Posts by TheHopeLine Team

You need to understand how much the Lord truly loves you.

You've had a long day, trudging through your daily routine. You feel alone, wondering if it will ever get better, if you'll ever be truly seen. It's so normal to feel that way. However, thankfully you don't have to feel that way anymore. If you can relate to these feelings of isolation, loneliness, low self-worth, anxiety, or depression, read this letter that God himself has written to you.

It's a love letter directly from your heavenly father, based on excerpts from the Bible. Remember, this is the truth. Take all the time you need to read it. Let it sink in.

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My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. (Psalm 139:1) I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2) I am familiar with all your ways. (Psalm 139:3) Even the very hairs on your head are numbered, (Matthew 10:29-31) for you were made in my image. (Genesis 1:27) In me you live and move and have your being, (Acts 17:28) for you are my offspring. (Acts 17:28) I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5) I chose you when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12) You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. (Psalm 139:15-16) I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. (Acts 17:26) You were fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) I knit you together in your mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13) and brought you forth on the day you were born. (Psalm 71:6)

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. (John 8:41-44) I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. (1 John 4:16) And it is my desire to lavish my love on you (1 John 3:1) simply because you are my child and I am your Father. (1 John 3:1) I offer you more than your earthly father ever could (Matthew 7:11) for I am the perfect Father. (Matthew 5:48) Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand (James 1:17) for I am your provider and I meet all your needs. (Matthew 6:31-33) My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (Jeremiah 29:11) because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3) My thoughts toward you are as countless as the sand on the seashore, (Psalm 139:17-18) and I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) I will never stop doing good to you, (Jeremiah 32:40) for you are my treasured possession. (Exodus 19:5) I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3)

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. (Deuteronomy 4:29) I am the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Psalm 34:18) As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. (Isaiah 40:11) I am your father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. (John 17:23) For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. (John 17:26) He is the exact representation of my being. (Hebrews 1:3) He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. (Romans 8:31) His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. (1 John 4:10) I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. (Romans 8:31-32) If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. (1 John 2:23) And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. (Romans 8:38-39) I have always been Father, and will always be Father. (Ephesians 3:14-15) My question is... Will you be my child? (John 1:12-13) I am waiting for you. (Luke 15:11-32)

Love, Almighty God

In the digital age, where access to explicit content is just a click away, it’s more important than ever to know the facts about the impact of pornography addiction on mental health. The common questions we get at TheHopeLine are, "Does porn make you depressed?" "Does porn make you anxious?" The short answer is… yes.

Pornography addiction is what’s known as a hypersexual disorder, and as with all addiction, it can have potentially detrimental effects on your psychological well-being. While it’s a controversial topic, the research on porn addiction is clear, and the first step in protecting yourself is to know the signs.

Am I Addicted to Pornography?

Porn addiction hasn’t been studied enough to be included in the DSM-V on its own, but we know enough about hypersexual disorders to draw some important conclusions. When the use of pornography becomes an uncontrollable urge to consume pornography despite negative consequences, it’s safe to say you’ve crossed over into the territory of addiction.

Like other addictions, it hijacks the brain's reward system, leading to compulsive behaviors and cravings. Basically, repeated exposure to pornographic imagery can lead to desensitization, which means the longer you engage with porn, the more and more extreme content you’ll require to experience the same level of arousal. It’s an addictive cycle, just like what happens with drugs, alcohol, or gambling.

Eventually, your brain will crave so much porn that your compulsive need to look at it will begin to impact your day-to-day life. One picture or video every so often becomes several pics a week, which becomes several a day, until you’re streaming porn on your phone in the bathroom at work or school, even skipping out on socializing or responsibilities to have more time for porn.

Here are some signs you’re at risk or already struggling with porn addiction:

• You’re already diagnosed with another psychological or mood disorder. Hypersexual disorders are often “comorbidities” of other mental health issues, which just means it’s very common to see them both at the same time.
• You’re a young man—your demographic is at the highest risk for porn addiction for several reasons, and because of that, a lot of pornography is targeted toward that audience.
• You’re online a lot. If you’re constantly on your computer or phone, scrolling through whatever the internet dishes up, you’re more than likely to stumble upon porn at some point. On top of that, once you have the desire to access porn, you’ll have it at your fingertips 24/7. That’s like locking an alcoholic in a liquor store.
• You’re religious. Yes, it’s true. A lot of folks in religious communities are at an increased risk of porn addiction for two reasons—1) Sex is a big no-no in a lot of religions, which means you’re less likely to tell anyone if you’re looking at porn. 2) Addiction thrives on secrecy.
• You find it difficult or impossible to stop watching porn, even watching it in places where you can get caught—work, school, public transportation, etc.
• You feel guilt or shame when you watch porn.
• You find yourself isolating from friends or avoiding work to watch more porn.
• You notice a decrease in attraction to your partner.
• You notice you can’t really “function” without watching porn routinely.
• You’re constantly thinking about sex and planning your next opportunity to check for new porn on your go-to sites.
• You find yourself taking sexual risks and seeking out real-life experiences that mimic what you’ve seen in porn.
• You’ve been confronted about your porn use having a negative impact on your life, and you denied having a problem.

If you resonate with a few things on that list of signs and symptoms, but you’re questioning whether or not you should cut back on porn use, it’s time to talk about what porn does to your mental health.

Is Porn Bad for Mental Health?

We’re talking about an addictive behavior. If you have one or two beers every so often, your overall mental and physical health will most likely see no changes. If, however, you drink enough to black out on a regular basis, you’re in for some pretty serious health consequences. It’s the same idea here. Pornography addiction is bad for your mental health for several reasons:

• Usually, an addictive behavior serves as a coping mechanism for some underlying psychological distress. You may turn to pornography as a means of escaping stress, anxiety, or depression, looking for temporary relief from emotional pain. But like any addiction, pornography use as a coping strategy can actually make your mental health issues worse in the long run because you’re ultimately avoiding the root causes of your distress.
• Porn addiction can also damage, even ruin, your relationships, leaving you with feelings of guilt, shame, and loneliness. It can also mess with your perceptions of intimacy and sexuality, hindering your ability to form genuine connections. Isolation is a critical ingredient in the recipe for poor mental health.
• Porn addiction can also distort how you see your own body. The portrayal of unrealistic body standards in pornography can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing. That kind of negative body image can fuel a vicious cycle of shame and low self-esteem.
• Porn addiction can also impair your cognitive functioning and ability to self-regulate. Excessive consumption of pornography has been linked to lowered attention span, decreased decision-making abilities, and reduced impulse control, all of which can worsen existing mental health conditions and hinder your ability to manage your addictive behaviors effectively.

