Posts by TheHopeLine Team

Here’s the paradox: the more you pursue happiness, the more you start feeling unhappy.

Happiness: everyone wants it in their lives, everyone is looking for it, and yet no one knows what it actually is.

Very interesting research, put together by the University of Toronto, suggests that the fact that happiness is such an abstract notion and there’s no clear definition to it, makes people feel unhappier.

Here’s what they’ve found:

• happiness is a moving target;
• people know that their time is limited, which makes the pursuit of happiness even more stressful;
• the result of people not knowing what happiness is, makes people feel uncertain, and, consequently, even unhappier because they are unable to achieve the state they are looking for.

Every generation can say that they are unhappy for various reasons. But every previous generation claims that every following generation must be happier because they won’t have to face the same problems. I’ve found it to be true that baby boomers think this about millennials and Gen-Z.

And, as a millennial, here’s what I can tell you.

Young Generations Feel As Unhappy As Ever

And no, we’re not pretending. Research is on our side.

Only 1 in 10 millennials identify their career as the top priority, while the other 9 say happiness is of the top importance.

Yet, a study, published by the Telegraph, claims that millennials have the most negative outlook on the future, claiming they have too much pressure from society to feel and become happy.

So what do millennials and Gen-Z kids do to get others to think they are living a happier life than they really are? Everyone knows about the dependent relationship younger generations have with social media. It seems we cannot stand up from bed without taking a look at EVERY social media account. 

It’s safe to say that this relationship is toxic. Take a look: according to the study, published by the Independent, 51% of millennials claim they use social media like Facebook and Instagram to give the impression that their real-life relationships are perfect.

But How Can You Change That?

I believe that the reason the younger generation is generally unhappy is that we tend to hold on to a lot of things instead of letting go and moving on.

What are those things we hold on to?

Take a look. I guarantee you will relate.

1. Being a Control Freak

This is very hard to let go of. Once you start obsessing over controlling everything, you become an addict. The more things you have control over, the more you want your control to grow.

But what’s normal control and what’s obsessive control?

Normal control involves understanding that things may get out of hand, and you can roll with it. Obsessive control is trying to organize every little detail of your life, and when things do get out of hand, you freak out. Hence, you become a control freak.

It’s easy to imagine where such a mindset could take you. Being a control freak could lead to obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, health deterioration because of chronic stress, etc.  Not much space for happiness here.

So how do you let go of excessive control?

Understand that you can change the way you look at things, and that spontaneity can benefit you more than making sure that you have everything planned out.

Also, listen to your feelings. How often do you feel anxious or frustrated because of things you can’t control? Excessive control can keep you from noticing a lot of important things. Who knows, maybe you missed that moment of happiness you were so desperately seeking.

2. Being a People Pleaser

Who doesn’t want to be loved by everyone? Such a perfect feeling – everyone is smiling at you, saying how wonderful you are, thanking you...Isn’t it great?

Yes...and absolutely unrealistic.

As a people pleaser, you’re dragging around responsibility you didn’t have to impose on yourself. Trying to do well by everyone makes you feel responsible for how other people feel. But this is not your responsibility and can lead to why you feel unhappy every time you see someone who doesn’t like something about you.

Here are five of the steps that Ilene Strauss Cohen, Ph.D., describes that she took to help her in her struggle to stop being a people pleaser. 

• Become self-aware
• Realize avoiding problems doesn't promote growth in relationships
• Understand the importance of being authentic
• Realize doing too much in a relationship hurts the relationship rather than helps
• Learn self-acceptance by looking at yourself with interest and respect rather than judgment and denial

When you are trying to do well by everyone, you lose yourself. You can live your whole life like that.  It's important to pay attention to what feels good and right for you and not just for everyone else.

3. Being a Trash Keeper

Here’s what I mean by trash:

• past mistakes;
• heartbreaks;
• toxic relationships;
• resentment

For sure, letting go of this “trash” isn’t easy. We feel emotionally attached to these experiences. But here’s what you can do...

Think of the last time you did a spring cleaning in your house. You’ve collected all the unnecessary, old and annoying stuff from your apartment, called trash pickup and let these things go. You came back to your house and felt that it was easier to breathe now that you’ve let go of everything that held you back.

