Posts by TheHopeLine Team

Family dynamics are always tricky. There’s no such thing as a “perfect” parent, but when a parent is toxic, that takes a toll on everyone: spouse, children, friends, and even extended family. We talk a lot about healthy boundaries here at TheHopeLine, but it can be incredibly difficult to maintain healthy boundaries with a toxic parent, especially if you still live with them. Let’s talk about how you can determine your way forward in an unhealthy relationship with one or more parents.

How to Handle a Toxic Parent

How Do You Know if Your Parent Is Toxic?

Simply disagreeing with you doesn’t make a parent toxic. Your relationship with your parents can be tense or even strained without having true toxicity involved. Sometimes it just takes a little time and work to heal and strengthen family dynamics, especially between parents and children who have different points of view because they’re members of different generations.

A truly toxic parent will exhibit some or all of the following behaviors:

• Highly reactive. Your parent explodes suddenly and perhaps unexpectedly instead of responding appropriately to situations.
• Blames others. Nothing is ever your parent’s fault, and they rarely, if ever, apologize.
• Lacks empathy. They don’t seem to care about your feelings or the feelings of others.
• Controls everything. They allow you no privacy or have unreasonable demands of your behavior.
• Critical and negative. Compares you to others and is never satisfied with your performance.
• Never listens. They don’t let you get a word in edgewise, or they ignore what you say.
• Uses guilt trips. They try to make you feel bad about things that aren’t your fault or make you responsible for their emotions.
• Addiction problems. Even if they’re wonderful when they’re sober, their misbehavior when they are in the throes of addiction makes for a toxic home environment. Inconsistent parenting is a form of toxic parenting, because it leaves the rest of the family without a feeling of stability in the home.
• Abuse. If you’re not sure whether your parent’s behavior qualifies as “abuse,” check out our article that explains different types of abuse, like physical abuse, verbal/emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect.

Note: It can be confusing to tell the difference between a toxic parent and an emotionally abusive one. Often, emotional abuse is involved in a toxic relationship, making those terms interchangeable. If your parent’s behavior doesn’t seem to be aimed at hurting you or anyone else, but still creates a negative or chaotic home environment, that’s toxicity and should be addressed in much the same way as emotional abuse would be.

How to Set Boundaries With Toxic Parents

1. Reduce your exposure to them when you can. If you still live with and rely on the toxic parent, this could look like arranging more sleepovers with friends or signing up for more extracurricular activities to keep you busy and away from home. If you’re able to, consider asking another close (and healthy) family member if you can live with them. If you don’t live with the toxic parent anymore, you can limit your contact with them–decide on a set number of times per week or month you are willing to talk to them and for how long.

2. Practice emotional detachment. Your toxic parent relies on the idea that they can control you and your feelings. If you learn to separate your emotions from their toxic behaviors, you can distance yourself from the emotional stress of living with them. They can’t push your buttons if you have no buttons to push.

3. Don’t try to change them. Only they can see and correct their behavior, and it is not your responsibility to try and help them or get them to see their problem.

4. Create your own privacy. Be very selective about how much time and information you share with your parent.

5. Decide whether the relationship is salvageable. Do you feel like once you learned to set boundaries, your relationship improved? Or are you still subject to toxic, emotionally abusive situations?

6. If necessary, consider going no contact with your toxic parent. If you still live in their house, talk to a counselor or another trusted adult about your options for moving out of the home.

How Can You Care for Your Own Mental Health?

Now that you’ve started to set boundaries, it’s time to start focusing on healing. Try some of the following things as you start moving forward:

• Acknowledge that you’ve been hurt and healing takes time. When you live with someone who is supposed to love you but can only think of themselves, you begin to believe over time that you do not matter. This “loss of self” is one of the most devastating impacts of toxic parenting. You end up either not really knowing your own self or hating yourself. Slowly but surely, having healthier boundaries will give you the chance to learn about yourself, who you are, what you like and dislike, and how special you are.
• Therapy or counseling - learning to identify, connect with, and accept your own feelings is crucial when you’ve been raised in a household with someone who doesn’t respect you. Growing up with a toxic parent can be a factor in developing mental health issues like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and CPTSD as well. With the help of a professional, you can get a better idea of what you need and how to heal.
• Surround yourself with other healthy relationships. Choose friendships that uplift you, make you happy, and support your healing journey. Be careful about getting involved with anyone else who exhibits similar toxic behaviors as your parent does.
• Turning to spirituality could be another rich resource for you. Learning more about who you are in God’s eyes and your value as a unique creation can be a significant step in rebuilding your self-image. Consider some of these passages that encourage self-acceptance.
• If you can convince your parent, consider family therapy. Individual therapy is crucial, but family therapy could be an excellent addition to your healing journey. A family counselor can help you and your parent work through the specific problems that make your home toxic and how to improve them.
• Consider forgiveness–hate hurts you, not them. Though it makes perfect sense to feel hatred toward your toxic parent, ultimately hatred doesn’t hurt anyone but you. It eats away at you and leaves you still in their control. You don’t even have to tell them they’re forgiven! You just need to give your heart total freedom from your toxic parent.

For more ideas, check out another of our articles about how to cope with and heal from a toxic family environment. Remember that you can still love your parents, even if you don’t like them very much. Setting boundaries, maintaining them, and taking care of yourself does not mean that you’re betraying them. It just means that you’re mature enough to recognize the unhealthy dynamic at play and adult enough not to settle for it.

There’s Hope - Break the Cycle

You are not your parents. You don’t have to perpetuate their behaviors. There is a future for you that looks healthier and happier than what you’re experiencing now. God assures us that we can have hope and that there can always be healing. With the Healer, you are never alone, so don’t give up or isolate. If you don’t know who to talk to or what to do about your current situation, reach out to a Hope Coach today. We’re always here to listen without judgment and help connect you with resources that can help with your situation.

For more on signs of verbal abuse from parents, read "My Parents' Verbal Abuse Has Made Me Hate Myself".

Today, there seem to be many perspectives on therapy. Fortunately, the stigma of therapy seems to be wearing off as mental health awareness continues to grow and the effects of mental illness are frequently seen on our televisions, computers, and throughout our daily lives. However, even though the stigma of therapy has faded, there does appear to be numerous confusing and competing ideas still present.

How to Know You Need Professional Counseling

Grit

For example, grit is a big topic of the day. Grit, simply defined, is using passion as motivation to move forward in life, especially in the face of adversity. Grit understood correctly is a valuable attribute of a successful, healthy individual. However, when the definition of grit is applied incorrectly, it can reinforce old stereotypes and uphold destructive stigmas of the past. Even though grit is a deeply personal attribute, it should not isolate us. Equally, grit is not another way to communicate the old adage “Just pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.”

Victim Mentality

The other side of the spectrum is when a victim mentality is promoted. This perspective is displayed when people describe themselves or others as always the victim of the system or others’ behaviors. There seems to be a sense of unbridling of responsibility as well as innate helplessness attached to this mentality. This avenue takes agency away from the individual, and individuals spend most of their time fixated on the problem, without moving forward in life.

Reaching Out For Help

Like most issues, the answer falls somewhere in the middle. We are made to need others, and for decades research has shown therapy is a crucial tool for our mental health. With ideas out there that are so different, how are we to know if we need to seek professional help? Well, to be honest, there are innumerable reasons to seek professional help. With that understanding, this is not an exhaustive list; rather, these are 5 issues that I have consistently seen in my professional career. Here are 5 signs it’s time to seek professional help:

Five Signs It's Time to Seek Professional Help

1. Feeling Down Most of the Day

This one seems obvious, but it is a symptom that so many of us neglect or ignore. We all have seasons in life where we are sad or depressed. However, we were not created to feel sad for an unusual amount of time. Our minds and bodies have a difficult time when this occurs, and we should seek help when these feelings persist.