So… Does porn cause anxiety? Does porn addiction cause depression? There is some evidence that it can cause these mental health issues, but there’s plenty to say that it will make your existing anxiety and depression worse.

How Can You Heal From Porn Addiction?

Do you think you’re dealing with porn addiction? If so, you’re not alone. It’s a far more pervasive problem than you’d think because, of course, nobody wants to talk about it. But there is hope, and there are plenty of resources to help you make a change for the better.

• First, consider finding a licensed therapist or counselor. When you’re not sure if you can tell your friends and family, a neutral third party is a great way to support your mental health. A professional will be able to help you sort through what’s at the root of your behavior and how you start to heal. You might even consider family or relationship counseling if your addiction has caused rifts that need healing.
• Accept that you have a problem you want to solve, and decide why you want to get better. When recovery gets tough, clinging to the reason you want to stay away from porn will be an essential motivator. Is your reason to improve your mental health? To repair your relationship? To increase your self-esteem? Remember that.
• Limit your access. Reduce your screen time, get rid of any physical pornography you have, delete any saved files or images, and set up filters and blockers on your phone and computer to protect yourself from seeking out new porn. You can even give the passwords for these blocks to an accountability partner to deter you from deactivating them.
• Find support and accountability. If you’re able, tell someone close to you who you can trust to keep you accountable without judging you. Having someone to call as you go through the process of giving up porn can be crucial to your recovery. You can also find support groups, either online or locally. Joining a community of folks who are also working to recover from addictive behavior can make you feel less alone.
• Find a healthy replacement activity or habit you can turn to when you have the urge to look at porn. The idea here is not to dive head-first into a new addictive behavior in order to avoid porn. The point is to keep yourself busy with something healthy when cravings arise so that you’re able to keep a clear head for the work you’re doing in therapy to address the root causes of your addiction.

Where Do You Go From Here?

When it’s hard enough to talk about sex, how are you supposed to seek out support for a pornography addiction? Your shame and your addiction will try to tell you one of two things. Either you don’t have a problem in the first place or you’ll be written off and rejected if you tell anyone. But here’s the truth: shame and addiction need secrecy and lies to thrive. By seeking out the support you need, you can find freedom from porn addiction.

If you don’t know where to start, here are two steps you can take:

1. Talk to Jesus. Did you know that in Aramaic, Jesus was pronounced Yeshua or Yasha? When that name is translated into Greek, it means "healer" or "the one who makes all things well." He’s not going to see your addiction and think you’re a lost cause. He’s going to see you and think, “How can I help?”

2. Reach out to one of our Hope Coaches. You can chat with us anytime, and we’ll never judge. We’ll connect you with other resources and help you figure out a plan for improving your mental health.

Remember that you’re never alone, and there’s always hope. Pornography addiction is a big challenge, but it can be overcome.

If someone you look up to is looking at pornography, it's natural to be concerned. Find out how to face the relationship challenges pornography use causes.

OCD is a complex and serious disorder that doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all solution. While many find relief through medication and therapy, others also experience comfort and support through their faith. The most effective approach often involves addressing OCD from multiple angles, a 360-degree strategy that considers the whole person. Below is an article about someone who found meaningful relief from their OCD through their spiritual faith.

Struggling with OCD

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is more than just being overly tidy or liking things a certain way. It’s a mental health condition marked by intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental acts (compulsions) performed to reduce anxiety caused by the obsessions.

I know this struggle intimately, as I’ve faced it. OCD can shape how you think, how you interact with others, and how you view yourself. But I’ve been able to find freedom! Through the lens of faith, I’ve come to see that OCD doesn’t have the final word. God does! While this approach may not be a cure-all for everyone and might not work for you, I want to share how I found relief with the hope that it might offer you comfort and encouragement as well.

Understanding OCD: A Clinical Perspective

OCD affects millions of people worldwide. It’s often misunderstood, even by those experiencing it.

Common symptoms include:

• Intrusive thoughts: Unwanted, distressing ideas or images.
• Compulsions: Repetitive actions or mental rituals meant to neutralize those thoughts.
• Anxiety and guilt: A constant sense of dread or fear of doing something wrong.

Treatment often involves Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), particularly Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), and sometimes medication. These tools are valuable and necessary for treating OCD, but in addition to those, I have found that my faith has really helped me.

Faith-Based Truths

For many, OCD feels like a prison. One where the mind is constantly battling itself, trying to find peace through control. Here are some Bible verses and reminders that may be helpful for you.

1. You Are Not Your Thoughts.

OCD may flood your mind with intrusive thoughts, but Scripture reminds us that we are not defined by them. As difficult as it may be, gently reminding yourself that intrusive thoughts are not a true reflection of who you are can be a powerful step toward healing. A verse that speaks directly to this is 2 Corinthians 10:5: "We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." This doesn't mean it's easy to simply surrender obsessive or unwanted thoughts, especially in the context of OCD. But it does mean that you are not defined by the thoughts that pass through your mind. With God’s help, you can begin to recognize which thoughts are untrue, and gradually shift your focus toward what is good, true, and life-giving.

2. God’s Grace Covers You.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

You don’t have to earn God’s love or forgiveness through rituals or perfection. His grace is enough.If your obsessive thoughts are distressing or make you feel like you’ve done something wrong, remember this: God sees your heart and understands your struggle. He knows that OCD is a mental health condition—not a reflection of your character or your faith.

3. Peace Is Possible.

Do not be anxious about anything... and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6·7)

Peace is not the absence of struggle, but the presence of Christ WITH YOU as you navigate the struggle. Even when anxiety or intrusive thoughts feel overwhelming, remember: God is with you right in the middle of it. Sometimes, that simple truth can bring even a moment of peace, and that moment matters.

A couple of tips when living with OCD…

Prayer and Scripture Meditation:

• Start and end your day with God’s truth. Set aside time, and it doesn’t have to be a certain number of chapters or time. But being intentional about connecting with God each day is vital in helping you flourish in this important relationship. An authentic relationship with God will help you see victory in many ways!