The same is with keeping trash in your life. Once you clear it, there will be enough free space for happiness to enter your life.

4. Being Motivated by Money

Perhaps the biggest reason why the younger generation cannot feel happy is that we are too attached to money. Some of this attachment is born out of necessity. Many of us have to work hard to pay off student loans, feel the pressure of buying our own place or providing for the family. It’s too easy to get dragged down this hole.

Nevertheless, it is always important to remember that money doesn’t buy everything. It doesn’t buy you the ability to wake up in the morning and be grateful for everything you already have (even if you don’t have a lot). Learning contentment and gratitude can help you feel happy every day, knowing that you are blessed with what you have.

Don't Chase Happiness

Happiness is different for everyone and in this life it doesn’t last forever. But we can have happy moments, even small moments, when we feel the most complete. You can experience these happy moments more often if you let go of things that put you in the wrong mindset.

Here’s one more thing: don’t chase happiness. It’s not a hunt. Happiness is not a kind of a wild animal, and you’re not a hunter. Instead, be present in the current moment. Who knows, maybe right now is the moment to be happy?

More From TheHopeLine

As Diana writes, chasing the elusive notion of happiness can leave us feeling empty when we don't find it or feel it.  Happiness often relies on external triggers such as other people, things, circumstances and experiences. She gives a lot of good practical tips of things to let go of to make more room for experiencing happiness.

We would also like to add that there is something more substantial than happiness and that is joy.

The Bible talks a lot about joy. God knows the power of joy and desires it for us: "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22)

God offers us joy, contentment and hope when we believe in him and have a relationship with him. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13

Joy from the Lord to those who believe is not fleeting and external, it lasts despite our circumstances. If you have tried everything to find contentment and peace and are still struggling, consider this...Learn More About God.

Diana Nadim Adjadj is a writer and editor who has a Master's degree in Marketing. She combines her passion for writing with her interest in research and creates thought-provoking content in various fields. Diana also runs her own 3to5Marketing blog.

Self-harm stems from pain so deep it feels as if it is the only way to take away the emotional pain.  If you have been abused, hurt, rejected, abandoned, or experienced anything else that has caused you emotional trauma and you have turned to self-harm to cope...we are here for you.  If you feel like you are alone in your struggles with self-harm...we are here for you.  If you feel that you don't know where to go to get help...we are here for you.  If you feel that you are past the point of getting help...that simply isn't true...we are here for you.  Be encouraged by these girls that have battled (and still do) with cutting and self-harm but have found help and support through their struggle.

I Was About to Cut

I found TheHopeLine by accident, but I'm so glad I did. I have been through years of abuse and battle persistent depression. At my lowest point, the guy (Hope Coach) helped me fully vent, and gave me additional resources. They took the time to hear my story, without any judgment.~ Valorey  

Relapse Was Knocking

I heard self-injury knocking at the door...it was the only thing that my anxiety stricken-mind could comprehend as the only way out, but my spirit knew the repercussions of relapsing. I spoke with a Hope Coach who helped me recognize the victory of my extended abstinence from self-injury and encouraged me to reach out to a trusted friend, despite my fear of being vulnerable and admitting that I wasn't okay. I am blessed beyond measure for the reassurance and encouragement for it was God who orchestrated the conversation and filled me with the courage to overcome what I thought would be a devastating victory for the enemy." ~ Alyssia

My Depression and Cutting

For the longest time, I was so depressed. I coped with it by cutting and just hurting myself in any way. My depression overcame me and I honestly wasn't the same. I was never truly happy anymore. I never went out with friends and I never was okay again.

The cutting would just get worse every day. The urge to cut got stronger and stronger as each day went by. It was scary how depressed I was. But then I decided that I didn't want to feel like this anymore. I talked to people about it. I saw a therapist and I contacted TheHopeLine. With so much support, I felt like now I had hope of getting better and felt like I had a purpose. It was amazing how I can go from this depressed and anxious person to a happy and free individual. ~ Lila

Recovery is Possible

Hello, my name is Hannah. I am a teenager, we tend to be confusing and difficult to relate with. This may be due to the fact that everyone is different, which brings the topic of self-harm, cutting, relief, or however else you may want to put it. Some people think that cutting is weird and what people who strive for attention do and others think it's the only way to survive, a way to stay alive a way to feel.  For me...cutting was attention to myself.  I felt alone. Being alone is hard especially since they're billions of people who live on this planet. So whether you believe that people do this to flash their scars online or to relieve the pain that has been brewing inside. Cutting is something that people do. It can be considered a tragedy or a beckoning for hope.