2. Diminished Interest in Pleasurable Activities

The Psalmist describes life with the Lord as “In your presence is fullness of pleasure.” Pleasure in life is not a bad thing; rather, we are made to seek pleasure in this life, not as the world seeks it, of course, but pleasure through the Lord. Many times, seeking pleasure is misinterpreted. We think the normal Christian life is a life of a suffering servant described in Isaiah 52 and 53. Or, like Job, a life with many afflictions just around the corner; however, these examples are exceptional circumstances and should not be understood as normal. That is not to say, we do not see trouble in this world. We, as believers, should have pleasure in life, and when pleasure is not the norm or it’s difficult to come by, then it could be a good indicator that there is a need for a change.

3. Excessive Fatigue or Loss of Energy

Especially if symptoms occur with other symptoms of mental health issues, being persistently tired can be an indicator that there is a need to seek help. Many times, fatigue can be a lesser-acknowledged issue, but if you have trouble getting out of bed, even when you have had an appropriate amount of sleep, or if you feel exhausted during the day, take frequent naps, or tiredness and sleepiness persist throughout the day, this could be a marker that you need to seek help.

4. Loss of Loved Ones or Great Disappointments

Too often, we have trouble admitting we need help, especially during traumatic events in life. Remember, even though he described some of his friends as “miserable comforters,” the spiritual giant, Job, needed support in his time of mourning. Jesus himself sought the disciples’ prayers of support during his foreboding of the cross. When we lose loved ones, or we suffer disappointments of personal or professional significance, we need to pay close attention to our feelings and behaviors. If we are experiencing excessive and prolonged sadness, feelings of worthlessness, changes in eating habits, insomnia or hypersomnia, weight loss or gain, these are signs of needing professional support.

5. Inability to Think or Concentrate

So many times mental health issues can manifest as an inability to concentrate or cloudiness. This can lead to significant issues with productivity at work, school, relationship with parents, or healthy functioning in any other relationship or responsibility. Some people report that when they go through traumatic events they have no other symptoms other than a loss of concentration. Therefore, if you are having these issues that are significantly affecting your professional or personal life, then it might be a strong indicator that there is something underlying that needs addressing.

Compounding factors of trauma may make it very difficult to know when and how to get help. It can be tough to walk through trauma and maintain a healthy perspective. This is why it is imperative that we use the support of others. If you are having any of the issues above or any other issues that are keeping you from a healthy, full, engaged life, it is helpful to seek advice from trusted people in your life and schedule a session with a professional counselor.

Now more than ever, help is available. From traditional counseling agencies to more telehealth options, there are people who are ready to help you get to a healthier place.

For free telemental health counseling, visit The Agape Center, a faith-based organization that provides outpatient therapy for youth and adults. 

This article was originally posted by Dr. Booke Keels, Counseling and Outreach Advisor at Mercy Multiplied.

How to Heal a Broken Heart

Ways to Mend Your Broken Heart After a Breakup

Whether you’re letting go of a toxic relationship or parting ways with a strong love that met bad timing, it can be difficult to move on. While you may be tempted to wallow in your pajamas and obsessively check your ex’s Snapchat story to see what they’re up to, that may not be the ideal way to mend your broken heart.

Finding positive self-care activities will be key to moving on from this relationship and finally feeling like yourself again.

1. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship. Give yourself a little bit of time to truly process what happened instead of avoiding the issues at hand. It’s okay to feel sad or angry – this is a difficult time. By working through your feelings now, you’ll come out of this situation stronger. Consider talking to someone you trust or journaling to work through your feelings about the end of this relationship.

2. Get rid of painful reminders. You likely have accumulated a lot of items that remind you of your ex. Return items that they have left behind and think about parting ways with reminders of your former partner like framed photos. If you are trying to feel better but keep getting reminded of the breakup every time you see certain items around your house it will be difficult to move forward. Keep in mind these reminders might also be digital. Changing your phone’s lock screen from that adorable selfie with your ex to your pet or a photo with friends will keep you from dwelling on the breakup every time you use your phone.
Letting go of these painful reminders can feel really freeing as you work to move on.

3. Unfollow your ex on social media. Even if you both agreed to “stay friends”, seeing your ex posting about their fun adventures and moving on without you is never fun. Unfollowing your ex will keep those painful reminders out of your social feed so you can focus more on yourself. You can always follow them back later if you truly remain friends but take a little bit of time for yourself first! Struggling to resist the temptation of checking their profile? You can always do a full digital detox and put your phone away for a while.