Worship and Gratitude Journaling:

• Focus on what is good and praiseworthy. Take time to write out the feelings you face when your OCD seems to interfere with daily life. Write out goals and practice self-encouragement daily. Building up your heart and mind in truths to help combat the lies, which try to detour you in your progress.

 Community Support:

• Don’t isolate. Connect with others who can pray with you and walk alongside you.
• Therapy and Counseling: Faith and mental health treatment can work hand in hand.

Living with OCD is not a one-time battle…it is a journey. There are good days and hard days, moments of clarity and moments of confusion. But through it all, I’ve learned that God walks with us in the struggle, not just in the victory. He doesn’t wait for us to be fixed, and He doesn’t wait to love us. He meets us in our weakness and offers strength, grace, and peace.

In the Battle with OCD, You're Never Alone

Faith doesn’t always remove the storm, but it anchors us in the midst of it. And that anchor is unshakable.

If you’re reading this and wrestling with OCD, please know this: you are not alone, and you’re not broken beyond repair. Your mind may feel like a battlefield, but your soul is held by a Savior who is gentle, patient, and kind.

There is hope. There is healing. And there is freedom. And we may not always be completely free from OCD itself, but we can be free from the shame, fear, and isolation it tries to bring.

Let God’s truth be louder than your thoughts. Let His peace guard your heart. And let His love remind you daily: you are more than your OCD. You are His!

Support and Resources for OCD and Anxiety

If you're looking for encouragement or need help managing OCD, our Hope Coaches are here for you. You're never alone—reach out anytime to talk to a Hope Coach through our 24/7 online chat. They will listen with compassion and without judgment.

Anxiety affects everyone at some point in life, and there’s no shame in that. Learn more about the different types of anxiety disorders and how they’re diagnosed and treated.

They say, “Love knows no bounds,” but is that really true? For many couples, distance poses a huge challenge to their relationship. Why is it so hard, and what’s the secret of how to make a long-distance relationship work? Or maybe the question we should be asking is, what kills long-distance relationships? 

Is it even possible for a couple to stay together when they live nowhere near each other?

The short answer: yes.

The long answer: Long-distance relationships require lots of patience, dedication, and an unshakeable foundation built on trust and communication. For couples, your faith can actually serve as your relationship’s anchor, making it easier to stay close to one another across long distances.

Long-Distance Relationship Advice

Here are some tips for long-distance relationships that want to stay focused on their faith:

1. Set Expectations. Have an honest conversation about your long-term goals as a couple and establish expectations for your relationship, including how often you’ll communicate, how you’ll handle conflicts, what your boundaries are, and your plans for the future. Having a clear roadmap can help you stay focused and committed when things get tough, but remember to be realistic about the specific challenges of long-distance relationships. There will be ups and downs along the way, so start off on the same page!

2. Maintain Trust. Trust is essential in any relationship, but it’s even more crucial in long-distance ones. You aren’t there to see whether your partner is telling the truth about their location or who they’re with. You can’t look over their shoulder and see who else they’re texting besides you. Without trust, a long-distance relationship is bound to drive you crazy with paranoia. Combat this by being transparent with each other and by trusting in God’s plan for you and your relationship. Your trust in Him can empower you to trust each other wholeheartedly, too. There will be times when it feels easier to hide, lie, or distance yourself, but remember: trust is built through honesty, reliability, and consistent communication.

3. Establish Communication Patterns. When you can’t see each other regularly, you have to talk regularly. Get really clear with each other about how often you’ll communicate and through which channels (text, call, video chat, etc.). Being consistent in how you communicate will help you maintain your connection despite the physical distance. Otherwise, you’ll both be glued to your phones, wondering when you’re going to hear from each other. 

Instead, develop daily and weekly communication habits. Share little details about your everyday lives, even if they seem boring and minor. Knowing what the other person is up to helps you feel connected and involved in each other’s experiences despite being physically apart. Make time for regular video calls, phone calls, and text messages to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and don’t hesitate to express your needs and concerns.

4. Talk About Your Faith. Incorporate your faith into your daily or weekly communication by sharing how you see God in your everyday life and talking about what you learned through scripture, a devotional, Bible study, or church service. Encourage each other in investing in your own personal relationship with God.

5. Plan Visits. Whenever possible, plan travel to spend quality time together in person. Having something to look forward to can give you both a sense of excitement and anticipation or be a helpful light at the end of the tunnel when you’re missing one another. Time together also gives you fun memories to hold onto when you’re apart.

6. Send Thoughtful Gestures. Surprise each other with handwritten letters in the mail, care packages, or use Doordash or Uber Eats to deliver their favorite treat or meal to their house. Small tokens of affection show that you’re thinking of each other and help bridge the gap between the next visit.

7. Create Traditions. Dedicate a day each week for a virtual date, such as watching a movie together through an extension called Teleparty every week or cooking the same recipe over a video call. There are also virtual games to play online together. These traditions create a sense of intimacy and give you a chance to spend designated quality time together.

8. Practice Patience and Understanding. You know the Fruits of the Spirit! Now’s the time to call on them. Give each other the benefit of the doubt and lean on love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control when things are hard or overwhelming.

9. Seek Support. If you can’t be with the one you love, surround yourself with people who understand your situation and encourage you to stick to your goals of keeping your long-distance relationship and your relationship with God thriving.

10. Celebrate Your Wins. Just because you’re apart doesn’t mean you can’t cheer each other on when good things happen. When important milestones like graduations, birthdays, or anniversaries come up, make a big deal out of them! Be excited for one another and remind each other to have gratitude when things are good.

11. Practice Self-Care. When you’re focused on someone who’s miles away, it can be easy to forget about your own needs. But you can’t be in a healthy long-distance relationship if you’re not healthy. Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being by staying involved in your hobbies, exercising regularly, eating well, journaling to manage stress, etc.

12. Remember Who YOU are as an Individual. There is a delicate balance that needs to be prioritized between a long-distance relationship and the life you have around you. It is very easy to put friendships, different social activities, and work/school to the side to focus on the relationship. The truth is, although none of us wishes this upon anyone, the relationship is not guaranteed to be forever, so it is important to maintain a balance between the relationship and where your feet are.

Hopefully, some of these practical tips will help you and your long-distance partner nurture your connection and your faith! We’d love to hear from you if any of them were helpful.

What Really Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?