For me, my silent cries were answered by the people I thought could never understand...my parents. It was the actual hardest thing to tell both of them. The second hardest was when they asked how long this had been occurring. And the saddest thing was to see them crying when I showed them all the scars I had. But it was the tangible help I received that became the most amazing thing to ever come out of my "problem."

My personal advice is, I know how hard it can and will be to feel alone, to feel like everyone is all set without you, but cutting is a step that you don't and shouldn't have to take. Even if your parents aren't a focal point for recovering, you have teachers, peers, TheHopeLine and even the police.  Anyone can be your reason for feeling something other than nothingness, and you don't have to ruin the only thing that you have to live in - your body. ~ Hannah

For more help with self-harm, read this encouraging story from one of our guest bloggers, Breaking Free from Self-Harm.

When I found your site I was skeptical at first, I never told anyone about my dilemma. I was scared to tell my story, but knew I needed help.

My Story of Sexual Abuse

Before I was even five years old my half-brother, who is ten years older than me, started abusing me. He would make me do sexual things to him and do things back to me that I didn't want. He repeatedly did things to me that were very wrong. As a little girl I was scared to tell anyone because he threatened to kill me and my mom (we shared the same father). I was so afraid of being hurt by him. When I was five, he went too far and took my virginity. When I was five! That was the line for me.  I somehow found the courage to tell my parents and he was sent to jail.

Healing is Hard, but possible.

I blocked the specific memories and images out of my mind until a year ago. Then suddenly the memories flooded back and I couldn't control myself. I started self-harming as a way to cope with my pain. When I found out he had been allowed out of prison, I was so scared that I tried to commit suicide.

Then I found this website. I was in a lot of pain, but telling my story and not being judged by my HopeCoach, but only loved, really helped me. I'm in a better place now and I know I'm not alone.
Thank you, you really helped me.
~ Lindsey

If you have been sexually abused, there is hope for you to move forward to a healthy outlook on life. Please read this post by Dawson McAllister for tips for moving forward - Hope for the Abused

If you have turned to self-harm to cope with hidden pain, Amanda has been where you are and shares her story here - Breaking Free from Self-Harm

Are you feeling worn out and down about life?  You may have cobwebs and dust bunnies hiding in places you don’t even know about and they may be affecting your mental health. Clean out the cobwebs that are affecting your state of mind by trying these 31 tips to boost your mental health.

Ways to Boost Your Mental Health

1. Track gratitude and achievement with a journal. Include 3 things you were grateful for and 3 things you were able to accomplish each day. Try the free apps – Happier or Attitudes of Gratitude Journal or make your own journal using one of these tutorials.

2. Start your day with a cup of coffee. Coffee consumption is linked to lower rates of depression. If you can’t drink coffee because of the caffeine, try another good-for-you drink like green tea.

3. Set up a getaway. It could be camping with friends or a trip to the tropics. The act of planning a vacation and having something to look forward to can boost your overall happiness for up to 8 weeks!

4. Work on your strengths. Do something you’re good at to build self-confidence, then tackle a tougher task.

5. Keep it cool for a good night’s sleep. The optimal temperature for sleep is between 60˚ and 67˚ Fahrenheit.

6. “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” -Martin Luther King Jr. Think of something in your life you want to improve and figure out what you can do to take a step in the right direction.

7. Experiment with a new recipe, write a poem, paint or try a Pinterest project. Creative expression and overall well-being are linked.

8. Show some love to someone in your life. Close, quality relationships are key for a happy, healthy life.

9. Boost brainpower by treating yourself to a couple of pieces of dark chocolate every few days. The flavonoids, caffeine, and theobromine in chocolate are thought to work together to improve alertness and mental skills.

10. “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” - Maya Angelou. If you have personal experience with mental illness or recovery, share on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr with #mentalillnessfeelslike.

