet our fears that we are too flawed or not good enough, and so pornography lures us in. However, the truth is that we are already chosen and accepted by God exactly as we are!

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” – 1 Peter 2:9

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will” – Ephesians 1:4-5

4. Love

God has given us a desire to be loved, but the “love” that pornography offers us is fake. Jesus is love – true, enduring, never-failing love.

“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” – Jeremiah 31:3

“Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.” – Isaiah 43:4

“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” – 1 John 4:9-10

5. Fulfillment and Satisfaction

There is an emptiness we all feel inside of us. Pornography tells us it has what we need to satisfy that hole in our heart, but nothing in this world can satisfy us. That emptiness is a place that only God can fill.

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” – John 4:13-14

“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his Law Day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.” – Psalm 1:1-3

6. Escape and Peace

Pornography says it can give us a break from the craziness, stress, and pain of life. It promises us relief. We do need relief but using sex like a drug to ease our minds won’t give us what we need. God is our refuge and our peace when we can’t take what life is throwing at us.

“Peace, I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27

“How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you. In the shelter of your presence, you hide them from all human intrigues; you keep them safe in your dwelling from accusing tongues.” – Psalm 31:19-20

Look to Him 

Whatever it is you might be dealing with, whatever you may be facing, Jesus is everything you need to get through it. Don’t look anywhere else but to Him. Intentionally spend time learning from Him and growing closer to Him. When we absentmindedly go through life, we will eventually wake up and wonder where we are and how we got there. Actively stay in His Light, and the darkness cannot overtake you. The lies cannot defeat the Truth. He is all you need and everything you need. Seek Him first and seek Him alone. ~Amanda

Amanda Turner is the founder and head writer of Breaking Free Indeed.  Her hope is that by sharing her own story and the truths God has shown her, others might not feel so alone on their own journeys and can also find help in these truths.   This passion grew from seeing how God freed her from the struggles that she felt so trapped in and redeemed the brokenness that she once thought could only be hidden at best.  This article was originally published at Breaking Free Indeed.
 

What to Know About Depression

In the mind, we ponder fond memories that can make us smile. In the mind we can problem solve. We can daydream. But in the mind, we can also battle thoughts of loneliness, shame or fear of failure. The mind holds what the heart feels.

When a person is struggling with depression, many times the mind deals with more than your typical battling. It's more like an all-out war and you feel like you are on the losing side.

The What's of Depression

If a heart feels like they are broken, worthless, no good for anyone and it meets with a mind of a person struggling with depression then the outcome can be tragic.

You may think that is a little too drastic to call it tragic...but have you been there? I have.
I have not only been there, but I've also been there to listen to countless humans struggling with depression that pour out the devastation they are going through, baring their heart and soul.

Our individual bodies play a role in this subject of depression. There are many studies to support the fact that depression is an illness. There is so much to the causes of depression but I don't want to make this post about the why's of depression but instead the what's of depression.

What depression feels like. What we can look for as symptoms of depression in our self or someone else. What we can do for ourselves and for those in our lives struggling in this war on the heart, mind, soul and body.
So basically ALL OF YOU is fighting. Some are fighting and some have just about given up.

• Depression wants control of your life.
• Depression twists your way of thinking.
• Depression is exhausting.
• Depression causes you to live in a state of fear.

Depression is a Bully 

It is a bully that wants to win at ruining your life. A bully that affects young people and adults. Both male and female.
Those of us that are Christians, followers of Jesus.....you then bring the spiritual aspect into the equation. The enemy Satan wants to have free access to play in the mind.

Depression wants your mind but so does the enemy. So now it's 2 against you.....yeah you're right, I know what you may be  thinking

"No, if you are a Christian you have God on your side. You are on the winning side of this and you just need to connect with Him more. You just need to have bigger faith to give you the confidence that you can win this war in the heart and mind."

You're right God absolutely helps us win our battles, but when you are being bullied by depression you feel like it is ONLY you and you are losing strength....and fast.

Loneliness of Depression

In depression, you feel like you are fighting something you'll never win at. You are very lonely, even as you sit surrounded by all the lovely humans in your life.

You're lonely because depression also makes you feel like you can't tell on it. Like all of a sudden, we feel like we'd be a tattletale if we were to tell someone we are being bullied by depression.
We are unsure of what someone might say to us if we tell them about our bully. For instance we worry they might say things that hurt. Such as...

"Well just pray about it and do things that will help your mind focus on the good things in your life. Do things that help put your focus on God and not your problems."

“I'm sure this will pass, everyone is a little discouraged every now and then, cheer up, it will all be ok.”
"Why in the world are you feeling depressed? Surely you know how much you are loved. You really have no reason to feel depressed, you're just not thinking positive enough."

These are just a few that we fear, but trust me, those being bullied by this mental illness will many times have depression's irritating buddy tagging along and its name is anxiety.