Just because we rattled off a bunch of long-distance relationship tips for you doesn’t mean that this is always going to be an easy journey. It’s hard enough to maintain a healthy, God-centered relationship when you see a person every day, let alone when there are miles and miles between you. Be patient with yourself and with your partner, and when in doubt, remember: God, communication, and trust. If you’re struggling in a long-distance relationship and need to talk about it, reach out to one of our Hope Coaches any time. We’re always here to listen without judgment!

We live in an era of constant connectivity, so why are we also in the middle of a loneliness epidemic? Technology has brought us closer together in so many ways, but when we’re more used to staring at screens, real human connection can sometimes feel farther away than it ever has.

Loneliness in the Digital Age

The idea that loneliness and technology are connected isn’t a new one. Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok give us ways to interact with people all over the globe, but they can also feed into feelings of social isolation and poor self-esteem. The content we see on social media is curated—picked out especially to give a particular audience a particular view of our lives. We end up comparing ourselves to others and developing unrealistic expectations for what our morning routines and wardrobes should look like, and when we don’t measure up to that ideal, our self-image takes a hit and leaves us feeling disconnected from our peers, who seem to be doing so much better than us.

Technology is also so convenient for many of us that it ends up replacing face-to-face interactions. At the end of the day, text messages and emails simply aren’t the same as in-person conversations, so if that’s the only way you communicate with people, you might struggle with “digital loneliness” and a longing for deeper connection that goes beyond a phone or computer screen.

How to Tell When Being Online Is Impacting You

Loneliness and isolation are very real mental health concerns, so if you think your technology use might be causing you to feel disconnected, it’s time to pay attention. Here are some common signs that social media or excessive online activity may be putting your mental and emotional well-being at risk:

• You constantly compare your life to other people’s seemingly perfect highlight reels.
• You spend more time talking to people online than you do connecting in person, even with people you live near enough to see or hang out with.
• You feel left out or envious of others' experiences—in other words, constantly scrolling is giving you FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).
• You have trouble putting your phone down, being away from your computer, or going too long without checking social media.

Do any of those sound like you? Are you also feeling lonely or isolated? It might be time to set boundaries with your tech and learn how to invest in more meaningful ways to connect with your friends and family.

Practical Steps for Cultivating Community

Coping with loneliness is painful, so give yourself some grace if you’re not sure where to start. Putting yourself out there can be scary, but you can find ways to improve your relationships and make new, more authentic ones. Here are some tips to try:

1. Make an effort to spend time with others in person. Whether it's grabbing coffee with a friend or attending a small group Bible study, face-to-face interaction nurtures deeper relationships. Use your phone to invite someone to hang out, but don’t reach for it while hanging out.

2. Don't be afraid to share your struggles and insecurities with trusted friends. Vulnerability is the foundation of authentic relationships and allows others to offer support and encouragement. Hiding behind a screen, on the other hand, doesn’t open you up to experiencing the kindness and warmth people might offer you.

3. Look for opportunities to support those around you. Acts of kindness go a long way in reminding us we’re not alone, and you might be surprised what looking up from your phone and holding the door for someone could lead to.

4. Actively participate in your local church or school communities by joining small groups, playing on sports teams, or volunteering. School programs are a great way to meet people with similar interests, and church gives you a network of people who can give you spiritual encouragement when you’re feeling isolated.

When technology is everywhere, it’s tough to know exactly how to overcome loneliness, but stepping away from your screens and spending time with people is always a move in the right direction.

Fostering Authentic Relationships Through Faith

Hebrews 10:24-25 says to "consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another." Could the Bible be any more clear about how to help with loneliness? We don’t just need each other—we need to be around each other, pursue quality time with others, and be willing to listen and encourage one another.

But it’s not all on us. God promises to help us combat loneliness, too:

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 (NIV)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Matthew 28:20 (NIV)

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2 (NIV)

When you feel lonely, know that you are not alone. Remind yourself of God's constant presence, unfailing love, and promise to be with us through every season of life, including times of loneliness and isolation.

Now What?

You’re reading this on either your phone or computer, which is great! Tech can be a powerful tool for accessing resources we wouldn’t have otherwise. But now that you’ve read a little about how your digital habits might be contributing to your loneliness, commit to spending some screen-free time today. Remind yourself that you are never truly alone, thanks to God’s promises, and look for ways you can nurture more genuine connections.

If you’re still looking for loneliness help or you just need someone to talk to, reach out to one of our Hope Coaches today. We’d love to use the technology of our live chat to help you feel less isolated and point you toward in-person resources that can help you, too.

How to Handle Anxiety and Uncertainty

Did you know that fear of the unknown is one of the most commonly reported sources of anxiety? Why is not having the answers so terrifying to us that we lose sleep, bite our nails, skip meals, or have panic attacks? And what should we do when the stress of uncertainty gets too intense to handle on our own?

The uncertain is so scary because it’s out of our control. But even if we know what’s coming, was it ever ours to control in the first place? Surrendering your need for control and learning to trust in God’s plan can go a long way in easing your anxiety, so keep reading to learn how to practice letting God worry about things instead.

Signs You're Experiencing Anxiety

The first step is to recognize that you're struggling with anxiety in the first place. Here are some signs that may sound familiar:

• Constant, overwhelming worry about everyday events, activities, or potential future outcomes, even when there's no apparent reason for concern.
• Physical symptoms like muscle tension, headaches, stomachaches, rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, or shortness of breath. Feeling physically exhausted or drained, even without engaging in strenuous physical activity, is due to the mental and emotional toll of anxiety.
• Finding it challenging to relax or unwind, even in situations where relaxation would typically be possible.
• Difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing restful sleep patterns due to racing thoughts or physical discomfort related to anxiety.
• Feeling on edge or easily irritated, snapping at others, or experiencing a short fuse in response to minor stressors.
• Struggling to focus or concentrate on tasks due to racing thoughts, restlessness, or preoccupation with worries.
• Avoiding situations, places, or activities that trigger anxiety, leading to social withdrawal or isolation.
• Feeling self-conscious or overly concerned about how others perceive you, leading to avoidance of social situations or reluctance to speak up or participate.
• Panic Attacks. Sudden episodes of intense fear or discomfort, accompanied by physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, sweating, trembling, shortness of breath, or a sense of impending doom.
• Holding yourself to extremely high standards and experiencing intense distress or anxiety when you perceive yourself as falling short of those standards.
• Engaging in repetitive, negative thought patterns, such as imagining worst-case scenarios or ruminating on past mistakes, can exacerbate feelings of anxiety.