11. Sometimes, we don’t need to add new activities to get more pleasure. We just need to soak up the joy in the ones we’ve already got. Trying to be optimistic doesn’t mean ignoring the uglier sides of life. It just means focusing on the positive as much as possible.

12. Feeling anxious? Take a trip down memory lane and do some coloring for about 20 minutes to help you clear your mind. Pick a design that’s geometric and a little complicated for the best effect. Check out hundreds of free printable coloring pages at Just Color.

13. Take time to laugh. Hang out with a funny friend, watch a comedy or check out cute videos online. Laughter helps reduce anxiety.

14. Go off the grid. Leave your smartphone at home for a day and disconnect from constant emails, alerts, and other interruptions. Spend time doing something fun with someone face-to-face.

15. Dance around while you do your housework. Not only will you get chores done, but dancing reduces levels of cortisol (the stress hormone), and increases endorphins (the body’s “feel-good” chemicals).

16. Go ahead and yawn. Studies suggest that yawning helps cool the brain and improves alertness and mental efficiency.

17. Relax in a warm bath once a week. Try adding Epsom salts to soothe aches and pains and help boost magnesium levels, which can be depleted by stress.

18. Has something been bothering you? Let it all out…on paper. Writing about upsetting experiences can reduce symptoms of depression.

19. Spend some time with a furry friend. Time with animals lowers the stress hormone – cortisol and boosts oxytocin – which stimulates feelings of happiness. If you don’t have a pet, hang out with a friend who does or volunteer at a shelter.

20. “What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when you bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen.” – Henry David Thoreau. Practice mindfulness by staying “in the present.”

21. Be a tourist in your own town. Oftentimes people only explore attractions on trips, but you may be surprised what cool things are in your own backyard.

22. Try prepping your lunches or picking out your clothes for the work week. You’ll save some time in the mornings and have a sense of control about the week ahead.

23. Work some omega-3 fatty acids into your diet–they are linked to decreased rates of depression and schizophrenia among their many benefits. Fish oil supplements work but eating your omega-3s in foods like wild salmon, flaxseeds or walnuts also helps build healthy gut bacteria.

24. Practice forgiveness – even if it’s just forgiving that person who cut you off during your commute. People who forgive have better mental health and report being more satisfied with their lives.

25. “What appears to be calamities are often the sources of fortune.” – Disraeli. Try to find the silver lining in something kind of cruddy that happened recently.

26. Feeling stressed? Smile. It may not be the easiest thing to do but smiling can help to lower your heart rate and calm you down.

27. Send a thank you note – not for a material item, but to let someone know why you appreciate them. Written expressions of gratitude are linked to increased happiness.

28. Do something with friends and family – have a cookout, go to a park, or play a game. People are 12 times more likely to feel happy on days that they spend 6-7 hours with friends and family.

29. Take 30 minutes to go for a walk-in nature – it could be a stroll through a park or a hike in the woods. Research shows that being in nature can increase energy levels, reduce depression and boost well-being.

30. Do your best to enjoy 15 minutes of sunshine and apply sunscreen. Sunlight synthesizes Vitamin D, which experts believe is a mood elevator.

31. “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” -Albert Einstein Try something outside of your comfort zone to make room for adventure and excitement in your life.

Take time to explore who God is, how much He loves you and the peace He offers. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11). Developing a meaningful relationship with your creator and the lover of your soul will provide you with great strength when facing challenges. Spend time reading the Bible, and praying.

Originally published at Centerstone.org

My Last Effort to Find a Reason to Live

I was very close to committing suicide end of summer 2017. But it felt like something was holding me back. While googling how to get free help online (too scared to get actual help), I stumbled upon TheHopeLine. I was able to talk to a HopeCoach and we had a great talk.

I Learned My Feelings were Valid

He encouraged me to talk to my parents so they could help me find the counseling I needed for my thoughts and feelings. He planted the seed in me that my feelings were valid and that I deserved therapy.  It was a good start and got me through the night.

However, I still wasn't ready to go to the doctor and into therapy. Instead, I kept my feelings inside and 2 months later I overdosed.