Anxiety Brings Racing Thoughts

Anxiety brings along racing thoughts that seem to never stop. So, therefore, we think a plethora of daunting, overwhelming and shaming scenarios of what someone might say to us if we bring up a conversation about our bullies.

Racing thoughts are miserable, they cause you to lose sleep. They cause you to make it hard to focus on any task at hand.
Depression and anxiety are most definitely bullies that no one ever wants to be up against. Bullies make a person miserable. Just like a bully, they will taunt you. Beat you down mentally and emotionally to which makes your soul feel crushed. Yet it also beats you down physically as well.

Yes, depression and anxiety can affect you physically. Take a look at these links that share some of the physical symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Depression Untreated 

Now, if you don't struggle with depression I hope that I have given a description that gets your attention. If not then maybe sharing the next point will.

Depression left untreated can end tragically. Not all people with depression have suicidal thoughts. However, more than you probably realize actually have suicide cross their mind and multiple times.

This is the darkest place. By far it's the loneliest stage of depression. This form of bullying is like taking a beating that knocks every bit of breath out of you. Leaving you feeling like you are lifeless so you will just hope to die.

Stand in Prayer

If you have read up till this point. Thank you for staying. If you are a part of the body of Christ, realize this....the enemy is taking advantage of those that have a weakness in their mind.

The devil will always attack where we are weak. If you suspect or know someone struggling with depression....start today, right now and stand in prayer fighting for them!

If you are the one struggling, then you also need to realize this very important point. Call the enemy out, over and over. Asking the Lord to disarm him and kick him out of this war. If you are a child of God, no matter the state of your illness, the enemy has no right to your mind.

Don't Be Afraid to Use the Word Depression or Suicide

If you've been concerned about someone in your life who may be struggling with depression....don't wait for them to come to you.
Don't be afraid to use the word depression or suicide as you lovingly ask a family member or friend if they are ok. Here are a few suggestions on what to say...

"If you have been feeling like your struggling with depression, it's ok to tell me your not ok and I will stand with you in any way I can. I mean it, I'm really here for you."

"I'll help you find a counselor. Whatever you need me to be, in that moment I'll do my best because I love you. Nothing you say will make me think less of you."

"I will pray hard, standing in the fight with you. I will never give up on you and I want to help you to not give up on yourself."

"If your depression ever makes you feel like giving up this fight, you can talk to me about those thoughts too."

"If suicide is something that ever crosses your mind, you can talk to me about those feelings"

End the Judgment Towards Depression 

There needs to be no judgment towards someone struggling in depression. If you pray for your loved ones when they have been diagnosed with diabetes, cancer, or any other illness, then treat this in the same way and pray.

We must help get our family and friends to the feet of Jesus. Carrying them, their thoughts, their pain straight to the feet of the One that cares most. Loves most. To the greatest Healer that ever walked the earth.

We also need to help in other areas by not only being there for them but finding resources or helping find counselors.  Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine for resources.  I work with TheHopeLine and they have access to many resources to help you find the help you need for your loved one.

If you have been silent while being pushed around and bullied by depression...I want you to know that there are people that want to help you. Talk to those in your life that you trust the most. You are not alone. Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine that will help you find the resources you need for depression.

Take Charge of  Depression

I am putting a few resources at the end of this post that will help you in the area of taking charge of this bully in your life.
Take in this thought....really stop to soak it into your heart. You are so loved by the King of Kings. His name is Jesus and He willingly sacrificed His life, His own breath for you. You are wanted. You are worthy. You are precious to God and to others in your life. There can be reprieve. There can be healing.

Church, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus....take note.

Depression has a loud voice and we must unite together to have a louder voice, to help those that are being tormented by mental illness.

We must be love. We must love. We must join in this fight to help save lives from the bully. I stand up, calling out this bully named depression that is chasing down those in our life, making them feel like helpless prey.
Will you join in their fight too, so they know that they are not alone in their fight?

Free Resources for Depression and Anxiety

I am not a professional. I am not licensed. I received training in suicide prevention through my work in a faith-based crisis line.
The things I share on this post are from my own personal experiences and in learning through the years as I have talked with those that struggle with many different issues including depression and anxiety.

Free E-book for anxiety Free E-book for depression- which includes a section for how to help a friend or loved one in depression.

Scriptures of Hope-sections for your specific struggle.

Mental Illness is NOT Mental Weakness

Focus on the Family -free call to speak to a trained professional.

Chat free with a HopeCoach-plus many more online resources. Sign up for a free email mentor.

April is a wife, mom and nana who is a child of God. Through her own past experiences with being both emotionally and spiritually wounded, she felt God calling her to expand her reach in giving hope and encouragement to others through her  Healing in Heart blog. It is her #1 hope and prayer that He will be glorified through her blogging ministry. #2 that He will continue to allow her to share hope, healing and encouragement by pointing others to the truth in His word. This article was originally published here.