It's important to remember that experiencing one or more of these signs doesn't necessarily mean you have an anxiety disorder, but if you notice that these symptoms happen frequently enough to interfere with your daily function, it may be a good idea to seek support from a mental health professional. Therapy, medication, lifestyle changes, and self-care strategies can all be effective in managing anxiety, as can learning how to trust God to take care of the unknown.

How to Practice Trusting in God's Plan

When you’re not used to relying on God, or when you’re in the middle of a panic attack, it’s nearly impossible to remember what God and anxiety have to do with each other. That’s why practice is important. Exercising your spiritual trust muscles will help that instinct kick in when times are especially tough. Start with one of the following practices and build from there:

• Take time each day to work on your relationship with God. Turn to prayer as a constant source of connection and guidance, pouring out your hopes, fears, and uncertainties to a loving and attentive God who hears and cares for you. Journaling and meditating on His words in the Bible can also help you build or strengthen a sense of trust in Him.
• Build your tolerance for uncertainty by reminding yourself of the ways God has gotten you through difficult times in the past. Write down times you’ve noticed His protection or blessing in your life.
• Build up a gratitude practice by intentionally calling out the blessings you see in your life day to day. Whether you write them down in a journal, text what you observe to a friend, or just make a mental note to yourself, get in the habit of recognizing and appreciating God's goodness.
• Surround yourself with a supportive community of fellow believers who can encourage you, pray with you, and share your struggles and joys. 
• Be gentle with yourself. It's normal to feel anxious or overwhelmed. Give yourself the same compassion that you’d give an anxious friend. When the uncertainty of the future gets overwhelming, remember that you don’t have to think about the future. All you need to do is live one day at a time.

What God Says About Anxiety

Another great way to build up a practice of surrender is to draw inspiration and guidance from scripture. Whether it's a Bible verse about perseverance, trust, or hope, God's word speaks truth when your anxious heart and worried mind are trying to convince you of the very worst.

So, what does God say about anxiety?

• Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)
• When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. Psalm 94:19 (NIV)
• Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34 (NIV)
• Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)
• Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27 (NIV)
• Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 (NIV)
• I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4 (NIV)

Finding Peace in His Promises

When you’re all out of peace because you’re exhausted from stressing, Jesus says, “my peace I give to you.” When you’re overthinking and sick with worry over something coming up at school tomorrow, Jesus tells us, “tomorrow will worry about itself.”

Take a deep breath.

Take another.

Now, instead of wondering, “What if everything goes wrong?” Ask yourself, “What if everything goes exactly the way it’s supposed to? What if God’s got this?”

Take one more deep breath.

If you’re struggling with anxiety, wondering if you have an anxiety disorder, or just need to talk to someone about how to surrender your worries to God, reach out to a Hope Coach today. We’re always here to listen without judgment, and we’d love to be a source of support and encouragement for you.

Anxiety impacts every single person on our planet, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Find out how your anxiety can be diagnosed and treated.

Are You Giving Too Much? The Silent Danger of Codependency

Relationships are complicated! A healthy one is meant to have a balance of give and take, but sometimes that balance flies out the window… maybe because a friend is having a hard time and needs extra support, or maybe because there was never a real balance in the first place. When one person in a relationship gives way more energy than the other, that’s called codependency. A little bit of codependency happens in every relationship from time to time, but if it’s the norm, your relationship might be a toxic one. 

What to Know About Codependence

What Is Codependency in a Relationship?

How can you tell whether your relationships are healthy or whether you and your friend, family member, or romantic partner have developed a codependent dynamic? If you experience any of the following, you might be the giver in a codependent relationship:

The signs of codependency, according to an article on VeryWellMind.com:

• Having a sense of “walking on eggshells” to avoid conflict with the other person
• Feeling the need to check in with the other person and/or ask permission to do daily tasks
• Often being the one who apologizes—even if you have done nothing wrong
• Feeling sorry for the other person, even when they hurt you
• Regularly trying to change or rescue troubled, addicted, or under-functioning people whose problems go beyond one person's ability to fix
• Doing anything for the other person, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable
• Putting the other person on a pedestal, despite the fact that they don’t merit this position
• A need for other people to like you in order to feel good about yourself
• Struggling to find any time for yourself, especially if your free time consistently goes to the other person
• Feeling as if you’ve lost a sense of yourself within the relationship

—By Wendy Rose Gould, Reviewed by David Susman, PhD

How Does Codependency Show Up?

It’s useful to know general signs of codependency, but sometimes real-life examples are an even more helpful way to identify how certain behaviors and patterns might look in our everyday lives. We asked a few people to share their experiences with us to give you a better idea of how sneaky (or not-so-sneaky) codependency can be.

Question:

How have you experienced or witnessed codependency in a relationship?

Answers:

• “My partner was a person with epilepsy and would blame me for their seizures, to the point where I felt the need to protect them from themselves when they would neglect their own health. Sometimes, they even made me apologize when they had seizures.”
• “My mom was in a marriage for sixteen years where the longest amount of time she spent away from her husband was four hours to go shopping with me. They had retired early and spent every moment in the same room.”
• “I struggle to keep my own identity in relationships. The attachment chemicals are strong. I was in a relationship with an alcoholic for two years who didn't have a job and hid alcohol in the house. I worked two full-time jobs so he would stay with me."
• “I was codependent with my own mom for my whole childhood. I wish I could be more specific, but I guess an example could be that I always felt like I was ‘on the clock’ to serve her needs only and had to ask permission to go use the bathroom, get a snack, read a book, etc.”
• “The most codependent thing I have witnessed is the need to control the outcome to be constantly ok. No matter what would happen, no matter how many times Partner One would be late, not show up, show up high, and be super inconsistent, Partner Two would beg and plead to get back to the "good times" because being alone was so much harder. Feeling like you're supposed to endure for your partner when they don't do any actions that warrant that commitment and sacrifice… It's addiction. You get addicted to the happy time, and then when the bad time happens, you're so hooked on the good stuff that you don't care how much pain you go through. Healthy relationships seem boring to people who have a love addiction.”
• “My mother held down a consistent job and was the primary wage earner for our family, while my dad held inconsistent, sporadic employment for 15-20 years despite being fully able-bodied.”
• “My best friend and I lived together for six years and once had her former boss ask to speak with me about her returning to work because he knew she wouldn't do it if I wasn't OK with it. Other smaller things like being truly genuinely hurt that she ate dinner and didn't tell me because I was waiting on her, even though we hadn't communicated about it.”

