There's no escaping the reality of anger. It affects everybody at one time or another. Over the many years I've been in talk radio, I've become convinced at least half of those who have called me are in some way angry or have suffered as a result of someone else's rage. There are literally millions of people whose lives have all but been destroyed because of the monster within, anger.
And yet, there are so many people who don't recognize how angry they really are, or even how they are expressing it. Much less, how it is affecting every aspect of their lives, including all their relationships.
Anger is an emotion that can be very powerful and all-consuming. It's a deep feeling of displeasure, hostility or antagonism towards someone or something we think has hurt us. Anger usually has with it a desire to get even or hurt back.
Anger can be so powerful that it can even affect us physically. For example, anger increases heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline. Its effect on the body's nervous system can lead to a weakened heart and stiffened arteries. There's also the potential for liver and kidney damage, as well as high cholesterol. Anger may bring along other issues like depression or anxiety. Some scientists think that chronic anger may be more dangerous than smoking and obesity as a factor that will contribute to an early death.
Ultimately, anger is a reaction to feeling hurt, weak, vulnerable, or belittled in some way by someone or something. We use anger to help us feel strong and in control, and to help mask our feelings of hurt and weakness. When you see an angry person, you see a hurt person using anger to try and make up for all the pain.
Jenny wrote: One of the things that makes me angry a lot is not knowing a single thing about my birth father. And how much not having him in my life affected my life growing up and how I am with guys since I have never had a father figure to show me how it is to be loved by a man the right way.
Jenny is obviously hurt. She feels abandoned by her birth father who she has never met. Not only that, but she has never had a father figure in her life. Jenny's anger helps her make up the difference between her desire to feel loved and accepted, and her feeling so weak and neglected.
If you are struggling with anger and bitterness from being hurt, you may want to consider How to Forgive or listen to this podcast on How to Deal with Anger.
Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, "I hate myself, I'm no good, I'm so stupid, or I'm worthless."
The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it's easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.
So, what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?
Nobody can make you love you other than you! It's your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you've been thinking and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It's often been said, "If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better."
Cody wrote: I've found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.
It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you're feeling better about yourself.
If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.
IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don't like your weight you can start eating properly and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You'll be amazed by how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.
Don't obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don't get stuck in that trap!
Can't think of 10? There are more than you think but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.
Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.
Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.
Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go to new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.
Decide that you will never say the words, "I Hate Myself" ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.
You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life...things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don't.
Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.
So, if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you'll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.
Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day...maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn't have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.
The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God's love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you'll feel much better about your life.
God made you very unique. And it's this uniqueness that makes you special.
Angie wrote: It's very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.
As you start believing in yourself more, you'll have more good days than bad. It's easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Don't stay in that place of self-hate, it's going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it's possible. Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: Why Do You Hate Yourself.
And check out this blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.
A recent study found that 39% of teenagers have sent or posted online nude or semi-nude photos or videos of themselves or sent sexually suggestive emails, texts or snaps! Most of these are being sent to boyfriends/girlfriends, but others say they are sending these pics and texts to someone they want to hook up with, or maybe even someone they only know online.
Let me ask you...What do you think about sexting? Why do you think so many people are doing it?
Here is some insight I received from your comments:
Cassie shared her reasons for sexting: I think us girls do it because we think we have to. It's a way to get a boy's attention and show him what we got and get him to like us more. Looking back, I regret it and wish I didn't. I think the boys might actually lose respect for you.
I also heard from you that people sext because it's so easy to do. It also has an element of risk to it. It's a huge rush, sharing the most personal part of yourself with another person. You don't really know how they're going to respond to it. Will it turn them on, or off? Will they like you more, or less?
Abigail tells why she sends sext messages: My compulsion towards sexting is similar to young girls who are promiscuous; I look for male affection in the wrong places. I seek it from boys who only like parts of me instead of all of me. It can easily become an addiction as strong as drugs or alcohol.
