Stephanie’s brother has a serious meth issue. Her parents didn’t even know where he was, then when they found out he was in jail, they told him, “If you don’t stop, we’re disowning you.” Stephanie’s carrying the weight of all this and needs help.

Loving a Sibling With an Addiction Problem

How to Help My Brother?

If you’ve ever had an addict in your family or been one yourself, you know the intensity that comes along with addiction. The highs and lows not just when you’re the addict but being the person trying to help them. You want to rescue them, but you can’t. You want to save them from their drug of choice, but they don’t listen. Our guest on today’s podcast is Stephanie. Her brother is a meth addict, and he’s landed in jail. Stephanie’s managed to talk him out of suicide, but she’s deeply concerned he’ll hurt himself. Stay tuned for Stephanie’s story and the peer-to-peer advice she receives.

Stephanie: My brother is two years younger than I am. He's 22 and he has a serious meth issue. Mom and dad don't know about it, and I'm the only one that does.

Dawson: He’s in jail and they don’t know?

Stephanie: Yeah, because he apparently didn't tell them what was going on. And so, they don't know where he is. They have no idea.

Dawson: But you do?

Stephanie: Yeah. They've asked me about it, and I know where he is, but they don't.

Dawson: When they asked you about it, what did you tell them? Did you lie or what?

Stephanie: Well, I told them the truth and they were shocked beyond words. They wound up going down there and they pretty much said if you don't stop, we’re disowning you.

Dawson: There's some tough love, right there.

Stephanie: Well, I'm about the only one he'll talk to. And they pretty much said that you're the one that did this. You have two kids and a girlfriend/woman that wants to divorce you over it.

He is broken beyond… it’s a mess. Mom and dad won't talk to him. Mom and dad won't go to court for him. Mom and dad won't pay it. Mom and dad won't pay bills. Mom and dad won't do anything. And pretty much mom and dads pretty much said, “Ok, this is your baby, you deal with it.”

Dawson: Whoa, how do you feel about that?

Stephanie: I don't like it because I feel like that's mean of them. But at the same time, I feel like he deserves a little bit of that because this really was his issue. He's the one that really did this. But at the same time, I don't like it because they raised him. I feel like this is not a good idea, but at the same time, he deserves what he gets. But yet nobody else will talk to him and he's constantly pleading for me to come down there and I'm like, I can't, because it doesn't matter if I talk to them or not, they're not going to listen to me, and they don't believe you. So, what are we supposed to do?

Dawson: He wants you to come down for what purpose? Just to talk with him because he's lonely or to try to come up with a plan to move your parents to help him get out of this jam, both?

Stephanie: Both, and he also wants me to come down there to try to talk to them, the judge, and the jail people to see if I can get him out. He’s supposed to get out in April, but they keep pushing it back. He's now into June when he's supposed to get out.

And he feels like nobody loves him. He feels like his life's over and he's seriously contemplated suicide several times and I've been able to bring him out of it. And I'm like, you've got two kids. You can't do this to them. You can't do this to me because I'm going to be left without a brother and your kids are left without a dad. So, don't do this!

Dawson: Ok. So, this is a peer-to-peer call. I feel led to turn this out to the many people who are listening tonight for the sole purpose of praying or giving godly advice. Let's get down to what we're going to ask them, alright.  We're going to say, here's our story, we need your advice. Stephanie feels helpless and knows there's nothing she can do. How can she handle this? How can she help her younger brother? That's the question, right? How can you handle this? How can you handle it? At the same time, how can you help your younger brother?

Stephanie: I'm scared that he's going to kill himself because he feels like he's never going to get out of jail. And I'm just like, if you do that, you leave me in a lurch because I don't really need kids. I don't even have a boyfriend in my life right now. My boyfriend broke up with me six years ago. I haven't talked to him since. So, I feel that if he killed himself, then I have the responsibility as his sister, to take on his kids. I'm not ready for that responsibility, yet my mom and dad won't do it.

Dawson: Well, they may not do it right now. Maybe God will change their mind.

Stephanie: I don’t know, I feel like we’re in a mess.

Dawson: I'm going to get you some help.

Peer to Peer Advice For Stephanie:

How can Stephanie help her brother? He’s talking about dying by suicide because he can’t handle it anymore. Do you have wisdom or encouragement for Stephanie and her brother? Please comment below!

You Can’t Pay For You Brother’s Choices - Kathy

The first initial thought I got was when you were talking about your parents' initial reaction to finding out about everything - that they threatened to disown him. This broke my heart. My whole life I've been surrounded by addiction, and I understand the pain that loved ones go through when the people that they love are suffering from addictions and those kinds of struggles. But the last thing they need is for people to disown them and to withdraw away from them because the only thing they need, other than help in that time, is to know that they're still loved. And to know that they still have someone who cares about them, who wants to be there for them. Whether it's urging your parents to see that or praying about it or both, that's something that he really needs. And if his parents can't be there for him, it's great that you're still letting them know that you love him and you do care about him, and you do want him to get help.

Secondly, I noticed there's obviously a lot of pressure on you or you're feeling a lot of pressure that his whole future and reality and health are on your shoulders, but that's not fair at all. It’s putting guilt on you, that you don't deserve because you didn't do anything. You care about him and that's great, but what he's doing, you shouldn't be paying for it. You shouldn't be paying for the choices that he made. And someone who's struggling with addiction, they're sick. They're mentally unhealthy. They're emotionally unhealthy; and hurt people, hurt people. But I think the line you just need to draw is you can let him know how much you love him and do what you can for what he can't do for himself right now.

When I think about addiction and what that does to someone, and the consequences they have to go through. And then I think about God and how he treats us when we make mistakes. And when we fall short and when we sin, if he still loves us, but he does not remove the earthly consequences from our actions. He lets us go through that. He gives us grace in our relationship and he still doesn't allow the relationship to break, but he doesn't remove our consequences for us. We committed a sin or we, you know, we made this choice, we pay the earthly consequences for it. And I think there is a line, you know, between you and your parents and how you operate with them and making a point to not let it break the relationship, but don't cross that line where you’re paying for the things he needs to pay for, and where you're dealing with the consequences that should be his consequences.

You Can Not Be Your Brother’s Enabler – Bobby Joe

Hey Stephanie, my brother is an addict. Matter of fact, he's in prison right now. First off, you need to love him where he's at. That's the very first thing, but the second thing is you cannot be his enabler. You can't do that… I was. And until your brother is tired of being sick and tired, this is the life he chooses. Now the most powerful thing we can do is hit our knees and pray for him, and that's all of us that are listening.

Your mom and dad - they're hurt. And right now, they're dealing with it the best way they know how. Now not knowing if your brother stole from them or this is brand new or anything, my brother did…so, there's a lot of hurt involved, Stephanie, because we want the best for our children.

enable him, just love him. That's all I have to say.

Al-Anon Is a Great Resource - Angel

Hi, Stephanie. There are a lot of groups out there, like Al-Anon that you could bring some strength from and grow from and learn how to deal with his addiction, to get a better understanding of what he's going through. And that way you're not bearing everything on your shoulders. Al-Anon is a great, great group. I believe that while he's in jail, he can seek out counseling… just to be able to talk about what he's going through.

You Can’t Be Everyone’s Hero - Christina

Hello. I just want to say, Stephanie, I'm going through a little bit of the same thing you're going through. I have tried to take notes through the calls, and I'll try to be quick. I think Kathy was very wise when she said that you can't pay for his mistakes.

I also think that it was very wise to say that we need to understand what they're going through. At the same time, there is so much more involved. And if you have children especially, and you have your own life, that is so much more important right now. You cannot be everybody's hero as much as you would like to be. All you can do is love them. But at the end of the day, all you can do when you lay your head on your pillow is to know that no matter what happens, you will always be there. And don't ever stop being there for your brother… ever! That's all I wanted to say.

God’s Bigger Than All of This

Dawson: Stephanie…

Stephanie: Wow, that’s amazing!

Dawson: You can’t be everybody’s hero. That was strong, wasn’t it?

Stephanie: Ah, yeah. Honestly, she was right, but the thing is, I'm not trying to enable him. I don't want to enable him because I know if he gets out, there's a possibility of it. But at the same time, I think that he's learned his lesson. But the thing is my parents don't seem to think so. And my parents don't want anything to do with him. And now I'm left trying to deal with it all. And then it's like, what on earth is this? I mean, don't you love your son?

Dawson: Well, God's bigger than your parents. God's bigger than you or me. God can handle this. He knows how to talk with your parents.

What Does it Mean When We Say God’s Bigger Than All of This?

When we say God’s bigger than any of this…what does that mean exactly?

Many times, we try to carry the burdens of life ourselves, like you, Stephanie are trying to carry the burden of your brother’s addiction and him being in prison, and carrying the burden of your parents not knowing what to do and not helping.

God, in His word, says we can cast all of our cares and worries on Him, and He will care for us. 

We don’t have to figure it all out ourselves, when we have God in our life. Fear and worry will only seek to discourage you and drain your emotions. I believe that’s part of what’s happened to your brother, Stephanie, and he’s detoxing – but he is worrying and stressed out and that’s draining him to the point where he doesn’t feel he can handle it.