4. Make plans with friends. Going through a tough time alone can be difficult. Lean on your friends – that’s what your support system is for! They may have gone through a similar situation and can provide some helpful advice or could just be an ear to listen. It will also be a nice distraction to do something with a friend rather than sitting at home alone dwelling on your recent breakup. For self-care ideas, you can do with friends, read more here.

5. Address negative self-talk. We all have a tendency to criticize ourselves, but this can be especially true after a breakup. You might be thinking there is something wrong with you because someone else didn’t want to be with you. Or you might be down on yourself because this relationship ending means you won’t make some life goal you set for yourself, like wanting to be married by a certain age. However, negative self-talk can be very destructive, sometimes even contributing to using unhealthy means to change things about ourselves. The best way to address self-criticisms is to think about saying it to a friend. If your friend had their heart broken, would you tell her it’s probably because “She’s too fat” or “She’s unlovable”? Of course not! We are much harder on ourselves than other people. Remember to be kind to yourself.

6. Find comfort during this uncomfortable time. When you are in a relationship, you often find comfort in your partner by venting to them after a long day of work or crying on their shoulder when you feel like you failed a test. But now that comfort isn’t there anymore. Take care of yourself during this difficult time by finding some comfort in other ways. And I don’t necessarily mean throwing on the sweatpants! Watching some episodes of your favorite show or cooking your mom’s traditional recipes can be a great way to feel comfort right now.

7. Find confidence.  Any time you go through a breakup it can impact your confidence. While it might not be a good idea to dye your hair a crazy color or get an impulsive tattoo that you’ll regret later, making a few small changes to your look can give you a major confidence boost. You can also boost your confidence by improving a skill or finding a new hobby. Spend time exercising. Learn something new by doing online research or reading a book to connect with something your passionate about.

8. Prepare to move on. It’s important to take the time you need to heal before jumping into another relationship. But once you feel ready to move on it can help to do a little self-reflection first. Think through what went wrong with your previous relationship. Even the worst relationships can teach you something, like what you definitely DON’T want in a relationship. Make note of what qualities you are looking for in a future partner and what issues you have discovered are deal-breakers for you. Take this information with you as you begin the search for new love. If your relationship ended in betrayal or cheating, you might be feeling hesitant to trust someone again. Try to identify the red flags in that relationship and arm yourself with that knowledge as you begin dating again.

Those are the 8 self-care ideas to soothe your heart and mind after a breakup.

Breaking up with someone or having your heart broken is always difficult to move past. However, with the self-care tips in this post, you can avoid self-destructive tendencies and begin healing.

While it may feel impossible to move past this right now, you will feel better eventually and find love again. Be patient with yourself and remember that the pain you are feeling right now means the relationship was worth having, even though it’s not right for your future path.

About the author...Erin Amborski is a self-care enthusiast and blogger. In her blog, Self Care Seeker, Erin helps women through their self-care journeys by writing about physical and mental health topics such as exercise, skincare, anxiety, etc. In today’s world with life’s daily stresses, we could all use a little more self-care.

You fell in love and got hurt, now what do you do? Download our free eBook with steps to get over a broken heart to help you heal, cope and love again.

My Addiction Story

My name is Joshua and this is my story:

I talked to a Hope Coach a few years ago and I just wanted to thank you so much! The Hope Coach helped me change my life. It was about 3 years ago and I just wanted to give an update.

I was a drug user and had lost hope in my life.

I didn't know what to do about my drug issue and my girlfriend, at the time, was cheating on me and so I chatted with a Hope Coach. Now, I have been sober for 1 year and 3 months and I am a full-time student in a bible college.

I'm single and I am so happy with my life. I didn't finish high school but I'm getting my GED. I'm also helping in my church's youth as a leader and I'm going to help kids that have been where I was.

When I talked to the Hope Coach, they helped me change my life - instead of losing my life in prison and ending up dead. Now, I'm helping people with their everyday problems. Just to see the joy they get, makes my heart feel so good! Thank you for helping me! -Joshua

For help with hurt, pain, or addiction of any kind find a Celebrate Recovery group near you.