Here are some things to think about before you take the plunge into sexting:
1. Nothing you send or post stays private
It might seem harmless enough, just sending a dirty, flirtatious picture of yourself to your bf/gf's phone. But before you can say, For Your Eyes Only, more people have seen you in your underwear than you ever dreamed. Anna said: If you want every one of your boyfriend's friends, and maybe more, to see your naked body then go for it. My boyfriend asked me for that and I said no and he respected that. My view is that one day I will go far in life, and I don't want sexting' to be revealed now or ever.
It might seem fun in the moment, but your flirty pics may be searchable by anyone on the planet for years to come. You can't control what other people post online, or where they choose to send or post your dirty pictures.
2. Your joking around might be misunderstood
Just because, in your mind, your text or pic is meant to be fun, doesn't mean the person who gets it will see it that way. Not to mention all the others who may see it as well. People may easily assume, and even expect, that you're more open to having sex than you are. You may end up ruining your own reputation, simply for a few cheap thrills.
3. It's impossible to be completely anonymous
If you're sending pics online to a complete stranger, thinking they will never find out who you really are, or where you live, think again. Even though you may be disguising facts about your name, age, location, etc., it's easy for online predators to find out who and where you are.
4. Legally, the consequences could be drastic
Some states really crack down on sexting declaring that sexting photos of someone who is a minor (even yourself!) is considered a felony. You can end up getting labeled as a sex offender if pictures of a minor are found on your phone. That label would follow you for the rest of your life.
It may be very tempting to give into a bf/gf's request for you to sext them. But, whatever you do, don't give in to their pressure. Almost half the people who sext, say they do it because of pressure from other people.
Amber says this is what happened to her: I had guys ask me for pictures and I gave in cause they told me they loved me and I believed them.
Jessica finds herself in the same position: My bf is always asking me for nude pics and I tell him no, and then he wants to break up with me when I don't, so I give in.
How sad!
Jessica was used and emotionally bullied by some guy who doesn't even love her. It's not worth it. It will never be worth it. The damage will far outweigh the supposed benefits. So don't do it. You are worth far more than simply a sexy picture on a phone.
The power of words. You no doubt have experienced how careless and cruel words hurt others and tear apart the closest of friends. Unfortunately, words have the power to destroy someone's reputation.
Someone commented: All my life I have been talked and gossiped about, and still am, behind my back. I just ignore them and walk away but sometimes I wonder what the problem with me is and what have I done to deserve being talked badly about.
Even though no one can have complete control over what others say or think about them, it is possible to do some things that can protect your reputation, and possibly prevent people from gossiping about you.
The Internet has the potential to define the reputation of a person for good or bad. Online is often where someone's first opinion of you is formed. So, think before you post. What people see or read about you online influences their opinion of you. You have some control here, so the best thing you can do to protect your reputation is to manage your online presence.
How can you do that?
Cierra said: If you want to protect your reputation you have to think about if I do this just once, do I want people knowing about it or thinking of me in this way? I know you shouldn't care about what others think, but there are times when it's okay to.
Think about what you are showing others by what you say and the way you act, not only online but offline. People are watching and making judgments about what kind of person you by what you show them. As you begin to understand this, you are better able to act in ways that will enhance your reputation rather than damage it.
If your reputation has been damaged, I wrote this blog with tips on How to Rebuild a Bad Reputation. Check it out!
Maybe you've made some bad choices, and the gossipers are now using them against you. Our reputation can be harmed when we make poor choices at work or school, or when we hurt others in our relationships.
Perhaps you struggle with the same relationship problems over and over, or you keep falling back into harmful or addictive behaviors. All that has an impact on your reputation.
Or maybe someone is making up lies about you, simply trying to hurt you.
Gossiping is such a popular way for people to spend their time, and tragically, the damage it can do spreads like a virus, until someone's reputation is seriously damaged.
You may feel like there's no chance to counteract the horrible things they are saying. It's going to take some time, but trust me, the good news is, you can rebuild your reputation and you can recover.
Here are some ideas on how to do it:
It is very important to stop listening to all the bad things being said about you it will only bring you down and leave you feeling discouraged and hopeless.
That was Sarah's experience: I was driving myself crazy, listening or even trying to imagine what other people were saying about me. I had to stop. Then I could finally move on.
Figure out what kind of person you want to be, and then work on showing that to other people. You're well aware of how you don't want people to view you. How do you want them to view you? And why?