Philippians 4:6 & 7 tell us, “Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Jesus Christ.”

We have other options than being worried and wrapped up in discouragement. We can go to God in prayer, and He’s a big God who can handle anything we throw his way. God’s big and he can see the big picture. Allow Him access to work in your life. Give your cares and worries to Him and trust Him. He loves you and your brother and wants the best for you both.

Thank you, Stephanie, for joining us for this episode of The Dawson McAllister Podcast. And a huge shoutout to our amazing peer-to-peer callers: Kathy, Bobby Joe, Angel and Christina. You all laid out the wisdom. Woot!

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Dawson McAllister Podcast. I hope it leaves you a little wiser than you were before. I’ll leave you with this incredible scripture, Ephesians 3:20, “Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for his miraculous power constantly energizes you.”

Other Related Podcast Episodes on Substance Abuse:

• How to Cope and Stay Clean After Prison – EP 36
• Should I Stay and Support My Drug-Addicted Fiancé? – EP 54

Resources for Substance Abuse:

• Someone I Love Has an Addiction: Can I Help?
• How to Help Someone Who Is Overdosing
• Recover from Addiction
• The First Steps to Addiction Recovery
• Healthy Self-Care for People in Addiction Recovery
• Learn More About God

Relevant eBooks:

• Understanding Substance Abuse
• Understanding a Relationship with God and the Basics of Christianity

Need to talk to someone? Chat with a Hope Coach at TheHopeLine.

This is the Dawson McAllister Podcast, and until next time…Remember you are loved, you are valuable, and God has an amazing plan for your life. – Rachel

My Story Battling Anger

I Put My Son at Risk, I Don’t Deserve a Second Chance

We have another great podcast episode for you. Have you ever been so angry, you did something you regretted…immediately? Anger, when not dealt with, can turn to rage. And when you get to the point of rage, it’s like you are a bottle of soda that’s been vigorously shaken…the pressure inside has to release and so the top blows off. When a person goes into rage mode, it usually ends up lashing out at the people around them.

In this episode, we have Tyler, and he admits what happened when his anger turned into rage. And if you stick with us, you’ll hear the awesome peer-to-peer feedback Tyler received. He received encouragement and advice from 7 people who didn’t condemn him but instead loved on him and shared their wisdom. Let’s hear from Tyler.

It Should Have Never Come to This - Tyler

Tyler: I’ve been so ignorant of my wife’s needs for so long, and she’s finally had enough. It should have never come to what’s it come to. I’ve had this anger inside of me that I’ve just ignored. My 1-year-old son is completely innocent, and I did something that put him at risk.

Dawson: What did you do?

Tyler: I was just frustrated, and I took him up to his room and I threw him on his bed. He didn’t deserve that. No 1-year-old ever deserves that. And my friend told me, “Look, man, you got to tell your wife what you did, or I’m going to tell her, because she needs to know.” And now, she’s leaving me, and I don’t blame her.

Dawson: Did this all happen just recently?

Tyler: Yeah, it just happened in the last couple of weeks, and right now CPS is involved for obvious reasons. They’re considering dropping the case since it was a one-time event, by the grace of God. It could end up a lot more intense with them.

Dawson: Did your wife kick you out of the house?

Tyler: She has kicked me out. I have nowhere to go except to my parent’s house. I can’t even see my kids right now, unless she permits it, and she has to be there.

Dawson: So, you’re asking the question, should you fight for your family? Should you do whatever you could possibly do to win back your family? Or Should you just give up and let her go on because of the mistakes you’ve made.

Tyler: Yes, sir.

Dawson: Should I stay and fight for the family and do whatever I need to do to win back my family? Or should I walk away? It’s just too hard. I screwed up too much. There’s too much shame.

Tyler: I definitely don’t deserve a second chance.

Dawson: Who does? I don’t one person that deserves anything from God, but judgment. He sees your broken heart. It broke his heart for what you did, but he’s got it covered. He loves you and wants what is best for you. Now, does it make it any easier when you try to win her back? No.

Tyler, don’t give up. You’re going to go through a real ride – don’t give up!

Peer to Peer Advice For Tyler:

Should Tyler stay and fight for his family or walk away because of his mistakes? Tyler says he doesn’t deserve a second chance. But, then again, who does? We are going to help Tyler. God allowed him to get caught so he could deal with his rage. Do you have wisdom or encouragement for Tyler? Please comment below!

Christ Will Guide You and Get You Through - Kristen

Kristen: I'm really just calling in to definitely give you good words. I'm not calling in any way to bash you. I definitely think God guided my hand to the phone to call and give you words of hope. You committed to Christ, and you truly give that to him and let him see that you feel bad for what you've done, and it’s truly through Christ. He will guide the path from there for you and get you through it. Even if it is through DHR, or whatever.

Dawson: What are your feelings towards Tyler, as you talk with him?

Kristen: I have feelings of maybe a good vibe. I don't really know. It's definitely a good vibe though.

Dawson: I just hear a lot of grace in your voice, a lot of compassion. After you've been through what you've been through, you could easily be bitter yourself and you're not.

Kristen: I have been through a lot and God’s gotten me through to where I am today.

Follow Through on What You Say You’re Going to Do - Aileen

Aileen: I felt compelled to call because of my past relationship - I have a daughter with my ex-boyfriend. We weren't married, but it was a very stressful relationship. I saw for the first-time emotional abuse. It was nothing physical, but it was emotional. And my daughter was always in between, and she was a baby, and she heard a lot of yelling and screaming since the pregnancy.

So, Tyler, I'm so glad that you decided to call and ask for help because that's when you see that a person's really trying. When I see the man that I was with, he would say things, but the actions wouldn't follow the things that he was saying. So, I just hope that you will… if you decide to fight for your family, which I totally think you should. God gave you a wife, gave you a baby, gave you the opportunities to be a protector, a man… so, you should definitely fight for that. That you follow through with what you say that you're going to do and just give her the time that she needs. Time is going to be on your side. Just give it time and things will get better. Trust me, because he has, I was able to forgive my ex, and we're not in a relationship anymore, but I forgave him, and now we are in better times than we were in the past.

Get with God and Let Him Repair the Issues - Calvin

Calvin: What I have is a bit of experience and, I was struck by the holy spirit when I heard the young man's voice. I could hear the anguish in it and the sorrow and the repentance. You can't fake that. I know from experience. I was not always a stellar husband or a stellar father. And God brought me to my knees in a similar situation… verbally abusive to a young daughter who did not deserve anything of that nature. When I got on my knees and I asked him to help me, things started to work, and it worked on God's time, and it will take time.

I'm here to give you a firsthand account that you can atone, with your heavenly father. And if you don't know him, I urge you to get with him as soon as you can. And then you can begin to let him repair the issues you have been involved with.

The Only Way to Work Through Your Anger Issues is Through the Love of Christ - John

John: I'm going to be real brief Dawson, because my heart really goes out to Tyler, and I've been there. I had a similar situation where I was ready to walk away, and my wife said, “What about the kids?” And that turned my life around. Then I watched the movie, Fireproof, and that movie Dawson really showed me what I needed to do as a man, how to treat my wife. And that's my encouragement to Tyler.

Tyler, the call before this one, where that man was just encouraging you. All I can say is AMEN, because what he shared was exactly what I was going to share. And that the only way that you can get through your anger issues and love another person is through the love of Christ and the only way by doing that is to give your heart to him and allow him to work. And that's my encouragement to you.

If you haven't had a chance to watch the movie, Fireproof, I just encourage you to get it and watch it. It will change your life. Brother, stay with your family. Fight for them. I now have six grandchildren that if I had walked away, I would have never seen, and I praise God for them.

Don’t Let This Stop You From Being a Father - Brian

Brian: Alright, so I just wanted to say to Tyler, that voice in your head that tells you that you should walk away, that you're not worthy, that is that's nothing but shame and guilt talking. I think in that aspect, moving forward with keeping your family is the way to go. Christ wouldn't tell you you're not worthy. God wouldn't say that what you've done is unfixable. Christ has already paid forward in debt the sins that we are going to carry forward.

I greatly encourage you to seek Christian-based counseling and continue having community with the church - that's going to help. We all carry such baggage, so much baggage from our family of origin, that we have to get worked out as an adult and as parents, so we don't pass that down to our children. So that the buck stops with us and that the cycle of abuse and anger doesn't continue to our children. I can understand it – from me, I know how somebody can get there. I've been there. A lot of us have, and we're on the other side now and we're telling you - continue forward. Don't let this stop you from being a father, with Christ on your side, Tyler. I'm praying for you.

The Word Will Set You Free - Carlos

Carlos: I just want to share with Tyler that, first of all, our relationship with God comes first before our relationship with our wife and children. First of all, if, if he's a Christian, he should have never taken this road towards a road of destruction and, spiritually, we really need to be mindful of how we are walking in the Lord. As a child of God and he's a holy God, we must consider walking after the spirit. In Romans chapter eight, it states how we should conduct ourselves and it is the spirit we must live by, because if we live by flesh, well, that's not of God.

“Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.” (Romans 8:5)

So, as believers, we need to get into the word. Please get into the word, man. It will set you free, bro. And please consider your walk in the Lord, because if it's not solid, you're walking on… the devil’s just toying with you, man. You got it. Believe in, you're going to have to answer to whatever comes as far as the law in Texas, and how they're going to handle your case here. But God is a God of second chances, and he will give you as many as four or five or as many chances you need to get your life right.

God Got Me Out of a Dark Place - Janelle

Janelle: Hi, I just wanted to tell Tyler that I'm so proud of him for coming forward and calling you in and trying to get some direction here. I just want to give a little background info on me. I have three girls. After my first daughter, I was in a really dark place. I had really bad postpartum depression. I started using drugs shortly after. I was around terrible people. The boyfriend that I had at the time was very abusive and it eventually got to the point where CPS was in my life. It got to the point where I wasn't allowed around my daughter at the time. And it got so bad, and I was so lost that I said, “I have to get some help.” And I got on my knees, and I prayed, and I prayed the hardest I've ever prayed in my life. And I asked God for help. And that was the first step for me to get to where I'm at today.

I went to detox and as long as I was doing the next right thing… I had criminal cases as well, God led me out of the destruction. He got me out of that dark place. The devil does not want us happy. He does not want us to be good parents to our children. He does not want us to be in healthy relationships with our significant others, but God does. And that's where we have to turn to him and ask for his direction and guidance. And my life completely changed, when I asked God for help. And I stayed close with him. I just want Tyler to know that he needs to fight for his family and his child, especially.

I wouldn't worry about your relationship too much now. I would love for you to just show your son how much you love him. Don't just say it, just show it and be there on time when you're supposed to. Make memories with him because that is your son. I know eventually you'll get out of this spot, as long as you get close to God.

Don’t Quit!

Dawson: What do you think, Tyler?

Tyler: I appreciate all the wisdom and the hope. I really do.

Dawson: Not a one of them beat you up.

Tyler: No. I wish I could be that understanding with myself.

Dawson: The day will come. Just remember in the world of making memories, as Janell said a second ago, you're making them tonight. We had 7 calls from 7 people, and every one of them said, don't quit. Don't quit, no matter how dark it gets, get on your knees before God, and get around Christian people, as they said. What we're not going to do is quit. That's what Satan wants to do. He wants to blow your family apart. We're just not going to let him do that. I'm going to send you one of my Hope Coaches right now, and our prayers are with you. Let me pray for you.

A Prayer for Tyler

Lord,

Thank you for Tyler and Lord. He's done some bad things; but not so bad that they cannot be redeemed. God, give him sleep tonight. Give him rest. Protect him from the awfulness of shame that Satan’s been banging him over the head with. Give him peace, sleep, and the next right decision, Lord. We're just going to claim right now that he gets that family back and that he will be in time, a transformed man, God's man, that you've brought back from the brink. And may his life be a testimony to others that he will be able to talk to about this very issue of child abuse.

In Christ’s name, we pray, Amen.

Just About Out of Hope

God bless you, Tyler. Do you want to say anything to these people that were so kind to you?

Tyler: I just want to say that I'm appreciative of the hope. I really needed it because I was just about out. I understand that my wife will need time if…

Dawson: You're not thinking about suicide, are you?

Tyler: No, sir.

Dawson: I just had to ask.

Tyler: I can't add one more list on the things that my son would think of.

Dawson: Yeah, you're absolutely right. I'm hopeful, Tyler, very hopeful for you. This is a life-changing moment that you would call like this - shows your willingness to get help and be transformed. Proud of you big time!

Fight for Your Family

What we are hearing every single person say to you Tyler is – to fight for your family. Don’t give up just because you messed up. This is a wake-up call, Tyler, and an opportunity to address your anger and learn how to deal with it. Anyone who’s listened – can hear the regret and sorrow in your voice. You know you messed up. You know you need to deal with your anger. With God’s help, you can address your anger issues and become the husband and father you want to be. As Janell talked about, she was on a road of destruction and in a dark place and God rescued her. God will rescue you, too, Tyler, as you surrender yourself and your anger to Him.

Thank you to all of our peer-to-peer callers for your graciousness, and for sharing your hearts with Tyler and the rest of us. I heard a ton of compassion from all of you and that’s exactly what Tyler needed. You’ll rock! Thanks for being a part of The Dawson McAllister Podcast!

Other Related Podcast Episodes on Anger:

• How to Deal with Anger – EP 23
• How to Find God – EP 32

Resources for Anger Management:

• How to Deal with Anger
• How to Manage Your Anger
• Using Your Anger for Good
• Learn More About God

Relevant eBooks:

• Understanding a Relationship with God and the Basics of Christianity

Need to talk to someone? Chat with a Hope Coach at TheHopeLine.

This is the Dawson McAllister Podcast, and until next time…Remember you are loved, you are valuable, and God has an amazing plan for your life. – Rachel

It's really impossible to know the future, but you can know what your NEXT STEP is going to be.

When you graduate, you're sure to be overwhelmed with heartfelt congratulations, and maybe even fancy little books filled with syrupy platitudes about going after your dreams. While that's all good, I'd like to offer a few words of real practical advice for graduates as you make your way out into the world.

Here are 4 things that I think every graduate needs to know.

Four Pieces of Advice for New Graduates

1. Don't be freaked out if you don't know what you're going to do with your life.

You might be feeling pressure to figure everything out, like some people seem to have done. Like your friend from school who seems to have the path laid out in front of her, without having to worry about a thing. This is very unusual. It's more common for someone to not have any idea what's next. A large majority of people change their major in college, or never even use their major once they graduate from college. Plus, people change jobs all the time. You don't have to lock yourself into one thing you think you're supposed to do for the rest of your life. It's really impossible to know the future, but you can know what your next STEP is going to be.

Trisha wrote: As graduation approaches, I get nervous cause I don't know what I'm going to do. The only thing I know is that I enjoy working with special needs kids, so I'm going to volunteer during the summer and see if I'd like it long-term.

You can aim for making long-term goals, but make sure you start with the ones in front of you. Eventually, short-term STEPS will help get you where you want to go.

2. Don't let outside pressure weigh you down.

After you graduate, you may experience all kinds of pressure, much of which we put on ourselves. Ash wrote: For starters, I don't want to disappoint anyone shame isn't exactly a pleasant feeling. I don't want to screw things up for my future. That's the main thing trying not to screw everything up.

Don't let the weight of that pressure prevent you from making any decision at all.

You may even feel like your parents or teachers are pushing you, too. Most of the time those closest to you just want what's best for you. Sometimes it's easier for someone else to see when we're not doing all we can to make the most of our lives. It's good to get their advice, just don't let all that advice weigh you down.

3. Be bold and courageous.

When you're in high school or college you will often find yourself in a cocoon of security because you know who you are and what you're supposed to do. It's easy, once you graduate, to be gripped with fear and insecurity about what comes next. This is why you need to be bold and courageous. If you have a dream, follow it. Explore all your options. Yes, you are making choices that will affect the rest of your life. That may feel like a huge responsibility, but don't let the weight of that pressure prevent you from making any decision at all.

Adam wrote: Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with all the choices in front of me. I don't know what I want to do. I certainly don't want to pick the wrong thing.

The worst thing you can do is nothing. Jared wrote: It's tempting to want to sit on the couch and watch TV all summer. But in the past, when I was a camp counselor or helped out at my dad's work, I felt better about myself, like I actually counted for something.

And remember, it's the people who find their dream, or their calling for this life, who are the most fulfilled.

4. Be patient with the process.

YOU get to decide what part you'd like to play in the grand story of life.

This is the most important point of all. Transitions are difficult, but you'll make it through. You are on a great journey. It's a very exciting time in your life, even though it's a time of great change in your life. You may be used to defining yourself as a student, and when that's over you may struggle to figure out how to define yourself. That's okay. Tens of thousands of others have gone through the same thing and were able to make the adjustment and end up doing great things with their lives.

Remember, you have the whole world in front of you. You get to decide what part you'd like to play in the grand story of life. God's great plan for your life will unfold over time, and in a way that you won't be able to completely control yourself. Do your best, seek God, and trust that He will lead you, if you let Him.

Jesus said something very powerful in Matthew 6:34 - Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Do your best, seek God, and trust that He will lead you, if you let Him.

Are you having anxiety over starting college? Read how Micah found peace in the midst of her anxiety and worrying.

Have you ever been scared to share your faith? I know I have. Well, that’s what we are going to be talking about in this episode. Our guest today is Ashley. She became a Christian not very long ago, and some of her closest friends don’t know about it and don’t know she was baptized.

It is a huge life change to accept Christ and become a Christian. So, how does she even bring it up to her family and friends? We’re going to delve into that today and ask Ashley’s peers to weigh in and give their best advice. But first, let’s hear from Ashley.

I Haven’t Told My Friends I’m Saved and Baptized

I just recently started going to church. It’s strange, but I just had this feeling that I needed to go. I went to church and the people there were very loving and open. It was very scary, but it was amazing. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

About a month after I was going, I was attending these classes and going to Sunday school… another feeling I had one day when they had the invitation to come up, I was like, I got to go up there right now. [I accepted Christ!]