After that my parents talked to me about getting therapy. I remembered what my HopeCoach had said and now I was ready. Today I'm getting the help I need in therapy. I wanted to thank TheHopeLine and the HopeCoach I talked to.  He helped me take the first step of admitting I need help. I wouldn't be here without TheHopeLine. So, thank you.
~ Lana (19 years old)

If you face suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help as Lana did.  Visit our Get Help page or our list of Suicide Prevention Resources. Talking to someone could save your life.

Perhaps you are afraid of the idea of counseling. Many people are. But the benefits of counseling are amazing. Please read this for a boost of courage, 9 Misconceptions About Seeking Professional Counseling.

You are worth taking care of!! Please don't ever doubt that.

On many TV shows, in movies, and on magazine covers, girls are often portrayed as:

• People who are obsessed with their appearance.
• People who determine their value by how thin they can be.
• People who appear ready and willing to hook up whenever and wherever.

Don't Buy the Cultural Lie

It’s as if “woman” has been stripped of almost every good, pure, and honorable quality. Instead, you’re told that completion is found in beauty, sex, and money. And as you’re probably already aware, those aren’t exactly the best values to have.
The result of all this is that many girls have associated value and significance with weight and appearance; self-esteem with sex appeal; acceptance with becoming It. They’ve bought the cultural lie that says, “Unless you have the right look, you’ll never be worth anything, you’ll never accomplish anything, you’ll never be somebody.”

You may be thinking: “Wait a second. I want people to like me. I want boys to like me. And the only way to get boys to like me is to be pretty and thin—sexy. That stuff is important.”

Sure, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good or be liked. But there’s something wrong with thinking that how you look or how popular you are is the most important thing in the world, the thing that defines who you are and gives you value. Suddenly you start thinking that without those $200 jeans you’ll just die. Or that you have to lose 15 pounds before you can like yourself. You get into a constant pursuit for more stuff, a better body, and more popularity. A pursuit that’ll never satisfy because it never ends.

The Things That Matter

It’s so easy to start thinking that being attractive is the only thing that matters. You forget that being kind and funny and smart and faithful to God can be good things too. You start thinking that how you look is who you are.

That’s how Jessica felt when she wrote to me and said, “I am ugly! I hate how I look. I hate how I dress. I hate my stomach. I hate my nose. Why can’t I be different? Why did God make me this way? What was He thinking?"

I bet you’ve said or felt similar things. Just think about how much time you’ve spent standing in front of the mirror, saying, “I hate how I look.” Or looking at a picture of a friend, or some famous actress or model and thinking, “Why can’t I be as perfect as her?”   Soon all you’re thinking is, “I’ll never be pretty enough. I’ll never be sexy enough. I’ll never be…enough.”

God Knows Everything About You

God knows absolutely everything about you. And when He looks at you, He sees your beauty and potential. Not your so-called imperfections. He wants to make you complete, just as He created you to be. He wants to make you see that being you is a good thing.

Think of your favorite beautiful beach. Or the flowers you hope a guy will give you one day. Or the stars you wish on sometimes at night, half-heartedly hoping that wish will change things. The stars, the beach, the flowers—God created each of them exactly as He wanted them to be. And each is uniquely remarkable. But of all God’s wondrous creations, He gave your creation the most attention. And when He created you, He didn’t make a mistake.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made!  I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day. Psalm 139:14 MSG

Accept Yourself Through God's Eyes

“Um, excuse me. He didn’t make a mistake? You’ve got to be kidding. I’m a walking mistake with all my fat and zits and my ugly hair and big nose.”

Okay, that’s fair. Knowing that God lovingly created you doesn’t change the fact that you have pimples or a nose you don’t particularly care for or a million other features you think are unappealing. And just because you’re reading this doesn’t mean that tomorrow you’ll wake up, look in the mirror, and fully love what and who you see. But—and this is a tough skill to master—you have to learn to look at yourself with God’s eyes and not your own. Your eyes have been trained by the world around you to see all your physical flaws—and nothing else. But God’s value system is different, and—believe it or not—better.

Learning to see yourself as God sees you is about learning to look beyond the things you don’t like and realizing you’ve been created exactly the way He wanted. To Him, you’re unique. And He has an amazing plan for your life that requires zits and a big nose to make it complete. (I know this sounds crazy but try to trust me.) You can’t see it yet, but God has a reason behind every “flaw” and a purpose behind every imperfection.