Find one other person you can talk to who will remind you of the person you want to be and believes the best about you. If you can't find anyone, be that person for yourself.
Devon commented: Until I could find a good friend, I had to keep telling myself over and over I am not the person they say I am. I'm a good person and though I'm not perfect, I'm working on getting better.
If the source of the gossip is rooted in truth, let people (especially the people you care about the most) know what is true, but that you want to change. Then, over time, go about proving it to them!
Time will usually heal a lot of difficult situations.
Figure out if you need a new group of friends. Are your friends adding value to, or taking away, from your reputation? If they are affecting your reputation in a negative way, you don't have to neglect, or start talking badly about them, but you might want to add some new people into your life people who are known to say encouraging and positive things.
Misty said: I found out from another friend that the people I was hanging out with were only hurting my reputation. I still care about them, but I need to be careful about what influence they might be having on me.
Smile, and be nice to people you see. Take a genuine interest in what other people are doing or thinking. People always appreciate someone who seems to care. You'll find that people will be drawn to you, and less likely to talk badly about you.
Simply being nice to others gives you a chance to feel good about yourself, win new friends, and allow existing acquaintances to, eventually, reconsider their thoughts about you.
Sometimes changing something as simple as your hairstyle or your clothes will make a ton of difference in how people view you. Be creative, and don't be afraid to conform just a little bit to what seems to be the current looks.
Don't ever try to turn into something you are not!
It takes time to build a good reputation. And even more time to rebuild a damaged one. In time, the truth about you will be known. A good reputation is hard to destroy. Who you are as a person speaks for itself. Besides, sometimes people go on with their own lives, and forget what was said about you.
David had this experience: I had people saying bad things about me. But after a while, people just kind of forgot about it. You just have to be patient and stay confident.
If you're feeling like you need to rebuild your reputation, ask your close friends or family what they see to be your positive or negative traits. What do they think would be beneficial for you to adjust, in order to help improve your reputation?
No matter what you do to rebuild your reputation, don't ever try to turn into something you are not. Just remember to be true to yourself, and honest to your closest friends. As you seek to live the best life you can, you will be able to hold your head held high no matter what other people say about you.
Rebuild a bad reputation also by working on your self-esteem. It's possible to change what you and others think about you.
It's been said, knowledge is power. Unfortunately, many people like to spread damaging information or intimate details about others, whether true or not. This is what is called gossip. It used to be that people called gossip, dishing the dirt. Whatever it's called, people use gossip to hurt people, in order to feel good about themselves and to feel like they have power over others.
If you know something juicy someone did over the weekend, it's easy to feel like you have to tell others. We especially like it when we hear something that makes someone look bad. Celebrity bloggers and gossip magazines make millions of dollars off of this unfortunate reality. I'm sure you have encountered gossip. Some people seem to thrive on it.
It’s time for you to decide you don’t want to have any part of it. The most dangerous part about gossip is that it steals another person's reputation. A reputation is very fragile. When you gossip, you are helping to destroy something extremely valuable. An anonymous blogger wrote: After telling my best friend, it leaked that I tried [cutting] once. Everyone thought I was even more of a freak.
If it’s time for you to commit to no longer have any part of gossip, here are 5 tips on how to do it:
1. Make an intentional decision you’re not going to gossip.
Even though the temptation to gossip is powerful, you will always win when you choose not to use it. And really, with all gossip, there’s no way of knowing for sure what is true or not.
Paul wrote: I admit that I love spreading rumors. It’s all about telling lies about someone you don’t like. It usually works. That’s the problem, it does work, almost every time. The most dangerous part about gossip is that it steals another person’s reputation.
2. Don’t listen to others when they gossip.
Gossip grows an audience. You simply being there listening to it adds to its appeal. If someone starts to tell you something gossipy, say, I’m sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about this person when they’re not here to defend themselves. Not only will you break the gossip chain, but you also will gain the trust of other people, as someone who won’t spread rumors. With all gossip, there's no way of knowing what is truth or lies.