So, I’m very new to this, and I don’t know a lot. Obviously, I hadn't read the Bible before.  I still haven’t read the whole thing. But I hear a lot of the time when I'm in Sunday school and in the classes, I’m taking that we’re supposed to share our faith and confess it. And tell everyone is basically what I hear. And I don't know enough to know where that comes from, but I know that it's said a lot. And my life before was very different. The people I was around, my friends, I know how they feel about faith and God, and they're not very open to it. Now, I’ve made friends since I’ve been baptized. I have a lot of friends in the church. But nobody knows that I was baptized. I haven’t been telling people and I feel like I’m doing something wrong…like I should be going out there and just saying it, but I’ve got strong anxiety against it and fear.

I've never felt this way before ever. And I do want to share it. I want everybody to know, because I want them to also be able to feel this way, but it’s nerve-wracking.

Reflection

If God, in His grace did this miracle for you to get saved, why would he not also in his grace help you to talk to others about Christ? The first three words you say to a non-Christian are yours, the rest are God's. You don't have to explain the whole Bible, you just have to tell what happened to you. I know you can do that cause you just did. You don't have to be a theologian to do this. You just let them know what you know. I'm just getting started here because I really think that you need to listen and hear from others to encourage you about this.

Peer to Peer Advice For Ashley:

Ruth, Nick, Nicole, Nancy, and Jace have called in with encouragement and advice for Ashley. Stay tuned to hear what they have to say.

Your Friends Will See a Change in You - Ruth

I was raised in the church. My grandmother went all around the world, preaching the gospel. She's the type of person who could walk up to anybody and tell them about God. And it worked for her. And then you hear the people who say, “Oh, God, bless you. Do you know, if you died today, would you make it to heaven?” …preaching like that. That's not for everybody. And maybe for her, it's just for her to change; especially if she grew up around people who weren't in church. They're going to see a change in her and they're going to ask her what's going on and she can tell them. And the other thing is when you fall in love with Jesus, her best friend, who she loves, she's going to want to tell her eventually. Maybe it's not going to be tonight or tomorrow, but if she keeps praying and asking God for courage, he's going to give that to her if He knows that's what she wants. When he knows she wants to win souls for him, he's going to give it to her. So, I really don't think she should feel bad or anything.

She should surround herself with people who love on her and are good Christians, but otherwise she's just got to wait and keep praying. And her other friends are going to ask her about how she’s changed and then she can tell him if that's how she wants to do it.

Well, she can, she could say to her friends, you and I have been friends for a long time, and I have something that's really real to me and intimate to me that I want to, as a friend, share with you. She's earned that right. What they do with the information is between them and God.  We witness in the power of the holy spirit and leave the results to God.

She could even just invite them to church, something as simple as that.

A True Friend Will Support You - Nick

Hey Ashley, I know we all had different personalities and when we get saved, we grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord, everyone in their own time, their own pace. But one thing I would say besides that, so just give it time. You draw close to the Lord; you stay faithful to the Lord. You go to church, do the things that you ought to do, and you need to do. God will give you the strength and the grace to do what you need to do with your friends. But what I would also say is that somebody that's a true friend will want to support you, whether they want to be involved or not. They'll support you in things that are important to you. If they don't, then they are not a friend.

Just because she thinks they're friends, they may not really be true friends. They may be partying friends or just godless friends, and she's going to lose some friends.

Are they really your friend then? Right. We're praying for you. God Bless!

Don’t Be Fearful, Be Bold - Nicole

I am just so encouraged by Ashley and her desire to share the gospel with people that she loves and that are in her world and in her life. And I just want to encourage you, Ashley. The Bible talks about us overcoming by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony and your testimony alone holds the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I just really believe that, whether you've been saved 5 days or 50 years, sometimes it can be hard to share the gospel with people because you're fearful of what they may think or how they may respond.

Just to share a quick story with you, I had a friend pass away recently in a car accident and I went home for the funeral. Before I went home, I was just really talking to the Lord about it. It just really shook me and my entire friend circle from back home, my high school friends. I haven't seen them in years.

The Lord said, “Nicole, I'm going to have you share the gospel with your friends and I want you to be ready.”

And I said, “Lord, I just don't. I don't know if I can do it. It's just such a real time for these people. I don't know if I can do it.”

And I heard the Lord say, “Nicole, This life is not even close to the reality that eternity is. And these people, if they died tomorrow in their sin will meet me and they will be spending eternity in heaven or hell, separated from me or with me. And I'm asking you with boldness to go and share the gospel with these people, with your friends, who you love.”

And it just really shined a light on me. And I just want to encourage you that when you're telling people about Jesus and love, another thing God told me is…

I said, “Lord, but what if they don't receive it?”

And he said to me, “Nicole, I didn't call you to worry or carry the burden about whether they receive it or not. I told you to speak truth and love.”

And I was just like, “Whoa.”

He said, “It's not your responsibility if they receive it or not. Leave that to me. You're being led by my spirit.”

And I saw God move in this moment around this bonfire. And people came up to me afterward and it really touched them. And so, I want to encourage you - don't be fearful, be bold! And I know that's easier said than done. We all can deal with fear sometimes in sharing the gospel. But God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind, and you are just so on fire for God. I know that you're so hungry to share the gospel with people. So, I just pray for fearlessness and boldness to come upon you and for God to lead you with his Holy Spirit. So, bless you.

God Will Guide You on What to Say - Nancy

I was in the same predicament as you are Ashley. I was in a foreign country. I was a foreign student in a foreign country, and I did not know anything about being a Christian or the word, or anything. But when my twin sister gave me the word, she had been saved a week before me and I didn't know anything. Then at that moment, I realized that I was lost without making that decision for Christ. So, I accepted him. And one of the things that I started learning was baby steps, baby steps.

I kept the word close to me. So, every time I had a question, I would read the word and the words would just pop out of the Bible and quench my heart. The first thing that I noticed is that the Lord said to me, “Even your father and mother will forsake you or anybody for my name. I'm with you always. I will never forsake you.” That's the first lesson that he taught me.

The second lesson was that God will give you the appointed time and appointed words to say whenever you have to say something to someone that you dearly love, or have next to you? You don't have to search for the words, God, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit will tell you what to say and how to say it.

And it's been a thrill knowing Christ. I've been with him for 34 years now, and it's always been a thrill and a blessing. And no matter what happens, know that he's always with you… always, no matter what. He doesn't change. He's always with you, come high or come low. He’ll always be with you, and he'll guide you. He'll let you know how to say things and what to do.

Every Christian Struggles with Fear - Jace

Ashley, I had two points and one was when I was seven years old. I lived in Memphis, Tennessee, and my mom had me at a young age and stuff, so she was out doing what she needed to do. And I had no direction, and I was being bullied by some gang members at one point, well teenagers that were gang members. And it was actually funny because I ran into the church, because I knew they would never go in there. And I ran in the middle of a sermon, and right then and there, the preacher was talking about Jeremiah 29:11, “For I have plans for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future.” And I started telling the pastor what was happening and that's kind of how I came to God.

Dawson: Wait, now that's a story all by itself, running from a gang that was bullying you and chasing you. And you ran into a church and ran into Jesus. He ran into you.

Nobody's 100% knowledgeable of the Bible, but verses Jeremiah 29:11 and also Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Every Christian has a struggle with fear, it's one of Satan's most powerful tools. And Satan's going to do whatever he can do to try to steer you away. He's going to make you fear. He's going to try and take friends away from you, which I've lost plenty of friends. But if you stay true to Jesus. Also, in the book of Job, Job lost a lot too. But God gave it back to him and more. So, God's always there for you. Always trust in him, pray to him first and stay in that word, and that's how you're going to get through it.

A Prayer for Ashley

God,

Thank you for Ashley, her simple faith, her story, Lord, how you just drew her to yourself. You are a holy magnet, and you draw people to yourself. Thank you that you did that for Ashley and that she's not going back.

She sees the patheticness of her friends' lives, the emptiness, as they marched lockstep to hell. Give her the courage and strength and the wisdom to be bold, Lord. Paul, the great evangelist pleaded with people to pray that he would be bold.

Help Ashley to be bold, to realize she's growing. Set up more divine appointments for her like you did tonight for our show. Only this time there'll be divine appointments with people who were a lot like her, lost as can be, but found in Christ.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

God’s Got You, Ashley

Praise God, what an awesome prayer! Ashley just thanked you guys, but I want to thank you too….Ruth, Nick, Nicole, Nancy, and Jace, our peer-to-peer callers. We are humbled and thrilled at your encouragement for Ashley. 

I love the scriptures Jace shared. From Philippians 4:13, Ashley, “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.” I also want to share 1 Peter 3:15 from The Message, “Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you’re living the way you are, and always with the utmost curtesy.”

As you live your life for Christ, people will see the difference. You can share the hope in Christ you have without preaching or having a sermon ready. You can share God’s love in so many ways… by your example, by being a servant, as Ruth said, by just inviting them to church, and also being there to listen when your friends need you. God opens up opportunities to talk with people about how you have lasting hope, strength and peace from Him.