How to Handle an Overdose

Immediate Overdose Help

If you need the info right this minute, here’s what to do:

1. Call 911. Don’t hesitate. Give the operator your exact location as well as your phone number in case the call gets cut off. Answer all questions and follow any instructions they give you about how to care for the person who’s overdosing.

Any amount of trouble you and your friends might get into if you’re caught with illicit drugs does not compare to whether or not the person overdosing in front of you lives.

2. Find out if anybody around you has Narcan or Naloxone. If you can get your hands on some, administer it immediately to slow the effects of any opioids in the body. Here’s a graphic that demonstrates how to give the Narcan.

3. Help the person who’s overdosing keep their airway clear until first responders arrive to take over. Turn them on their side and pay close attention to their breathing. If they’re conscious, try to keep them awake and alert.

4. DO NOT let them “sleep it off.” Do not try to induce vomiting. Do not leave them alone. Do not put them in a cold bath or shower. Do not administer ANY other kind of drug or substance.

How to Be Prepared in Case You Witness an Overdose

Now, if you’re just researching this topic so that you’re prepared in case you ever witness an overdose, let’s dive a little deeper. If you find yourself looking for info on what to do in this situation, it’s likely that you or someone you know experiments with or is addicted to some kind of drug. Even though the number of teens actually using drugs is dropping, the number of overdose deaths has almost tripled since 2019. That’s a staggering number of teen overdose deaths–from 492 in 2019 to 1,146 in 2021. And why is that?

What’s happening is that drugs being circulated illicitly are often diluted with chemicals or substances other than the pure Xanax or oxycodone pills a buyer thinks they’re getting. Whether we want to believe it or not, there are actually drug dealers out there who care more about stretching their supply to increase their profits than they do about the beating hearts of children. They will even stamp, score, or put numbers on a pill they’ve manufactured so that it looks like prescription medication and can be sold at a higher price. That means, unless you know exactly which pharmacy or doctor a drug came from, you can never be certain what’s in it.

The Truth About Fentanyl

One of the most common chemicals that leads to overdoses is fentanyl, which is a synthetic opioid found mixed into numerous black market drugs. When used properly, fentanyl can be an important pain treatment, especially for patients hospitalized with a serious injury. However, fentanyl acts fast and is about 100 times more potent than morphine, so when it’s carelessly mixed with other substances at unknown dosages, it becomes the leading cause of most teen overdoses.

What you need to be aware of is the high likelihood that any drug purchased without a prescription or from a fully regulated pharmacy is potentially mixed with synthetics like fentanyl, which makes anyone who uses it susceptible to an overdose, especially if it’s mixed with other medications and alcohol. The best way to avoid overdose, of course, is not to play around with pills, tablets, sprays, drops, paper, or candies, regardless of how “sure” you are that the person who gave them to you is trustworthy or that they are “pure.” Unfortunately, you can’t know for sure until it’s too late, and that’s ended poorly for more and more teens in the past few years.

How Can You Help?

If, however, you know that people in your circle are abusing opioids or experimenting with recreational drugs, it’s crucial that you’re prepared to take action at a moment’s notice. Minutes, even seconds, count when it comes to surviving a drug overdose. Knowing what to do ahead of time could save a life.

• Know the signs and other overdose facts so that you can recognize what’s happening and take action immediately. When a person has overdosed, you’ll notice a few symptoms:
  • Lips turning blue
  • Cold, clammy skin
  • Pinpoint pupils
  • Gurgling or choking sounds with breathing
  • Stiffening of the body or seizure-like activity
  • Foaming at the mouth
  • Confusion or strange behavior before becoming unresponsive
  • Loss of consciousness
• Get training in administering Naloxone, and make sure you carry it with you to events where you know drugs are being used. Naloxone is a drug that temporarily blocks the effects of opioids in the brain allowing the individual to remain conscious and breathe. To be most effective, Naloxone should be administered within two to three minutes of seeing symptoms of an overdose. So if you know someone at risk of overdosing, having Naloxone on hand could save a life. Some communities offer Naloxone for free, check here for a location near you. If there isn’t a location near you, there are other options for receiving it through the mail in some states or through pharmacies.
• Get familiar with your state’s good samaritan laws. Most states have laws that will protect you from getting into trouble if you are trying to help a person who’s overdosing, even if you’re caught using drugs too. Knowing the law can help you communicate to anyone else you’re with that there should be no hesitation when it comes to calling 911.
• If you are able to help save a person’s life, don’t stop there. Usually, no matter how many times they have survived overdosing, an addict will continue to abuse substances. If you can, remain in contact with them and offer your support as they recover from the overdose. You can even suggest recommendations for treatment programs if they’re open to the possibility of getting sober.
• Share this ebook with them! We’ve worked with many folks who struggle with addictions, so connecting them to TheHopeLine could also be a great way to show your support and let them know that there are people who can help.