3. Don’t judge people based on gossip.
If you should hear gossip about someone you don’t know, you have two choices: allow the gossip to determine what you believe, or let your own personal experience determine what you think. The first time you have an experience with someone that is contrary to the gossip you’ve heard; you’ll be a lot more careful about spreading or believing gossip the next time you hear it.
Katy wrote: My best friend is someone who people used to say really bad things about. But once I got to know her, I learned the truth about her. I'm so glad I gave her a chance.
4.Think before you speak.
Before you repeat something you've heard about another person, think: does this really do any good for me to spread this information? Or am I just trying to be in the know? Is the information even true? Could I be hurting someone by telling this, even if it's true? If the person you are talking to is not part of the problem, or part of the solution, there's no need to tell them anything.
5. Stay away from people who gossip to you they will gossip about you.
Don’t associate with people who find such great joy in belittling others. Be very careful about what you choose to tell these people. If it’s a close friend, you might consider saying how you want to stop spreading gossip, and that you’d really like her help.
There's an old saying, stick and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me. That's not true. Being gossiped about can be extremely painful. If you don't want it done to you, don't do it to others. In the end, it never pays to gossip.
I really appreciated this comment from Jolene: I love how Dawson tells how gossip really hurts. Other blog sites just gossip, this one tells us how hurtful it can be. I am so glad that Dawson is down-to-earth.
For more help with gossip and reputation, I wrote these two blogs: How to Rebuild a Bad Reputation and Protecting Your Online Reputation.
For a long time, I have wanted to blog about what to do when your family is broken up by divorce. I have taken literally thousands of calls from teenagers and young adults whose whole lives have been rearranged by their parent's divorce. Getting over your parent's divorce is never easy, in fact, it will no doubt change the whole direction of your life. Everybody knows somebody from a broken home. They are everywhere. Maybe you too have suffered the pain of a family break-up. If so, this topic is for you. May it help you navigate through the rough waters of confusion, disappointment, anger, and pain.
Whether your parents are separated, are going through, or are already divorced, it's very normal to experience many different feelings and to have a lot of questions. It's also very normal for you to feel like you're the only one who has ever had this happen to you. But I can assure you, you are not alone.
More than anything, divorce seems to bring up a huge load of questions. Why did this happen? Is it my fault? Could I have prevented this from happening? Will they ever get back together? Will things ever be normal again? Did my parents ever really love each other?
Amelie wrote, I mostly feel sad about my parents' divorce. But I also feel angry and confused. There are a lot of feelings. I don't know what to do with them.
You might even wonder if your parents would still be together if you would've done better in school, or not gotten into so much trouble, or helped more around the house. I have known many teenagers and young adults who have all but destroyed their lives blaming themselves for the actions of their parents. The personal blame game is perhaps the most devastating effect your parent's divorce will have on you.
Here's the truth: No matter what that little voice inside of you that is constantly blaming you says, the divorce is about your parents and the problems they have with each other it's not about you. It was not your fault. Your parents are adults and are responsible for the commitments they made toward each other, long before you were born.
I could make a list a mile long of different reasons why people get divorced. The truth is, if someone doesn't want to be married any longer, there's always going to be some reason. For example:
I could go on and on, and I'm sure you could add some that you've seen in your, or other people's, homes. Experts on marriage say the most common reasons given for divorce are actually preventable. The top reasons given by ex-husbands and ex-wives were lack of commitment, too much conflict and arguing, and infidelity reasons that can be addressed by counseling with a marriage therapist. Tragically, we live in a world where 50% of all marriages end in divorce. It's as if people find it easier to end a marriage, than to work through the problems they may be experiencing.
Still, I don't believe anyone marries to get divorced. They don't say, Well, I'd like to go through the awful experience of getting divorced, so I think I'll get married. Everyone thinks they have found the right one when they marry.
Adam said, I don't understand all the reasons my parents got divorced. Sometimes I wish I knew more of the reasons, so I can prevent it from happening to me.
Personally, I wish divorce didn't exist. I've seen too many lives broken by the effects of divorce, especially the lives of children who had no choice in the matter, but who were the most affected by it. People like Heather said, "Under all my anger is a deep sadness that came from my parent's divorce."