If you are listening and want to know more about having the peace of God and accepting Him as your Lord and Savior, chat with us. Our Hope Coaches are available every day from 8am – 1am. Chat with us, by just going to: TheHopeLine.com.

Thank you for listening and being a part of this podcast. Take care and remember, God’s got you…you just need to trust him!

Other Related Podcast Episodes:

• How to Find God – EP 32
• Ronnie’s Life Changing Decision – EP 9

Resources on Relationships:

• 18 Bible Verses About Fear – Help When You Feel Afraid
• A Prayer When Struggling with Fear
• Learn More About God

Relevant eBooks:

• Understanding a Relationship with God and the Basics of Christianity

Need to talk to someone? Chat with a Hope Coach at TheHopeLine.

This is the Dawson McAllister Podcast, and until next time…Remember you are loved, you are valuable, and God has an amazing plan for your life. – Rachel

People Don’t Think We Should Be Together

“I grew up as a Christian. In my junior year I was introduced to this guy. We started talking and we started dating. Shortly after we were dating, he told me he did not believe in God. All the time, people are giving me bad looks or bad opinions because we believe in two separate things.” - Kayley

Kayley feels conflicted about her relationship with her boyfriend. She’s a Christian, she’s a follower of Christ and he doesn’t believe in God. We have a big lineup of peer-to-peer callers who want to give Kayley advice. Stay tuned, it’s going to be good!

Christian Dating an Atheist

Kayley: I’m a Christian. I’ve been a Christian my entire life. In my junior year I was introduced to this guy. We didn’t date or nothing like that, but something just kept me thinking about him. A year later, we started talking, and we started dating. Shortly after we were dating, he told me that he did not believe in God.

Dawson: Is he agnostic or an atheist?

Kayley: Some days it’s both, I don’t know. He has a lot of questions I can’t answer. Shortly after he told me that, he was involved in a very bad car accident, leaving my house, and almost died. He should have died.

Dawson: So, you started dating him out of high school?

Kayley: Yes, we were already graduated.

Dawson: And he was a flat-out atheist. Did that bum you out when you would talk about it and that’s what he would say he was?

Kayley: At first, it just caught me off guard, because I didn’t know how to go about it.  He had his car wreck. And before his car wreck I knew something was different about him. And I was like, I don’t know what it is. Then he told me that and I was like, that can’t be the different thing – I feel something different. Well, he had his car accident, nearly died, had to be airlifted to a hospital in Birmingham and could not walk for 6 months. He was in the ICU. It was just a very bad car accident. I stuck with him the entire thing, and we were dating a month when it happened.

We’ve been together 2 years next month now. The point of my call is all the time people are giving me bad looks or bad opinions because we believe in 2 separate things. I’m a Christian and he’s not, but what’s to say he won’t be one day. I know the Bible says we are supposed to be equally yoked, but what if I’m supposed to be there through his walk? Everybody gives me crap for it, but I don’t feel like what I’m doing is wrong.

I feel like if I told him, “You don’t believe in God, so I can’t be with you.” I feel like that would be worse than praying about it and showing him a good role model and a good Christian. He’s seen a lot of bad Christians and he knows a lot of people who are hypocritical and that’s what puts him off.

Relationship with God

Dawson: So, are you convinced that God wants you in this relationship in a romantic, intimate way? You’re saying, God says, clearly don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, but I’m going to write a waiver for you. This applies to everybody but Kayley.

Kayley: No, I don’t think that it’s that. I felt from the day I met him that there was always something different.

Dawson: So, your feelings in this case are more important than your relationship with God?

Kayley: No, I don’t think that. I’ve been praying about it, and I felt in my heart I needed to call and talk to you about it.

Dawson: Is your mind made up?

Kayley: What do you mean?

Dawson: I’m going to stay with him, and I’m going to be his wife no matter what. I love him and I feel something special that overrides what God has to say.

Kayley: No. We almost broke up a few weeks ago. I pretty much broke down and I told God, “God, if I’m not supposed to be with him, just tell me. I’ve been praying about it, and we’ve been working through the issues. I know that if I’m not supposed to be with him then God’s going to take care of me. I know that we don’t believe the same but is it still okay to be with someone as they are walking through. He has a lot of questions and is very curious.

Dawson: Would you agree with me that the whole trajectory of your life could be changed forever?

Kayley: I do.

Either way, God’s going to take care of me. Either I’m going to have to go through heartbreak or I’m going to have to go down a road and see where God takes me with it and see where He takes my boyfriend. 

Dawson: I could cut off my hand, and tell God I’m sorry and to help me, and He would, but my arm wouldn’t grow back.  

Making a Choice to Listen to God

Kayley: I don’t know if I mentioned, but we do live together too.

Dawson: OMG

Kayley: Because of the wreck, I lived at his house with his dad to help through everything and we did get so close so fast. You are right, this will change my life one way or another.

Dawson: Kayley, you are in deep. I’m a pro, and you stopped me in my tracks when you said that. I’ve taken over 40,000 calls and I’m sitting here, like, I can’t believe what I just heard. So, it’s not just an intellectual thing of God’s word versus my emotions. It’s I’ve become one with this guy, I’ve been intimate with him. Now, I’m really wrapped up.

Kayley: Yes, and that’s the scary part, because I’ve been getting back in church and praying more and doing what I’m supposed to do for myself. It’s scary to tell God to take over – make your choice – whatever is going to happen is going to happen. It definitely is a scary thing.

Dawson: Well, God’s answered your prayers, He’s brought you here tonight…if you want to listen to what God has to say?

Kayley: Yes.

Dawson: Stakes are high, Kayley. We are going to your peers for advice. What do you think?

Kayley: Okay.

Dawson: Can you handle it?

Kayley: Yes.

Peer to Peer Advice For Kayley:

Here’s advice for Kayley from Chelsea, Janet, Martha, Janna, Annie, Nicole, Taylor, Chris, Madonna, Doug, and Clara.

I’m Married to Someone Who Won’t Go to Church - Chelsea

Hi. Well, I'm married to someone who won't go to church with me. He hasn't come right out and said he's not a believer. But I will say that right now, where you are in your life, just imagine what God can do in your life. And I'm going to tell you, if you stay with this guy, your life is forever going to be about… okay, I can't do this because my husband/my boyfriend doesn't love Christ; instead of being engulfed in loving people through Christ, engulfed in whatever God has for your life.

If you want to have people over at your house and have Bible studies and things like that, and I'm not saying that that's your interest, but those things automatically become “no” because you are in a relationship with someone who does not love Christ. And that's a very profound thing because not only have you stepped out of God's will, but you are now hindering God's will. And I think that it's just not worth it. I love my husband. He's my best friend, but our two-year-old son is going to grow up with his daddy, not knowing Christ.

I pray every day, but I just keep thinking back, like what could I have been doing with my life? What things could God have been doing in my life that I'm not able to do now? I want to tell somebody about this because I don't want someone else walking through that path. Like I said, I love my husband. I love my church family, and I love that they pray for my husband, but there's just so much more that God has for you.

Would You Do it Over Again?

It's so tough, and I don't even want to think about it, because I have a beautiful son. We have a beautiful life. I would have definitely thought about it.

My Ex and I Weren’t On The Same Page With Our Faith - Janet

I had dated, he's now my ex-husband, I had dated him for 10 to 12 years, off and on. I had been away from my faith. I got back to my faith, wanting to live by faith and I had things telling me - my common sense - I realized later, telling me we weren't on the same page (equally yoked). I had that same feeling that Kaley did, like who am I to question where he is on his journey with God. And even though actually he did come to want to live a faith-filled marriage, my common sense told me that things weren't matching up. He wasn't living it. He was saying it, but he wasn't living it.

And at that time, I believed faith would override common sense. Actually, I've learned that faith includes your common sense. We're not on the same page. We're not equally yoked. We're not going in the same direction.

Don’t Settle for Less Than God Has for You - Martha

When you walk with God, you don't need to settle for that. I was in the same situation. I kept saying, “I'm going to save him.” I made a choice to just let go. You need to let go, because God's not a God of confusion. He's going to give you somebody who will bring you closer to Him, not pull you away.

You cannot be with God and be having a sexual relationship because he's not your husband. It’s just somebody that you're sleeping with. I think if you really want to walk with the Lord, just let go. This relationship, it needs to be yours. God's going to make a way for him to come back to you, but the right way.

When I did that, I walk with the Lord now better than before. And I learned something, this relationship, you don’t need to settle for that. God has your husband. God has the man for you. Just let him go because the enemy has many scams to pull you away from God. God has a call on your life. You’re going to delay your calling.

There Are Consequences to Your Choice - Janna

My mother was a Christian and knowingly married an unbeliever. And it was hell.  My dad did accept Christ, but I can tell you that my view of God, and even general psychology tells you that the child's view of God is based on their father, and it is. There are consequences to pay for when you go against what our heavenly father wants for you. What he wants for Kayley is an abundant life. And he's telling you, it's going to be a struggle if you do this. There are going to be consequences to pay. And I can tell you that the first question out of my mouth, when I saw my husband was, “Are you a believer?” That's the difference it made in my life. And I would have turned around and walked away if he said, “no”.