God's Big Plan for You

If you believe what that Psalm says, then you believe that God had good intentions when He made you. And He knew everything that was going to happen to you before you were even born. He even knew about the bad haircut you got last week.

Believe this: Every time He looks at you, He sees your life from beginning to end, and He sees how each piece fits together to make something awesome. All you can see is what’s in the mirror today. But that’s just one tiny, tiny step in God’s big plan for you. And He never stops working to make that big plan a reality.

Are you struggling with your body image or think you are not good enough just the way you are? Watch this video slam poem by Lauryn Lugo.

Jeffrey Dean is a best-selling inspirational speaker, author and teacher who is devoted to making families strong. Throughout his 25-year career, Jeffrey has spoken to more than 4 million people throughout our nation's churches, universities, conferences, prisons and schools.

This blog was originally published at Being Me Is A Good Thing.

 

Felt It Was My Fault My Dad Left

When my dad left 5 years ago, I started feeling like it was my fault that he left. I have been feeling like this for a long time. These feelings led to depression and anxiety.

Abandoned Again

Then I started feeling really happy two years ago, when I had a teacher that really understood what I was going through. She made me feel really special and my anxiety and depression started getting better. But 2 months before school ended, she left without saying goodbye to anyone. That really hurt and once again I felt like it was my fault she left. So I started cutting and getting depressed again.

God Rescued Me

I was baptized this year and I feel like my life is starting to get way better now that I’m a Christian. A lot of my mood swings have been really good too, even if I do feel anxious about my past, I know God is bringing about positive change in my life. I moved to a new school this year and it has been really good meeting new people and make new memories. God is helping me to live a better life. I am less anxious and depressed. Thank you Lee for talking to me on TheHopeLine. I really appreciate it! ~ Jackson

Remember...It's Never Your Fault

The feeling of being abandoned by people we love, can lead to many harmful behaviors to cover up the pain that you feel. This blog from Dawson McAllister might help process what you have gone through Dealing With Abandonment. Remember it is never your fault if a parent has abandoned you. You cannot carry the blame for a grown adult’s abusive decision.

And if you want to find the peace that Jackson found please consider this...Learn More About God.

Life Looked Good

Our high school son was a high-energy, 3 sport athlete, life of the party, good grades sort of kid.  His two younger brothers looked up to him.  Life appeared great.

It all came crashing down

One night, he was out with friends during his Junior year and the police stopped the car he was riding in because a tail light was out. This should have been no problem, but my son had far too much to drink. The impulsive track star panicked and set off running, only to be caught and put in jail. No parent wants to get a call at 2 am, from a voice that sounds like your son, proclaiming he has ruined his life!

In church the next day. He was rather catatonic. He talked of killing himself because he couldn't get past thinking he had ruined his life. When asked how he planned to take his life, he admitted he would tie a rock to himself and jump off the pier that we live near. Being a nurse, I knew to take his thoughts seriously, especially because he had a plan! I immediately decided we were going for help right then.

My husband could not quite understand my urgency, after all this same day was my youngest son's birthday. Couldn't we celebrate him first? But anyone in the medical profession is taught to seek help immediately for suicidal thoughts

Getting Professional Help

Our son did NOT want to go to the mental health hospital.  So I point blank looked at my 6 ft son and said, "I’m your mom, I love you and we are going."

I'm so glad we went. It was the beginning of his journey to getting the help he needed. They set us up with counseling, and my son allowed me to be part of the counseling, which helped as I was able to give history around his story. They realized it was not just an alcohol abuse issue, there were too many other signs. We were referred to a psychiatrist, who thought he may have bipolar disorder or ADHD. We had to try different meds. There was no instant fix. I had to stay vigilant and watchful as he was in depression. I'll never forget one day when I came home to find he had one of our hunting guns out. We were also dealing with the court system during all of this, due to his running from police and drinking underage. It was a very difficult time in our lives.

However, with new medications used for ADHD, things started to turn around. We also received a lot of support from Young Life, as he was involved in this ministry as well.

Just over a year later we sent him off to college. We prayed he would be able to navigate the new environment he would encounter. We were thankful that at least now he had the tools to understand himself better.