Take Care of Yourself Too

If you have witnessed an overdose, or if you’re afraid someone close to you may be in danger of overdosing, that’s a difficult trauma to carry alone. Make sure you tend to your own mental health, even as you are thinking about something horrible potentially occurring. If you don’t know who to talk to, you can reach out to a Hope Coach, and we can connect you with resources and listen to you without judgment. We believe that you matter, that you are a precious child of God, and that your friends and family matter, even if there are unwise choices being made about substance use. You don’t have to do this alone!

To learn more tips for recovery support from substance abuse, visit our substance abuse topic page.

Inviting God Into Suicidal Thoughts

My name is Emily and this is my story:

I finally came to a point in my life where I just couldn't handle my problems on my own anymore, even with the Lord.

There's been a lot to deal with, including child abuse, severe bullying, and domestic violence.

I Couldn't Handle the Pain or Shame

Despite several attempts at counseling in the past, things just came to a head; and I felt as if I couldn't handle the pain, confusion, and despair of it all anymore.  Several weeks ago I started to seriously think of ending my life and researching for ways to do it.

Yet, praise God, He somehow kept me going, mostly through worship and praise music.  After the most severe episode of suicide ideation, I felt so ashamed.  That's where TheHopeLine came in. It was a late Saturday night.  Because of the shame and confusion, I dreaded going to church the next day and needed someone to talk to.  How could I face everyone?  "Good" Christians are not supposed to have these kinds of problems, right?

Love Conquered the Shame

West, from TheHopeLine, not only addressed these concerns, but also did so much more.  She helped me, for the very first time ever, to truly believe in God's love!  I told her that trying to believe in the depths of God's love always seemed to hurt so much.  I feared that if I let myself really and truly believe it, I would start crying and never stop. I had never told anyone else this before.  Yet, West was so understanding, so genuine and kind, she knew just what I needed to hear.  This person really cared!  Furthermore, she reminded me of God's truth and dispelled the lies swirling around in my head.

Courage to Get Treatment

That night with West on TheHopeLine was a turning point in my life.  Believing in God's love has given me strength and clarity to honestly face complex-PTSD and get the help I need. At present, I am waiting to get into a local residential treatment program for trauma.  It's a little scary to think about, not knowing what the future holds; but that's okay.

Because of West and TheHopeLine, I can continue moving forward, remembering that depression is nothing to be ashamed of.  There's help and we are not alone!
- Emily

If you feel that you can no longer handle the pain or the shame, hopefully, Emily's story gives you HOPE. You are not alone and help is available.  Chat live with a caring Hope Coach.

How to Find More in Life

Is there something more to life? Something more than this?

Here you are. Here. Right now. Looking at a computer screen or your phone. Another second goes by. Another moment of life. Zoom. It's gone. Oops. There goes another one. The seconds and minutes pass. An hour. A day. A week. A year. Here today. Gone tomorrow.

Here you are. Somewhere on planet Earth. What are you thinking...RIGHT NOW? Nothing? Or is it something like, "I want more"?

Yes, but more what? Friends? Parties? Dates? Money? Travel? Clothes?

Remember when you got that thing you wanted, or finally dated that person you wanted to date...remember the feeling you had afterward? Wasn't it something like, "That didn't radically change my life like I thought it would"?

Then what do you do? Go back to the drawing board?

Maybe the experience or the thing you hoped in wasn't really what you were looking for after all. Or maybe you just need MORE of that experience or thing. More money. More travel. More dates. More parties.