Did any of these examples resonate with you? If so, you’re not alone. There are a lot of reasons codependency develops in relationships, and most of them aren’t our fault. If you’re recognizing a pattern, you’re on the right track! Keep reading to figure out how to overcome codependency.

9 Ways to Reduce Codependency

If you’re here to learn how to fix codependency, we have good news and bad news. The bad news is there’s no easy “fix” when it comes to breaking a behavioral pattern… It's going to take time and practice, practice, practice to establish healthier relationship dynamics. The good news? You can learn how to stop codependency in its tracks. The following list combines recommendations from the folks who shared their stories with us and tips from experts! 

1. Learn what a healthy relationship looks like, invest in people who exhibit those qualities, and practice them in yourself.

2. Talk to the people you feel like you have a codependent dynamic with about maintaining equality, independence, and open, honest, affectionate communication.

3. Prioritize self-care and time alone for personal pursuits. If you don’t tend to your own needs, you won’t be able to be a healthy member of any relationship. Take care of yourself by learning what your needs are, investing in your self-esteem, and showing up for yourself in ways that will make your life better.

4. Find healthy distractions rooted in self-care for when your brain just can't stop telling you you’re not doing enough or when your partner/friend/parent needs space. It can be as simple as something that requires you to pay attention, like video games or a puzzle app, as long as it keeps you from engaging in unhealthy thought patterns.

5. Consider going to therapy. Group therapy, family therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can all help you realize when and why you're stuck in codependent habits.

6. Redirect yourself when you’re about to ask permission from your partner for something or ask them to do something you don’t need anyone’s permission or help to do (use the restroom, heat up food, buy a snack, etc.). Empower yourself to do those things on your own.

7. Remind yourself that others can communicate their needs, so you do not have to anticipate or get ahead of their feelings by constantly checking in on them. Let them tell you when they need something.

8. Remind yourself you’re allowed to have a range of interests, and they don’t need anyone’s approval to be valid. This can help when you’re worried people may judge you for whatever you’re doing, which is the codependent need for other people to like you in order to feel good about yourself.

9. Set boundaries in the relationships where you see codependent patterns… that could look like making some topics of conversation off-limits, setting a minimum requirement for how much time you spend apart in a given week, or even pursuing different living arrangements.

How to Heal from Codependency

If you’re learning to recognize codependency in your life, take a moment to be proud of yourself. Codependent patterns are often deeply rooted in trauma or have been going on in families for generations. It’s hard work to break that cycle, but it’s worth it! If you’re wondering how your faith can help you on this journey, look no further.

In a codependent relationship, the “giver” is often trying to carry everyone else’s loads, usually to their own detriment. If the “giver” drops the ball on something for themselves, that ball may never get picked back up. If the “giver” drops the ball on something for others, guilt, shame, and fear tell them they’re unworthy of love and connection. What if, instead of carrying everyone else’s burdens, you start taking responsibility for just one person? You and only you. Everyone else is responsible for carrying their own loads.

You might be familiar with the verse in the Bible, Matthew 22:39, which says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Doesn’t that mean we should do everything we possibly can for others? Not quite… giving can be a good thing, sure. But if you are not loving yourself, taking care of yourself, and taking responsibility for yourself… You’re missing half the point of Jesus’ commandment here. If you’re loving others without loving yourself, you’re in danger of slipping into the toxic cycle of constantly giving in hopes that others will fulfill your needs in return.

If you need to talk to someone about how codependency is showing up in your life, don’t hesitate to reach out to one of our Hope Coaches! We’re always here to walk beside you, answer questions, and point you toward resources.

Codependency can develop in friendships, dysfunctional families, sexual relationships, and even workplace interactions. A Deep Dive Into Codependent Relationships provides additional information about codependent relationships.

“When a child receives the message, even subtly or indirectly, that his emotions don't matter, he will grow up feeling, somewhere deep inside, that he himself doesn't matter.” ― Jonice Webb

What to Know About Emotional Abandonment

What is emotional abandonment?

Emotional abandonment happens when you feel like your feelings are ignored or simply aren't important to someone who should care about them. Sometimes, we call this emotional neglect, and it can happen in a lot of important relationships… emotional abandonment by parents or another family member, emotional abandonment by husband or wife... No matter which relationship you’re feeling rejected in, that kind of pain can have a lasting impact on how you engage in relationships and how you view yourself. 

If the people who are supposed to care the most about you and prioritize your needs simply don’t, it’s hard to see yourself as important. Neglect almost always leads to poor self-esteem or even self-hatred—a recipe for disaster when it comes to your mental health. So, if you’re feeling abandoned, it’s crucial to learn more, recognize the signs, and take extra good care of yourself.

How do you know if you’re dealing with emotional abandonment?

Some of the most common signs of abandonment issues are:

• Self-hatred to the point of self-harm or destructive coping behaviors
• Feeling anxious, insecure, or jealous in your relationships
• People-pleasing to keep others from disliking you
• Isolating from people rather than risking connecting with them
• Getting attached to new relationships too quickly or being overly clingy in relationships
• Having a hard time trusting people’s intentions toward you
• Giving so much to your relationships that you’re exhausted or disappointed when others don’t put in the same amount of effort
• Feeling disconnected, even in your most intimate relationships
• Waiting for the other shoe to drop, even when a relationship is going well
• Having a hard time with criticism, even if it’s true or communicated kindly
• Settling for relationships you know are unhealthy to avoid being alone

Abandonment issues are often at the root of severe behavioral and mental health issues like addiction, whether your feelings of emotional abandonment are because a parent, partner, or sibling struggles with addiction or have led you to turn to addiction to numb your pain. Self-hatred, emotional neglect, and addiction are so often intertwined that it’s a fair guess to say that if there’s addiction in one of your relationships, emotional abandonment is at play.

Childhood emotional neglect or feeling abandoned by your partner can also have a lasting impact on your attachment style. What are attachment styles? Glad you asked! Attachment style theory suggests that our most essential relationships shape how our brains learn to be in relationships. The healthier your earliest and most formative relationships, the more secure your attachment style. Often, someone with a history of addiction, neglect, or abandonment struggles with healthy attachment and might fall into the categories of avoidant, disorganized, ambivalent, or anxious attachment style.