Today...

Today, I am happy to share that he is alive, and has a beautiful wife and son and a career as an attorney.

I am aware all stories don’t have happy endings. My friend's grandson ended his life a year ago.  But I share my story today because I hope and pray it will encourage others to stay vigilant when your loved one may be showing signs and symptoms that things are just not right with them.

And to those who feel like there is no way out. Call a hotline, or speak to a counselor at school. Allow friends or family to help you get into counseling. Sometimes it can be hard to make these moves on your own. When it's hard to see a way out, allow others to help, even when it doesn’t make sense!  You are loved! God loves you for always!

P.S. - I grew up in dysfunction and was suicidal but never shared. I wish I had. My life may have been easier in many ways. Grateful I didn’t take action on my thoughts.
May God Bless you with strength!
~ Kathleen

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

Looking for more help with depression and suicidal thoughts read, Why Do People End Their Life by Suicide or Feelings of Depression.

It's Time to Do Something

Sexual assault stories are all over the news. It is no secret that this is a huge issue. Are you ready to work toward change?

One in five college women will be sexually assaulted this year, and it's not just females; one in 16 guys will be sexually assaulted while in college as well. (National Sexual Violence Research Center)

This Is No Joke

For too long we have not done enough to stop it. There has been stigma, fear, and hopelessness associated with reporting rape on college campuses. I hope this is ending. I hope we are done with all the ridiculous excuses: "Boys will be boys" and "Did you see what she was wearing?" "He was asking for it." " She was drunk."  "He didn't mean it." "But he has such a bright future." "He never said no."  "What's the big deal?"

https://youtu.be/Dx54t8h5Q5U?si=TDKoOiRy6kmWb8yV

This needs to end because sexual assault is not something that someone just gets over. The trauma caused by sexual assault is serious. So often victims of sexual assault develop depression or PTSD as the memory of the assault continues to haunt them. Or they turn to self-harm or substance abuse or an eating disorder to cover up their pain.

So It's Time to Do Something!

But what? Do we hashtag another cause? Wear another color. Buy another T-shirt? These things certainly have their place. But I'd like to get more real.  Prevention is possible.  So let's get busy.

Sexual Assault: It's On Us

There is a powerful campaign called It's On Us. This campaign suggests real ways that we can all step in to prevent sexual assault. For example, It's On Us:

• To intervene if a situation appears questionable. No more walking away.
• To trust your gut. If it looks bad, it probably is. No more "It's none of my business." or "I'm probably overreacting."
• To protect those who have had too much to drink. No more turning a blind eye at parties where someone is too intoxicated to give consent to sex.
• To agree that non-consensual sex is rape. Period. No more grey areas.

--If consent can't be given because someone is too drunk = rape
--If consent wasn't voluntary or mutual = rape
--If consent was suggested but then withdrawn = rape
--If consent was given in the past, but not now = rape

What You Can Do

If you want to take the It's On Us Pledge to make a personal commitment to keep yourself and others safe from sexual assault, CLICK HERE. Take the Pledge.

While I encourage you to take action, I also want you to protect yourself in the process. So here are some practical things you can do if you suspect a sexual assault could occur:

1. Enlist the help of friends, a bartender, a bouncer, campus security, the police. Don't go it alone.

2. If you notice someone is being cornered or isolated at a party or bar and is too intoxicated to protect themselves, step in. Create a distraction, draw attention to something else, whatever you can do to separate the people in the situation.

3. Be direct...if you see a questionable situation, ask if they need help.

4. Stick together. Take friends home, and never leave someone behind.

5. Be aware of the effects of alcohol. On average, at least 50% of college students’ sexual assaults are associated with alcohol use. (NCBI)

6. Let's be alert and aware. Let's take action and be part of the solution. The statistics can change!

Never Your Fault

But here's the thing...in the end, if a sexual assault does occur, it is NEVER your fault. It is NEVER the victim's fault. It is always the rapist's fault.  For more help on sexual assault read my blog on Coping with Sexual Abuse.

If you or a friend has been sexually assaulted, please seek help. You need to tell your story. You can heal. Please contact TheHopeLine or our partner organization, RAINN.  Here is more information on Reporting Abuse.