I want you to know that I feel your pain. And want to help. TheHopeLine's goal is to help you not be a victim, or even a survivor, of your parent's divorce, but an overcomer. It is possible. Hope Coaches are here to listen and help you 24/7 through live online chat.
Just remember: Your Parents' Divorce Is Not Your Fault! Never has been, and never will be.
Talking about self-harm and cutting is an issue that can be difficult to discuss, but it must be brought up. The more we try to hide the issue, the more power it has over our lives and the more difficult it is to break free.
It's important to learn new ways of dealing with your emotional pain. Then you will finally be able to give up this horribly destructive addiction.
There is a lie about cutting, and just about every addiction. That lie simply says: Cutting is your friend.
Cutting is not your friend. It appears to offer you relief from the pain you're feeling, and no doubt it does temporarily, but in the end, it only leaves you feeling worse, yet craving for more. You're stuck with a body full of scars, and a heart full of secrets. You probably feel like nobody really cares what's going on inside of your head. And even if they did, you wouldn't know the words to use to describe what you're feeling.
Your feelings of pain which led you to cutting in the first place are real. But cutting is never going to give you the true relief you are looking for. It will only make things worse. If you want to quit cutting, you have to realize it's not wrong to be in emotional pain. The problem is you're trying to fix your emotional hurt with something that only causes more hurt. That's why cutting doesn't deliver on its false promise.
Is there a better way to fix the emotional hurt you are feeling? YES!!!!!
Let's look at three healthy ways to deal with your emotions.
This first step may be the hardest, but you need to tell someone about your cutting. Your secrets are only making matters worse. You can't find the light while hiding in the dark. Cutters are hiders. Their closet, so to speak, is their safe haven. It's time to come out. Find someone you can trust. A good place to start may be a doctor, a school counselor, a minister, a relative, or a friend. Jacqueline said this is what has helped her: Even if you are unsure when and how the pain started - TALK!!!!
This person will help you describe your pain, even if you don't know what to say. As you start talking about your feelings in a safe environment you will learn new words you were afraid to use before. Such as: I'm angry, afraid, lonely, ugly, desperate, etc. Over time, you will sort through your intense feelings, heal past hurts, and find new ways to grow stronger and deal with life's problems in healthy ways.
Raven said this worked for her: I quit cutting [a year ago] and found that I didn't need the pain anymore. I've gone to counseling for this past year and after talking out the true reason I was hurting myself, I found that I didn't need to anymore.
What are the places, situations and people that trigger your desire to cut? These desires can seemingly come out of the blue. The fact of the matter is those triggers unleash the craving in your mind to cut. Breaking the pattern of cutting, means learning how to recognize the triggers, and deal with them before you choose to hurt yourself. Your counselor will help you quickly think about how to redirect both your emotions and your cutting when a trigger occurs. In time, you will become an expert to the deep emotions that boil up inside of you, and scream that you medicate them by cutting. The earlier you recognize these emotions and what causes them, the easier it is to deal with them in a healthy way. The problems you are facing may not go away right away, but at least you will see more clearly on how to deal with them.
Ashley said: The sad part is, the things and reasons that were making me do this [cutting] have not stopped. So I wasted all that time hurting myself for no reason. While everyday is a challenge, everyday that I don't harm myself, I'm one day closer to being fully recovered.
Miracles come from God. There is hope for you even if you think it will be impossible for you to quit your cruel cutting habit. It's going to take a true spiritual transformation. Not only are you going to need to retrain your brain from thinking cutting is helping you, but you're going to need to realize you are powerless, and in need of help. Only a deep, meaningful relationship with God can truly set you free. Instead of working on your addiction to cutting, it's time to begin working on your relationship with God.
God made you and loves you more than you or I will ever know. He wants you to know Him, and He wants to help you overcome your addiction to cutting. God will give you the strength you need to do this. When you trust God to heal your deepest hurts and emotional pain, He will step in and start helping you turn your entire life around.
One person anonymously commented: I still fight the urge to hurt myself when things are hard. I still carry the scars. But I've learned that God heals, and that His love is a much better relief from the hurt. There is hope.
If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, check this out our page with more resources for those struggling, and check out TheHopeLine's free eBook.