What Does It Look Like to Be Emotionally Abandoned?

“People raised on love see things differently than those raised on survival.”  ― Joy Marino

Emotional abandonment shows up in lots of ways! Do any of these scenarios feel familiar to you?

Physical

By the time you were in middle school, you were your mom’s therapist, so you’re really good at listening. You’re the friend everybody calls when they’re going through a hard time, and you love being that friend—you get to help them feel better. You get to feel irreplaceable to their lives. You get to feel important. But once they hang up the phone, you’re alone and you wonder if they’ll ever call you again. You get home from work each day and immediately start thinking of things you can do for other people—make your husband’s favorite thing for dinner, plan a fun day out with the kids, design a cool invitation for your friend's baby shower that takes you hours… but then you realize you haven’t showered in a couple of days, you forgot to actually eat some of that dinner, and you’re going to have to pick up an extra shift to afford that day out.

When our emotional needs are abandoned by the very people who are supposed to teach us how important we are, it’s easy to wind up forgetting about our needs completely. Emotional self-neglect becomes a habit because we’re too busy trying to make sure others never have a reason to abandon us. When we don’t even take time to notice our feelings anymore, we stop caring about our bodies… who has time for a shower or a meal or a walk when those ten minutes could be spent proving our value to the people we’re afraid to lose?

Emotional

Your sister has gotten into drugs, and your parents are so busy dealing with her that you’re often a second thought, if not completely ignored. Sometimes, your parents even say, “You’re the one we never have to worry about,” which they think is a compliment. But really, they mean you don’t take up too much of their time. You’ve stopped even telling them when you have a home game unless they ask, and you never expect them to care about your grades… As long as you’re not failing or skipping school altogether like your sister does, they probably won’t even notice. 

Every once in a while, this feels like freedom… you can get away with whatever you want to as long as it doesn’t get you in the kind of trouble your sister gets into. As long as it doesn’t require any attention from your parents. 

But most of the time, it just feels like you’re invisible in your own home. If your own parents don’t care whether you’re making A’s or going through a breakup, why should you? Why should anyone? You start to feel small. You begin to feel depressed, hopeless, and like nothing you do is worth noticing. So why do anything? When you stumble upon some of your sister’s stash at home, you wonder if maybe she’s onto something. Maybe taking the edge off your feelings wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

Spiritual

Your dad was a pastor. A good one. His sermons were inspired. He visited every sick church member at the hospital. He grabbed dinner with every new family who joined the congregation. He made people feel loved and excited to worship a God who had given them a beautiful community with a wise, kind leader.

But when you cried because the kitchen ran out of mashed potatoes at the Wednesday night social, your dad got frustrated with you. He told you to be a better example for the other kids and show them how to “be content in all things,” like Paul teaches in Phillippians. When you wanted to see a movie you were particularly excited about, your dad promised to take you, but every time you were supposed to go, something came up at church until eventually the movie wasn’t in theaters anymore. Anytime you got a bad grade or got into trouble at school, your dad freaked out about how this reflected on him as a leader; in other words, you were an embarrassment to him. An inconvenience.

Now that you’ve grown up, the whole concept of church or God leaves you feeling empty. It’s challenging to feel connected spiritually when your feelings have been neglected for so long. Why would you turn to something for support that left you feeling so insignificant growing up? Why would a God who’s “good” stick you with a dad who cared more about hundreds of strangers than his own kid? How could you not hate church? Why care about a God your dad cared more about than you?

How to Deal With Emotional Abandonment

“When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.”  ― Fred Rogers

If any of the scenarios above resonated with you, it’s time to consider facing the pain of emotional abandonment. But how? Where do you even start?

Professional Guidance

If you recognize emotional abandonment symptoms in your life, it’s a good idea to talk to a mental health professional. A licensed therapist can help you figure out whether your fear of abandonment is coming from childhood trauma or one of your more current relationships—they might even recommend couples counseling. If you feel like emotional abandonment has impacted your attachment style, a professional can also help you figure out what yours is. Knowing your attachment style can help you recognize when you’re acting from a place of fear or self-hate, and knowing your loved ones’ attachment styles can help you understand how to relate to them in healthier ways, too.

Caring for Yourself

What’s the opposite of abandonment? Showing up. Being there. Having compassion and holding space for someone’s needs and feelings. You’ve experienced abandonment, and now it’s time to give yourself the opposite.

• Start paying attention to your physical needs. If you’ve been wearing a bra for the past year with a broken underwire that sticks through the lining and pokes you in the chest, today is the day. Get yourself a new one. If you’re hungry, and you’ve been ignoring it all day because there’s always something more urgent to do... Stop. Eat. Show up for yourself. If you can’t remember the last time you drank water instead of coffee or soda. Find the nearest water fountain, do not pass go, do not collect $200… just drink. Right now. Your physical needs are important.
• Start advocating for yourself. If something hurts your feelings, say so. If something frustrates you, say so. You don’t have to be a jerk about it, but you do have to prove to yourself that your feelings deserve a voice. This might ruffle a few feathers, but the people who truly love and care for you will stick around. The people who can’t handle you having (gasp!) feelings will reveal themselves pretty quickly.
• Seek help if you’re struggling with unhealthy coping mechanisms. If you’re struggling with addiction, self-harm, an eating disorder, or another destructive behavior that’s taking a toll on your mental health, well-being, and relationships, it’s time to show up for yourself. Ask for help. There is no shame in recognizing when you’re in too deep, and there are people willing to support you through recovery. 

What’s Faith Got To Do With It?

What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.” ― Brené Brown

If you are feeling emotionally abandoned we know it hurts. Thankfully, for those who believe in God, He promises never to leave you or abandon you. There is a verse in the Bible that says:

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

And another verse to give you hope:

For he has said, ^c“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

What comfort! Do you believe In God? If you do and you feel even God has abandoned you, we invite you to pray these words:

God, why have you abandoned me? And why did you let ________ abandon me?

There is no rule that says a prayer has to come from someone who feels connected to God. You can ask Jesus anything, tell Him anything, shout at him, cry with Him, and none of your feelings will scare Him away. Nothing you’ve done or felt can make Him leave you. When you are afraid of losing the people you love, tell Him. When you are worried that you’ll be rejected for what you have to say, tell Him. You’re never alone. 