And I can't imagine raising teenagers because I have a young son now that's 21 and a marriage that was equally yoked. If my mind was busy oriented on my husband's liturgy, I couldn’t have done it. And my mother is now 75 and has Alzheimer's and she tells me she wouldn't have done it again. So, be extremely careful about your choice.

And there's an alternative. I was stopped in my tracks when I heard she had slept with him – because now there's a piece of her heart and soul with this man that will always be there. I would caution her against being even his friend. You know, that's kind of plan B, but he's watching her, he's watching her witness and she’s not being hypocritical if she's saying that I'm believing what the Bible says. In other words, when you become a Christian or when you can go to church or when you're a believer, then we can have a relationship. God can work in mighty ways, but it's not Kayley's job. It's the Holy Spirit’s job. It's her job to pray and to do the right thing in her life.

Go Back to Scripture When You Need to Hear From God - Annie

She had said she had called in because she had this question and she also felt like she knew, but she also wanted to hear from God on the issue. And so that was the first thing that stuck out. And so, I wanted to say, we always go back to scripture when we need to hear from God. It's about what he says in his scripture as our primary point of hearing his direction on topics like this one. And so, he's already given his answer and he said, don't be unequally yoked. We have to decide if we're going to obey what he says or are we going to try and seek other answers that are actually more along the lines of what we want to hear. And so that's really hard, it's a hard truth. It's not this battle between justice and mercy. It is what he says.

But then we can also go to what he says in Philippians 4:19, “My God will supply all your needs, according to his riches in Christ Jesus.” And in Hebrews 11: 6, he says that he is a rewarder of those who seek him. So, when we take him at his word, which is literally in the scripture and says, don't do this. And we choose to believe that what he says is best for us, then he will supply all of her needs when she decides to get out of that relationship. And he will reward her faith in him for seeking him and choosing to believe that he is what he says that he is.

I Thought I Could Change Him - Nicole

I was actually in Kaylee’s situation about a year ago. I knew going in that he was an atheist, and I knew going in that I was a Christian. I kind of had that same idea that maybe my convictions would lead him. But in the end, the only thing that happened was - I started to grow weary in my faith and I started to go away from Christ. And I think that kind of goes back to the saying that, you know, if they're not leading you to Christ, then they're leading you away from Christ. Said another way, it's always easier to pull somebody down that its to pull somebody up. You don't see it sometimes, but just not going to church every week starts to wear on you.

God Wants the Best for You - Taylor

I just wanted to tell Kaylee that she is loved, and she is worthy. She is special, that God knows all the hairs on her head. He knows everything that's going on with her life and he would not want her to entertain any kind of sin. He has someone special for her and she needs to just wait on him and pray for him. And as she prays and as she goes to church, God will put it on her conscience that what she's doing is wrong and it's not in his will. And don't violate that Kayley, listen to it. So, your faith is not shipwrecked, because with God all things are possible. He is good. He is God. He loves you so much and wants nothing but good for you. And he will surely give you that, but you have to trust him, and you have to follow him, and you have to obey his commands that he asks of you. He only asks them for your good, because he loves you and he wants the best for you.

I have been in a situation where I was doing the same thing, like missionary dating, trying to show someone God, through dating them. And I ended up with a child out of wedlock and now my child doesn't have a good Godly father and he doesn't have an example and there's just so much hurt and pain that comes with living out of God's will. And you don't have to have that baby. What is the relationship – with God it could conquer anything. Good things are worth waiting for!

Sometimes We Need a Little Bit of Tough Love - Chris

I do have advice for Kaylee.  You were just speaking about the truth, and sometimes we need just a little bit of tough love. What it all boils down to is… the truth is the most important thing here. First of all, I'd like to say when a Christian dates a non-believer - you have to ask yourself, why have I become so complacent in my walk with the Lord that I feel comfortable or that better yet, they feel comfortable being around me. And also, scriptures tell us what fellowship has light with the darkness and it tells us not to be unequally yoked.

Dawson: Okay, you got me thinking when you were talking there about…Why would they want to be around you? You know, Jesus made people nervous. It says in Isaiah, he was like one from whom men hide their faces. Jesus was so full of being Jesus. God in the flesh…perfect God, perfect man, Jesus Christ. When he walked in the room, either you were drawn to him because you wanted to deal with your spiritual needs or you got out of there, because you did not want to be around a man. Peter said, “Have nothing to do with me, you holy man.” Whoa, what was that? Jesus flashed a little deity on him - that's what that was about. So, you have to ask yourself the question. Why would somebody who is not trusting Christ? Why would they feel comfortable around us? Because we are the light of the world.

Chris: We can't settle for the things that we're willing to settle for when God has got so much better for us.

Why Do You Need to Give Up Yourself for Someone Else? - Madonna

I walked this walk that Kaylee's walking and I'm an old lady now. And I have some maybe wisdom to share that maybe Kelly needs to ask herself why she feels that she needs to give up herself for somebody else. Because I've been in relationships with people and not never been in a relationship with somebody that totally didn't believe in God, but there've been a lot of people that I've been in relationships with that weren't having a relationship with God. And then I married a man who was the spiritual head of my household. And I learned from him that when it says in the Bible to be submissive, we Americans living with the submissive word today - don't get it. That man loves me so much.

Dawson: Because you've made the right choices here. You are older than 29, let's put it that way and the fruit continues in your life, even as you are in your later years.

Right, where before I wanted to save somebody else and in wanting to save that other person, I was losing myself.

It’s Hard to Be Single and Hold Out for the Right Person - Doug

I just wanted to tell you I'm a single dad of three, and I raise my kids full-time by myself. I’ve probably been single for over a year now. And I know how hard it is to be single and hold out for the right person and trust God for that person. But if you don't do that then you're going to end up in a bad situation and you're not going to have God to intervene in that situation because of the disobedience that you had towards him. C.S. Lewis said, “If you're not seeking God, the devil is seeking you.”

Listen to God Tugging on Your Heart Right Now - Clara

I just wanted to tell Kayley that I was in the same position as you a couple of years ago. I was in a relationship with an atheist. I'd grown up in a Christian household, but I was not on fire for Christ, but God was definitely tugging on my heart. I think that's something that he may be doing to you right now, which led you to call and seek advice. I would just encourage you to listen to God's tugging on your heart right now, Kayley, because I think he is calling you to something greater. And I definitely took that calling from God when I was in the relationship and out of obedience, he blessed me.

How Hard Was it to Walk Away?

It was the hardest thing possibly ever, but God has blessed me abundantly. Well, this is what happened - once I decided to leave the relationship, I decided to commit my life to Christ again.  I was all in for Christ. I decided that I'm either going to stay in this relationship and not be sold out for Christ. Or I can follow Christ and be obedient because I know that's what God wants. I want to be in heaven with God. I don't want to live in the darkness. So, I committed my life to Christ, and started attending church again. A year after, I met my wonderful husband and I've been married for a year and a half now. I'm just so thankful that I have somebody that can pray with me when I need help in the middle of the night, when I wake up from a nightmare and he can assure me that everything's okay. You don't need to fear anything because you have God. And that, that advice is just so comforting to have somebody that could be that for you.

Dawson: So, you put yourself in a position after you've broken up with this other guy, when that was the hardest thing you ever did. And then where did you meet your husband at church or where?

Clara: Yes, I met my husband at church.

Dawson: You know, when you're looking for a man or a woman in your life… church. Church beats the bars; I can tell you that.

Clara: Definitely. So, everyone told me at the time, “Follow your heart.” They were thinking, your heart is with this guy, you love this guy. But you know what? God was tugging on my heart more than this guy.

Dawson: You know, that's just so bogus. Follow your heart. Go with your heart. What!?! We know emotions are strong and powerful and God's given us emotions, but the Bible also says, guard your heart. Why would we have to guard our heart if God didn't want us to, you know what I'm saying? God said, guard your heart because you got to protect it for out of it comes the issues of life. Not when I go to Kroger to get food, these are decisions that put your whole life on a different trajectory - out of them come the issues of life. I'm just having a hard time with this - trust your heart. I don't trust my heart.

Clara: Yes, trust God, the maker of the universe.

Dawson: Yes, try the maker of the universe rather than your little pitter-patter heart and God will change our desires to and reshape our hearts. When we put our hearts ahead of obedience - now we're in trouble, it's better to obey than to sacrifice, God says.

Clara: It was a great experience. And honestly, in that moment I had to choose, am I going to be a testimony to my boyfriend at the time who's seen how serious I'm taking my commitment. And I feel like that was an even greater testimony of my walk with Christ to show him that perseverance and faith.

Your Will Versus God’s Will

It’s interesting…so often we as Christians want to live in the world and do everything the world does, but also have a relationship with God and have His blessing on our lives.

If you are a follower of Christ…what does God want from you? Jesus says the most important commandment is, “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” (Mark 12:30) It’s really hard to love God with your all, when you are partnered with someone who doesn’t believe. The ideal is that the person you’re in a relationship with, will see God’s love through you and accept Christ as their savior and embrace the faith…but so often that doesn’t happen. Is it worth taking the chance that they will never believe?