But even then you're left with the feeling, the plaguing thought: "I still want more."

So you want more. More of something. But you're not sure what that something is. It's like there's a constant itch in your life. The feeling that something is missing. The feeling that there must be something more IN life and something more TO life. Something more to be gotten out of life.

You think, "Am I just a round peg in a square hole? What's the deal? What's my problem?" The itch remains. And what you've experienced so far just hasn't scratched it.

Of course, this isn't something you tell your friends about. If they knew you were having these thoughts, surely they'd say, "Wow...s/he's getting WAY TOO serious about life."

But maybe they've got the same itch you do. Maybe they have the same thoughts you do. Maybe everyone is under a conspiracy of silence: "I don't want anyone to know what I'm really thinking about life."

Have you ever considered that the itch has something to do with God? Sure, God is around us, invisible to the naked eye. But God also exists in realms beyond ours. And maybe that's the dilemma. We need something beyond our realm to scratch the itch.

What if life has been set up (by God) in such a way that nothing in this realm can fully satisfy us? Even good things like a successful career, a healthy home life, getting married to someone you really love. Maybe even those things still leave the emptiness. Maybe even those things don't scratch the itch. Why? Because they're in this realm. And because we need something outside this realm to fulfill our lives.

Maybe God has designed us that way, so that we would seek him.

Think about it. If everything we ever wanted or needed could be gotten from the world we live in, then we wouldn't want God. We wouldn't feel the need for him. And maybe he feels he's too important to be overlooked.

So here you are. Right now. Needing more. Wanting more. But what if the "more" you want isn't found in this world? Then what? Where do you turn?

Our deepest needs and longings can't be met by anything in this realm. We need God, who is outside of this world, to satisfy us ultimately. Only a relationship with God ultimately satisfies our spiritual thirst. We need his "living water." We need to know him and have a relationship with him. Otherwise, we will be "thirsty" in life. Thirsty in a spiritual sense.

That's why Jesus says, "whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst." Knowing him satisfies our thirst. It scratches that nagging itch we have. The itch that nothing else seems to scratch.

Often people will try to satisfy their spiritual needs with things that aren't spiritual -- things such as money, popularity, being physically fit, having nice things.

Or they will try to satisfy their spiritual needs through some form of spirituality that does not involve a personal relationship with God.

Jesus himself is the only reliable "well." He's the only one who can give us "living water." And the water he offers is a gift. Is it a gift you would like to receive? It will make a huge difference in your life right NOW.

Yes, tell me more: Learn More About God

This post was originally published here. If you have further questions about God? Please see www.everystudent.com 

If you have asked God into your heart please visit www.startingwithgod.com

So you’re ready to stop lying… maybe you already tried. Maybe you’ve looked at some of our other resources about the topic, and maybe you’ve accepted that your lying problem is getting in the way of living (and enjoying) your life to the fullest. When you’ve developed a habit, however, it can be hard to break on your own, especially when it’s as complicated as hiding the truth about who you are, what you do, how you feel, and why you lie about these things.

Breaking bad habits is tough. Breaking them without support can feel nearly impossible. Compulsive or habitual lying is ultimately a mental health issue, so you may require the support and guidance of a mental health professional, but to access that kind of help under the age of 18, you may need to talk to your parents. Talking to our parents can be intimidating for many reasons. Maybe you don’t have the best relationship with them, or maybe you are worried they will judge you or even punish you when they find out you’ve been lying. Or maybe you just don’t know where to begin when it comes to a tough conversation.

How to Tell Your Family About Your Lying Problem

Start by Asking for a Family Meeting

It doesn’t have to be a formal sit-down meeting, just a time that’s dedicated to having a real conversation. The last thing you want to do is spring this kind of chat on them out of nowhere, in the car on the way home from an event, at the dinner table when they least expect it, etc. Find a moment when you can simply say, “Hey is there a moment this weekend when we can talk? I have something on my mind, and I’d like to discuss it with you.”