It seems that self-harm or cutting have become as popular as drugs or alcohol as a method to cover the pain. It also seems to be destroying lives in the same way as other addictions do. Hopefully, that life is not yours. But if it is, help can be on the way. You don't have to stay stuck in the vicious cycle of self-mutilation.
Cutting is a form of self-harm often used to handle overwhelming or negative feelings. It is a way for people to “feel” something physical when they feel numb or pained on the inside. It also gives the cutter a false sense of control since they can choose when, where, and how to cut. Cutting can lead to permanent scarring, extended bouts of depression, diminished self-esteem, and possible infection.
If you’re a cutter, you might think it’s helping you feel better about the deep emotional pain you feel. But the truth is: cutting is a counterfeit helper. It promises relief from the hurt you’re feeling, but it only ends up making the heartache even worse.
If your thumb hurts, it doesn't make sense to cut off your foot. In the same way, making yourself bleed is no way to take care of your very real emotional and spiritual needs. Cutting yourself merely covers the deeper emotional pain you're feeling. But like every other addiction, it's far too much medicine for the sickness, and will come back to haunt you.
Nonetheless, you or someone you know likely cuts for the benefits you get from it. In fact, as someone once said, for every thrill there is a chill. So, let’s not deny, with cutting there is some kind of a thrill. If cutting yourself for fun is a temptation, it's helpful to understand the toll it takes on your body and mind.
The body naturally produces a chemical compound called endorphins. Endorphins are released to help the body deal with pain and stress. In fact, endorphins cause an actual high designed to cover real physical pain. And cutting causes real physical pain.
You might have heard of runners high. This is simply the release of endorphins into the bloodstream when someone puts their body through something extremely physically challenging. This high, or euphoria, is extremely addictive.
Much of the same thing happens when you cut. Your brain is flooded with endorphins, which give you a rush, and a sense of calmness and relief that makes you feel like everything is ok. Some cutters claim the high can last up to 90 minutes, but what happens when the high wears off?
Sarah S. understands this chemical dependency, after being addicted to cutting for six years. "Your body has its own pain management using hormones called endorphins. Endorphins manage physical pain, as well as emotional. When someone cuts, endorphins are released and help [cover up] the emotional and physical pain. It will make you feel better for a few minutes and then you will crash again. Eventually, your body will build a tolerance to it and you will have to cut deeper and/or more frequently and more cuts at one time to get the same effect as before."
So, in the end, cutting is rather simple to explain.
It is using self-inflicted pain to get a high, in order to self-medicate an emotional pain with a temporary feel-good. The problem is the feel-good quickly can turn to a feel bad, or worse, to an addiction.
Megan says she got addicted to the physical high of cutting as an early teen. "I started cutting in junior high because a girl who was cooler than me was doing it. I kept on doing it because it helped with my pain that I was having from school or my family, or later from my eating disorder. I'm 20 years old and I realize now that I cut for a bit of a high, but I don't have that urge to feel that high anymore."
Megan doesn't feel the urge to get the cutter's high anymore. How did she stop? One thing I know for sure, she came face to face with the consequences of cutting.
Perhaps, after reading this, you've come to the realization for the first time that you need to deal with an emotional pain you have been hiding as well as find the strength to resist the temptation to cover that pain with cutting. This might be a lot to take in. If your first reaction is a desire to put off dealing with the emotional pain, you are not alone. It's understandable that you don't want to go there. In fact, it's precisely why you've been covering it over with self-harm. But if you have come to this realization today, I encourage you to not prolong the hurt. Get it out into the open. You are strong enough to deal with it and move forward.
You can face this trial with HOPE. You are not alone. Many people do conquer their addiction to cutting. You can chat with a HopeCoach when they are available. You can reach out to our partner organization, Door of Hope. And you can turn to God for help. I know it's hard to understand why bad things have happened, but God is good and wants to rescue you. You just need to turn to him.
“Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:17-19
If you lay this struggle before God and trust him to help you, He will give you the strength you need.
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7
Here are more Verses of Hope for Struggling with Self-Harm.
For more help to stop cutting yourself, read my blog on how to resist the urge to cut yourself.