We had such great insights from our peer-to-peer callers. Thank you to Chelsea, Janet, Martha, Janna, Annie, Nicole, Taylor, Chris, Madonna, Doug, and Clara. So many of you were able to speak from personal experience…which is priceless!

I heard the emotion in Chelsea’s voice when she was talking about how her 2-year-old son is going to grow up with a dad who doesn’t know Christ. Chelsea, is married to a man, and clearly a good man, but she really understands the depths of what that means for her and her son that he doesn’t believe in God.

Martha talked about how God has a call on your life, Kayley. And that is true for each and every person. God has a call on your life. Do you want to the fullness of God’s calling, or do you want to be in conflict for the rest of your life? If you marry someone who doesn’t share your faith, there will be conflict. And maybe you are just dating someone. If you’re dating someone - you could potentially fall in love with them which could lead to marriage – so don’t even mess around dating someone who is not a follower of Christ (who’s not someone you would marry).

The culture tells us to follow our heart – I mean we are spoon-fed this from Disney movies from the time we are toddlers – follow your heart. But God tells us to guard our hearts. Proverbs 4:23, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Scripture also says, “For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, greed, wickedness…and more.” It is only through God’s grace we are transformed, and our hearts are made new.

There are many times throughout our lives, we have to choose to follow Jesus – are we going to follow Christ and obey him or are we going to go our own way? Kayley is at that crossroads in her life right now. Which will she choose…will she obey God or do what she thinks is right for herself? She says she will think about what has been shared today.

Thank you for listening and being a part of this podcast. If you have an opinion or experience, you’d like to share, please post in the comments. If you are struggling with a big decision and need advice, need Godly wisdom, visit us at TheHopeLine.com.

Other Related Podcast Episodes:

• How to Find God – EP 32
• How to Avoid Sexual Temptation as a Christian – EP 42
• Ronnie’s Life Changing Decision – EP 9

Resources on Relationships:

• Guard Your Heart Dating Relationships
• 7 Signs of an Unhealthy Soul Tie
• Learn More About God

Relevant eBooks:

• Understanding Dating

Need to talk to someone? Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

Dawson’s podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now on our Give Now page.

This is the Dawson McAllister Podcast, and until next time…Remember you are loved, you are valuable, and God has an amazing plan for your life. – Rachel

I Wish I Didn’t Have So Many Anger Problems

Evan shares, “At this moment, I’m calling you with a broken hand, because this past Thursday on the last day of school, I had a bit of a dispute with a teacher. And I punched two lockers and I had broken my hand.

I really wish I didn’t have as many anger problems as I do, because there are so many people that I know that tell me, “Oh, that Evan, he’s an intelligent guy. He’s really nice to people.” And sometimes I say to myself, if I’m so nice like people say, why does this have to happen?

It’s really bad. It got so bad that last summer I had been driven to stuff like marijuana use, and cigarette use because of my anger problems. Thankfully, I quit doing those two things, but it had gotten so bad I had been driven to do those things. I just wish I wasn’t the person I am.”

Who Are You Angry At?

Evan, “Just a lot of people. I’ve been suspended. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been suspended at school, I’d be very rich. I would usually get suspended for mostly just reacting or responding to people who bully me. Because I’m not a popular kid at school and I get bullied pretty much every single day I show up at school.

I would even get in physical altercations with people who bully me all the time and I would be the one who gets in trouble. And I don’t want to be a physically violent person. I’ve even gone to those people and said, “Please, don’t do this anymore.” And they don’t listen. And sometimes I feel getting into bad physical altercations with them is basically the only way I can get it through their heads to say, “Hey, you’re affecting me bad, and I don’t want you doing that.”

Dawson: Are you a Christian?

Evan: No, technically I’m Catholic; however, I don’t really go to church.

Dawson: So, you don’t really have Christ in your life?

Evan: Not as much as I should.

Dawson: Well, either He is in your life or He’s not in your life. This is not a halfway God.

The reason I’m asking that is this is very deep. This is very serious. You have no place to go right now, but down. Whether they even let you in school next year is problematic. And you’re going to kill somebody, or someone is going to kill you.

Evan: Ya, and I don’t want that to happen.

Dawson: So, the situation with you is – your issues are so great, so deadly that unless God steps in and gives you the power to love, gives you the power to forgive, gives you the courage to face up to whatever is causing such rage in you. What hope do you have? You have no hope without the power of God.

Evan: I’ve lost my hope.

Dawson: Well, you can find it tonight. I’ll be totally candid with you. My goal is to help you find Jesus Christ, because that’s the only hope you have. I can give you 10 little self-help things to do when you are angry, but they don’t work with you. You’ve been so enraged for so long and so enraged to find answers. You’ve been hurt so many times. I’m going to have the friends in our community, some of them have been through what you’ve been through and most of them have come to Christ. They’d like to encourage you and love on you so that’s what we are going to do.

Peer to Peer Advice for Evan: 

Have you been through challenges similar to Evan? Do you have advice to share with him?

We heard from Deedra, Dakota, and Danielle. They poured out love and encouragement for Evan! Here’s their advice:

Call Out to God, He’s There for You – Deedra

When I took this journey through Christ, it has been amazing. That’s all I can say! One thing that one of my very good friends has told me is anytime you feel you are struggling, and you don’t know what to do. You don’t know how to communicate to yourself, and you don’t know what to say, all you have to do is call His name and He is there for you. He’s there with you all the time, no matter what. He knows you by name. If you just call out to Him, He will always be there.

That’s one thing I’ve learned, is that anytime I feel that my past or my enemies have come up to me, all I have to do – in the name of Jesus Christ, I need you to cover me and guide me today. It is a wonderful feeling!

I always felt like I was missing something in my life, but once I asked Jesus back into my life, I can’t explain the things that have happened.

Don’t ever forget – He is there. He will always be there, and He will never leave your side.

You Have to Let Things Go – Dakota

I’ve gone through kind of the same thing you have. I was adopted. I didn’t like the family really. I was just mad, and I couldn’t stop being mad. My word of encouragement for you is…you look at Moses, several people in the Bible have anger problems. Moses still was a man of God, but he was still able to do miracles even though he was a hothead. Whenever something like that comes up, you have to let it go. It’s never easy. It’s not going to help you being mad at everything all the time.

I Was an Angry Child, But God is a Healer – Danielle

I was listening and I thought about all the things I went through as a child and how anger destroyed my life and relationships. So, I can empathize with him.

It will be a struggle, but with God, nothing is impossible. You will make it through. Join a church. Join a group of friends that are believers in Christ, and you can grow in Christ. You can build a relationship with positive people and positively grow in Christ.

It’s okay that sometimes you will fall back. I’ve been an angry child most of my life. I’m a survivor of sexual abuse and sexual assault. So, I was really angry. I was angry at God, angry at the other people, angry at myself. But God is a healer. He makes everything whole. He makes everything new. So, just hang in there.

Evan Accepts Christ

Dawson: Evan, are you with me my friend?

Evan: Yes

Dawson: Had enough of the old life?

Evan: Yes, definitely.

Dawson: Would you repeat this prayer after me?

Evan: Yes

Dawson: Boy, you’re ready aren’t you?

Evan: Yes, definitely.

Dawson: Repeat after me:

Dear God,

I need you. I realize I have rebelled against you. But Christ has died on the cross for my sins and is risen and has forgiven me. And right now, I ask that Christ would come into my life. And, Lord, I pray that you would help me see that you are in my life, and I am changed.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Congratulations, Evan, Christ has come into your life!

This is incredible! Evan accepting Christ! Woohoo! It is truly completely life-changing!

So, once you accept Christ, most of the time your circumstances are still the same, right? BUT – here’s the big BUT – BUT now you’ve God on your side and with you.

As Deedra said, when you don’t know what to do, when you’re struggling – when you’re angry you can call out to God, and He hears and helps. It’s one of those things that it’s hard to believe how powerful God is, until you experience it yourself. Once you surrender yourself to God, accept Him as your savior, and allow him into your life, you will see the huge difference God makes.

God will do things like:

• Heal you from past abuse
• Give you wisdom on how to handle a difficult situation
• Fill you with peace
• Help you with anger issues

As Danielle said, she was sexually abused and assaulted as a child. She’s dealt with anger for a long time from what happened, but God is healing her.

When we have emotional struggles like dealing with anger – God doesn’t necessarily take it all away in one fell swoop – He can, but oftentimes He slowly works on us – bit by bit, rubbing away at the rough edges. Allowing us to work through our pain with His help.

Dakota said you have to let things go – you can do that with God’s help.

And I’m just going to repeat what Deedra said,
Don’t ever forget – God is there. He will always be there, and He will never leave your side.

Psalm 18:28-30 “For You, O LORD, light my lamp; my God lights up my darkness. For in You I can charge an army, and with my God I can scale a wall. As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.”

A big thank you to Evan, for being with us on this podcast and for being so authentic and lovely! As well as a heartfelt thank you to Deedra, Dakota, and Danielle – why do you all have names that start with D? That’s funny! You all rock! You had such great advice!

Most of all though we want to thank our listeners, we hope this podcast has given you some great truths to reflect on. And if you’re going through something, chat with us at TheHopeLine.com.