With some warning and scheduling, you decrease your chances that they’ll be too tired or surprised to give their full attention, support, or compassion to the subject. You want to make sure you’re prepared too. Winging a talk like this one won’t give you the best chance at explaining yourself, your struggles, and your needs clearly.

If your parents are the type to freak out a little bit or to demand more information before they agree to a future talk. You can try saying something like this:

• “Please don’t freak out. I’m okay. I just want to have a talk with you guys when we can dedicate our full attention to the topic. Would Sunday afternoon work?”
• “I’m not ready to go into it right now because I’m tired/hungry/in a bad mood, but I wanted to put it on your radar for a later time when I can be more prepared. How about Sunday afternoon?”

What to Say When You Have Their Full Attention

Once your parents are focused on you for a moment, it’s time to open up to them. More lies won’t help this situation, even if you’re worried about how this conversation will go. If you have a decent relationship with your parents, don’t be afraid to show your true feelings. If you feel emotionally safe with them, try saying something along these lines:

• “Something has been weighing really heavily on me lately, and I think I need help. I’ve noticed I’ve been lying a lot, and I can’t stop.”
• “You have always said that I should feel like I can tell you anything, so here goes: I’ve been lying a lot, and I don’t know how to stop. I need your help.”

If your parents aren’t the most supportive, or if you don’t feel close enough with them to be vulnerable about your feelings, stick to the facts. Saying something like this is a good way to start the conversation without inviting emotion into the room:

• “Thanks for letting me chat with you for a minute. Basically, I think I’ve been experiencing some mental health issues. How do we go about making an appointment with my doctor or a counselor?”
• “You may have noticed that some stuff has been going on with me, and I want to get better. Does our health insurance cover therapy?”

How to Answer Your Parents’ Questions

When your parents discover you’ve been lying, they may get a bit distracted or even jump to discussions about how they should discipline you for breaking rules. Parents tend to get upset when they realize their child isn’t doing 100% okay, so even if you’re not that close with them, give them a minute to feel their feelings. They’ll probably ask you a lot of questions, but here’s how you can answer them without losing sight of your original goal for this conversation:

• “Yes, I realize I’ve broken your trust, but can we please talk about whether I should be grounded later? Right now I’m asking for your help because I want to get better.”
• “I know that I just told you I’ve been lying, but I also just told you that I want to stop lying. I need your help to do that. Can we focus on a solution before you decide on a punishment?”
• “I’m not trying to sweep all my lies under the rug, and I can answer all your questions later. First, can we talk about how to get me help?”

Be Clear About What You Want

If you have clear ideas about what kind of help you need from your parents, it’s important to express those directly. If you want to see a doctor to find out if you may have a mental health disorder, say so. If you want to drop a class or quit sports so that you’re less overwhelmed, say so. If you need rehab for an addiction that feeds your need to lie, say so. While your parents can provide you with some guidance on how to stop lying, the only person who really knows what you need is you. Take ownership over your own recovery and request what you want from your parents. You can start this way:

• “What I’m asking for is to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. When can we make an appointment?”
• “I think I need to start going to AA or something like it. Will you take me to meetings or help me get into a program for addicts?”
• “I don’t think I can be true to myself if I stay on the basketball team. What does it look like for me to quit midseason? Can you talk to my coach with me?”

Once your parents help you gain access to the resources that may help you stop lying, grasp those opportunities with everything you have. There is hope for you to start learning how to be more truthful in every aspect of your life, especially if you’ve already shown the courage to talk to your parents about it.

Liars Are Still Lovable

Whether your lies are because of people-pleasing tendencies or substance abuse, each one is dragging you farther away from yourself. With every lie, you are also building a wall between you and anyone else you might have a chance of true connection with, leaving you lonely and feeling unlovable.

BUT.

Everyone, even a liar, is worthy of love and acceptance. Christ teaches us that, as divine creations, none of us are exempt from forgiveness. Your story can be a redemption story if you want it to be, no matter how many lies you’ve told. Talk to your parents if you can, but if you need to start with a more neutral party, chat with a Hope Coach today. We’re always here to listen without judgment and connect you with resources that may help you.

For more about lying read, "How Lying Hurts You".

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If you're struggling with rebuilding your faith, check out our faith topic page for resources and help.