If you don’t believe, but would like to learn more about a God who loves you unconditionally and will never leave you, please read this: Try The Solution

TheHopeLine is here for you, too. We’re always around to talk if you need someone to listen without judgment.

Download this free eBook on Abandonment!

Seeking Support: Finding Positive Male Role Models in Your Life

It’s not at all uncommon to grow up in a single-parent home. In fact, an estimated 18.3 million American children live without their dad at home—that’s 1 in every 4 kids. 80% of all single-parent homes are led by single moms. If the absence of a father figure in the home is such a universal experience, why does it feel so daunting to find positive male role models who can give you what you’re looking for?

On top of that, what if seeking out male role models makes the incredible women who are working hard to raise you feel like they’re not doing enough? That’s a fair concern, but let’s take a look at how good male role models might be able to help you learn, grow, and feel supported.

How Absent Fathers Impact Their Children

Absence of Fathers: Effects on Sons

You may have heard the term “daddy issues,” usually about girls, but sons can be just as impacted by a lack of relationship with their dads as daughters.

• Essential Life Skills: When it comes to skills stereotypically taught by men, you may feel like you’re missing out. While your friends may have learned how to tie a tie, how to change the oil in their cars, or how to shave their mustaches from their fathers, you feel like you’re on a learning curve with things like that. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and isolation if you feel too embarrassed to ask for help.
• Relationship Challenges: You either have no model at home for how a man should interact with other people in his life, or you have a model for how a man shouldn’t treat people. Either way, you sometimes feel like you’re flying by the seat of your pants when it comes to the fundamental values expected of you in your friendships and romantic connections.
• Poor Sense of Self: You may find yourself looking for guidance, support, and camaraderie anywhere you can. This could look like engaging in high-risk behaviors just to look cool in front of the people you want to impress. A poor sense of self could also result in exhibiting signs of anger issues or unhealthy emotional expression without knowing exactly why, and not having a clear sense of who you are or what you want in life.

Absence of Fathers: Effects on Daughters

Many effects of an absent father look similar regardless of whether you’re a son or daughter, but if you’re a girl growing up without an involved father or if he’s totally absent, see if any of these ring true for you:

• Self-Esteem Issues: Do you find yourself seeking validation or attention in unhealthy ways? It could be that you’re missing the support you would get from having a solid relationship with a good dad. That doesn’t mean you need to run right out and call up your dad if he’s not a healthy person to invite into your life, but it’s something to be aware of when you notice your self-esteem is low. You can find other ways to give it a boost!
• Relationship Challenges: Do you struggle with dating and relationships? If you didn’t have anyone around growing up who gave you a good example of what it looked like for a man to treat you with respect and care, it might be tough to imagine what that looks like now. Cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to grow. You may be on a little bit of a learning curve when it comes to healthy relationships, but nobody’s an expert. And remember you are worthy of respect!
• Higher Risk Behaviors: Girls who grow up without a dad are statistically at higher risk of engaging in risky behaviors, such as early sexual activity and substance abuse. However, there are exceptions to every rule, so don’t panic! Just be mindful of whether you’re making wise decisions or seeking that feeling of belonging and validation in unhealthy ways.

Finding Male Role Models

Now that we know how the lack of a father figure in your life might impact you, let’s look at the importance of having good male role models and where to find them. Having one can help you feel secure, safe, confident, and worthy of positive, healthy relationships with men. It can also provide guidance and perspective you might not otherwise be getting. But where are you supposed to find these elusive male role models if you don’t have the classic “father figure” to turn to at home?

Extended Family

If they’re healthy and safe options, uncles, grandfathers, and cousins can be instrumental sources of support and guidance. Ask to spend time with them!

Community Involvement

Get involved in community programs or organizations that offer mentorships. That could help you connect to men who are interested in the same things as you, which is a great starting point for a positive relationship.

• Fatherless Generation Foundation, Inc. 
• Our Fatherless Foundation 
• From Fatherless to Fearless

Teachers and Coaches

Male teachers and coaches can serve as mentors and role models, too. If you want a closer relationship with one of yours, try talking to them. It’s important to remember that sometimes teachers and coaches need to stick to boundaries for their jobs to keep relationships with students fair and appropriate, so don’t take it personally if they’re not open to getting closer to you. But if you need advice about something from a male perspective and trust a particular male coach or teacher, don’t be afraid to ask.

Religious Communities

Many of the adults who get involved in religious organizations do so with the specific goal of providing support and mentorship to the youth. If you’re a member at a local church, or even if you’re just visiting one, keep an eye out for men you respect. You may be able to approach them about mentoring you.

Get Creative

Did you know some experts suggest that not all “good male role models” even need to be male? While it’s fantastic to have solid male role models, you can learn a lot about how to “be a man” from women. Watch how your moms, female teachers, and sisters interact with the men in their lives. Do you like or dislike how certain men treat them? Why? On top of that, there are PLENTY of women who can teach you things like how to change the oil in your car or tie a tie. Don’t be afraid to learn things you think you “should” have learned from Dad from someone unexpected.

You can also learn a lot from fictional men—are there any characters in your favorite comics, books, or TV shows who help you to understand how a “good man” behaves? And consider public figures you admire to be role models, too. Though you can’t have a personal relationship with fictional or famous men, you can be intentional about who you follow on social media and who’s worthy of your respect.  Whether you admire Terry Crews, Uncle Iroh, Pedro Pascal, King T'Challa, Tom Hanks, or Samwise Gamgee… ask yourself how they would handle a situation.

There Are Great Guys Out There

The absence of a father, whether it’s due to separation, divorce, or other reasons, may leave you feeling a little bit abandoned and unloved, but don’t lose heart. It doesn’t have to be your biological father who shows up to give you the love and guidance you’ve been longing for. Whether through extended family, community involvement, teachers, coaches, or mentors, you can find decent men out there to be part of your life. Keep an eye out for the ones who are present, treat you and others with kindness and respect, follow through on their commitments, and aren’t afraid to tell you they love you.

If you’re feeling like a fatherless child and aren’t sure what to do, you can always turn to the most famous father figure of all time for a bit of support and comfort. If you want to know more about God’s role as our Heavenly Father, please reach out to one of our Hope Coaches. We’re always here to listen without judgment, and we’d love to connect you with more resources to help you find good male role models.

After childhood abandonment, it’s hard to know how to have good relationships. If you feel abandoned by your father, find out how to build new relationships.