Other Related Podcast Episodes:

How to Deal with Anger – EP 23

Stop Anger From Destroying Your Dreams – EP 29

Ronnie’s Life Changing Decision – EP 9

Resources for Anger:

• What is Anger?
• How to Deal With Anger?
• How to Manager Your Anger
• Using Your Anger for Good
• How to Stop Being Mad About Things Beyond Your Control
• Learn More About God

Relevant eBooks:

• Understanding A Relationship with God and the Basics of Christianity

Need to talk to someone? Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.

One last thing,

Dawson’s podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now on our Give Now page.

This is the Dawson McAllister Podcast, and until next time…Remember you are loved, you are valuable, and God has an amazing plan for your life. – Rachel

What to Know About Guarding Your Heart in a Relationship?

Have you been told, "Always guard your heart"?

Be sure to guard your heart can be good advice. But I find it a little vague. It begs the question, "what precisely am I guarding my heart from? And how would I go about protecting it?" I would like to spend some time looking into these questions further because if we can figure out how to protect our hearts, I believe we can avoid a lot of pain and problems.

So first...What do you need to guard your heart from? I believe the main thing that we are protecting our hearts from is believing lies from the world...lies about:

• our value
• what brings happiness
• how to spend our time
• what is good
• what is beautiful
• what's most important
• who's most important, etc.

So then how do you guard your heart from all these lies?

Well, this may sound too simple, but we need to fill our hearts with truth and believe it, so that when a lie comes our way, we are ready to fight it off with the truth.

In all my years working with teens and young adults I have combatted so many lies that have caused extreme heartache.  I would like to tackle many of these lies.

So let's start today with the first thing that comes to most people's mind when they think of protecting their hearts...dating relationships.

Lie #1 - I am valuable only when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend who says they love me.

Truth - You are valuable because you are fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves you. Your value does not depend on another person's opinion of you.

Heart Protection - By believing this truth, your heart is protected from feeling worthless when a relationship ends. I recently heard it said, If you live for someone's praise, you die by their rejection.Know that your boyfriend/girlfriend didn't define your value. God does.

Lie #2 - I can ignore my boyfriend/girlfriend's bad behaviors. I will be able to change them.

Truth - A disrespectful person will most likely stay disrespectful, an addict will often stay an addict, a cheater will often stay a cheater until THEY decide to change. You can encourage someone to make better choices, support them and pray for them, but don't think your love alone will change them.

Heart Protection -  When you believe this truth, you won't ignore bad behaviors and naively believe the other person will change. You will protect your heart from getting too deep into a relationship with someone who will hurt you.

Lie #3 - Having sex is no big deal.  Everybody's doing it.

Truth - Sex is a big deal. It is not just a physical act. It is deeply emotional. Rushing into sex because of raging hormones clouds your judgment of the other person and can lead to a relationship built on nothing more than lust. You are strong enough to wait.

Heart Protection - If you believe the truth that you are strong enough and worthy enough to wait to have sex until you are married, you will save your heart from feeling empty or perhaps used or cheap when the relationship ends. Read more on my blog A Condom for the Heart 

Start planting these three truths in your heart today and save yourself a lot of heartache!

I Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough for My Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Amelia asked, "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past the feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship; how do I get over this?"

I think there are a couple of issues going on here.

Too High of a Pedestal

First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn't. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about our hero or even our god. It's great to respect your bf/gf but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on them and on the relationship.

Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthier.

What Would Make You Feel Good Enough?

But the bigger issue is you not feeling good enough for him. Likely, no matter what he tells you, you will continue to think that he brings so much more to the relationship than you do. So let me ask you, is there anything that would make you feel good enough for him? I desire that you will start seeing yourself as worthy. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. If God, the creator of the universe sees you as worthy and desires a relationship with you, you should see yourself as at least equal to your boyfriend and worthy of his love. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you're not aware of them right now.

I encourage you to read this important blog about How to Respect Yourself.

It's important for you to accept the love your boyfriend/girlfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don't feel you deserve it. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there's a good chance your bf/gf is going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on your weaknesses and only his/her strengths. Start seeing both yourself and him or her in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses. This will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.

So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving your bf/gf. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.

Another question I was asked about dating along the same lines is this:

Braden asked, "Is it normal for a girl to break up for no reason? If so, why?" 

The short answer to your question is no.

Most People Don't Do Things Like Breaking Up With Someone for No Reason at All

Girls don't usually say, "Oh, it's Tuesday, I think I'll break up with my boyfriend today." It's usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking up with you.

Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it's because there's someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. Sometimes you will never know the real reason. She's probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself or protect you from getting mad or hurt.

We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.

Still, sometimes the not knowing why is more difficult than the actual break-up. I'd encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you'll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person.

There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don't let this girl's lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date. 

Want more help with not feeling good enough? Read: This Hole in My Soul

When it comes to dating relationships, there are a lot of guys who never think about dangerous and troubled girls. Some guys only ask the question, "Is she hot?" And if the girl will go out with him, he considers himself lucky.

He has given no thought to the emotional landmines that may lie ahead or the consequences of dating the wrong girl. Dating is a process that should be dealt with carefully. On my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live, I have heard many heartbroken guys who have gotten mixed up with all the wrong girls.

Avoid the Heartbreak

Now I'm not trying to bash women at all. I have tremendous respect for women. However, the truth is that some women are not in a good place to start a relationship. If you think I'm tough here, read my blog about cheating guys. All I'm trying to do is save both sexes from a world of hurt that could be avoided by making the right dating choices.

Sometimes the date you don't have is the best date you'll ever have.

Here are three characteristics you would be wise to avoid:

Those who are morally and spiritually bankrupt

You have seen this kind of woman. She can be a knockout. But in her heart, she's a mess. She's beautiful on the outside, but ugly on the inside. She has very little conscience and doesn't care what's right or wrong. She's shallow and doesn't think about what's really important. This troubled girl doesn't care who she hurts and likely has been hurt herself. She is disrespectful of everything, including herself.

It's sad to see. But the truth is, starting a relationship with a girl like this, at this point in her life, is not going to be good for you or for her.

If they don't respect themselves then how will they respect, you?  In fact, if she doesn't respect herself, she won't respect your friends, your family, your hobbies, all that is you.

Likewise, the girl who uses her body to lure guys to her, doesn't respect herself. By dressing provocatively, she's telling guys to look at my body and not into my heart. Sarah commented about warning her brother about this kind of girl:  I would tell my brother to date a girl who covers herself up. Too many girls think that skin is the latest in fashion trends. I think a girl who covers up shows that she respects herself. You can see integrity, honor, and purity in her.

She may be flashy and talk trashy, but if you get involved with her, you may end up feeling like trash, because inside she's cold as ice. Tara commented, If a woman is willing to sleep with him on the first date then she has probably done that with every guy she has been with. And never be stupid enough to believe the very common line given by a lot of women...' I don't usually do this on the first date, but I really like you.' That has *** written all over it!!

Or as Katie said, Don't date someone with low moral standards. Don't think you can change your girlfriend with just your example. Don't risk letting her bring you down to her level. 

Those who are high maintenance

Have you ever dated a girl who is constantly negative and attacking? No matter what you do for her, it's never enough. She has tremendous mood swings and seems to be at war with the world and it's just a matter of time when she will be at war with you. She wants everything her way and right now. The nicest name you can call her is Miss High Maintenance.

She will consume you and belittle you, tearing down your self-esteem. In the end, she will leave you feeling exhausted and defeated. High-maintenance girls are never satisfied with anything anyone does for them. They have high expectations with steep price tags. Weed out those girls who can't fall in love with simple things like a walk in the park or a day at the beach. (Cassie)

This girl is highly controlling and manipulative. She's the kind of girl that can get inside your head and turn you every which way but loose. Any girl that can make you feel guilty about yourself or that can manipulate your thoughts of who you are is not worth it. (Kristen)

Those who need you to "fix" them 

These are the girls who bring tons of drama into a dating relationship. Drama is all she knows. It's like every day something awful is happening to her. Often, this girl is extremely clingy, craving attention.

Tragically, she looks to her boyfriend to come to her rescue and make everything perfect. It's like she can't stand up for herself, so she needs her boyfriend to be Superman. She doesn't understand her boyfriend can't heal her. She likely needs counseling and emotional healing from people far more trained and objective than her hero boyfriend. Some guys think they can rescue and heal needy girls. It's called the Wounded Bird Syndrome. But sooner or later, they find out they can't fix her.

Never go out with a girl who has major insecurities about herself because you might think you can fix her problems. I've known some guys to go out with girls or become friends with girls to help them but throwing yourself into a relationship with that person and relying on yourself to fix everything is not healthy and will end up making you emotionally and physically exhausted. (Kristen)

Take your Time

Dating can be confusing and even risky. No one goes into a dating relationship hoping to get hurt or to ruin their lives, but it happens to thousands of teenagers and young adults every day. My advice to all who are dating is to be careful, careful, and more careful. It's a jungle out there and you only have one heart. So, don't let it be broken by dating the wrong person.

For more on this topic, listen to the advice I give Cory who keeps dating girls who cheat on him.  Check out Ask Dawson's -  How Can I Get A Girlfriend Who Won't Cheat?